Ten Chips Down

Well for me, I simply quit. I don't know how, I don't know why. But I've done extensive reading authored by and intended for professionals and I'm a veritable expert on alcoholism and just about any type of sedative addiction. I understand there is what is called a "natural history" of alcoholism. I know that during the time I was in its grip, I was utterly unable to shake it.

I attended friggin' AA for near 10 year. LOL I did work the steps. But the obsession (mental aspect) to drink in moderation was just unbreakable. Therefore, everytime I would break my 3 months or whatever of abstinance, the addiction part (physical) would kick in again. I was doomed. People die from this thing, ya know.

Ten years later without a drop, I firmly suspect that I was just fortunate enough to out-live the curve of the natual history of this disease; that is, its cycle in me. (Not the same in everyone in other words.)

To understand what I'm trying to convey, imagine another medical phenom which simply and inexplicably ends on its own for good such as some types of cancers after a short treatment. Some come back, some NEVER return.

I'm just convinced that this, for me, had a queer similarity to that kind of history.

If you derive nothing else out of this long post, get this: I am sober today because the obsession left me. I am sorry that I cannot provide answers, but only my experience.

Oh, I am still an alcoholic. And a still-using addict to these tranquilizers (the benzos). That is pure physical for me. I'm on a taper. It's damned hard son.

I too take the mental attitude of one day at a time and view each day where I consumed less as a victory on the road to total abstinance.

It's about the best I can do. LOL But if/when I get free of THIS monkey, that's it baby. That's it - no more. I'm done.

Thanks for this opportunity to spill my guts.



-TCD-

CAS116

I quit on my own.
Getting drunk was a problem that I created; for good reason, bad reason or no reason. I decided to get drunk. Because I found being drunk was useful. As simple as that.

I decided to quit; so, I did. I created the problem; it was my responsibilty to solve it.

About two weeks after I quit, I found SMART Recovery on line. The Tools, the message board, the chat room. All helped me deal with the issues driving the abuse.

Also, SMART helped me settle my emotions and to get logical. I was able to make the changes that I needed to make. I am fine now; I am as happy as I decide to be.


If folks want help, there are many tools available.

Despair makes cowards of us all.

paulmh

Ten Chips wrote:

In retrospect I can relate to this. I'm baffled as to where the compulsion went, since it's "been taken from me". I remember vividly that when I had compulsion to drink, no matter how slight, drink is what I would do. I wonder if I "outlived the curve".

Ten Chips Down

Right, but see I take pains to differentiate complusion and obsession - as well as the idea it was "taken" from me and I was relieved of same. See, I don't think any God did this. I KNOW AA didn't do it (haven't attended in 10 years).

A compulsion is where you've just gotta do something; you are compelled to do it. In many ways it is akin to the addictive characteristic.

Of course that existed in me as well, but what kept me a student of pain and suffering in alcoholism was that I was obsessed with the notion that I must, certainly, be able to control my intake. LOL

Until that left, or the curve ended, or whatever happened, man I was just doomed.

Yes Paul, I am very comfortable with the likelihood that it's gone now--that I have indeed OUTLIVED a fixed curve.

"Well then, why don't you drink"? some may say if they think I'm claiming impunity from EtOH.

I don't TOUCH the stuff because it's a disease I don't understand.

_I_ don't know why it let up. You think I'm going back again? Fuh-getaboutit baby.

Besides, too many bad memories like... ohhhh, impending death for starters.

jrmar

a-1

paulmh

Y'know, it's all just stuff I can be grateful about. Like you I don't know where it went. I deliberately put the "taken" word in quotations, because the life i had before was very, very antithetical to the notion that there is a G*d which could take my obssession away. I'm no more inclined to believe it now, but I can't ignore my experience, which is that I no longer have that compulsion to drink - and like you say, it's no longer coupled with that deluded obssession that I must learn to drink like my peers. I just let the whole lot go, and all I know is that I have to keep drink out my system, and that way I won't take back that obssession and compulsion.

Life is much more straightforward this way. And, again, like you say, there's so much I don't know about this condition, why should I take any chances? I still like the company of other alcoholics. I still feel I have so much to learn, from them and from the ones who came before. And for some reason I need to be reminded of this pretty regularly - I am not alone.

Loved your posts Chips.

carlton

I spent a lot of my drinking career wishing that I could live without it, but believing that I couldn't. I never wanted to drink like my peers - most of them were 'amateurs'. Then I had a sort of nervous breakdown, realised that I was mortal and finite, and had a doctor tell me that any possibility of happiness in life would be increased drastically by abstaining from drugs/alcohol. Nowadays when people ask me why I don't drink, I explain that I exhausted the possibilities of profit and enjoyment from the stuff. I don't tell too many people how far I went beyond that point.

I don't know where the obsession went, or for that matter the compulsion. A combination of things - the right state of mind, people around me who wanted me to get better - I don't know. It might even be sheer chance, a possibility which, in my experience, makes gratitude all the more joyful. Just keep walking. Don't need to know why (but I'm finding out along the way), just need to know how, and to do it.

And yes, life *is* more straightforward this way, AND more exciting AND funnier AND very psychedelic indeed. And yes I regularly need some fairly strong convincing of the fact that I am not alone.

Thanks all.

Ten Chips Down

MAN what a hi-qual thread. In particular I loved this simple jewel:

And then there's the stuff that doorknob was gracious (thank you!) to share about LSR, which btw. stands for LifeRing Secular Recovery. Hehe - had to dig on Google for that one, because SR doesn't allow links to anything that might include a forum (right?) Anyway, if you just type in "lifering secular recovery," you'll find their actual site.

I really dig the LSR quote and will be using it--modified as follows--as articulation of my biggest hang-ups with AA:

Nice.

-TCD-

doorknob

Hey Chips,

I'm glad you appreciated those. I wish I lived in a place where LifeRing was going strong. I tried to start 'em here a couple of times, but it's hard to start a meeting when you're hangin' on to sobriety by a thread.

I'm pretty sure it's okay to post links to Unhooked.com.

DK

historyteach

Wrong, TCD.
It has to do with commercial sites. They need to go to the management, and can be advertised if they'd like. Otherwise, there IS a place to add links of all kinds of sites.

Shalom!

Morning Glory

I can imagine you are confused now -TCD-

Links to the main site are fine for noncommercial sites. Just don't link directly to their forums or blogs.

Ten Chips Down

^ LOL no prob., you two.

DK: Indeed, LSR advocates an interesting approach, in embracing not just all but ANY program which works for an individual.

The Procustes analogy, most apropos.

-TenChips

wandergrrl777

I really enjoyed reading all of your posts. What a super useful thread and one of the most productive conversations I've read on this site.

Thanks Mongo for starting such great dialogue!

miss communicat

Ditto

Good thread

Thanks

CAS116

I suspect, but have no proof, that "DIY" is a commonplace.
And, such folks who do "DIY" have very little contact with groups whose focus is substance abuse.

Mongo

Hi Cas.

It does seem to me that DIY is becoming very commonplace. I think one of the reasons for that is increasing internet usage. After all, I can google any recovery method I chose and cherry-pick whatever I want in a very short amount of time.

I'm not knowledgeable about recovery from substance abuse, however the DIY method of recovery from alcohol seems appropriate for me. I was a DIY drinker mostly; I rarely went to bars and usually drank alone.

Keep well

Ron

doorknob

It may seem self-explanatory, but after thinking about it for a while, I'm not sure what falls into the category of DIY and what doesn't.

Is it...

just quiting?

not going to meetings?

not following any specific program?

creating your own program?

any or all of the above?

As far as alcoholism vs. addiction to other drugs, I think they're all the same animal, as far as the processes of chemical dependency go.

CAS116

I think that it is any or all of the above.

I think that the important point about "DIY" is: one is, in fact, on their own. Others may help with ideas, tools or support. For some, that affirmation is critical. For others, not critical, or even important.

gypsytears

DIY Recovery... I like that.

This thread was a very liberating read.

Arura

yep A defo there Hon....Gypsy..xXx...!

As yes I do it the DIY way,...I go to Meetins and do Service but Here we just Got SMART,...in the Country....and i love the Tool box Makes sence to me,....More than Step work,....But i also like to read,...and learn,....and this Is one of my Reading forums....
lol...!

For Sure as Im not Of Any Religion,...at all,..But I Love the Earth herself and that works for me....xXx...!

So Like Ive said I use Anything I can that Makes Sencs and I Can Actually Apply to Daily life,.....and it takes Just Glitter dust Some days to Hold Me toghter ,..and It works for me .....

So yes I Defo fall into the DIY camp on Recovery,...Its more about being Open mined than anything else for me ....

I Read with in Intrest ....Thanks Mongo....xXx...
...xXx...