Is alcohol abuser different to an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Well this seems quite positive. That said, her fate is that she is the wife of an alcoholic. You are always going to be an alcoholic. You can be one that treats his disease by not drinking and getting support.
This is going to take time to heal, but it seems as though you are off to a good start. You are very fortunate and I think you know you are out of chances with her. This disease is never going to be done with you. Remember that. And remember this shite feeling...bc that will help you to reaffirm daily that this is not the life you want and alcohol will only destroy everything in it's wake. Every single time.
Jules
This is going to take time to heal, but it seems as though you are off to a good start. You are very fortunate and I think you know you are out of chances with her. This disease is never going to be done with you. Remember that. And remember this shite feeling...bc that will help you to reaffirm daily that this is not the life you want and alcohol will only destroy everything in it's wake. Every single time.
Jules
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 40
Yes, there is a difference in definition of alcoholic and someone who abuses alcohol. Sometimes, someone can be both.
Someone who abuses alcohol (which is a behavior), can do any of the following: 1) drink alcohol in combination with drugs or prescriptions where alcohol is contraindicated, 2) drink excessive amounts of alcohol which lead to acute symptoms including intoxication, blackouts, inappropriate behavior, etc. 3) drink alcohol as a form of medicating for pain, getting to sleep, or suppressing emotions.
Alcohol abuse can be temporary or chronic. It can be a one-time thing or a regular routine. The main difference in alcohol abuse from alcoholism is that alcohol abuse focuses entirely on the behavior and not the motivations or consequences.
The definition of an alcoholic usually requires the abuse aspect but also a pattern of consequences that would lead any rational person to stop drinking, but the alcoholic continues despite the repercussions. Losing one's job, their wife or husband, alienating other family members and friends, getting arrested, and so forth. Technically, it does not require any particular amount of alcohol to cause these problems. If a single drink per day leads to these consequences, and the drinker cannot stop, he or she would be considered an alcoholic.
The reality is that most alcoholics abuse alcohol, and most people who abuse alcohol are also alcoholics. It is not always the case, but usually. Some who abuse alcohol can temper their drinking, but an alcoholic cannot. I wouldn't worry too much which one you are until you attempt to stop. If you can stop with relative ease, then you likely aren't an alcoholic. By the way, it doesn't matter. Alcoholic isn't some sort of horrible label that one can never escape from. Finding a definition that fits your habits that excludes being an alcoholic is only a feel-good system to avoid personal shame... it doesn't really address the issue. If the issue is that you drink too much, stop. Once you've done that, you will know the next course of action. You might need help.
Someone who abuses alcohol (which is a behavior), can do any of the following: 1) drink alcohol in combination with drugs or prescriptions where alcohol is contraindicated, 2) drink excessive amounts of alcohol which lead to acute symptoms including intoxication, blackouts, inappropriate behavior, etc. 3) drink alcohol as a form of medicating for pain, getting to sleep, or suppressing emotions.
Alcohol abuse can be temporary or chronic. It can be a one-time thing or a regular routine. The main difference in alcohol abuse from alcoholism is that alcohol abuse focuses entirely on the behavior and not the motivations or consequences.
The definition of an alcoholic usually requires the abuse aspect but also a pattern of consequences that would lead any rational person to stop drinking, but the alcoholic continues despite the repercussions. Losing one's job, their wife or husband, alienating other family members and friends, getting arrested, and so forth. Technically, it does not require any particular amount of alcohol to cause these problems. If a single drink per day leads to these consequences, and the drinker cannot stop, he or she would be considered an alcoholic.
The reality is that most alcoholics abuse alcohol, and most people who abuse alcohol are also alcoholics. It is not always the case, but usually. Some who abuse alcohol can temper their drinking, but an alcoholic cannot. I wouldn't worry too much which one you are until you attempt to stop. If you can stop with relative ease, then you likely aren't an alcoholic. By the way, it doesn't matter. Alcoholic isn't some sort of horrible label that one can never escape from. Finding a definition that fits your habits that excludes being an alcoholic is only a feel-good system to avoid personal shame... it doesn't really address the issue. If the issue is that you drink too much, stop. Once you've done that, you will know the next course of action. You might need help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by azwakeupcall 
... Alcoholic isn't some sort of horrible label that one can never escape from. Finding a definition that fits your habits that excludes being an alcoholic is only a feel-good system to avoid personal shame... it doesn't really address the issue. If the issue is that you drink too much, stop. ....
The last few days i have been thinking about having a drink again, a whiles down the line, like maybe in a few weeks/months/years, as i'm not struggling physically or missing alcohol at all just now...uts thats the way i've always been, i dont seem to have a dependancy to it, just that when i do drink i drink to extreme levels and it brings out a horrible side of me that i would rather not believe exists...
So whether im an alcoholic or an alcohol abuser, it doesnt matter...same outcome in my circumstances. The drink has to go.
It will be difficult not drinking again, especially in social situations ( i have always hated being sober around drunk people, they can be so annoying!), but i have promised my wife and family that i wont drink again, so feel that now's a good time to give up for good...i'm all out of chances and wouldnt want to risk another relapse which would lose me everything, just for sake of a few drinks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Singapore
Posts: 190
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well, you are ticking all the boxes, my friend.
Since I tried and failed repeatedly at drinking moderately, my decision was to eliminate that problem. Full sobriety is far easier and much more rewarding than drinking or trying to limit my drinking. Anyway, what's the point in one or two drinks? I drank for the buzz. .
Since I tried and failed repeatedly at drinking moderately, my decision was to eliminate that problem. Full sobriety is far easier and much more rewarding than drinking or trying to limit my drinking. Anyway, what's the point in one or two drinks? I drank for the buzz. .
I have had the alcohol abuser Vs alcoholic conversation so many times, I have lost count.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 19
I always drink to get drunk too...couldn't understand the point of a couple of beers. Gets that's what sets me apart from normal drinkers...Ive had that relationship all my adult life with drink and drugs (when i was younger)...used to like taking as much as my body could physically handle, which seemed to be a LOT!
I used to wear this like a badge of honor as if taking so many drugs and drinking so much booze that it would kill most people was a good thing.
I was known for it and kind of let it define me as the mad, party animal, booze monster...becoming a dad and a husband kinda let me move away from that guy, but realized lately he's still in there somewhere and if i need to quit drinking altogether to keep him at bay, then so be it.
I used to wear this like a badge of honor as if taking so many drugs and drinking so much booze that it would kill most people was a good thing.
I was known for it and kind of let it define me as the mad, party animal, booze monster...becoming a dad and a husband kinda let me move away from that guy, but realized lately he's still in there somewhere and if i need to quit drinking altogether to keep him at bay, then so be it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yes, that is the solution.
You won't be "fixed" with a month or a year of sobriety.
I quit for 18 years. Let that sink in for a second.
I picked up a drink one day, just because.
Seven years later I put it down again after becoming someone I couldn't live with any more. The same outcome happened as the first time. Some of us are wired with a "no off switch" with impulse control problems. Continuous sobriety has given me back my dignity.
You won't be "fixed" with a month or a year of sobriety.
I quit for 18 years. Let that sink in for a second.
I picked up a drink one day, just because.
Seven years later I put it down again after becoming someone I couldn't live with any more. The same outcome happened as the first time. Some of us are wired with a "no off switch" with impulse control problems. Continuous sobriety has given me back my dignity.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
well done mickyc79, I can relate to your exact situation more than you know reading through your thread and responses.
Same age, very similar set up regards family, job and the damage that I have done to my poor suffering angel of a partner.
With time it can all get better, the trust, respect and faith will come back when people see consistent action and commitment from you.
Looks like you are on a good track and open to the change so well done and keep it up, its worth it.
Same age, very similar set up regards family, job and the damage that I have done to my poor suffering angel of a partner.
With time it can all get better, the trust, respect and faith will come back when people see consistent action and commitment from you.
Looks like you are on a good track and open to the change so well done and keep it up, its worth it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Hi Micky , good to see your doing something about the chaos you are inflicting on your wife and children . It would be good to read over the responses above a few times . Forget the label , you abuse your wife when your drunk and soon you willl lose them unless you stop drinking .
" it will be difficult not drinking again" , not nearly as difficult as it will be for your wife and children if you continue drinking .
" it will be difficult not drinking again" , not nearly as difficult as it will be for your wife and children if you continue drinking .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
For a while I questioned this very thing. I don't wake up and crave a drink. I work 2 jobs and take care of my stuff. However, I have progressed significantly and now admit I'm an alcoholic. Going down the path your own isn't gonna get better. It will get progressively worse. Do yourself a favor and quit drinking. It doesn't get any easier. If anything I think it's harder the longer you drink. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 19
Thanks for the responses...when you see it written down and laid out bare by a stranger, it becomes clear....I have been abusing my wife.
I never get angry or nasty towards anyone else, why do I do it to the woman I love the most???
I hope she can get over the pain I've caused her, and I can get over my shame and give her the life she deserves.
We're going to attend the wedding tomorrow after all and I'm looking forward to proving I can go to an event and enjoy myself without drinking...not that dependency was the issue, so should be fine...will just be good for us to go out and enjoy ourselves without her having to be on edge towards the end of the night waiting for me to snap.
I never get angry or nasty towards anyone else, why do I do it to the woman I love the most???
I hope she can get over the pain I've caused her, and I can get over my shame and give her the life she deserves.
We're going to attend the wedding tomorrow after all and I'm looking forward to proving I can go to an event and enjoy myself without drinking...not that dependency was the issue, so should be fine...will just be good for us to go out and enjoy ourselves without her having to be on edge towards the end of the night waiting for me to snap.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Make sure you have a decent plan Micky- even the best of us can get overwhelmed at social events
what to do if someone asks you what you want to drink?
what to say if someone asks you why you're not drinking?
what to do if you have a craving to drink?
Have an escape plan - you don't have to use it, but it'll be good to have one there.
D
what to do if someone asks you what you want to drink?
what to say if someone asks you why you're not drinking?
what to do if you have a craving to drink?
Have an escape plan - you don't have to use it, but it'll be good to have one there.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Hi Micky , if my response was a bit harsh apologies . I was told similar truths once and had a my share of ultimatums . Sometimes this is what we need. Although my situation was different but I was a drunk just the same and needed the truth .
If you go to the wedding I hope you heard Dee .
I have an 18th birthday party 20th Oct . I am dreading it but my plan is strictly 8pm - 10.30pm and i'm driving . I'll enjoy the buffet and do my best to put up with the rest .
Have a good weekend
If you go to the wedding I hope you heard Dee .
I have an 18th birthday party 20th Oct . I am dreading it but my plan is strictly 8pm - 10.30pm and i'm driving . I'll enjoy the buffet and do my best to put up with the rest .
Have a good weekend
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
