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Gotta take a break

Old 04-22-2018, 05:36 PM
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Not all better, getting better
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Gotta take a break

I think I need to take a break from posting on SR. Last night I got drunk and ordered some cannabis vape. I have been going through a tough time dealing with my relationship with my ex, our relationship though great, is not what I want. I should add that we are 14 years divorced. I posted more on the relationship forum.

Anyway, I don't feel right offering advice and sharing experiences that are not positive. I will still be reading, will probably continuing and reading the helpful experiences. I've always reading is more helpful than posting, though I guess that everyone just read, it wouldn't be a very good board!!

That's it. Hopefully I'll get back to posting once I get my $hit together. Thanks for all your help and support.

At least you won't have read through all my longa$$ posts!! Take care.
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Old 04-22-2018, 05:43 PM
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Hi Tyler

I think it's noble you're thinking about others, but you have to consider your own needs too.

If you're struggling I think you're better here than not here, yeah?

I was going to comment on the other thread that it sounded a little like a set up for oblivion if things didn't work out.

I did that too - sometimes knowingly, sometimes not.

Seems to me like moving forward on the relationship front is probably not possible for you right now.

As hard as it is I think you need to focus on yourself and your ongoing recovery.

Don't worry about posting - you unerringly give good advice even tho you might not always take it yourself.

I hope you decide to stick around and post - and dump the weed vape - consider the money spent as an investment in your recovery

D
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Old 04-23-2018, 01:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Don't worry about posting - you unerringly give good advice even tho you might not always take it yourself.
I second this. Posting can help clarify your thoughts so I hope you do post if it helps you. Your posts always help me but that's not why I'm saying this
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Old 04-23-2018, 02:21 PM
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Originally Posted by tyler View Post
I've always reading is more helpful than posting, though I guess that everyone just read, it wouldn't be a very good board!!
if everyone just wrote it wouldn't be a very good board either! I hope you stick around tyler. hopefully we can all give to the forum when we can & take from it when we need to.

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Old 04-23-2018, 07:05 PM
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tyler,
maybe consider if you are then dropping one of the things that have helped you, potentially leading to more disconnection.
my own experience is that participating is far more useful than "just" reading, as it is a much more active engagement.
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Old 04-23-2018, 07:46 PM
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On my cell so no long post here but I hope you ll stay with us.
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Old 04-24-2018, 03:34 PM
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Stick around Tyler.
Surely we can support each other regardless of what we're doing.
You are more likely to get your $h1t together, as you say, if you stay engaged here.
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Old 04-25-2018, 01:07 AM
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Hi Tyler, I also hope you continue posting, I find your posts insightful and interesting. In the early days on SR, I found posting kept me focused and my goal, central in my consciousness, more effectively than reading only.
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Old 04-25-2018, 01:11 AM
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I kept relapsing and posted in the new comers thread once in a while to save the new comer from ending up like me since I know the ins and outs of relapse and what leads to it.
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Old 04-25-2018, 01:33 AM
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Tyler,

I stopped giving advice when I had my second slip. I was living a lie and it was a bit like poison in my heart

I am feeling pretty good and strong these days, but I still crave and know I am capable of rationalizations that have led to a slip....I have learned enough here to know it can be way worse...e.g. lose everything

So i keep coming back and posting. AA is always an option

My addiction to booze is for life. There is nothing fun or cool for me anymore w booze. Only pain and suffering.

Thanks.
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Old 04-25-2018, 09:09 AM
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Thanks for all the nice comments I do think I need this place, but I thing I need to keep my posts to asking questions and maybe sharing what I am going through and listening to the advice. I really don't feel like I have much to contribute as far as advice at this point, other than perhaps what not to do.

I would like to request some links or book suggestions from those of you who have some long term sobriety. I already have the SMART hand book and The Freedom Model, which I am partially through. I have been somewhat resistant to AVRT as there are somethings that rub me the wrong way, but I really don't know that much about it. Even if it is not the "program" of choice for me, I'm sure I can glean some good ideas from that. I am definitely not an AA guy, but there are a number of things I use from that program too.

Thanks for all your support and love. I am still struggling with a number of things in my life, substance use among them. I am agnostic, so I don't really pray, but I figure prayers from others can't hurt!! Who knows, maybe I've got it wrong!! Thanks again and take care.
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Old 04-25-2018, 11:41 AM
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If you are interested in mindfulness and Buddhism I would suggest you check out Refuge Recovery
https://www.amazon.com/Refuge-Recove.../dp/0062122843

Also Sober for Good, it has many stories and advise from people who have attained sobriety with different methods. It s a good motivational tool

https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Good-So...sober+for+good
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Old 04-25-2018, 06:32 PM
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Thanks for the links Carolitta I will make sure to check them out.

Quick update as to where am. I am drinking nightly, about a half bottle of 70 proof rum. I am also taking about 2mg of Xanax. Bad combo I know. I have also ordered a couple of bottles of marijuana concentrate to vape, I know this is all bad, but I will probably vape all the concentrate until it is gone. Just trying to be honest here.

I do not plan to order more. When I drink it lowers my inhibition to get the pot. I have even considered taking the 5 hr drive each way to DC where I can but it legally, crazy I know, I 10 hour trip to buy weed!! I've done it several times before , once I nearly wrecked my brand new car (like a week old) because I was high and think I passed out for a few seconds. It helps me to write this crazy stuff out.

The bad thing is that it is accomplishing exactly what I want it to. I have been going through a very tough time with my ex-wife. Nothing that she has done, she is a saint and has gone through so much for me over the years and even now, 14 years after the divorce still cares deeply. However with the booze I am not having to deal with the emotions. It has been great. I know I can not continue this way. My therapist had to cancel today, and I was really grateful that wouldn't have to go through all of this with her.

Anyway, all advice is welcome. I may not take it immediately, but I do read it and file it away. Thanks for your advice in advance, I really appreciate all of the love and support I have always gotten from this place,

Hoping everyone is in a better place than I am. Take care
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Old 04-25-2018, 07:28 PM
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Advice?
Since 2002 you haven’t ran across the right advice yet?
Stop consuming intoxicating substances. If you don’t want to do that , at least take a bus to DC , you could wreck a new person , not just your new car.
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Old 04-25-2018, 07:47 PM
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Are none of these CBT techniques you’ve mentioned in various posts helpful?
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Old 04-25-2018, 09:16 PM
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Originally Posted by daredevil View Post
Are none of these CBT techniques youíve mentioned in various posts helpful?
Yes, they have been very helpful in the past and have been hit by a situation that did not really expect. Hopefully taking about with my therpest and others involved will put it into better perspective. I have not given up, this is a setback that I will grow from
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Old 04-25-2018, 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by dwtbd View Post
Advice?
Since 2002 you havenít ran across the right advice yet?
Stop consuming intoxicating substances. If you donít want to do that , at least take a bus to DC , you could wreck a new person , not just your new car.
These are all things I know, though thanks for pointing them out to me again. Honestly it would probably be more helpful if you would share your story with me rather than just criticize me and what us not working. may not take your advice immediatly, but it is filed away and I do not bring it out.

Alternativity you can just keep your snarky comments to yourself. Either way works for me. Take care
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Old 04-25-2018, 10:22 PM
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Originally Posted by tyler View Post
These are all things I know, though thanks for pointing them out to me again. Honestly it would probably be more helpful if you would share your story with me rather than just criticize me and what us not working...

Alternativity you can just keep your snarky comments to yourself.
Sometimes it takes all kinds of people to get to the bottom of things, Tyler, and while understanding and sharing have their place, sometimes that is simply not enough. You are not new to this, and you are not on a good path, in all likelihood. One drink quickly led to two, and two drinks led to ordering marijuana, and to half a bottle a night of rum, plus Xanax.

From outside your present bubble, that doesn't look very wise, does it? I understand your predicament, but with your having been on the other side of the fence, I also know that you can grasp my question with some objectivity.
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Old 04-26-2018, 02:20 AM
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Originally Posted by tyler View Post
However with the booze I am not having to deal with the emotions. It has been great. I know I can not continue this way.
Hi Tyler,

From you what you say, this may be the reason you're drinking at the moment.

You said you welcome advice so here's my two-penneth . I know you're part way through the TFM book at the moment so I'm assuming the model resonates with you in some ways.

This post by Steven Slate: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6837750 (The Freedom Model for Addictions - 2) talks about this issue of how we can believe that drink can help us deal with our emotions but that by using the "drug, set, setting" model we can come to see that this belief is not true. Just to quote this from the post:

..the pleasure of substances is highly subjective, and constructed not only of pharmacology, but also of our mindset about substances. We use the "drug, set, setting" model to dissect drug effects, to show that it's possible to reach a point where they do not appear as desirable to you as they once did.

My advice then is to post on TFM thread and ask for further explanation of how to do this. Hopefully Steven will be able to pick it up.

All the best.
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Old 04-26-2018, 08:19 AM
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Addiction is an internally unstable condition. You are using drugs against your better judgement. I did that, too, and for a number of years. My obstinancy and resistance to change led me to attempt to make that unstable condition as stable as possible. Me living with my drunken me went on for over a decade, and I was hard pressed to finally give it up. But when I did, I knew it was over.

I think you, too, have made the normally unstable condition of addiction a way of life for yourself for the last decade, possibly much longer - continuing to use against your own better judgement. Nevertheless, you can end it quickly and completely any time by your own will.

I quit for good before AVRT had been developed, but the pledge had been around for centuries, and thatís essentially what I did. I flipped my alliance with the drunken me overnight. It was wraught with emotion, but I was stubborn and determined. I killed the drunken me and it kept coming back in dreams and a background anxiety and feeling that I had repeatedly failed at the pledge which I had not failed at. As I now know AVRT (and have used it for other permanent abstentions) I realize that is essentially what I did back then.

Originally Posted by tyler
I have been somewhat resistant to AVRT as there are some things that rub me the wrong way...
What about AVRT are you uncomfortable with?
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