Terminally Unique

PS: There's nothing like a Big Plan to bring the Beast out from hiding. Listen to your thoughts and feelings prior to making it, and listen for the echo afterwards.

InsertNameHere

Your jumping the gun a little aren’t you TU? It hasn’t been a week yet. At least I don’t think it has. Well screw it because I knew this answer a few days ago when I understood that I did not want to drink anymore. The last few days I have been consistently happy just because of that realization. I think this is going to be a slow return to the person I was before alcohol took over as the priority in my life. I used to be the guy with the $hit eating grin on his face for absolutely no reason and fully intend to eventually return to that. I also know that I am not done learning, I practiced drinking for a long time, and while I don’t intend to shut myself away contemplating for the rest of the year, just as so many have suggested I am going to keep putting tools in my tool belt.

Now on to the point;

What future use of alcohol? I NEVER drink!

Not unless you tie me down and stick a hose down my throat.

I never drink, and I will never change my mind.



There isn’t a smiley big enough to encompass the grin on my face as I typed that, but that is the closest one.

I feel compelled to thank those whom have helped me get to this point whether I agreed with you or didn’t, whether I listened to you or not, and whether or not you even liked me, I thank you all for your efforts, advice, and wisdom. There are others I am sure so if you are left out I apologize.

In no particular order Thank you;

Terminally Unique, Sapling, RobbyRobot, Dee74, doggonecarl, DayTrader, GirlFromCO, scrambled2012, heathersweeds, PaperDolls, F355, seanie1888, Zencat, Peter G, soberlicious, flutter, langkah, ANEWAUGUST, instant, LaFemme, WhoDey, onlythetruth, Tigger41, ReadyAndAble, ForeverDecember, least, freshstart57, Deserto, Fandy, LexieCat, LosingmyMisery, artsoul, Dominica2, desertgirl, soberjim, Sunny27, Scolova, CRAZE, timetochange, camedown, violetflame, ARTEMIS, sugarbear1, Dazee, dawnrunner, Post37DayXfer, Zebra1275, NYCDoglvr, 2granddaughters, CarolD, Veritas1, cbcedd, desertsong, neferkamichael, Soberween, bmwcycle, eh1988, cervelo, blackoutgirl, BackToSquareOne, Tippingpoint, Really4Real, InParticular.

I couldn't have done it without you guys.


SR is awesome!

Terminally Unique

If you let it, that feeling can last a lifetime, INH. Well done, and welcome back to the land of the living.

InsertNameHere

HAHA! I found out over the last 24 hours or so that just because I made my big plan dosen't stop that little ******* from trying, It feels good to recognize those thoughts that seem to come from no where and laugh them off. Also someone on the newcommers thread pointed something out to me. I had posted that I was feeling stressed and I was a small wave ov anxiety hit me and I called it work related. What they pointed out was that it could be the beast reacting to my plan. When I thought about it, in a way they were right. There were underlying thoughts of drinking going on there. Nothing prominent but still there. So here is what I think happened. I got nervouse because I noticed something I had missed that i had to fix which made me worry about what else I might have missed which caused me to feel the anxiety initaly. Then the beast saw a possible opportunity, because after all that was one of my "triggers" if you want to call them that so it started fanning the flames so to speak in an attempt to make it worse than it actually was so it could say "you know how to fix this a few cold ones." HAHA nice try, just breath and fix the problem. less than 1 hour later no anxiety.

Life will get better even if it gets worse is my outlook now, no matter what happens I never drink and that will make me able to handle life better, even if things go south that is the most important thing.

RobbyRobot

Awesome. Yeah, no matter what. Life gets better and just keeps getting better. Rock it.

Terminally Unique

This is purposeful suffering, INH, and quite common early on. By purposeful, I mean that the purpose is for the Beast to get that next drink. The Beast will try to amplify otherwise trivial grievances in order to position itself for an opening. You can bet that the AV will inevitably chime in and suggest a drink. It is quite easy to recognize then, after it suggests that drink, but you can also recognize it much sooner. This will become easier the more you do it, and each time you recognize the AV, you drive another nail into the Beast's coffin.

InsertNameHere

Hey all,

So I have been without my personal copeing device for a week now and the fact that I am one lonely SOB is starting to hit home. I didn't realize that was one thing that drinking made me forget somewhat. Especially now that I don't drink, I am feeling the fact that I have no interpersonal relationships. I have people that work for me but that isn't the same. I have literaly no friends out here and have very little family to talk to, I have already exausted my personal collection just this evening. So I don't know, anyone got suggestions? I can't think of anything. Oh well I guess this will have to play itself out like everything else.

Terminally Unique

Order yourself an Amazon Kindle. There are thousands of free eBooks available, probably more than you can read in a lifetime. You can also, of course, purchase many books as well. Regular reading will awaken your mind from its alcohol-induced slumber.

InsertNameHere

Actually I already got one I just wanted someone to bull$hit with. Reached out on facebook and am currently talking about nothing in particular with an old friend, its comforting.

InsertNameHere

Well today starts the thing that I have been dreading at work for a long time. It is going to be ugly I know that but just how bad is it going to get I don't know. I am ready for the worst though. I don't think that it will go that far I am just preparing myself for the eventuality. I can't wait for one this to be over and two for in a month when my replacment comes and I will be able to step down from my current position and just go back to being one of the regular guys. That will mean comfort comroderie and most importantly a job I understand and know I can do. The only concern (and not much at that) is that where I am going to be living is going to have a fully stocked bar at al times. I say that is a concern but at the same time I am looking foward to it a little as it will be a good oportunity for me to get a Really good base for practising AVRT before I go back to the states where the $hit is everywhere. So after this week goes by I will be a much more relaxed person and finaly be able to catch up on the amazing amount of sleep debt that I have been building up over the last few months of "trying" to quit, where I would not sleep for a few days and then drink myself to oblivion so I could. I now know that I can sleep without beer as I have dont it two nights in a row. slept like a baby for 8 hours, once I get back to being one of the regular guys I am taking full advantage and going to force myself to gain a whole new appreication for sleep. I have a few other goals as well, all of which I am going to have to overcome more difficulties than just drinking to get to. I want to start taking some basic college classes, hitting up the gym on occasion, start running for leisure, and reading more. that along with work should keep me busy enough for the next 1 1/2 that I am overseas what do you think? I know it might be a little much but don't worry I am not going to start it all at once and some of it i.e. gym, running , and college I am going to start with baby steps. Its kind of exciting thinking of possibilities that are out there now that drinking isn't an option.

InsertNameHere

PS the lack of personal connections is starting to get to me. I hope that I will be able to get along with the guys that right now work under me but here soon I will just be another one of. I haven't been a dick or anything so there shouldn't be any animosity, but they are all drinkers as well so there may be a little bit of an issue there when they notice that I am not. They have seen that I did drink so the questions might be asked, that I am not worried about, I will just say that I decided to quit, if I am asked why after that I am not sure what I will say maybe that it was more trouble than it was worth. The sad thing is that I see one of them following in my footsteps, as far as drinking consistency is concerned. He has a handle on it now but so did I 7 years ago. So maybe I can talk some sense into him with the time he still has here, as he is leaving soon.

It will be amazingly nice to have people to talk to again, i am really starting to miss that now that beer isn't covering up that emotion, it may feel like lonlieness now but I figure that it is natural progression. I pushed away people in order that I could drink without them knowing, now that I don't drink it only makes sense that I would want/miss people in my life again.

desertsong

Hang in there, INH. It's gotta be grueling going through all this stuff at work, but the awesome thing is that you're doing it sober. Imagine how much worse it would be if you were foggy-headed and trying to do it either drunk or hungover. You are going great guns and we are so proud of you.

I can completely understand the loneliness. My drinking really amped up last year when we moved to Wyoming from southern California. I left all of my friends behind and knew nobody here. That first year was the worst of my drinking and I did it out of loneliness and boredom. The alcohol covered all that up and made me feel like it wasn't so bad, but now that the alcohol is gone, the loneliness is returning. I still have my husband and kids, and I know people in AA that I can call to do things with if I want to, I just don't really.

I know you're busy with work, but are there any volunteer opportunities in your area? Any sports clubs or other clubs like music or book clubs you could join? Those might be some great ways to meet people while also doing something enjoyable. Or maybe you can cultivate some new interests that require going to classes. I'm thinking of learning gourmet cooking and may sign up for a class here. It would be a fun thing to learn how to do, and will also be social too.

Just some ideas.

InsertNameHere

Wyoming nice i didn't notice that before I have some family there and have spent some time in pinedale, very pretty country, and lots of wildlife. There might be some vollenteer opportunities, but I don't know about clubs/classes at least not in english anyway. Mostly I am just looking forward to when I move into the house with the other guys, and get my computer fixed, then I should be much better. That is nice that you have family around, not really the case with me (single no kids) and I tried hanging out with the locals but that dosen't work out so well. Oh well maybe I just need a vacation. I am planning one right now for this summer, going to home home for the first time since 2008. I have cousins there now that I have never even seen. So that should be interesting. But yeah I am dealing and comming here is helping at least have some people that I can be honest with. Well thanks for the ideas Desert song, I will see what I can so. And don't worry about the drinking thing every day I have a growing appreaciation for how much worse off I was when drinking, lonelyness I can understand and work past with some "sober" effort .

langkah

Well done on your week INH. Hang in there.

Terminally Unique

Is it you that is concerned, or your Beast that is concerned? If you aren't going to drink again, why should you be concerned? Remember, you Beast will be very concerned about future drinking opportunities, because it knows that you aren't firing blanks anymore. It knows that you are perfectly capable of not feeding it that next drink, and that it will have to sit there and squirm while watching all the other little Beasties partying it up.

Do you need to practice AVRT in order to abstain from now on? If you don't practice AVRT, does that mean you will drink again? Remember, all self-doubt is addictive voice. Set your confidence level for lifetime abstinence arbitrarily at 100%. If it drops, even a fraction of a percent, you are hearing your addictive voice. I would also add that any fear, uncertainty, or doubt (FUD) is usually addictive voice as well. AVRT is a no fear, no uncertainty, and no doubt approach — there are no 'triggers' or 'slippery places' with AVRT.

Henceforth, AVRT will be mostly passive, because your Beast will always make the first move. Whether it does or not should not concern you, however. Your job is simply to stand guard to your stream of consciousness, and recognize any thinking or feeling that supports, or suggests, the remote possibility that you might drink, ever. Alcohol is the most conspicuous substance in the universe for you, though, so this won't be difficult at all. It's like spotting yellow tennis balls coming down a conveyor belt with white ping pong balls.

DayTrader

I dunno.......I'm sure TU can answer this......but does AVRT have a "carry the message to others" component that AA has?

Helping new ppl over the years has been reeeally important to me. At the very least, it takes me out of my self-centeredness, selfishness, self-pity, etc.....

RobbyRobot

Awesome. The Right Stuff, yeah? Absolutely!!
Do it like you mean it from the heart and it works everytime.

Terminally Unique

No, not really, DayTrader. The idea is to recover and get on with life, and AVRT has no burden to carry the message, or to help others 'get it', as the 12-Step program does. Then again, neither does it have any prohibition on doing so, as long as you don't charge money for it or offer AVRT as a professional service. I'm not breaking any 'rules' by doing what I do here, for example, but if I were to offer 'private coaching' for a fee, I would get in big trouble with RR very quickly.

Yeah, there is a certain benefit to it, which is part of why I do what I do. INH has stated that he's in West Africa, and can't really spend time with the locals, but he could certainly help others who are interested in getting up to speed here if he wanted to. This might actually help him as well, since often the best way to learn is to teach, which invariably forces you to keep learning.

At some point, he's going to have to 'graduate' from this thread.

InsertNameHere

Well today is the big day, so far this week has gone a little rough but not as bad as it could have. Now we are about to get into the Holy crap what the hell phase as I am about to come clean with my faliures. I won't admit my drinking former drinking problem and they have no reason to suspect one, so instead of a drunk I am just inept and lazy. Not sure if that is better but I figure if I come forward rather than patheticaly trying to pull the wool over thier eyes the rammifications might not be quite as severe. Deep breath, this is going to ba a bad couple of days. I just want to close my eyes and wish it away, as this may depending on how bad it gets and decisions made by others be a life changing couple of days long term anyway. Basicaly if it goes as poorly as I think it might very cause an eventual change in carrers, which may or not be a good thing for me personaly. I usually blow things out of porportion however so maybe it won't be as bad as I think it will be. Sticking with the purpose of this website, even though I am dreading this and just want it to be over, in the back of my mind I am so gratfull to be facing this sober, because as I have said before if I had been drinking this week I would be freaking out so much more than now and unreasonably so.

Anyhow wish me luck.

InsertNameHere

Well that was a mikture of good and bad. Good in that I didn't get fired or have to be replaced right away (it is happening anyway in about a month). But Bad in that most of what I was doing wrong and that is a long list was discovered. So I have a list of things to correct, some things to accomplish this weekend and so forth. I am no where near drinking as I am over the idea of using it as a means to "relax" (thats total bull honkey), but I am going to have to figure out something to do that I actually enjoy. I don't know what that is going to be yet but I will have to find something. Even the inspector mentioned that I have to find something to balance out my proffesional and personal life also telling me that I have to get out more. I suppose that comes from me saying that I have literaly gone out in town maybe 5 times in the last 6 months. What he dosen't know is the reasons why that is which of course is because all I knew how to do was sit at home and pound beers till I couldn't think anymore. Oh well I guess I will ahave to figure something else out.