My BP
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
My BP
Hi Everyone,
I have been on SR for a couple months, and wasn't 100% sure I wanted to quit forever. I thought I could still control it as I had events that I was going to in the near future that my AV wanted to drink at.
Well, I have had a couple relapses but if anything it was strengthened my resolve. I want to be 100% clean from all drugs and alcohol.
I have had 6 months last summer, but I still smoked weed mostly the entire time. I always switch back between quitting weed, and quitting alcohol, but always ramping up the other one, in the absence of one.
I spent hours last night reading about AVRT and it REALLY resonates me with as being my path. It close to what I did last time when I made the choice I am done with alcohol and I will never drink it again. Except, there were cracks in that, and I didn't have a very many tools like SR and I have learnt much more about addiction and recovery and AVRT since then.
I am going to treat this as a weekly, or daily I guess thread if I need it, to update my process and to reach out for help and support when I need it.
If anyone wants to pick out AV in my posts, please do. I'm just getting to know him
I have been on SR for a couple months, and wasn't 100% sure I wanted to quit forever. I thought I could still control it as I had events that I was going to in the near future that my AV wanted to drink at.
Well, I have had a couple relapses but if anything it was strengthened my resolve. I want to be 100% clean from all drugs and alcohol.
I have had 6 months last summer, but I still smoked weed mostly the entire time. I always switch back between quitting weed, and quitting alcohol, but always ramping up the other one, in the absence of one.
I spent hours last night reading about AVRT and it REALLY resonates me with as being my path. It close to what I did last time when I made the choice I am done with alcohol and I will never drink it again. Except, there were cracks in that, and I didn't have a very many tools like SR and I have learnt much more about addiction and recovery and AVRT since then.
I am going to treat this as a weekly, or daily I guess thread if I need it, to update my process and to reach out for help and support when I need it.
If anyone wants to pick out AV in my posts, please do. I'm just getting to know him
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Welcome to your bright, shiny new BP thread, icandothis! I posted a thread here in Secular Conenctions, in 2016 and I'm now one year plus (a few hours short of) two months (not that I count days....the Beast does though, since its last drink).
Any questions, whatsoever, please post them. Have you made your Big Plan yet?
Any questions, whatsoever, please post them. Have you made your Big Plan yet?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Thank you Tatsy and zenchaser. I already have these thoughts in my head that I should get some weed tonight because weed isn't as harmful as alcohol. It was the alcohol that's my problem. Its telling me that I cant go through life without any sort of crutch that I am being to drastic being completely sober. I already keep thinking about these future events. It wants me to smoke at Christmas, if I'm not drinking, to take the edge off, at the end of the night, to say yay! We made it through with no boose, now lets reward ourselves with a nice hoot, pizza and some TV! Ugh these thoughts.
I have seen people comment on how as soon as they made their big plan, they got attacked pretty bad by AV. I think that might be happening now. I did make my big plan regarding alcohol, but not regarding pot. But maybe that's faking it? Isnt a big plan completely no drugs and alcohol ever again?
I have seen people comment on how as soon as they made their big plan, they got attacked pretty bad by AV. I think that might be happening now. I did make my big plan regarding alcohol, but not regarding pot. But maybe that's faking it? Isnt a big plan completely no drugs and alcohol ever again?
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
"I want to be 100% clean from all drugs and alcohol"
Don't talk yourself into thinking you can't be , and with that cleanliness comes freedom , don't sell that aspect short ! Your AV is already planning Christmas for you , don't let IT, YOU run the show
Welcome aboard , Rootin for ya !
Don't talk yourself into thinking you can't be , and with that cleanliness comes freedom , don't sell that aspect short ! Your AV is already planning Christmas for you , don't let IT, YOU run the show
Welcome aboard , Rootin for ya !
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 170
There are really only two questions:
1. What are your future plans for the use of drugs and alcohol?
2. What if your fancy "daily support thread" gets no additional responses, or negative ones from people who hope you fall fast and hard off the wagon? What if it motivates people to sneer at your attempts and trade malicious gossip about you behind your back?
1. What are your future plans for the use of drugs and alcohol?
2. What if your fancy "daily support thread" gets no additional responses, or negative ones from people who hope you fall fast and hard off the wagon? What if it motivates people to sneer at your attempts and trade malicious gossip about you behind your back?
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Chester, UK
Posts: 684
Having your own support thread sounds a good idea as a way to get other's views on any questions you may have and also writing is a good way to clarify your own thoughts. It's important to take stock now and again to find out how we are really thinking and feeling about things when we undergo an experience like this.
Have the same confidence though that you can do this yourself and actually you have to. Only you make a solemn pledge never to drink again and only you can separate yourself from any thoughts or feelings that are graviting towards drinking again (your AV). So your success will not be dependant on your support thread - an encouraging thought if your Internet connection goes down!
Have the same confidence though that you can do this yourself and actually you have to. Only you make a solemn pledge never to drink again and only you can separate yourself from any thoughts or feelings that are graviting towards drinking again (your AV). So your success will not be dependant on your support thread - an encouraging thought if your Internet connection goes down!
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
ICanDoThis,
If you decide to make your BP for drugs and alcohol in the near future, then, a long time from now, you may have the odd curiosity to pop into 'the good ole SC forum' that you will have by then practically forgotten. And if you find this thread you will revisit how your Beast and its Addictive Voice was nursing your addiction along with all kinds of recovery group mentality; as your Beast got you to tip-toe around the Big Plan as if it was a sleeping aligator.
Then you will see Greenwoods post from yesterday and recognize how fortunate and generous that thoughtful post was, because that post quickly and succinctly channeled this "My BP" thread onto a proper "haven't-made-a-Big-Plan-yet" AVRT focus.
And that focus is what helped you discover you had in your pocket a waterproof remote control to your own drone helicopter to rescue you from the stormy, windblown sea of endless recovery. In 2050 you will have been on dry land for so long you will have forgotten what a waste of life it was to wallow in all that diseased powerlessness even if it was just for part of the year of 2017.
GT
If you decide to make your BP for drugs and alcohol in the near future, then, a long time from now, you may have the odd curiosity to pop into 'the good ole SC forum' that you will have by then practically forgotten. And if you find this thread you will revisit how your Beast and its Addictive Voice was nursing your addiction along with all kinds of recovery group mentality; as your Beast got you to tip-toe around the Big Plan as if it was a sleeping aligator.
Originally Posted by icandothis20 
I have seen people comment on how as soon as they made their big plan, they got attacked pretty bad by AV. I think that might be happening now. I did make my big plan regarding alcohol, but not regarding pot. But maybe that's faking it? Isnt a big plan completely no drugs and alcohol ever again?
And that focus is what helped you discover you had in your pocket a waterproof remote control to your own drone helicopter to rescue you from the stormy, windblown sea of endless recovery. In 2050 you will have been on dry land for so long you will have forgotten what a waste of life it was to wallow in all that diseased powerlessness even if it was just for part of the year of 2017.
GT
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Greenwood618
There are really only two questions:
1. What are your future plans for the use of drugs and alcohol?
2. What if your fancy "daily support thread" gets no additional responses, or negative ones from people who hope you fall fast and hard off the wagon? What if it motivates people to sneer at your attempts and trade malicious gossip about you behind your back?
1. What are your future plans for the use of drugs and alcohol?
2. What if your fancy "daily support thread" gets no additional responses, or negative ones from people who hope you fall fast and hard off the wagon? What if it motivates people to sneer at your attempts and trade malicious gossip about you behind your back?
Question to number 1 is: I will never drink alcohol again, and I will never change my mind.
Question 2 makes me think: Possibly hinting at the fact that maybe IT wants me to think I need support and a thread as a "tool" because if not, I may not drink again. What a clever little bat. In any event, if everyone hates me, I will not drink, and I will never change my mind!
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine
ICanDoThis,
And that focus is what helped you discover you had in your pocket a waterproof remote control to your own drone helicopter to rescue you from the stormy, windblown sea of endless recovery. In 2050 you will have been on dry land for so long you will have forgotten what a waste of life it was to wallow in all that diseased powerlessness even if it was just for part of the year of 2017.
GT
And that focus is what helped you discover you had in your pocket a waterproof remote control to your own drone helicopter to rescue you from the stormy, windblown sea of endless recovery. In 2050 you will have been on dry land for so long you will have forgotten what a waste of life it was to wallow in all that diseased powerlessness even if it was just for part of the year of 2017.
GT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by AlericB
Having your own support thread sounds a good idea as a way to get other's views on any questions you may have and also writing is a good way to clarify your own thoughts. It's important to take stock now and again to find out how we are really thinking and feeling about things when we undergo an experience like this.
Have the same confidence though that you can do this yourself and actually you have to. Only you make a solemn pledge never to drink again and only you can separate yourself from any thoughts or feelings that are graviting towards drinking again (your AV). So your success will not be dependant on your support thread - an encouraging thought if your Internet connection goes down!
Have the same confidence though that you can do this yourself and actually you have to. Only you make a solemn pledge never to drink again and only you can separate yourself from any thoughts or feelings that are graviting towards drinking again (your AV). So your success will not be dependant on your support thread - an encouraging thought if your Internet connection goes down!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Tatsy
Welcome to your bright, shiny new BP thread, icandothis! I posted a thread here in Secular Conenctions, in 2016 and I'm now one year plus (a few hours short of) two months (not that I count days....the Beast does though, since its last drink).
Any questions, whatsoever, please post them. Have you made your Big Plan yet?
Any questions, whatsoever, please post them. Have you made your Big Plan yet?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Good Morning everyone,
Just a little update. I did not smoke or drink anything yesterday, and I didn't die either (shock). IT actually tells me that I can not get through this day without something. I had an epiphany sort of yesterday when I separated from IT and felt quite powerful. I have always thought IT and I were the same person. I had this split personality, one that wanted to continue to drink and drug and one that wanted a better clean life.
I had such inner turmoil for so long over this. I even told IT last night that I don't give into what IT wants, because IT wants to kill me. I was even sort of thinking revengeful thoughts about IT... not sure if that's a healthy thing or not.
I think I am starting to get the hang of this. The AV was chirping at me all night long. Bargaining about smoking and drinking on weekends, and how just once a week wouldn't hurt. I even had anxiety last night, and I used to say AHH I AM HAVING SUCH BAD ANXIETY. Last night, I was able to talk myself out of the anxiety by thinking IT is feeling uncomfortable and is reeling for ITS fix, but I am not.
I had a few times I started to bargain with IT, but I hopped in my vehicle, went to the gym, had some tea and went to bed! WOOHOO. I had such a hard time sleeping last night, which IT said could be cured by a hoot, NOPE! But I did wake up drenched in sweat, which I think is a good thing!!
Feeling pretty damn good today.
Just a little update. I did not smoke or drink anything yesterday, and I didn't die either (shock). IT actually tells me that I can not get through this day without something. I had an epiphany sort of yesterday when I separated from IT and felt quite powerful. I have always thought IT and I were the same person. I had this split personality, one that wanted to continue to drink and drug and one that wanted a better clean life.
I had such inner turmoil for so long over this. I even told IT last night that I don't give into what IT wants, because IT wants to kill me. I was even sort of thinking revengeful thoughts about IT... not sure if that's a healthy thing or not.
I think I am starting to get the hang of this. The AV was chirping at me all night long. Bargaining about smoking and drinking on weekends, and how just once a week wouldn't hurt. I even had anxiety last night, and I used to say AHH I AM HAVING SUCH BAD ANXIETY. Last night, I was able to talk myself out of the anxiety by thinking IT is feeling uncomfortable and is reeling for ITS fix, but I am not.
I had a few times I started to bargain with IT, but I hopped in my vehicle, went to the gym, had some tea and went to bed! WOOHOO. I had such a hard time sleeping last night, which IT said could be cured by a hoot, NOPE! But I did wake up drenched in sweat, which I think is a good thing!!
Feeling pretty damn good today.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by icandothis20
GerandTwine- thanks for reaching out, I have read a lot of wisdom from you on these forums. I love the analogy, on and upwards!
To stick with the analogy, it sounds like you directed your drone helicopter to drop you off in the tempestuous Marijuana Bay, which, using AVRT, is no different than where it picked you up from.
GT
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine
ICanDoThis,
To stick with the analogy, it sounds like you directed your drone helicopter to drop you off in the tempestuous Marijuana Bay, which, using AVRT, is no different than where it picked you up from.
GT
To stick with the analogy, it sounds like you directed your drone helicopter to drop you off in the tempestuous Marijuana Bay, which, using AVRT, is no different than where it picked you up from.
GT
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by Greenwood618
1. What are your future plans for the use of drugs and alcohol?
My emphasis added.
GT
PS. I like to ask the question this way: What are your plans for the future use of drugs and alcohol? I think that may be what Greenwood meant.
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Its very bizarre how many time alcohol passes through my brain.
A million times an hour. About everything. I saw a happy hour sign and thought ha nothing happy about that. Then I just got off the phone with my boss and we were talking funny stories about his wedding and how much fun he had and how everyone was drinking and having a good time and instantly thoughts of "You are never going to be able to do this" "You are going to Jamaica for your best friends wedding and you decide to get sober two weeks before, ha yeah right" I even had a thought of screw it, its too hard.
A million times an hour. About everything. I saw a happy hour sign and thought ha nothing happy about that. Then I just got off the phone with my boss and we were talking funny stories about his wedding and how much fun he had and how everyone was drinking and having a good time and instantly thoughts of "You are never going to be able to do this" "You are going to Jamaica for your best friends wedding and you decide to get sober two weeks before, ha yeah right" I even had a thought of screw it, its too hard.
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine
ICanDoThis,
My emphasis added.
GT
PS. I like to ask the question this way: What are your plans for the future use of drugs and alcohol? I think that may be what Greenwood meant.
My emphasis added.
GT
PS. I like to ask the question this way: What are your plans for the future use of drugs and alcohol? I think that may be what Greenwood meant.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by icandothis20
Oh you caught that did you. My AV really does not want me to make a commitment to no weed.
But what about YOU?
GT
PS: AVRT version of your signature saying: First the man takes a drink, then the man with his happy Beast takes a drink, then the man with a demanding Beast takes a drink against his own better judgement.
Or: First the man takes a puff of hoot, then the man with his happy Beast takes a puff of hoot, then the man with a demanding Beast takes a puff of hoot against his own better judgement.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
I went on a prescheduled vacation not long after making my BP. The adults only, patios and marinas 'tour' , the real relaxy boozy kind.
My only regret is that I allowed myself to be so moody, pissy and whiny about hearing my Beast rattling the cage .
IT rattles the cage now, thinking about a trip to Jamaica , to me ITconjures up all things rum and ghanja . Silly , stupid Beast , I realize I am not depriving myself of anything, not anything worth it , IT doesnt have the power to make me feel pissy , that is all on me and the sooner I realized that part too, the even sillier the Beast seems.
My only regret is that I allowed myself to be so moody, pissy and whiny about hearing my Beast rattling the cage .
IT rattles the cage now, thinking about a trip to Jamaica , to me ITconjures up all things rum and ghanja . Silly , stupid Beast , I realize I am not depriving myself of anything, not anything worth it , IT doesnt have the power to make me feel pissy , that is all on me and the sooner I realized that part too, the even sillier the Beast seems.
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