Shitzupuppy

Hi, after some googling, I stumbled across AVRT and this site--About 24 days ago. I have been alcohol free for the past 21 days.
I believe very firmly in this idea of the AV being an IT and although I have been to scattered AA meetings several years ago, I never clicked with them.

This philisophy really appeals to me. I am very much a black/white/yes/no person, so the idea of never drinking again as my motto works well.

I have just requested the book from the library. I'm sure I'll be posting. I have read several threads in this section, and some of the nuances are a little over my head, but I get the idea:
I don't drink and I never will.

tomls

Welcome! This place is awesome!

Fusion

Hi Shitzupuppy, welcome to our little corner of the Internet! Your puppy avatar is so cute.

I found freedom from alcohol after reading the AVRT threads here, together with the book. It's about personal empowerment, responsibility and morality. It truly resonated with me, on an intuitional level. I made my Big Plan, and since, I can sincerely say, that drinking is behind me, forever.

As a consequence, I have clarity of mind, have rebuilt my self-confidence, self-respect and self-esteem, which were previously destroyed by daily drinking (compounded by my experience with a recovery support group and its ego-deflation program).

I've permanent freedom from alcohol, to live my life as my conscience directs. I'm glad you're here and posting.

The nuances do seem a little odd at first, but as you read more, if you have any questions whatsover, then please ask.

dwtbd

Congratulations on you decision! Once you read the book and get a better understanding of the terminology, I bet the nuances will clear up

I'd say it's been 21 days since you had your last drink. Your AV will keep you abreast of the count of alcohol free days, mainly to point to an alternative, you've decided otherwise , yeah?

Welcome aboard hope to see you around and hear about what you think of the book .

Shitzupuppy

This is the kind of stuff that I don't think I get quite yet.
Anyway, I'll keep reading and learning!

fini

welcome, Shitzupuppy, glad you're finding what makes sense to you.

AlericB

Welcolme shitzpuppy!

My analogy will probably make it as clear as mud but here goes

A month I thought I may have been caught by a speed camera (this has never happened before I hasten to add and it turned out I was OK anyway!). In the UK, you receive the notice within 14 days so until then, while I wasn't exactly counting days, I was aware that I may still be 'got'. After the 14 days I realised I was OK and there was no sense of counting days at all.

I think it's like that with AVRT. Once you make a Big Plan to never drink again then there really is no purpose in counting days, and in fact it will only be counter productive. As dwtbd said, it points to the alternative. It suggests that quitting is like a long distance run and it's probably going to be a real struggle so it will be helpful if you count laps because this will encourage you to make it to the end. The hidden suggestion though is that there is a good chance that you won't make it.

I quit 59 days ago. I know this because it is still recent and I can't "unknow" it. But does this really count for anything? Last night was the most difficult time I've yet had, and what helped me get through it was the thought that it doesn't really matter one way or the other how active my AV is. My abstinence is not dependant on my AV being silent, or even becoming quieter over time. I must deal with each AV wave when and if it happens, and from other people's experience, it never completely goes away, although it often follows an extinction curve as one poster put it.

Shitzupuppy

Aleric, thanks.
I do get the idea that the strength of the AV or my commitment has nothing to do with the day count. I also get that counting days is somehow related to the AV feeling like it may gets its day. However, I like knowing for now, and celebrating my victory over it for this length.

In a way it gives me strength against the AV instead of the AV thinking that I'm counting days for it. I hope that makes sense.

Probably one day I'll just state I quit drinking on April 25, but not yet..
I did get to that point in 2007, because I had to quit medically and there was no going back. I don't think I ever counted even 2 days then. And I never heard of this method.

PhoenixJ

welcome

AlericB

It does make sense, it's very natural and I think the same way too. I'm trying though to think less in terms of my strength and ability vs. that of my AV because however strong I am or become I will never be able to deliver the KO I'd like to to my AV.

I'm trying to think more in terms of decision rather than strength. My Big Plan is my decision to never drink again. Recognising any thought/feeling that works against my BP as AV creates the separation I need to not get caught up in the thought and to be able to refer back to my BP, where my decision not to drink has already been made and does not need to be made again. Strength has little to do with this and I don't think I'll necessarily be any better at doing this in 10 years time than I am now.

Shitzupuppy

I see.

Thanks

dwtbd

Not add confusion for confusion's sake, but Beast/AV activity feeling the tantrums the deprived little Beast feels is in AVRT a welcome thing.

No one wishes for discomfort, but recognizing it as coming from the Beast , and separating from the feeling of deprivation and assigning that to the Beast makes the unease not only tolerable but helps to focus on the idea of separation.

The desire for alcohol will always exist, after committing to a BP the choice of drinking is no longer an option , it has been removed. Recognizing the fact that refraining from self intoxication is not, in any rational sense, an act deprivation , the feeling that it is is more easily seen as a ruse, as the result of errant drive.

A drive over which we always have the power to override.

I'd also say that in ten years none of us would be any 'worse' at it