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Non Program specific Sobreity

Old 06-24-2017, 04:47 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Ananda, I like the fact you are designing your own plan. I follow the wisdom of my favorite philosopher Confusion and I'm doing just fine. Rootin for ya.
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Old 06-25-2017, 08:08 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by neferkamichael View Post
I follow the wisdom of my favorite philosopher Confusion
Confucius? Although, Confusion was definitely the philosophy I followed for a long time.
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Old 06-27-2017, 08:18 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by jazzfish View Post
I tried the entire spectrum of "approaches" and finally realized that quitting would require not drinking. I find great support in being grateful for the gifts of sobriety, especially a good night of sleep and no hangovers that, in turn, allow me to exercise, think, be productive, relax, etc. My sobriety doesn't rely on meetings, programs, verb tenses, pronouns, or anything else.
Agreed, I tried various approaches but really just settled on the simple philosophy of not drinking ever, no matter what, led by my strong desire to never drink again. I have found AVRT and Jason Vale's book helpful though, particularly early on. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.
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Old 06-27-2017, 09:35 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I have found things from each program that works well for me, and some things that are a total bomb for me.

Today I've been looking at just because I can take an action to change a situation, should I? Or should I sit back for a bit. I have a strong thing I try to practice .. First do no harm. Even the physician organization has something that helps me in my program
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Old 06-27-2017, 04:31 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I used to be very reactionary and act first, think later. I made many situations worse than they needed to be! These days I prefer to sit back and wait, think things through, I find that often things work themselves out or I can find a better angle to approach things from. I think I used to be addicted to drama too, or maybe I've just grown up a bit.
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Old 07-03-2017, 09:26 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Thanks so much for posting this! I am also sort of taking what works and leaving the rest. (I only have 29 days though - so we will see).

I did not have a physical dependence on alcohol. I definitely had an emotional/cultural dependence. My friends all drink to more or less extent. Now that I am sober I can see that most of them drink differently than I did.

I quit drinking for two main reasons:
1. As I get older (47 now), hangovers have gotten worse and less alcohol is required to get hungover.
2. I'm sick of thinking about alcohol. How much I can drink and not be hungover, how much if I'm driving, how much if I'm home but still want to be a good hostess...Easier to have none!

Anyway, that sort of left me in a different spot than the folks at the meeting I went to. They were insistent that my situation was, in fact, just like theirs and my best way out was to leave my family every evening to come to a meeting, but it's not the best way for me. If I needed that to remain sober, I would absolutely do it, but I don't.

I think there are tons of great things to be learned from all sorts of organizations as well as wisdom from teachers from all around the globe. I use my new found free time to read those stories and get support here, and take the best information that feels true to me. So long as I stay honest with myself, I believe this is the best path for me.
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Old 07-03-2017, 10:00 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Glad you posted Apple! I've always loved the saying "to thine own self be true" Of course I love that whole play and reflect on it often.

Yes ... I find all sorts of reading that doesn't appear to be about sobriety to actually really address what I need to do as I walk a sober path and struggle with all that life can throw at me and yet stay sober.

There is a saying ... if the only tool you have is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail.

I find that with a multitude of tools to choose from I have an incredible amount of choices on how to proceed ... it just opens a whole new world!
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Old 07-08-2017, 08:19 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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So ... a bit of depression the last few days ... ok ... maybe quite a bit, I'm really not sure.

I'm having health issues that make me tire easily. I'm accomplishing very little since I found out that was the cost. I don't think I'm really putting my all into it.

I'm pretty confused right now. I'm keeping some stuff going,
Post on my sober month thread daily
look for other posts to post on a few times a week
go to support group meetings available, about 3 a week
meditation - gone to **** but still there, about 4 or 5 times a week
Clean the kitchen about every 3 days, do dishes needed to cook
Cook once a week

My son has taken over gardening
Lots of stuff is not getting done, including housework and laundry.

I've been told to look at what I get done instead of what I don't get done, but right now that seems like a cop out ... instead I beat myself up.

All that said, Lots of parts of my day are full of joy. It's more that some stuff seems to be eroding underneath me.

Maybe I am just having a negative moment right now?

Maybe funks just happen?

If it is the health issue, they are hopeful to correct some of that at the end of August ... I just don't want to let my personal program to wither between now and then and a lot of my program is based on fully engaging in my daily life...

That's all ...
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Old 07-08-2017, 08:51 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Ananda, when I'm resisting sitting meditation, I substitute for this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pYoDdUijY8 (mostly stretching)

or this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PElmyy_kwN0 (a little more strengthening)

or this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8oKWQiEWYs (body scan lying still)

These are nice ways to provide structure to practice, and to get back in the body while practicing self acceptance and body acceptance. I found all three of these extremely helpful when I was in a lot of physical pain, or I was feeling too rigid or driven or just not wanting to sit, and I still rotate through them on a fairly regular basis.

You'll get through this lull. One hazard of having a plan is that we can be highly self-critical when we don't follow it to a T. It's important for me to be aware when I'm in a flow or when I'm feeling excessively driven or when I'm feeling like I'm failing myself. It's okay to back off a little. If you were doing a half hour sitting practice, maybe back off to 15 or 20 minutes for a while, or try something related but different, particularly adding movement. When I feel stuck I like to remind myself I need to wiggle out, and wiggling means moving. And moving is one of the main antidotes to a depressed state.

You might also consider deep, circular breathing techniques, but I wouldn't dive in completely at first. I started with 25 breaths, then when I got used to that, 50, then 100. There are different methods, but I was taught to blow up an imaginary balloon, breathing through the nose deep into the belly, and blowing out of pursed lips like I'm filling a balloon. It works the core a bit, and sometimes my face cramps, but it is an enlivening practice. Some take it further and into holotropic or shamanic breathwork, though I haven't ventured into that realm as of yet. Circular breathing of this kind is cleansing and invigorating if nothing else. Just a little something I've added to my meditation/yoga practice...

Best wishes...
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Old 07-08-2017, 09:13 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Thanks Zero,

I will give that a try tomorrow morning (on the run from now till 9 tonight )

Yeah, I was determined to do a 2 day sheshin at home by myself starting Thursday through today.... didn't happen.

Then again, talk about setting yourself up! Maybe a half day sheshin next week instead ... ya think!

Again thank you as I really did need a little encouragement today
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Old 07-08-2017, 09:28 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Hi ananda. This might sound really simple but I find music to be a huge mood lifter for me when I start feeling that low energy, blah, don't want to do anything feeling.
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Old 07-08-2017, 09:37 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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That is a good idea Zen ... I have a 2 hour drive in a half hour and I think I'll take my Ipod and earplugs!
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Old 07-08-2017, 03:23 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Hi Ananda

I just wanted to give you a hug.
I love the suggestions of Zero and Zen.
When I hurt badly, I will do my meditation laying on my back and while it's not truly sitting/sitting it's still "sitting" LOL

I hope this little guy will cheer you up. I saw it on FB and thought of you.
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Old 07-08-2017, 04:31 PM
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Thank you Carlotta!

You made me smile
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Old 07-11-2017, 09:18 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Whitefeathers posted this on the Friends and Family forum and I wanted to share it in this thread because in my case at least, it is spot on.
I do not allow toxic people in my life anymore and it is amazing how much better things are when you surround yourself with positive energies. Cutting off "energy suckers" was as big a game changer for me as quitting drinking.

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Old 07-11-2017, 01:14 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Carlotta View Post
I do not allow toxic people in my life anymore and it is amazing how much better things are when you surround yourself with positive energies. Cutting off "energy suckers" was as big a game changer for me as quitting drinking.
This is an excellent point, and it was true for me as well. I have much firmer lines, and a much louder voice, than I used to, and I'm much better at identifying and clearing my life of toxic people. I used to let them drag me down, with the result being anxiety and worry, and of course drinking, which caused even more anxiety and worry.
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Old 07-11-2017, 02:25 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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I was able to remove the most toxic person in my life by retiring ...

Unfortunately my mom is pretty darn toxic. She is 88 and I don't really feel like I want to eliminate her from my life. Instead, I am careful what I say and keep the conversation guided in such a way that it doesn't get into her running my life if possible.

It's sad cause when I go for surgery in August, I really don't want her to be there taking over. My son is my decision maker, and I don't want the doctors to even talk with her...just my son. I discovered that Hippa laws don't really help because there are so many exceptions. She took over and made decision that I would not have approved of when I was in comma a bit over a year ago.

I'll have a conversation with her about that Chris will be point (if I can figure out how to get him to go with me), and will again remind my doctors of my wishes and to not talk with my mom.

I suspect it won't make a difference, but that is all I can do...

sorry to rant....
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Old 07-12-2017, 09:50 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Ananda - Get a medical power of attorney naming your son as the decision maker over your health care needs in the event you are unable to make your own decisions.
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