The "R" Word
 

Recovery. To get better after an illness. Now, I don't believe I have an illness, so I shy away from the "R" word.
But I was reading a Joseph O'Connor novel today and the protagonist is an ex-drunk. He pondered the word "recovery" but also pointed out that it also means to find something again, and I quite like that.
I'm not interested in being recovered but I am very interested recovering aspects of my person which I lost through abusing alcohol.

Mainly, my dignity.
There is nothing more satisfying than being part of a group trying to achieve something without other people eyeing me wondering what state I'm in and if I'll be of any use. These days, I have recovered that part of me.
And I like it very much.

I equate recovery with healing. I don't view addiction as a disease but it certainly wreaked a lot of havoc and disarray in my life. Recovery is the word I used when I first got here (before knowing anything about its connotations) because it seemed to be the most natural and accurate word to describe what was occurring- I was recovering mentally, emotionally, physically..

I now feel I'd have to second guess myself if I wanted to use it, in case I may not "qualify". Which frankly I think is kind of an unproductive way of seeing things. No one should own or monopolize this term imo, it can mean different things to different people.

I think it's only "the R-word" to a small corner of the community of former drunks and druggers, to the rest of us it means different things but not necessarily with any negative connotations. To me it means getting better from being sick, and I sure was physically and psychologically ill at the end of my drinking days. I also think it's possible to be fully recovered, and that's what I consider myself to be - not necessarily a perfect flawless human being, but a very comfortable ex-drinker who has no more "issues" than the next person who was never an alcohol addict.

I definitely recovered my strength, my confidence, and my decision making/problem solving abilities when I quit. I didn't have access to any of that when I was addicted, so the word "recovered" fits in the the sense that I found those abilities again.

As for lifetime, perpetual recovery from either addiction or some sort of spiritual sickness...that's a No for me.

I like that a lot.

And yes, semantics are very important to me, as they are to many of us. We trade in language. Living a life "in recovery" is not what I do. I think of it like an athlete getting injured - eventually he returns to the game or he doesn't. For me I'm returning to the game, maybe for the first time but still, recovered from my addiction to alcohol. I'm recovered from prostrating at the altar of the poison.