LoveForMe

My ex-boyfriend is still a weekend binge drinker. I have 135 days without alcohol and broken up with him for about a year? Am I crazy for even thinking we might be able to get back together? Any thoughts would be helpful, thank you😁

ScottFromWI

You aren't crazy for thinking that Kate. But relationships are very complex, even more so when alcohol is involved. I guess it really would depend on why you broke up in the first place, right? If it was because of his drinking then you probably already know the answer to your question. Only he can decided to quit, just like you did.

I think you would be doing yourself a dis-service by not also considering that he may not quit, because a lot of alcoholics do not.

Cascabel

I guess it depends on whether you value your sobriety more than you do the relationship. In my opinion getting back together with someone who has a drinking issue could easily destroy your hard-won sobriety. Unless he is willing to quit and capable of, quitting his drinking I suspect that the relationship would be toxic. Hard drinkers are generally not the most reliable or responsible people.

Dee74

Hi Kate

I don't think you're crazy either - but why did you break up in the first place?

D

tomsteve

congrats on 135 days!

its not crazy at all to think that.
however, something to think about:
just because you have been workin on changing you doesnt mean he has been workin at changing himself.

Bunny211

That would be a deal breaker for me. If you are questioning it, and on here asking about it...I think you know in your gut it is not good for you to be around that.

ChloeRose63

Have you seen him lately? If you haven't you might be "romanticizing" your relationship. Alcoholism is progressive. If he is still drinking he might be drinking more than you think. You cannot save him. The relationship might threaten your sobriety and bring you back to Day 1. Do you really want to take a chance on a relationship that was once unhealthy fot 'old times sake'? I hope you think it through. Stay smart and stay strong.

Maudcat

Hi, Kate.
It might be helpful to try to figure out where this thinking is coming from.
I mean, you are well into recovery, and congratulations on that, btw, your ex still binge drinks, and you are thinking maybe you two could work it out?
Doesn’t seem logical.
I would avoid anyone or anything that puts my sobriety at risk.
Hanging with a weekend drinker would seem to be a big push in that direction.
And why would you want to be around that, anyway?
You know the damage that alcohol does to us.
Sorry, not trying to sound harsh. I guess I just don’t get why you would want to knowingly walk into that bear trap.
You are sober. You deserve the best life has to offer.

LoveForMe

Thank you everyone for your replies. I know it's probably a bad idea. It helps to hear it come from someone else though.

Not going to lie... I miss using alcohol as an excuse to make poor decisions.

LoveForMe

You don't sound harsh, especially because that's my exact self talk. Thank you.

Mac4711

You talking about me? LOL!

tomsteve

and thats all it was is an excuse. there were, and are, underlying issues for making poor decisions that should be addressed.

and why is he your EX?????

Maudcat

I totally get that, Kate.
All I can tell you is that as you progress in sobriety, and develop other kinds of problem-solving tools, the urge to use alcohol to make things better lessens.
One of the most difficult things for me in recovery is to sit with uncomfortable emotions that I used to be able to drink over.
In the process, though, I have come to some enlightenments about why I have done what I have done and often found a sense of peace and understanding that I would not have had while I was drinking.
I still make bad decisions at times.
Striped yoga pants. What was I thinking?
But I am totally sober when I make them.

FreeOwl

I'm sober almost 4 years.

My wife is a VERY occasional drinker. She'll have a beer every now and again. Maybe a small glass of wine with a friend.

I've never seen her have more than 3 drinks in a day.

That sort of thing doesn't bother me at all or present any issue or concern to me or to my sobriety.

I could not / would not be with a binge-drinker.

It doesn't strike me that it would be very healthy or smart for anyone do be with a binge-drinker in sobriety.

DontRemember

My exgf is a 'binge drinker', if you were to ask her. In my sober mind I realized that those 'binges' were happening 5-6 nights per week. Then came the self hate,projected drunken arguments from her,while I'm sober.. I had to walk away. It was very toxic for a long time and I hid that from myself with my drinking.

Edit: She also resented my not drinking/sober life. She lost her 'drinking buddy' and my income to help support her habit(s).