ah geez Rick, I'm in a pretty deep hole
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 91
ah geez Rick, I'm in a pretty deep hole
so i've been on a bender for like over 8 months. - cheap beer and fireball
i've written a book.
i want to stop drinking now.
my body is so addicted. i can feel my liver and kidney. i might die if I go to a hospital and/or need surgery for any sort of accident.
when i wake up. if i don't drink, my body starts panicking. i don't really have a response to anything if i'm not drinking. i'm starting to hide it from people, but i also don't really care; i've never been much for caring about ego.
i'm afraid of rehab. but i also need to start taking medication for 3 months, that i can't drink on, or i lose my foot. that's not a joke. i really hate authority. and small talk. i've been to all sorts of stupid classes in my past. over 100. i get it. it just makes me want to have a drink. my anxiety thing is the bigger problem. and no, just being around people all the time and confronting people doesn't help. maybe for like a day, but after you wake up, and it's a new day, the anxiety comes right back, if you have any sort of struggle with it. that's something that i think people who don't suffer from anxiety problems feel comfortable saying, but have no idea what they're actually saying.
but my body is also falling apart from different reasons. i have somatic sympton disorder to where I feel a phantom pain and bugs crawling on my brain and 0/15+ pills have ever fixed it. they've only made it worse. my body's shriveling into a ball. my muscles are contracting more and more each day. all of them. unless I smoke weed, that relieves the pain, but it makes my brain feel a phantom pressure because of cognitive function that causes pain, so I drink to counter that aspect of the chemical response happening in my brain.
I gotta say, all this comes from smoking that K2 synthetic stuff 8 years ago when I was a child. Baaad stuff. Almost killed me. That's why I'm having all of these increasing medical issues.
Should I rehab?
Should I continue?
I really need someone with some real insight.
p.s. not about god.
i've written a book.
i want to stop drinking now.
my body is so addicted. i can feel my liver and kidney. i might die if I go to a hospital and/or need surgery for any sort of accident.
when i wake up. if i don't drink, my body starts panicking. i don't really have a response to anything if i'm not drinking. i'm starting to hide it from people, but i also don't really care; i've never been much for caring about ego.
i'm afraid of rehab. but i also need to start taking medication for 3 months, that i can't drink on, or i lose my foot. that's not a joke. i really hate authority. and small talk. i've been to all sorts of stupid classes in my past. over 100. i get it. it just makes me want to have a drink. my anxiety thing is the bigger problem. and no, just being around people all the time and confronting people doesn't help. maybe for like a day, but after you wake up, and it's a new day, the anxiety comes right back, if you have any sort of struggle with it. that's something that i think people who don't suffer from anxiety problems feel comfortable saying, but have no idea what they're actually saying.
but my body is also falling apart from different reasons. i have somatic sympton disorder to where I feel a phantom pain and bugs crawling on my brain and 0/15+ pills have ever fixed it. they've only made it worse. my body's shriveling into a ball. my muscles are contracting more and more each day. all of them. unless I smoke weed, that relieves the pain, but it makes my brain feel a phantom pressure because of cognitive function that causes pain, so I drink to counter that aspect of the chemical response happening in my brain.
I gotta say, all this comes from smoking that K2 synthetic stuff 8 years ago when I was a child. Baaad stuff. Almost killed me. That's why I'm having all of these increasing medical issues.
Should I rehab?
Should I continue?
I really need someone with some real insight.
p.s. not about god.
Last edited by Arthox; 09-22-2017 at 03:25 PM. Reason: grammar, yo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Hi Arthox;
Glad you are here--it sounds like you've had a really rough time.
I quit cold turkey at home and could have killed myself after a prolonged binge the first time.
I think, as much as rehab doesn't sound good, it might be your best option to quit safely and quickly so you can get on the medication and save your foot.
Sometimes just taking help is the hardest thing, but in this case, it seems the best option for long-term outcome.
Getting your system clear will hopefully also give you some distance on the issues and you can make better choices--that isn't easy when you are in the midst of the binge--I know from doing it myself.
I wish you the best
Glad you are here--it sounds like you've had a really rough time.
I quit cold turkey at home and could have killed myself after a prolonged binge the first time.
I think, as much as rehab doesn't sound good, it might be your best option to quit safely and quickly so you can get on the medication and save your foot.
Sometimes just taking help is the hardest thing, but in this case, it seems the best option for long-term outcome.
Getting your system clear will hopefully also give you some distance on the issues and you can make better choices--that isn't easy when you are in the midst of the binge--I know from doing it myself.
I wish you the best
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Hi, Arthox.
I am so very sorry for what you are and have been going through.
My feeling is that you should seek a very closely, medically supervised detox followed by inpatient rehab.
You and your health and your life deserve the best treatment possible.
I am so very sorry for what you are and have been going through.
My feeling is that you should seek a very closely, medically supervised detox followed by inpatient rehab.
You and your health and your life deserve the best treatment possible.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You sound pretty sick.
One thing, the anxiety...read around the forums and online about alcohol and anxiety.
Alcohol causes anxiety. One of its most insidious tricks is that it will temporarily cure the anxiety, as it digs its claws ever deeper into our neck. My anxiety was through the roof when I was drinking, especially at the end. It has completely gone away now with long-term continuous sobriety.
Medical detox can help you get out of this cycle. There is a way out.
One thing, the anxiety...read around the forums and online about alcohol and anxiety.
Alcohol causes anxiety. One of its most insidious tricks is that it will temporarily cure the anxiety, as it digs its claws ever deeper into our neck. My anxiety was through the roof when I was drinking, especially at the end. It has completely gone away now with long-term continuous sobriety.
Medical detox can help you get out of this cycle. There is a way out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 31
I also suffer from anxiety. I've noticed quite a lot of people here do. I'm not sure why you might lose your foot but that sounds pretty scary. Sounds like there isn't much of a choice about taking the meds needed to save it. Hopefully they have an alternative med that would save your foot but also allow you to drink with it OR they could hopefully give you something to help with the no-drinking aspect while you take the foot meds. This is a great community on here. People are so non-judgmental here, it makes me feel less anxious to share on here than in real life and it's starting to cross over to me sharing in real life... At any rate, glad you are here and hoping you get the help you need.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 91
Hawkeye13, thanks. Congratulations, that's what I'm yearning to achieve.
SoberLeigh, appreciate that. Sounds expensive.
biminiblue, I'm aware. I don't think you read what I wrote.
I should probably say I've gone prolonged periods of time without drinking, but the somatic pain never goes away. I start twitching, get tunnel-vision, start rapidly shouting "Yes" and "No" while screaming and clicking my fingers, and can't look people in the eyes on a good day. It's messed up. Beer almost exclusively is the only thing that even sort-of helps with that. I feel alcoholic by default, not by choice. I've got a real weird problem and nobody else who has any experience with it. Now I'm digging my grave it feels like and I still don't know what to do.
SoberLeigh, appreciate that. Sounds expensive.
biminiblue, I'm aware. I don't think you read what I wrote.
I should probably say I've gone prolonged periods of time without drinking, but the somatic pain never goes away. I start twitching, get tunnel-vision, start rapidly shouting "Yes" and "No" while screaming and clicking my fingers, and can't look people in the eyes on a good day. It's messed up. Beer almost exclusively is the only thing that even sort-of helps with that. I feel alcoholic by default, not by choice. I've got a real weird problem and nobody else who has any experience with it. Now I'm digging my grave it feels like and I still don't know what to do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Originally Posted by Arthox 
Hawkeye13, thanks. Congratulations, that's what I'm yearning to achieve.
SoberLeigh, appreciate that. Sounds expensive.
biminiblue, I'm aware. I don't think you read what I wrote.
I should probably say I've gone prolonged periods of time without drinking, but the somatic pain never goes away. I start twitching, get tunnel-vision, start rapidly shouting "Yes" and "No" while screaming and clicking my fingers, and can't look people in the eyes on a good day. It's messed up. Beer almost exclusively is the only thing that even sort-of helps with that. I feel alcoholic by default, not by choice. I've got a real weird problem and nobody else who has any experience with it. Now I'm digging my grave it feels like and I still don't know what to do.
SoberLeigh, appreciate that. Sounds expensive.
biminiblue, I'm aware. I don't think you read what I wrote.
I should probably say I've gone prolonged periods of time without drinking, but the somatic pain never goes away. I start twitching, get tunnel-vision, start rapidly shouting "Yes" and "No" while screaming and clicking my fingers, and can't look people in the eyes on a good day. It's messed up. Beer almost exclusively is the only thing that even sort-of helps with that. I feel alcoholic by default, not by choice. I've got a real weird problem and nobody else who has any experience with it. Now I'm digging my grave it feels like and I still don't know what to do.
There is only one you; you are worth it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Arthox
Beer may help with your tics but in the long run you might just be making things worse.
If rehab and medical assisted detox is an option, I don't think I'd hesitate in your shoes.
D
Beer may help with your tics but in the long run you might just be making things worse.
If rehab and medical assisted detox is an option, I don't think I'd hesitate in your shoes.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Hello Arthox, nice to have you here.
I'll echo the words of others ... alcohol is never a genuine, healthy long term solution to any kind of mental or physical health problem. I'm sure you know this. Part of your brain will tell you it's helping...of course. Assuming you have a doctor or specialist what is their honest opinion about mixing alcohol with your condition?
Few of us here will have experience of exactly what you're going through bit many of us have experience of dealing with alcoholism...physical and emotional dependence on alcohol.
P
I'll echo the words of others ... alcohol is never a genuine, healthy long term solution to any kind of mental or physical health problem. I'm sure you know this. Part of your brain will tell you it's helping...of course. Assuming you have a doctor or specialist what is their honest opinion about mixing alcohol with your condition?
Few of us here will have experience of exactly what you're going through bit many of us have experience of dealing with alcoholism...physical and emotional dependence on alcohol.
P
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
I think the longer you put off rehab, the harder this is going to get for you.
I remember a year before I quit drinking, I would have all of these health problems like shortage of breath or feeling weak in the head, etc. They weren't permanent conditions or anything but things I would run into sometimes. I also had the most intense anxiety you could ever imagine. And an intense amount of fear too.
As soon as I quit and went to AA (I know you're not interested in the God stuff but just my experience), literally all of this stuff went away for me. I'm now healthier than I've ever been and none of this stuff ever happens. I can't emphasize enough how much less anxiety I feel on a day to day basis. I am free from all of this. And you can be too. I understand you are facing some other health complications but I've seen countless people come into recovery with other health problems and all of the sudden they are gone when they recover mentally and spiritually.
I say get yourself to a hospital ASAP and go from there ... you don't have to embrace AA right now ... but do find something to do after the hospital whether it's AA or something else or else you'll just go back to drinking like everyone else does. Again, I've seen countless people do this as well.
I remember a year before I quit drinking, I would have all of these health problems like shortage of breath or feeling weak in the head, etc. They weren't permanent conditions or anything but things I would run into sometimes. I also had the most intense anxiety you could ever imagine. And an intense amount of fear too.
As soon as I quit and went to AA (I know you're not interested in the God stuff but just my experience), literally all of this stuff went away for me. I'm now healthier than I've ever been and none of this stuff ever happens. I can't emphasize enough how much less anxiety I feel on a day to day basis. I am free from all of this. And you can be too. I understand you are facing some other health complications but I've seen countless people come into recovery with other health problems and all of the sudden they are gone when they recover mentally and spiritually.
I say get yourself to a hospital ASAP and go from there ... you don't have to embrace AA right now ... but do find something to do after the hospital whether it's AA or something else or else you'll just go back to drinking like everyone else does. Again, I've seen countless people do this as well.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
anxiety is NOT the trigger.
not knowing how to handle anxiety is.
"Should I rehab?"
i say yes, but your gonna have to get over yourself and surrender- get over the hate for authority and small talk. maybe find out why you dont like it. it sure reads like being your own authority is how ya got into this predicament.
i met a man In AA that was always peaceful and serene. one day he came in happy as a lark- had tears rollin down his face.
he was happy because his daughter sent him a birthday present- a pair of socks.
he was happy because he hadnt spoken to his daughter in many,many years. she had heard he had been sober for some time, but had no idea he had lost both legs to alcoholism/addiction.
Honesty
Openmindedness
Willingness
hope ya can have that when ya go to rehab. itll be well worth it.
not knowing how to handle anxiety is.
"Should I rehab?"
i say yes, but your gonna have to get over yourself and surrender- get over the hate for authority and small talk. maybe find out why you dont like it. it sure reads like being your own authority is how ya got into this predicament.
i met a man In AA that was always peaceful and serene. one day he came in happy as a lark- had tears rollin down his face.
he was happy because his daughter sent him a birthday present- a pair of socks.
he was happy because he hadnt spoken to his daughter in many,many years. she had heard he had been sober for some time, but had no idea he had lost both legs to alcoholism/addiction.
Honesty
Openmindedness
Willingness
hope ya can have that when ya go to rehab. itll be well worth it.
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