Trying AVRT again
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
MB
What are your plans in the presence of desire ?
Making it harder to get coke by deleting contacts , so a craving can't derail you , implies that the presence of a craving is a 'danger' signal, no ?
You say at the moment you have no desire for getting high and so you aren't acting to get high, what happens if you sense the desire? A wait and see approach never worked well for me.
What are your plans in the presence of desire ?
Making it harder to get coke by deleting contacts , so a craving can't derail you , implies that the presence of a craving is a 'danger' signal, no ?
You say at the moment you have no desire for getting high and so you aren't acting to get high, what happens if you sense the desire? A wait and see approach never worked well for me.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by dwtbd
What are your plans in the presence of desire ?
I'm a FL native and hurricanes are a way of life here. Most natives don't fear them, but we aren't stupid either...we prepare...because it's all so easy to act like storms aren't even a thing when you live on the Gulf in beautiful paradise and the sun is shining. I've faced a Cat 5 unprepared. It's terrifying. Now my family and I all point out to each other what needs fortifying and we have a plan in place. Thankfully so, because there are things I don't see so...yes, please remind me that I have a flashlight but no batteries!!
The bad news is, I don't have complete control over a storm. Even prepared it can kill me.
The wonderful news is that I do have complete control over drinking alcohol. Prepared with a plan in place, it cannot touch me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Essex, England
Posts: 52
Yes, I have to agree with you Soberista. Gerardtwine, I know you have the best of intentions and like nothing more than to see new members remain sober but I have to say the constant critiquing of my posts is hindering rather than helping.
AVRT is just that... a technique. Sometimes I choose to use it. Other times I may choose another way of describing/explaining/expressing where I am at.
At the moment I have no desire or to use cocaine now or in the future and I am very happy with my decision to quit. Every day I feel like my addiction could have killed me, but it didn't, and I'm lucky to have survived.
AVRT is just that... a technique. Sometimes I choose to use it. Other times I may choose another way of describing/explaining/expressing where I am at.
At the moment I have no desire or to use cocaine now or in the future and I am very happy with my decision to quit. Every day I feel like my addiction could have killed me, but it didn't, and I'm lucky to have survived.
I have to be honest and say I’m not doing so well. Although I clean, things have taken a turn for the worse at home. Before I went on holiday things were going well, as I was getting my clothes out of my wardrobe to pack, I found an old bag containing some of the beast inside. I first panicked, and did not want to be honest and show my wife I had found it on the eve of our holiday, and start off on the wrong foot so choose to wait until home. I now believe my AV kept the door open. The holiday went well and I obviously stayed clean, but me and the wife did have a few small arguments. A few days after we were home I remembered it was there so wanted to be honest about it. I got it from a shirt pocket in the wardrobe, and let my AV talk me in to racking it up tobuse it, rather than come clean and be honest. Before I used it in our bedroom, my wife walked upstairs and see what I was about to do. I had a moment of madness and stupidity, and she knew I was up to something. She asked me to leave to room to have a look round, I refused to leave and did everything I could not to be caught out, denying that I was up to anything and lied again, over fear I would lose her and have more guilt and shame. Until the next day I denied all knowledge and continued to lie. I knew I had to come clean about it and did so the next day, but obviously the fact I nearly used and lied, the damage has been done. I have two weeks to prove I am committed to change, I can be honest, not defend myself and blame everyone else for all I have done, to deal and accept the shame and guilt as a result. My AV keeps telling me to use now as I’m so deep in it and can see a way out, but my heart and head is telling me I don’t do drugs, and I don’t want to do drugs.
I have been told many times I have a habit of telling people how well I am doing, and hiding the truth, so wanted to share the problems I currently face. I have not used since early July, when I last relapsed but need to do so much better.
I hope everyone else is doing better than me.
Mrdenial
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
" my heart and head is telling me I don’t do drugs, and I don’t want to do drugs. "
You quit in July , yeah ? Congratulations
Any doubt in you ability to remain abstinent is by definition AV and ignorable as a plan/ploy to get more.
Do you have a copy of RR:TNC ? Look in it for a description of a Beast attack or vertigo or search the threads here in Secular Recovery in the 'long' discussions.
The idea that you are 'still in deep' is a ploy an illusion IT must keep in play to keep the stuff coming. The fact you are a nonuser right this second, and 'out', is anathema to ITs design , it has to convince you are stuck in some interim dangerous space waiting for change .
As contrary as it sounds, your wife didn't stop you from failing to remain sober, she interrupted a possible success at using, which you decided to never do , yeah ?
You can't hope to keep a Big Plan , the AV thinks You don't mean it, You get to decide.
You quit in July , yeah ? Congratulations
Any doubt in you ability to remain abstinent is by definition AV and ignorable as a plan/ploy to get more.
Do you have a copy of RR:TNC ? Look in it for a description of a Beast attack or vertigo or search the threads here in Secular Recovery in the 'long' discussions.
The idea that you are 'still in deep' is a ploy an illusion IT must keep in play to keep the stuff coming. The fact you are a nonuser right this second, and 'out', is anathema to ITs design , it has to convince you are stuck in some interim dangerous space waiting for change .
As contrary as it sounds, your wife didn't stop you from failing to remain sober, she interrupted a possible success at using, which you decided to never do , yeah ?
You can't hope to keep a Big Plan , the AV thinks You don't mean it, You get to decide.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Essex, England
Posts: 52
" my heart and head is telling me I don’t do drugs, and I don’t want to do drugs. "
You quit in July , yeah ? Congratulations
Any doubt in you ability to remain abstinent is by definition AV and ignorable as a plan/ploy to get more.
Thanks dwtbd much appreciated and great advice.
Do you have a copy of RR:TNC ? Look in it for a description of a Beast attack or vertigo or search the threads here in Secular Recovery in the 'long' discussions.
The idea that you are 'still in deep' is a ploy an illusion IT must keep in play to keep the stuff coming. The fact you are a nonuser right this second, and 'out', is anathema to ITs design , it has to convince you are stuck in some interim dangerous space waiting for change .
As contrary as it sounds, your wife didn't stop you from failing to remain sober, she interrupted a possible success at using, which you decided to never do , yeah ?
You can't hope to keep a Big Plan , the AV thinks You don't mean it, You get to decide.
You quit in July , yeah ? Congratulations
Any doubt in you ability to remain abstinent is by definition AV and ignorable as a plan/ploy to get more.
Thanks dwtbd much appreciated and great advice.
Do you have a copy of RR:TNC ? Look in it for a description of a Beast attack or vertigo or search the threads here in Secular Recovery in the 'long' discussions.
The idea that you are 'still in deep' is a ploy an illusion IT must keep in play to keep the stuff coming. The fact you are a nonuser right this second, and 'out', is anathema to ITs design , it has to convince you are stuck in some interim dangerous space waiting for change .
As contrary as it sounds, your wife didn't stop you from failing to remain sober, she interrupted a possible success at using, which you decided to never do , yeah ?
You can't hope to keep a Big Plan , the AV thinks You don't mean it, You get to decide.
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