AVRT has gotten me through my first month!
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Join Date: Feb 2022
Posts: 55
AVRT has gotten me through my first month!
Today marks a full month of not drinking. Thirty-one days ago, it was February 24th, and that evening I had my final couple of glasses of wine. I didn’t realize then that I was done drinking. The next morning, I even bought beer while at the grocery store. Nothing was being consciously planned. Yes, I had been looking at online sources about alcohol use disorder for a few weeks, taking the self-diagnosis tests and getting more and more bothered and upset with myself and my habits. Then in the afternoon of the 25th, I found this site, signed up, and posted: I wanted to write down what my drinking had become, admit it to the world, and hear the response from people like yourselves that know the drill. The responses confirmed what I knew for quite some time. I was an addict. That no longer being in doubt, the questions would have to do with how I would deal with it going forward.
I had a pretty good idea of how my addiction worked. I felt split, that I had a “day-mind” that functioned without the booze and a “night-mind” that demanded it. As I explored the threads and discussions here, I soon stumbled upon the AVRT ideas, and then it all made sense. The AV concept described my “night-mind” exactly. I bought the book. It resonated. The tools worked for me and they continue to work. It has been so valuable. Part of my previous resistance to quitting had to do with what I knew of 12-step programs and the fact that they are not a good fit for me; I am not religious and the language and structure of their approach is at odds with how I see the world. I am not judging good or bad here, and I am glad that it does work for so many other people. More power to you.
My Big Plan has focused on my specific alcohol triggers: what I drink with dinner and what I drink in the evenings. I have simply stayed away, for now, from foods that I specifically associated with wine: Italian, pasta-based dishes. There are plenty of other cuisines to stay occupied with. And that helps to provide a “fill” for the void that my whining AV complains has been created… an opportunity to expand my culinary horizons.
The second “fill” is expanding my knowledge and experience with beverages to pair with dinner. I am finding some good non-alcoholic beers, and I am on a quest to develop the perfect virgin margarita. I feel like I am back in undergraduate chemistry lab. It’s a blast.
And as for the evenings, I have found a low-calorie drink that is working for me: Sparkling Ice. Two bottles is plenty and lasts me hours, it is fizzy and tasty and not expensive. I’ll eventually move to something else in time, but for now it has made all the difference.
The first five or six nights were pretty brutal, I will not lie. But with all that behind me, the urge and desire to drink is entirely mental, and it is getting weaker and weaker. I do not want it now, and my only doubts and worries relate to future social events. Such events are generally rare, and I will have time to prepare for them.
Do I feel better after a month? Generally yes. Sleep is improved. I feel like I am still a ways off from the healthiness that I have been stealing away from myself for decades, but I know I will get there in time.
I guess what I find most surprising in all of this is how much easier it is getting. I thought I’d be miserable. I’m not. I made the right choice. It is very empowering and, pardon the term, addicitve, to feel that I have mastery over this toxic garbage. Other people that live in this house drink, and I can open the cupboard and the fridge and see the bottles, and it doesn't bother me, or call to me. It's just expensive, mind-numbing crap. I'm beyond it.
I'm 55 years old. I have a few more decades to go. I want as many years as I can get and I want them to be healthy years appreciated with a clear head.
Thanks to everyone here for the support.
I had a pretty good idea of how my addiction worked. I felt split, that I had a “day-mind” that functioned without the booze and a “night-mind” that demanded it. As I explored the threads and discussions here, I soon stumbled upon the AVRT ideas, and then it all made sense. The AV concept described my “night-mind” exactly. I bought the book. It resonated. The tools worked for me and they continue to work. It has been so valuable. Part of my previous resistance to quitting had to do with what I knew of 12-step programs and the fact that they are not a good fit for me; I am not religious and the language and structure of their approach is at odds with how I see the world. I am not judging good or bad here, and I am glad that it does work for so many other people. More power to you.
My Big Plan has focused on my specific alcohol triggers: what I drink with dinner and what I drink in the evenings. I have simply stayed away, for now, from foods that I specifically associated with wine: Italian, pasta-based dishes. There are plenty of other cuisines to stay occupied with. And that helps to provide a “fill” for the void that my whining AV complains has been created… an opportunity to expand my culinary horizons.
The second “fill” is expanding my knowledge and experience with beverages to pair with dinner. I am finding some good non-alcoholic beers, and I am on a quest to develop the perfect virgin margarita. I feel like I am back in undergraduate chemistry lab. It’s a blast.
And as for the evenings, I have found a low-calorie drink that is working for me: Sparkling Ice. Two bottles is plenty and lasts me hours, it is fizzy and tasty and not expensive. I’ll eventually move to something else in time, but for now it has made all the difference.
The first five or six nights were pretty brutal, I will not lie. But with all that behind me, the urge and desire to drink is entirely mental, and it is getting weaker and weaker. I do not want it now, and my only doubts and worries relate to future social events. Such events are generally rare, and I will have time to prepare for them.
Do I feel better after a month? Generally yes. Sleep is improved. I feel like I am still a ways off from the healthiness that I have been stealing away from myself for decades, but I know I will get there in time.
I guess what I find most surprising in all of this is how much easier it is getting. I thought I’d be miserable. I’m not. I made the right choice. It is very empowering and, pardon the term, addicitve, to feel that I have mastery over this toxic garbage. Other people that live in this house drink, and I can open the cupboard and the fridge and see the bottles, and it doesn't bother me, or call to me. It's just expensive, mind-numbing crap. I'm beyond it.
I'm 55 years old. I have a few more decades to go. I want as many years as I can get and I want them to be healthy years appreciated with a clear head.
Thanks to everyone here for the support.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Congratulations on your decision !
AVRT when I stumbled on it here on SR really resonated with me too, birds of a feather
The ‘smaller’ the AV that goads toward more booze became and the easier or more comfortable it became to tell IT to go pound sand got , the other side of the AV sort of came into focus and then the easier it became to identify that side and begin to get more comfortable in the knowledge I could separate from IT too.
Any doubt in your ability to remain abstinent is also pure AV. And IT is speaking with your voice still ie future social situations , does your Big Plan in anyway allow for future , more booze ? Or just at some random ‘social event’? I’m sure your Big Plan doesn’t , but your AV sure wants to intimate that it does or might , you can tell that notion to go pound sand too!
Rootin for ya !
AVRT when I stumbled on it here on SR really resonated with me too, birds of a feather
The ‘smaller’ the AV that goads toward more booze became and the easier or more comfortable it became to tell IT to go pound sand got , the other side of the AV sort of came into focus and then the easier it became to identify that side and begin to get more comfortable in the knowledge I could separate from IT too.
Any doubt in your ability to remain abstinent is also pure AV. And IT is speaking with your voice still ie future social situations , does your Big Plan in anyway allow for future , more booze ? Or just at some random ‘social event’? I’m sure your Big Plan doesn’t , but your AV sure wants to intimate that it does or might , you can tell that notion to go pound sand too!
Rootin for ya !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Posts: 55
I do not plan to ever drink again. As of today I have no desire to. Every day I continue to ask myself if I am "missing something" in life by not drinking and the honest answer is "absolutely not." What I am learning is that the best defense against the AV is to keep reinforcing what the rational mind sees every day. I write it down.
I have recognized that letting the Beast run the show is the ultimate in being childish. There is now an adult in the room. It is very empowering to watch yourself master the Beast; it boosts self-esteem, and that feels good. There is a "virtuous circle" that can be tapped into here... avoid drinking - feel better - use the new positivity to grow in new ways - which will allow you to: avoid drinking. Repeat, prepeat, repeat.
I have recognized that letting the Beast run the show is the ultimate in being childish. There is now an adult in the room. It is very empowering to watch yourself master the Beast; it boosts self-esteem, and that feels good. There is a "virtuous circle" that can be tapped into here... avoid drinking - feel better - use the new positivity to grow in new ways - which will allow you to: avoid drinking. Repeat, prepeat, repeat.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Posts: 55
Here are other exercises I have done:
1. Go find a good online life expectancy test. Do the same test twice: once where you account for yourself drinking at the problematic level that you have escaped or wish to escape, and the other, with no alcohol at all. Look at how many years you stand to lose.
2. Make a spreadsheet of your life in months. There are twleve columns across the top, Jan to Dec. Then along the left, start with the year of your birth and add a year as you go down. Fill cells with various key events: wedding date, births of children, graduation, anything that mattered in your life. Use colors to fill areas to mark off time in school or at various jobs. Make a complete, personalized table of your life so far. Once you have done that, you might want to look at in the context of how much of it involved alcohol use. And then look at how much life those two projected life expectancy numbers would leave you with. Ask yourself if you want less, low-quality days, or more, clear-headed days. It is a powerful and dramatic way to see how important this decision is, and how much you stand to win.
1. Go find a good online life expectancy test. Do the same test twice: once where you account for yourself drinking at the problematic level that you have escaped or wish to escape, and the other, with no alcohol at all. Look at how many years you stand to lose.
2. Make a spreadsheet of your life in months. There are twleve columns across the top, Jan to Dec. Then along the left, start with the year of your birth and add a year as you go down. Fill cells with various key events: wedding date, births of children, graduation, anything that mattered in your life. Use colors to fill areas to mark off time in school or at various jobs. Make a complete, personalized table of your life so far. Once you have done that, you might want to look at in the context of how much of it involved alcohol use. And then look at how much life those two projected life expectancy numbers would leave you with. Ask yourself if you want less, low-quality days, or more, clear-headed days. It is a powerful and dramatic way to see how important this decision is, and how much you stand to win.
AVRT and this forum have helped me to stay sober since October of 2012!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,162
Originally Posted by Lerxst 
My Big Plan has focused on my specific alcohol triggers: what I drink with dinner and what I drink in the evenings. I have simply stayed away, for now, from foods that I specifically associated with wine:
Originally Posted by Lerxst
The first five or six nights were pretty brutal, I will not lie. But with all that behind me, the urge and desire to drink is entirely mental, and it is getting weaker and weaker.
Originally Posted by Lerxst
I do not want it now, and my only doubts and worries relate to future social events. Such events are generally rare, and I will have time to prepare for them.
Originally Posted by Lerxst
I feel like I am still a ways off from the healthiness that I have been stealing away from myself for decades, but I know I will get there in time.
Originally Posted by Lerxst
'm 55 years old. I have a few more decades to go. I want as many years as I can get and I want them to be healthy years appreciated with a clear head.
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
Lerxst:
Co-incidentally, I quit when I was 55 by using AVRT on Feb. 24 - 7 years ago.
I actually have to look back now and try and remember how many years it has been. AVRT works and any time I ever get the urge to drink (which barely happens these days), I repeat the mantra - "I will never drink alcohol again - NO MATTER WHAT". No wiggle room. No counting days. No leaving that door open a crack.
Keep up the good work!
CF
Co-incidentally, I quit when I was 55 by using AVRT on Feb. 24 - 7 years ago.
I actually have to look back now and try and remember how many years it has been. AVRT works and any time I ever get the urge to drink (which barely happens these days), I repeat the mantra - "I will never drink alcohol again - NO MATTER WHAT". No wiggle room. No counting days. No leaving that door open a crack.
Keep up the good work!
CF
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by msl999
Congrats on your first month Lerxst.
I am coming up on 5 years alcohol-free because of my Big Plan and AVRT.
BTW, I noticed your username….Rush fan?
I am coming up on 5 years alcohol-free because of my Big Plan and AVRT.
BTW, I noticed your username….Rush fan?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by Free2bme888
How are you, Lerx?
Thanks for the reply posts, and Dri, for bumping the thread.
Thanks for the reply posts, and Dri, for bumping the thread.
Tomorrow we are doing a week-long trip and I am a bit dreading the restaurants... travel was always an excuse to "try all these new beers!" and so on. I'm not worried, I just am not looking forward to that trigger. I'll make it, though!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
I remember ‘first trips’ newly committed to abstinence, the hard part or most probably the normal part of being in that circumstance is the temptation to allow the AV to foist its frame of deprivation and overall sense of “loss”.
If I were able to go back and somehow convince myself that my energy and attention would be better used to deny the ‘frame’ and not let my mood reflect “loss” , I would have been a better travel companion. Any bitterness or self pity I allowed to manifest was really Its, and right along with my resolve to deny any indulgence , I could have left any and all resentment of that decision to It and ignored. It took me a few trips to figure that out , vacays still make It nostalgic but/and I no longer care.
I know a firm resolve will keep your commitment, I wish your week goes as enjoyingly as it can , you need not indulge Its grief .
If I were able to go back and somehow convince myself that my energy and attention would be better used to deny the ‘frame’ and not let my mood reflect “loss” , I would have been a better travel companion. Any bitterness or self pity I allowed to manifest was really Its, and right along with my resolve to deny any indulgence , I could have left any and all resentment of that decision to It and ignored. It took me a few trips to figure that out , vacays still make It nostalgic but/and I no longer care.
I know a firm resolve will keep your commitment, I wish your week goes as enjoyingly as it can , you need not indulge Its grief .
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Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 97
Originally Posted by Lerxst
Yes indeed! Our oldest son is named Alex. You must be a fan too to know the name...
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Join Date: Feb 2022
Posts: 55
On my way back home after traveling in the southeast. I had a mishap, not intentional, but it does not affect my mindset....
One evening at dinner, after a very hot day, I asked the server if they had any NA beer. Yes, she said, Heineken. I enjoy the NA version of this at home, so I ordered it. The green bottle came and I downed most of it, being very thirsty and planning on having another. It had a familiar taste. Then I looked at the bottle and saw it was not a NA beer.
Okay, sh*t happens. Didn't order any more, didn't drink the next night, or since. I don't consider this to be a deviation off course because it was not my intention to drink, and it didn't change my resolve or my view of myself as a nondrinker.
Lesson learned, check the label. Comes with the territory of drinking NA beer, but dammit, I love the taste of it.
I plan to look into the idea of using hops extract to flavor carbonated water.
One evening at dinner, after a very hot day, I asked the server if they had any NA beer. Yes, she said, Heineken. I enjoy the NA version of this at home, so I ordered it. The green bottle came and I downed most of it, being very thirsty and planning on having another. It had a familiar taste. Then I looked at the bottle and saw it was not a NA beer.
Okay, sh*t happens. Didn't order any more, didn't drink the next night, or since. I don't consider this to be a deviation off course because it was not my intention to drink, and it didn't change my resolve or my view of myself as a nondrinker.
Lesson learned, check the label. Comes with the territory of drinking NA beer, but dammit, I love the taste of it.
I plan to look into the idea of using hops extract to flavor carbonated water.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2022
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by msl999
They’re my favorite band. Seen them live 26 times. First show was Valentine’s Day 1983 at the Long Beach Arena, Golden Earring was the opener. I was lucky enough to see their final performance ever at the Forum.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Congratulations Lerxst on your decision to get, and stay, sober. Although I don't know anything about your drinking history, it sounds like we have pretty similar experiences with our thought processes around drinking, based on this thread, and the one you posted in the Newcomers forum. Day-mind versus night-mind. Two different people. I fought, and continue to fight, that for years. Explored all of the different strategies, including AA (same reservations as you) and AVRT.
Again, I don't know anything about your drinking history, and if this is your first attempt at stopping. I hope that it is your first and last. I do want to caution you about complacency and the time that will come when you feel like you have this beat. When your AV convinces you that it wasn't all that bad and you can moderate this time. You and I are about the same age (I'm 57), and I have made numerous attempts at this. Cruising along for the first 60-90 days, sure that I had it figured out this time. I was certain that I had more will power than the other folks that had tried and failed. I didn't. Although I have been successful in many areas of my life, and never really hit a material 'rock bottom', I haven't had any sustained success staying sober. For me, figuring out how to live sober is the challenge. But I'm continuing to work at it.
I don't want to be a wet blanket here, as you are off to great start. I wish you nothing but success at beating this insidious addiction. Just please stay diligent as the AV is always there, waiting for you to let your guard down. Best wishes to you, and thanks for being a member of SR.
Again, I don't know anything about your drinking history, and if this is your first attempt at stopping. I hope that it is your first and last. I do want to caution you about complacency and the time that will come when you feel like you have this beat. When your AV convinces you that it wasn't all that bad and you can moderate this time. You and I are about the same age (I'm 57), and I have made numerous attempts at this. Cruising along for the first 60-90 days, sure that I had it figured out this time. I was certain that I had more will power than the other folks that had tried and failed. I didn't. Although I have been successful in many areas of my life, and never really hit a material 'rock bottom', I haven't had any sustained success staying sober. For me, figuring out how to live sober is the challenge. But I'm continuing to work at it.
I don't want to be a wet blanket here, as you are off to great start. I wish you nothing but success at beating this insidious addiction. Just please stay diligent as the AV is always there, waiting for you to let your guard down. Best wishes to you, and thanks for being a member of SR.
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