tammy711

Hi team...

That sounds a bit odd, but that is what SR seems like to me, a team.

I wanted to post a week ago and every day since. I have been dealing with beast attacks like the one I described in my relapse struggle (AVRT and Relapse Struggle) post.

One of my sobriety tools was to reach out when I was feeling vulnerable and that isn't easy. But since tonight's attack was so strong and I was even mobilizing, I wanted to follow through and reach out and talk/type.

I am still sober, but I had one heck of an attack tonight which was an accumulation of other strong attacks over the past week or two.

I was able to separate tonight, but it wasn't easy. I dislike that it is sometimes difficult to separate from my beast.

Tonight I was able to come to my senses and separate. It is frustrating that I still allow my beast to almost take over my personal pronouns.

Tonight I was able to walk myself through a drinking episode all the way to waking up in the morning. That helped a lot. This is going to sound funny to some, but tonight my beast even told me I might be able to just have one glass of wine. Just one - scratch that itch, ya know! And maybe not drink every day... just have one glass every once in awhile when it is really needed - like right now! lol

I was finally able to mumble out the most confident I could be at the moment, "I will never drink again!" After a half-hearted attempt, I said it again, but visualized what every word meant and once I visualized the word "again" - the attack was over.

• I - the true me, who I am
• will - my intelligence
• never - ever, under any circumstances
• drink - consume wine or any other alcohol
• again - my past is a great predictor of my future, and I have learned my lesson where one drink leads

Most of the time just remembering that beast attacks, no matter how strong, are temporary - helps immensely. Every grateful morning I wake up sober - just strengthens my resolve to stay sober.

I need to work on my reasons for sobriety so that beast attacks aren't so strong. When my beast attacks me it's as if all my reasons that I chose sobriety run from my short term memory. I have to conjure them up. I do have them written down, but in my car tonight - my iPad was at home. Convenient! :-)

I hope everyone is well.

tursiops999

Hi Tammy -- glad you posted and glad you worked your way through that.

I haven't had a beast attack in awhile, but early on I had a few that were so strong that the AVRT term "vertigo" really applied. They sometimes happened when I sat down in a restaurant, as in the past I would have ordered a glass of wine (pre-quit). The beast temporarily took over.... for a few minutes my thoughts would be consumed with the storyline of "all that stuff about being sober was just a big misunderstanding, it's really not necessary...maybe for people worse off than me but I wasn't really addicted.." Etc. A wise soul here on SR suggested that when that happens, I take a few moments to breathe and try to connect with my body. ..feel my feet on the floor, my body in the chair, my breath moving... That seems to help me "remember" myself and remember I am not the beast.

​​​​then I try to say (out loud, maybe), "this is vertigo, a beast attack, these are not my thoughts, and the thoughts will pass soon". I try not to get into an argument with it about the merits of drinking, because that gives it more attention than it deserves. Distraction is good too -- anything that changes the subject -- talk to my dinner companions about the menu, ask them questions, anything.

I don't know if that helps... Beast attacks are annoying, but you got through it , so well done. Keep posting your experiences .... This section of the forum is a little quiet, but we're out here, pulling for you.

Teetotaler56

Hi Tammy, I'm new to AVRT. I enjoyed this post so much. I am going to use your "acronym" for IWNDA. Like you, I know where one drink can lead. I've told myself time and again, I can have just a couple ounces and be done. For a couple days I can, then I'm right back where I started.

I'm glad you came here and wrote your thoughts out in a post. I'll be revisiting from time to time when I need a boost in my resolve.

Thank you for sharing. And, I'm glad it helped you walk it out!

tammy711

Hi Gup54 - I can’t take credit for that acronym. It is taught this way in the Rational Recovery book. It just resonates so well with me when I fully think about each word truly means.

I paraphrased it as I remembered it. It is in the Big Plan chapter of the book.

Thank you for your encouraging note!

tammy711

Tursiops - I like to use the vertigo tool too. I believe I even named it yesterday when it was happening.

I am looking forward to when many weeks or months pass with no attacks. I think with every victory, I become more resolved.

I know the key for me is separation. Also, someone responded to the relapse post (and I am going to go find it again) about how we have to remove any positive reason for drinking from our conscious.

I am beginning to enjoy some of the benefits of sobriety right now... and don’t want to lose them. I finally got past the insomnia stage about a week ago. I am getting great nights sleep again.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond and continuing to remind me I am not alone in my struggle.

On we go...

Thank you.

Teetotaler56

I'm so glad to hear it's in the book, as well. I ordered the book a few days ago and can't wait for it to arrive. I ordered a used copy from an individual, so the shipping is going to take longer than it would have, otherwise, but I am looking forward to reading the section about the "Big Plan".

I did go to the website and made notes from this link: Rational Recovery | The Crash Course On AVRT Good stuff there!

Let's keep rolling along!

Teetotaler56

PS Unrelated...sorta...but I plan to use the same tools from Rational Recovery in my eating, after a while. One thing at a time. Right now I'm craving carbs like nobody's business!

tammy711

Yea... that is a thing in sobriety. Sugar/Carb cravings. When I wrote about that really bad attach in the original post above... one of the mental games I played with myself was to treat myself to a bag of jelly beans. I didn’t eat the entire bag... but could have.

I am in the process of cutting carbs myself. I think I am far enough along in my sobriety to start making some additional healthy changes.

I had a full hysterectomy in Nov 2017 and decided not to take hormones... although I was told I should due to being put into immediate medical menopause after the surgery, I refused. 2018 was a really rough year of mood swings, night sweats, and weight gain... oh and HEAVY DRINKING.

I was warned I would gain weight and sure enough... about 25 pounds in a years time. Drinking didn’t help that at all. It’s funny, I am anti medicine, but no problems downing 2 bottles of wine a day! Ha!

Like you, I am taking one thing at a time. Even though I have my beast attacks, I do feel like I am now sober for life. It is now time to take my newly discovered mental and physical strength and heal my body and hopefully as I do shed those lbs off my frame.

Cheers!

Teetotaler56

Please update how the lower carb is working for you. I'm going to keep mine low after a while; not keto, but lower carb. No counting, just paying attention.

I'm in natural menopause, w/ low thyroid. But I've decided to just work on a1c and not worry over the weight loss part of it. I put the scales away, but check my blood glucose each morning. I'd love to have a great a1c in the next couple months.

I have some ice cream left in the freezer, but when it's gone, I'm not going to replace it. I am going to try to quit going crazy with the carbs. But after this little bit of ice cream is gone, if I get a huge craving, I'll just have to drive to get a carby snack. No more keeping it in the house.

PS I got notification that my Rational Recovery book is arriving today, so I'm watching for the mailman! So excited!

Look forward to hearing of any weight loss success. Let's keep rolling!

tammy711

Gup54 - when you get the book, I recommend reading it from the beginning. It is easy to want to skip ahead, but it builds on itself.

I keep it around and pick it up and reread my favorite parts, but recently re-read chapters 1 - 14 in order (not in one sitting). It really helped me a great deal about a month or so ago.

Teetotaler56

It arrived about an hour ago. I'll take your advice!

For as little as I've read just on the website, I feel so empowered already. I cannot wait to delve into the book! I'm going to take notes on any strong points that I think will be helpful.

I appreciate the tip so much!

tursiops999

hi Giving up. I too craved carbs after I quit alcohol. I let myself indulge in carbs for awhile, then later I tackled that one too. I will say it's somewhat similar to alcohol, in that the longer I stay away from carbs, the easier it is (the less I crave it). I did try keto for awhile but found it kind of extreme for me (caused heart palpitations and a few other problems). So now my focus is on a small amount of healthy carbs (such as fruit and small portions of whole grains), no processed carbs, no added sugar. That is working pretty well for me.

Let us know what you think after you read the book!

Teetotaler56

Hi Tursiops. I've also tried Keto, a few times, to be honest. I also find it way too restrictive and I can't stick to it for a lifetime. But simply eating and healthier carbs are doable.

I finished the last of the ice cream this evening. No more bad carbs/sugars in the house. I will treat myself now and then, but I'm going to have to quit with the junk now, or I won't have any clothes to wear soon.

I will share what I learn as I read the book. Thanks!

MindfulMan

IDDA or IANLAD

I
Don't
Drink
Anymore

or

I
am
no
longer
a
drinker.

Works better for me than I will never drink again, which implies that i have to continue to be vigilant, whereas the other two basically say it's over and done with.