I'm taking it all back.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Kampala, Uganda
Posts: 327
Originally Posted by BillieJean1 
I went out dancing tonight, something I haven't done in so long and that I used to love doing, and I worked out all my issues on the dance floor. The one thought I kept thinking as I thought about everything I've been through, the trauma that would have brought anyone to their knees, really ****** things like being abused and being a single mother and having my sister's baby die and just break everyone's hearts, I was alone for all that and it was hard, and I had upbringing with addiction, and I let alcohol bring me to my knees. And I quit. It was the most badass, courageous, pivotal moment of my life and I did it and now I'm taking it all back! I used to be cool, I used to go out and be hot and have attitude and a sense of adventure and alcohol took that from me and I'm taking it all back. F*ck that. I dance all over that. I'm going into my second year of sobriety with an attitude.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 57
Wish I read this 6 months ago!
Thank you for this, BillieJean1, and please accept my apology for an over 6-month delay in response! I know now my liver is "quitting me" or basically threw the gauntlet down, "Decide to live or die, woman!" It seems to be screaming at me daily. Drank today as I have almost daily for last several months, and it's almost 2:30 am and I'm wide awake now, knowing I'll feel like hell tomorrow. Hate this. Please pray that I'll be looking to "sober recovery" tomorrow eve in lieu of a glass (or rather bottles) of wine tomorrow! I need to outline my health issues I think as they are now (almost definitely mostly due to drinking) as well as social, personal, professional problems that did not exist prior to me "prioritizing" drinking. Sounds so pathetic to tap/text this out...I truly feel like a "looser."
Originally Posted by BillieJean1
Hopedeferred, at 6 months the mental obsession about drinking, or more specifically, how I wasn't drinking had cleared up, my cognitive abilities had significantly improved, as had my health, my relationships, my job, pretty much everything. But it just keeps getting better! I'm at 11 months right now and all of sudden my body healed, I used to have terrible allergies and I could not really lose weight even though I was trying. My allergies are GONE, I haven't taken a pill in weeks, and the weight has been falling off me. I think it was my liver. I think I was making myself way sicker than I allowed myself to believe, I mean I always knew, but I didn't really let myself know. All of my relationships are so much more intimate and real. I lost some friends over the last year, I found they were Beast friends, not best friends, but the ones I kept are the real deal. I found getting sober to be a very solitary experience, I've spent a lot of time alone, but I don't think that's a bad thing, I needed to get to know myself again, and to stick close to my family.
Give yourself this gift. Just never pick up another drink and pour it down your throat ever again. It really is that simple. And then give it time and put in the work to improving the areas of your life that you need to improve and get to work healing past traumas. We all have them.
Give yourself this gift. Just never pick up another drink and pour it down your throat ever again. It really is that simple. And then give it time and put in the work to improving the areas of your life that you need to improve and get to work healing past traumas. We all have them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Hopedeferred, you can do this. The first few months are hard, but you can do hard things. Being an alcoholic is hard! Tomorrow really can be the last day you wake up with a self inflicted crippling debilitating hangover. The hangovers I used to give myself could last for 3 days sometimes.... it was awful and I hated myself. I thought I was a loser too. But I wasn't, and neither are you, I was sick and I needed to quit drinking so I could get better.
Quit tomorrow. Draw that figurative line in the sand and stubbornly stick to your guns that you will never do that to yourself again, no matter what.
Stick around here and post, ask questions, and let us help you get better too. The trick for me was changing my thinking, not listening to my AV anymore and letting that as*hole call the shots.
Take your life back! Choose life sister!
Quit tomorrow. Draw that figurative line in the sand and stubbornly stick to your guns that you will never do that to yourself again, no matter what.
Stick around here and post, ask questions, and let us help you get better too. The trick for me was changing my thinking, not listening to my AV anymore and letting that as*hole call the shots.
Take your life back! Choose life sister!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
hopedeferred,
You aren't a loser, that voice is just telling you that because unfortunately it's a handy trick for keeping you drinking.
Like wrestlers on a mat, your "addiction" is simply on top at the moment. You may not know this right now, but you can flip that b*tch to the bottom. Then it's match over. You walk away and never engage in a wrestling match again.
You can do this. I believe in your ability to quit for good. Like BillieJean, myself, and millions of others, you can take it all back. You can do this.
You aren't a loser, that voice is just telling you that because unfortunately it's a handy trick for keeping you drinking.
Like wrestlers on a mat, your "addiction" is simply on top at the moment. You may not know this right now, but you can flip that b*tch to the bottom. Then it's match over. You walk away and never engage in a wrestling match again.
You can do this. I believe in your ability to quit for good. Like BillieJean, myself, and millions of others, you can take it all back. You can do this.
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