txsobernurse

Hey guys. I posted yesterday in the newcomers section introducing myself and begging for help, when someone directed me this way, where I spent about two hours reading a thread that covered a span of over a year. All I could think about was, "I want that."

I have a big problem with stopping at the gas station after work and drinking on the way home/to school. That is going to be a big obstacle for me. But this is a life and death situation, y'all. For real.

I am going to die if I don't stop drinking.

So, please, give me support and help me through this. I am going to leave you all with this:

I am never going to drink again, no matter what, and I will never change my mind.

And I'm also going to apologize ahead of time if I talk your ears off throughout the journey of my new sober life lol

Nonsensical

I get shotgun on this thread. I think it's going to be a great one!

Fixed your post:
Welcome to your new life.

You're doing this.

Bailey3

Feel free to talk our ears off. No apologies needed.

txsobernurse

nons - crap! nice corrections there!

jsm - thank you. and that puppy is gorgeous.

JeffreyAK

I did the same thing every day after work for years, and I'd stop at a different store every day so no one clerk would think I was some kind of alcoholic. Can you change your route and time schedule? Little things like that can make it a lot easier.

txsobernurse

i'm going to have to try changing my route, but a gas station is a gas station to my AV. the clerks at the gas station by my house know i'm an alcoholic. it's not a good look for me.

SDH73

Glad to hear AVRT resonates with you! Kind of a game changer, isn't it?

Talk away, my friend!

Soberpotamus

TXsobernurse, have you considered paying only at the pump for gas so you don't ever enter the store part? Like, with a debit or credit card. That way you can alter your routine in a way that will disrupt your typical habit of going inside.

txsobernurse

sdh - yes! i only wish i had heard of it sooner. it takes away the guilt i would feel for being an addict and allows me to say simply, "no more" and that is that. it takes the fear away from me.

hippo- ive tried it, however i only have prepaid card and with those, you have to pay inside or the bank puts a $50 hold on it. i may just have to bite the bullet and get a big girl bank account lol

Soberpotamus

Sounds like a good idea in your situation. It might really cut down the temptation for you.

txsobernurse

so, something i left out was that i also suffer from bulimia. i wouldn't say it's rampant, but i've dealt with it since elementary school, so it's a pretty sturdy crutch for me.

anyway, here's my dilemma.

i plan on running after work. it's one of my favorite things to do when i have the time. but, when i get a drink right after work and head home, i never feel like running (obviously).

my problem is that i've been bingeing all day. i purged once, and the calories that i have consumed today are overwhelming.

thus, my AV is trying to tell me this - i've eaten so much today that there's no point in exercising. i may as well drink and start over tomorrow.

it's stupid, i know. im trying so hard to shut it up.

never again. never ever ever ever ever again.

marie5465

Megan, welcome! I stumbled across that thread you mentioned in your OP 2-3 months ago after years of trying to 'control' my drinking. I read and read and it all made so much perfect sense to me. I made my Big Plan and I wanted to tell you I did it fearlessly and with a true sense that I finally understood what had REALLY been happening with me throughout my drinking years.

I am so happy that I found these threads and read Mr Trimpey's book, it has reinforced for me a lot of things that I had previously thought, but dismissed because of conventional 'wisdom'.

I am happy and excited for you that you have found them too. Looking forward to hearing more from you. I am a runner too, it's so much better without booze in your system!

Hevyn

We're here to have our ears talked off Megan. I'm so glad you found us.

I had reached the same point - I knew if I kept trying to control my drinking I would die. Every time I took a sip it led to the unexpected and dangerous. It feels so good to be free. Happy to have you here.

Nonsensical

Only thing I ever found effective at that was starving it. It takes a little while, but it relents.

On the flip side - anything my AV doesn't want me to do (like go for a run) has an extremely high probability of being the best thing to do.

FeenixxRising

Welcome Sobernurse. Have you read the crash course on AVRT at the Rational Recovery website? If not, I highly recommend that you take the time to do so (just google rational recovery). It can take a little time to understand and recognize all the ways the addictive voice can speak to you, but once you've developed the skill you will find yourself immediately realizing when your AV is talking. And once recognized, the AV almost always dissipates. But don't despair if it takes some time to develop the skill, as like any other skill, a little practice is usually required.

I assume you've had some counseling for your eating issues? Are you currently addressing those issues with a professional?

Whatever you do, don't give up on yourself, getting sober doesn't take a miracle IMO, but it does take some effort and a willingness to stand your ground when the desire to drink comes along. And keep posting, there is a lot of help and support here.

GerandTwine

Hi TxSN,

Try out repeating the limbo mantra "I used to drink alcohol." over and over when you get close to IT's territory.
Yes, the Beast has to get you to GET IT's STUFF, over in IT's territory,

not that IT's territory is really dangerous for you. IT is a quadriplegic floating along behind you that can talk and jab your feeling centers.

This might help you start to think of the whole drinking thing as a done and over deal.