Sad News
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Sad News
My mother rang this morning and told me my sisters brother in law was found dead in a tent in a field this morning. He was 47 and has had an alcohol problem for many many years. It was down to the point, no one could help him, everyone had already tried over the years.
And why he was living in a tent with winter closing in.
After reading Trimpey, I realise he wasn't addicted to alcohol. He was chemically dependant on it. Addiction is when you are in "two minds" when there is a conflict in you about your chemical use.
No one could help him because 1) No one can help someone who wants to continue using and 2) He couldn't help himself because drinking wasn't a problem for him. It caused problems but he didn't want to stop. It's funny, I was just reading in Trimpeys book about the woman who didn't want to stop and was prepared to live the lifestyle of a hobo if that was the cost of drinking.
That was John to a tee.
And why he was living in a tent with winter closing in.
After reading Trimpey, I realise he wasn't addicted to alcohol. He was chemically dependant on it. Addiction is when you are in "two minds" when there is a conflict in you about your chemical use.
No one could help him because 1) No one can help someone who wants to continue using and 2) He couldn't help himself because drinking wasn't a problem for him. It caused problems but he didn't want to stop. It's funny, I was just reading in Trimpeys book about the woman who didn't want to stop and was prepared to live the lifestyle of a hobo if that was the cost of drinking.
That was John to a tee.
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Thanks Dee, I like most others lost touch with him over the years. It's still sad seeing someone live like that. But he lived the way he wanted to. He said more than once that he didn't want to stop. He had been dried out a few times, set up in a flat, "helped" but he always said he liked drinking and couldn't see himself wanting to live without drinking, even the times he wasn't using.
And this is the distinction I think Trimpey makes between being addicted (where you want to stop, but feel you can't, or want to stop using, then again you don't) and chemical dependancy, where you are chemically dependant on a substance, but don't want to stop.
And this is the distinction I think Trimpey makes between being addicted (where you want to stop, but feel you can't, or want to stop using, then again you don't) and chemical dependancy, where you are chemically dependant on a substance, but don't want to stop.
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Thank you
Yes I do have some good memories of him when we were all younger JK
But I could never really say he struggled with his drinking problem. He only stopped when other people corralled him into stopping, usually when he was ill or in a desperate state.
But as soon as he was on his feet again, he always said that he didn't want to live without it.
It's hard on my sisters husband, because although he had washed his hands of him (everytime he tried to help, his brother would steal from him, or wreck stuff) he still cared about him.
But I suppose everyone has the right to live the way they want to. And although no one wants to end up in a tent, he just wasn't happy when he wasn't drinking.
I didn't think the trade off of the pleasure of drinking v living a life of homelessness and isolation from the family was worth it. I don't know if he thought it was worth it, maybe he just wanted to drink without consequences? Whatever way you look at it, a life without drink, didn't seem worth living to him.
Yes I do have some good memories of him when we were all younger JK
But I could never really say he struggled with his drinking problem. He only stopped when other people corralled him into stopping, usually when he was ill or in a desperate state.
But as soon as he was on his feet again, he always said that he didn't want to live without it.
It's hard on my sisters husband, because although he had washed his hands of him (everytime he tried to help, his brother would steal from him, or wreck stuff) he still cared about him.
But I suppose everyone has the right to live the way they want to. And although no one wants to end up in a tent, he just wasn't happy when he wasn't drinking.
I didn't think the trade off of the pleasure of drinking v living a life of homelessness and isolation from the family was worth it. I don't know if he thought it was worth it, maybe he just wanted to drink without consequences? Whatever way you look at it, a life without drink, didn't seem worth living to him.
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Thank you everyone. I know his brothers and sisters will take it hard. But I know it was just as hard for them to watch what he was doing to himself. I hope he has found the peace he seemed to think booze gave him. An illusion that really can be the death of you.
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