Today I can- a simple thread

Old 04-29-2017, 06:56 AM
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Hi guys. Just came inside and saw this thread. It is 9:45am here. So far today I took my daughter to her barn for a horse show at 5am (and had to go back because she forgot her show jacket!). Let all of my rescue cats out, fed and watered everyone ( I have a shelter at my home, 8 little mouths to feed). Transplanted 8 shrubs and did my front planters with lilac and amended soil in my cutting garden. I look like a bomb hit me....crazy hair, filthy ripped jeans and my nails are a fright...however, I am feeling like a rock star!!!

I am going to be sober 4 years next month. There is no comparison in my life now....I look back on those dark days of drinking, so oppressive. There is no better high than feeling clearheaded, I love getting up in the morning. To any newcomers, it is not about giving up drinking, it is all about reclaiming the possibility in your life!
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Old 04-29-2017, 07:15 AM
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Originally Posted by jaynie04 View Post
There is no better high than feeling clearheaded, I love getting up in the morning. To any newcomers, it is not about giving up drinking, it is all about reclaiming the possibility in your life!
Such wisdom, Jaynie. I loved all of your post, but this speaks deeply of my experience. It's a mindset issue, I didn't give up drink, instead, I chose life and all of its annoyances, distractions, happiness etc., but I chose to live them, feel them and deal with them. in full technicolour. It's quite exhilarating at times.

I moved here over a decade ago, with the intention of having a horse again.......unfortunately, I continued drinking and the horse didn't come to fruition. But no more will I stagnate and after choosing freedom from imbibing ethanol, I'm now planning my new arrival - a horse! That's why we had the fire, clearing the ground for a stable.

Jaynie, how lovely that you've rescued and taken care of those darling cats! I have three rescued cats and I adore them.
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Old 04-29-2017, 03:03 PM
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Tatsy that is freakin' awesome that you're getting a horse! How exciting for you!
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Old 05-03-2017, 06:03 AM
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Thanks Zen, I still can't believe it! Well, he will have four legs, a long face, a mane and a swishy tail - but he'll probably be more cart-horse than the fancy horse I could've afforded if I hadn't drank away for decades and lost a lucrative career.

But, I'll love him just the same and I'm excited beyond belief. Plus, the positive thing being, we can only afford one horse's upkeep, so purchasing a less fine, more cobby/hunter type (instead of the finer types I was used to) means that my husband will also be able to ride him, as he wont be over the horse's weight. He'll have to learn to ride first, though!
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Old 05-03-2017, 02:04 PM
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Sun came out today for the first time in ages and I spent the day (I played hooky from work ) out in my backyard setting up my garden. I went to my guitar lesson this afternoon. It's amazing how I've progressed in just a month or so, I'm still a total novice but I'm getting somewhere at least. It's fun! I really like it. I played a few instruments as a kid so I didn't have to start from scratch and it feels good to get back into music.

I've got this wedding coming up this weekend. I wrote my speech yesterday. Yikes! A sober speech! I'm a bit nervous about being with my old drinking friends sober at a celebratory event but it will be fine. I'm 100% confident that I won't drink. I'm just not used to hanging out sober, that's all. I'm going to bring my own car so I can leave when I'm ready and otherwise just enjoy myself and be a part of my best friends special day.
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Old 05-04-2017, 02:56 AM
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I'm going to yoga today, something I couldn't do sober. Normally I would be lying in bed and drinking at 6:30pm but instead today I will be yoga-ing! I'm also meeting a friend there, something I wouldn't do sober. Out of isolation. I'm really looking forward to it.
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Old 05-04-2017, 03:38 AM
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Spryte...have fun yoga-ing!

Zen, I am in awe of you with the guitar lessons. I took some lessons a few years ago and it was way more difficult than I envisioned. It gave me a whole new appreciation for the talent. I watched LALAland with my daughter the other day when she was home sick. Apparently Ryan Gosling learned to play the piano like that in under a year.

Tatsy, I think you will find the horse that has been waiting for you! I feel like my animals are my biggest luxury and none of them are pedigree... . I know how much work it is with this gang, and I know having a horse is so much more work. But it is like gaining a wonderful family member, and such good exercise! The barn has been a lifesaver for my daughter who is 12. She was really struggling socially at school last year, so having that oasis, doing something she loves, was such a gift. When she had a bad day she would say "I just want to go ride". Being 3rd generation alcoholic (my mother and her mother), I am really conscious of the fact that she reaches for healthy outlets when stressed. It makes me happy to think that she is at an age where her neural pathways are really setting patterns, and for her to find an escape in something as healthy as riding is wonderful.

Animals are all about the present, they don't live in the past or the future, so being around them is so centering. I can't wait to hear about your new horse!
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Old 05-06-2017, 12:34 AM
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Today I can sit on a sailboat in stormy weather, without the irrational fear alcohol would play on my brain , knowing the captain is in full control of this boat. I can get ready to sleep and look forward to my future plans ofmoving out of state for the first time in my life.

I can do all this because its been 5 years today since I had my last drink, and alcohol means nothing in my life any longer.
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Old 05-06-2017, 03:57 AM
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Congrats on 5 years! That's awesome!
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Old 05-06-2017, 06:38 AM
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Congratulations on five years, Shockozulu, that's amazing!
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Old 05-07-2017, 06:05 AM
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So the wedding went well yesterday! I was totally chill about not drinking, wasn't bothered by it at all and had a lovely time. My speech was awkward, I hate public speaking, and this drunk girl interrupted me while I was speaking up at the mic and it just threw me and I lost my momentum and started blushing so I wrapped it up quick. I stayed until it was just the heavy drinkers left..... my friend (the bride) said when I was saying my goodbyes that she hates that I wasn't going to be one of the last people there with her like I used to be and I told her that I'm sorry but I'm just done with drinking. I've changed but everyone else has stayed the same so the relationships are different now.

Last night feels like turning a corner for me. I was anxious about being around my old crew and alcohol but now I know those situations only have power over me if I allow them too. If I believe it will be a problem then I will experience it that way, but if I believe everything will be fine and that I can handle it and be cool about it then it that's the way it will be. And it was
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Old 05-07-2017, 09:18 AM
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Hi Spryte, I found that sobriety provides freedom to pursue other activities, really frees up valuable time, that previously I previously wasted......getting wasted! Do you intend to continue yoga?

Hi Jaynie, thank you for your encouragement, I do hope the right horse finds me. As a teenager, one of my horses was a nightmare, and a vet's dream. Forever unsound, it was masked well when we bought him, two vet's opinions; still, he was the sweetest character. I'm really pleased for your daughter. I had my first pony aged 5, then always had a horse until mid-twenties. They were the happiest days of my life, gave me courage and confidence,, I do hope your daughter will, likewise benefit in many ways. Sadly, the last horse went as a pursued my career (yuk) the previous occasional wine drinking, developed into stress-relief and ultimately full-blown addiction, once I left the position.

Zen, you are amazingly awesome! I'm so impressed with your report upon your friend's wedding. The positive change in your mindset, and your growth and development of this new non-drinking life, is tangible through your posts on SR. My fervent hope is that as time elapses and as you continue to evolve, and blossom, you'll develop another network of friends, who have viewpoints more in line with your current ones.

I have an old friendship which at nine months abstinent. I have outgrown, it only serves to frustrate me. My friend is still stuck in the drinking quagmire I've left. We rarely met, but had mammoth long-distance phone call contact. We'd spend hours on the phone, glass hand, bottle beside, breaks to open another bottle. Putting the world to rights, rehashing the past,, worrying about the future. My mindset has dramatically changed, the past is consigned to history and the future I cannot predict, so I have nothing to add to the conversation, I simply ohhh, ahhh, oh dear, how awful. I don't know how to end these phone calls., without offending her, she doesn't notice that I've stopped participating, Ishe chats away....think I was only ever a sounding board.
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Old 05-08-2017, 07:21 AM
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I can't stand interacting with drunk people anymore...... my bf recently accused me of not being affectionate like I used to be, but the truth, which I pointed out to him, is that it's only when he's been drinking. I can hear it in his voice and smell it on him and I find it to be a real turn off. At the wedding I got trapped in a few conversations with drunk people and I just had no patience for it. Makes me cringe to think of how many people had that impression of me when I used to drink...... I'm embarrassed and I'm relieved that it's over and I don't behave that way anymore.

I will meet new people and it will happen naturally. I find that now that I don't have all that alcohol induced anxiety and tendency to isolate I'm much more outgoing and friendly and approachable. I've never been the type of person who had lots of friends, I know lots of people but I'm not close with them all. I prefer to have just a few who I'm really close with so I need that connection with a new sober girlfriend, but it has to happen organically, it can't be forced. I'm alright with being a bit of a lone wolf for awhile. I like my own company and I have quite a few hobbies to occupy my time and I have my children and my dog and my boyfriend.

My boat will go in the water soon...... I'm worried that now that I don't drink I won't like the boat. There's a lot of drinking that goes on at the marina and out on the water. I'm going to give it this season and if I find that I don't like having to tolerate other people's alcoholism then I will sell it. It's a damn expensive hobby, although it will be cheaper now that I won't be spending a $100 a weekend on beer. Or maybe it's just that I only noticed the people who were drinking like I did and there's a whole different group of non-drinkers who I just never met because they didn't gravitate towards me because of how I drank.......
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Old 05-08-2017, 06:13 PM
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Zen, many of the boat people here drink moderately at most. Maybe its just my perspective but my captain and I don't drink and he has a large social circle I'm just starting to meet. There was one function where alcohol was served, friends had bought their boat just hours prior and had a couple glasses of champagne. N and I simply had sparkling water and no one else thought anything of it. There are a couple of people who drink excessively and most of the other people at the waterfront avoid them.

Perhaps its perception like many social scenes, whether its a rock concert, going to a club or a wedding: we notice the behaviors we are looking for instead of the totality of what is really happening around us.

When you mentioned the drunk girl interrupting you the first thing in my mind was "Its nice not being that girl any longer." What a fool I made of myself in the day.

Now I'm getting off my soapbox lol. To celebrate my five years I bought myself a fit bit. I've been wanting to chart my sleeping patterns for a few years now but with my extreme insomnia a sleep study would be pretty useless for looking at my other sleep issues. The new Fitbit does chart sleep patterns so I bought one and am also using it as a reason to start yoga again. I've been using Pokémon Go to get myself motivated to distance walk, and its a good incentive since you gather benefits for distance covered on foot. I was able to get a Pokémon Go Plus on Amazon from Japan at the going rate as a reward for walking 100 kilometers in a month. Now I just have to hit a little button to "catch" a nearby Pokémon. Yes, I spoil myself these days but its worth it to keep myself motivated, and also keep that depression beast as far away as possible.

Today I finally convinced Zero his life jacket isn't the end of the world, and he's happy because he can look over the edge of top deck now without me grabbing him in total fear. For a dog that hates swimming he sure has no fear watching the water!

Speaking of water, I did something that reminded me of what happened all the time when I was drinking. While transferring my items onto the dingy I turned quickly and dropped my brand new iPhone into the water! Thank goodness when I bought it I had the mind to buy the idiot proof insurance just in case. It was over 4 meters deep in sea water and the next day a nice diver went down and brought it back up for me. It was still working 15 hours after it fell in. The only part that wasn't functioning was the Touch ID. Dropping that into the water sure reminded me of all the things I lost before I got sober. Even worse was the fact I often didn't notice until the next day.

So because I'm sober today I can remember what happened to my phone, realize the importance of having a life jacket on my best buddy, and make proactive long term healthy changes for my body. Not too shabby.
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Old 05-09-2017, 02:51 AM
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Hi Tasty. Yes, I plan on continuing with yoga. I think I'm going to go tonight. They have it tues and thurs at my gym. I had a dream last night that I worked out at the gym. I'd like to be in better shape. It's doable sober!
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Old 05-09-2017, 04:40 AM
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Thumbs up

Yoga is much easier sober! Just finished my practice and feeling calm.
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Old 05-09-2017, 07:03 AM
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Zen and Shockozulu, please stop writing about boats (hands over eyes) I love sailing, but finances won't stretch to sailing and a horse! No, but seriously, it's great to read of your sailing and boating experiences, absent alcohol, everything is so much more real and enjoyable, so much clarity and crispness, no muffled, fogg, second-hand experience, once removedness, if not no recollection, those were the horrid days. I expect Zero looks soooo cute (and safe) in the little life jacket.

Spryte, great to hear you're continuing yoga and as for working out at the gym, why not look into it? Most gyms do an induction,course, so perhaps you could enquire?

Awake, congratulations on your sobriety! I might look into yoga, is it a particular type that you do?
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Old 05-09-2017, 08:05 AM
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Yeah I'm sure there are lots of people on the lake who didn't use their boats as just another excuse to party lol. Most boats you can't drink on, the rule is that it has to have a bathroom and you have to be spending the night on the water. I bet my teenager will be more into it this year now that he doesn't have to hang out with drunk me.

Came home from work to find out that the police had been to my house..... some POS had been in my backyard trying to steal my kids bikes. Thankfully my neighbour saw it and called the cops who got here in time to catch the low down dirty thief. What kind of a loser steals children's bikes?

I love yoga! So good for stress I've been doing the P90X3 workouts for the last 2 weeks. I'm trying to get my old body back..... before I drank myself into a fat bloated mess. They are tough workouts but they work!

Tatsy when does your horse arrive?
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Old 05-09-2017, 11:14 AM
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Zen, we're still clearing the land, ready for seeding and building the stable. I'm terrified of choosing a horse and hope I'm guided to the right one. I've asked around and there's no local available one. Like Jaynie said, I hope the right horse chooses me, I simply can't wait!

How cool, for the new you to spend quality time with your teenager on your boat!
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Old 05-09-2017, 04:11 PM
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Tasty, I'm actually a member already at a gym. That's where I go to yoga. I haven't been using my membership though, which is a shame because it's a great gym. I went again tonight to yoga and found it easier than thursday. Bit by bit!

I'm going to try free weights this weekend

I'm excited to hear about your horse!
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