Fusion

Hi, long time no speak.

Long story short, after two and a half years of content sobriety, earlier this year, following a cumulative maelstrom of terrible events: I succumbed to my habitual, pre-wired, self-medicating “coping” behaviour (oh the irony). And I drank. I fully intended it to be temporary.

Sadly, that wasn’t the case. I can now attest to the dire predictions; that within a very short space of time, drinking after a period of abstinence, will resume to previous levels.

So yes, all day, every day, once again. Oh the shame.

I’d dearly appreciate any support and well wishes. Because I need to take that leap of faith once more: that I can not only stop drinking, but also, somehow, find the strength to rebuild my life.

julietUK

Hi Tatsy. So sorry to hear of your situation, I myself have relapsed more times than I care to count, quite often after over 18 months sober. I too found it that it comes back like its never been away! Please get back on the horse as soon as you can. Lots of food, lots of water, get to an AA meeting if you can, or stick close to this site. You have done it before, you can do it again. Maybe you just needed this one more time to know that it doesn't work for mending problems or removing bad feelings; in fact it makes everything worse. I wish you well. xxx

Dee74

Just a reminder this is the secular forum

I'm glad to see you back Tatsy - I believe that not only can you get sober again but it can be a lifelong permanent unconditional condition

D

Fusion

Thankyou JulietUK for your kind words and reframing the drinking as you did above - the final failed experiment almost. x

Fusion

Dee, thank you. What can I say, you always find the perfect words of support. 😃

Wholesome

Glad you are back Tatsy.

You can beat this. One day you will look back on this period of despair and realize it was your greatest lesson and victory.

CupofJoe

Sorry you're suffering. You absolutely can do this again. And now you'll never again have to wonder "what if I just try a little bit of drinking." You already know the answer. That'll pave the way to permanent, lifelong sobriety.

Don't let the shame eat you up. You drank. It's not good for us, but at the same time, it's not worth beating yourself up over. That doesn't help. Be positive. Regardless of the decisions you made in the recent past, you are sober again today. That's what counts.

Wishing you well.

Fusion

What can I say, perfect words that raise me up. Thankyou my friend.

Fusion

Thankyou CupofJoe, that’s exactly what I need, that plus your lovely words of advice above.

Callas

Thank you for this post Tatsy. For me in early recovery this serves as such a warning to not go down that road.

Wholesome

It's so true about not letting the shame eat you up. I think that's going to be your biggest hurdle here, but you're going to have to find a way to overcome it and accept that the shame is there. If you're anything like me, then you are probably your own worst critic - so you need to stop that. You were in a lot of pain and you made a mistake, you aren't the first one to fall for that Beast trick, and you won't be the last. It never stops at one night, or one drink. That voice is a liar, and a cheat, and you don't ever have to go along with IT ever again. It can stop the minute you say so. You are not a slave, you are already free and always have been.

Fusion

Thanks Callas, yes, I’m glad my post is a warning for you. PLEASE never listen to the thoughts that suggest that you can drink again, and become a ‘normal, social’ drinker. In my experience, once that line is crossed, there’s no way back, only more misery.

fini

hi Tatsy,
having this alcoholism-thing prove to me that what i fully intended i couldn't carry through...recognizing that with no doubt was the turning point.
glad you came back.

Fusion

Hi, I don’t even feel able to respond to Wholesome and fini, I’m just sat here broken. And drinking, still able to spell, the tolerance level is so high in just a few months I kid you not, it’s the truth. I was so content not drinking, then I was floored by circumstances. Yes I know, excuses.

Fusion

Please someone, speak to me, so I’ll be diverted from picking up that next drink

Fusion

It’s OK, I know it’s all down to me. I’m sorry. I’ll post again in the morning. I’m really grateful for everybody’s supportive posts

Take care, friends, speak tomorrow.

CupofJoe

Don't pick up that next drink.

I ate a lot of ice cream in the early days. It helped cut the physical cravings a bit. Is there anything indulgent you could eat instead?

Maybe hang out here a bit longer and read and post around? That used to help me, too.

If you feel at all tempted to drink, please reach out!

Fusion

Thankyou CupofJoe, I do have some ice cream. I’ll go and eat some

CupofJoe

Excellent! It's morning where I am, so I can't join you, but I'll have some tea and pretend it's ice cream.

Maybe it would help you to post all the reasons why you don't want to drink?

Hangover. Feeling worse. Regret the next day. I'll let you take it from here.

Dreamwithin

Oh man it's horrible!
You're right in the middle of the bad bit. But you've done it before. Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up. It doesn't matter how long you were sober and started drinking again - what's far more important is how soon you can get back off it again.
It won't be long before you will be looking back on this as a learning experience.

Try not to beat yourself up too much.