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Old 12-14-2016, 05:25 PM
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The boards are quiet lately

Hello everyone, I haven't seen any new posts lately, so I figured I would start something.

How about a status update? How is everyone doing? Enjoying the holidays, or seeing them with trepidation?

I am only about a week in, but feeling really good and positive. Work daily on identifying my AV and developing the real me.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Mac
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Old 12-14-2016, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by macsmith777 View Post
I am only about a week in, but feeling really good and positive. Work daily on identifying my AV and developing the real me.
Hi mac,

If you want, you can always just post to your old thread, so you can have a record of your experience in one place. When you do this, the old thread will get "bumped" to the top of the list, as if it were brand new.

Is there any possibility that you wouldn't feel good and positive about quitting drinking?

If you are never going to drink again, what are you counting towards?

Is there any possibility that you wouldn't be able to identify your AV?
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Old 12-14-2016, 05:59 PM
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Hey all. Sitting here listening to a blues station completely sober and enjoying the tunes! Howling Wolf was the Man!!! Not going to drink ever again and love writing that down.
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Old 12-14-2016, 06:01 PM
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Hey mac,
I am looking forward to the holidays, mainly because of a two week break from work I don't celebrate Christmas per se, but some of my family does, so we all gather. Even though my son is 18, he is severely developmentally delayed, which means he still believes in Santa so that's fun for all of us.

On a sad note, there has been a big hole in our family gatherings for years. My sister has steadily declined these last 6 years. Now she has cirrhosis and is currently under hospice care. She is at home and although she can barely function (cannot drive, work, often doesn't know what day it is) she is still managing to drink. The whole thing is surreal. Her physical appearance is shocking. I barely recognize her as the strong, proud, able woman I always looked up to. Words can't convey what this is doing to our family. There is nothing more helpless than watching someone kill herself slowly right before your eyes.

Glad to hear you've got the old AV sighted in. Poor thing gonna miss gettin' its drunk on this holiday season. Oh well, tough sh*t for it. I'm glad YOU get to enjoy your holiday season on your own terms
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Old 12-14-2016, 06:07 PM
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
My sister has steadily declined these last 6 years. Now she has cirrhosis and is currently under hospice care. She is at home and although she can barely function (cannot drive, work, often doesn't know what day it is) she is still managing to drink.
I'm sorry to hear that, but how is she obtaining the alcohol in that state? Is there no way to prevent that?
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Old 12-14-2016, 06:32 PM
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Mac, I am sort of doing well. I am sick at the moment, so i don't feel like doing much at all. It is strange how staying home from work, not switching out of my sweats, and not showering have changed from a sign that I am about to drink myself silly to a sign of health self-care.

Soberlicious, sorry to hear about your sister, I cannot imagine the pain of that experience.
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Old 12-14-2016, 07:05 PM
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Sorry to hear about your sister Soberlicious. The alcoholic never fully realizes how the choices they make affect others around them.
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Old 12-14-2016, 07:16 PM
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Sober, I'm sorry about your sister. I was witness to the illness and watched it take its toll on my beautiful friend. Certainly made my quitting easier, my thoughts are with you.
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Old 12-15-2016, 04:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Algorithm
I'm sorry to hear that, but how is she obtaining the alcohol in that state? Is there no way to prevent that?
We wondered the same, Algo. Apparently " a cab driver named Charlie" brings it to her and she "tips him well". I have thought of finding out who this guy is, but after I shred him and get rid of him, will there just be another Charlie? The Beast is surprisingly adept at getting what it wants when it has completely taken over its host. I think it is even a struggle to keep the alcohol down, and I'm guessing in her state it takes her several tries as the body rejects it and vomits initially. The hospice nurse takes it from her, but she gets more. She is almost at the point of being declared incompetent, but that's been a struggle legally, as she is somehow still considered of sound mind (?).

She's been in several rehabs/detoxes. I gave her the RR book several years ago and for a time she even went to meetings. I don't believe in lost causes, but I fear death will come for her soon.

It is heartbreaking and maddening.
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Old 12-15-2016, 05:47 AM
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Sober, again, I empathize with you. I was beating myself up for providing easy access to booze for my friend during all stages of her illness. When she passed I uncovered hundreds of empty booze bottles hidden in my closets, drawers, etc. if she hadn't been drinking my wine she certainly had other sources.
A long time ago my husbands mother died on Christmas Eve and I made a point to continue with decorating, making the effort for his kids to remember the beauty in The season. This year I am making that effort for myself, going through the motions because I fear that having a dark house, no tree, would really spiral us downward when what we need is light, music, in memory of our housemate who loved Christmas, just drank a lot, I cherish her spirit.
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Old 12-15-2016, 08:48 AM
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Hey Mac, thanks for posting. I'm getting ready to buy a tree, maybe today. I feel good. My family got its usual Christmas conflict out of the way early this year so I hope by the 25th we'll be peaceful again.

Soberlicious, I'm sorry to hear about your sister, so very sad.
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Old 12-15-2016, 11:55 AM
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
Apparently " a cab driver named Charlie" brings it to her and she "tips him well". I have thought of finding out who this guy is, but after I shred him and get rid of him, will there just be another Charlie?
Personally, I would find out, but that's just me. I can't imagine that such a character is not also addicted, if what you say about her deteriorating appearance is true. Not many upstanding people would resort to doing that, even for money.
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Old 12-15-2016, 03:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Algorithm
I can't imagine that such a character is not also addicted, if what you say about her deteriorating appearance is true. Not many upstanding people would resort to doing that, even for money.
Exactly. To look at her there is no mistaking it. I feel certain "Charlie" is all Beast himself. What other explanation is there besides just being a sh*tty human being? Which is also a possibility.

Personally, I would find out, but that's just me.
I'm looking into it. I can't imagine his company would be ok with this??

Thanks all for the kind words, you guys. I know that many of us previously-addicted peeps also experience the other side as well; that of loving someone who is currently addicted. Hard to put into words all the conflicting emotions. I wish I was just sad, but I'm not just sad. I'm also angry.

The sad thing to me is that she completely identifies as an "alcoholic" and uses that to continue what she's doing. She frequently says, "yeah, well I'm an alcoholic so I just can't stop."
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Old 12-15-2016, 06:13 PM
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Soberlicious, I happen to work in hospice, have for years. You are free to PM me if you have any general questions. Sorry for what you are going through, I have seen what you are describing before and it is heartbreaking..
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Old 12-15-2016, 07:13 PM
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I feel your pain, Sober. I too have a sister that worries the hell out of me. I fear she could end up homeless and become a burden. I feel guilty for thinking that way, but it's not like I'm rich, but she's already hinting at needing assistance. My wife is of the "no way she is living here" opinion, and I don't blame her. We're both sober, getting or pretty much have our **** together, and my sister is drinking and using. She's a mess physically, financially, emotionally...and she's just not taking the steps to secure assisted housing or some other option. She's not making sense. Talks about buying someplace cheap so her mortgage will be low, but says she can't pay rent, so where is her down payment? Goes to doctors for real reasons and for no real reason. And just keeps on sucking wine and waiting for a miracle, I guess. She's supposedly on disability and so she "can't" work, but there is evidence she could if she took care of herself. Classic dilemma - get a job and they cut off disability so don't get a job. Grrrr... And just poor choice after poor choice...

Sorry, just venting. Reading about your sister, Sober, just got my anxiety up. I feel for you. It's so hard to watch people destroy themselves. Currently, I feel like helping mine financially would only enable her. She could land hard before she wakes up, but she could also end up like your sister. I don't want to be cold and heartless, but I've got things to consider, and I can't afford to spend my savings on her, especially if it just gets sucked up to no avail.

Anyway, enough of that. I wish you well. I wish you all well. I'm doing fine, otherwise. Going to visit another sister who is battling cancer, but she's been responsible, has a family, didn't burn through every relationship she's ever had, and thus has support. I kind of feel like she'll beat the cancer while my other sister falls apart. Cruel world sometimes.

Enjoy your holidays, folks. Stay clean. Breathe. Love each other. Don't put up with too much ****.
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Old 12-15-2016, 07:47 PM
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Thank you, macsmith xo

Zero, Yes, I get it. And, no, you can't put yourself and your family in emotional and financial jeopardy because the truth is, only she can make herself better. It's such a struggle though. I'm so sorry to hear your other sister has cancer. I'm sure she is getting good care and I'm hoping upon hope that with her Drs help she can kick its ass. My dad is battling too. Cruel world sometimes..yes, that's for sure

Originally Posted by zerothehero
Enjoy your holidays, folks. Stay clean. Breathe. Love each other. Don't put up with too much ****.
Best advice ever!
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Old 12-16-2016, 06:01 AM
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Sorry about your sister Soberlicious,that's really sad
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Old 12-16-2016, 03:03 PM
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Thanks all.

On a lighter note, I'm making about 300 homemade caramel candies tonight. I do do the Holidays in a religious sense, but I do love gifting homemade treats

What's everyone up to?
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Old 12-16-2016, 03:21 PM
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*I meant I don't do the holidays lol
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Old 12-16-2016, 04:48 PM
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Referencing the OP question, I got us a Xmas Tree this Afternoon. A charming, imperfect 'cull' - as we like 'em - recently cut from a local Tree Farm.

With 3 Years in next Month, I sorta pick & choose Dinners and Social Events around the Holidays with what I will term 'Seasoned Disinterest'. That is, no need in Retirement to attend mandatory Work Parties, and all that. I opt out of Parties with lots of Drinking. Not out of avoidance or fear, but simply to avoid boredom. Now-effortless Sobriety - after 42 Years of hard Drinking - is a comfortable fit that I don't pay much attention to. It became The New Normal quite some time ago.

After the usual visit to our local Dog Park today, I opted for the long way Home, and took Pictures.
.


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