doggonecarl

I'm not going to advocate or not advocate a particular recovery method. However, you have been here long enough to know what doesn't work for you, so I hope you are open to other possibilities.

I liken recovery to learning a new subject...some folks can learn it own their own. Some folks need the classroom. So, here's what I advocate: If you can't recover own your own, find help.

Creekryder

I weathered just fine for the last weekend event. Besides, it was a cash bar. That probably would have deterred me if I was drinking

Shockoluzu—I am, indeed, keeping a journal this time. Not counting days but still keeping track of my shenanigans.

It is so pleasant being sober, I just don't understand why my AV wants me to feel like crap. I guess it doesn't feel the day after, lol.

Hevyn

That's great news. Knew you could.

MesaMan

.
'It is so pleasant being sober, I just don't understand why my AV wants me to feel like crap.'

This does become The New Normal. It is seductive. By that, I mean that this state of 'pleasant_ness' becomes worthwhile to achieve. And, repeat...
.

GerandTwine

Hi Creekryder,
You can understand your AV and what it wants and why it wants you to feel certain ways by reading about it on the RR website or in the book "Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction".
GT

Dee74

good work P

D

Soberpotamus

Glad to hear you made it through.

Algorithm

You can learn to separate from that voice in your head, Creekryder.

The AV is an expression of the Beast, and IT is the addict, for it is addictive desire itself. The Beast is a creature of depression. It has a "life sucks" attitude, but it knows that there's this one thing that will make life worth living for itself.

For you, abstinence is freedom from bondage, but for the Beast, abstinence is death by deprivation. It will try and make its fear of deprivation and death appear as your own, so that it can then propose its "solution" as your own. That is the only way it can survive.

You obviously realize that you've been keeping your addiction alive by feeding it with one or two drinks every so often. Your addiction will continue until you decide to end it.

Creekryder

Thanks to all for your input. I am doing fine. Feeling physically and mentally much better. I had a visit from a neighbor and her bf last night and the bf was so inebriated he could hardly stand. I felt empathy for him as I have been there too many times myself. The visit only encouraged me to continue the path of sobriety.
I hope this weekend finds us all closer to winning the battle.