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Old 05-10-2015, 11:11 PM
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Relapsed

Just drank three glasses of wine, even though I committed to complete sobriety. I have not had anything to drink for a week. The whole time I drank the wine all I thought about was how I let myself down. Then I poured the rest of the wine down the toilet. I have spent the last thirty minutes or so thinking of how my alcoholism progressed. I never use to want to get drunk, but now all of sudden I do. I am not drunk now, but I do feel the affects of the alcohol. I think I let stresses throughout my day get to me.

It's funny, I've never felt so guilty about drinking this "little" until now. I won't let this small setback define me. I am still committed to sobriety. I think back about my progression, and all I can see is a train wreck in the future. So, I am doing this for myself and my family. I love my life, and I want to see it get better.

Sorry if I maybe incoherent. I usually don't post. However, I feel the need to talk to somebody who might understand. Thank you.
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Old 05-10-2015, 11:40 PM
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Pouring the remainder of the bottle down the sink sounds like good progress to me. I liked what u said about not letting small setbacks define you, I always need to remind myself of that
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:23 AM
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Yeah, it is a small setback. But I am grateful that I poured the rest of the wine out. In the past, I never would have even thought about that. So, that I see as a trend in the healthy direction.

I am struggling with feelings of guilt right, which is better than shame. Shame from my reading of various self-help books is "I did this action, thus I am bad". Guilt is "I did this action, and I feel remorseful about it. However, I am not bad as a result". When I was hungover, I would always feel shame and depression, which would go hand in hand with the other. I know this incident is just going to make me stronger.
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Old 05-11-2015, 01:29 AM
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Hopefully you will learn from this! If so it wasn't a waste. I feel you need to jealously guard your sobriety. I quit drinking over 2 & 1/2 years ago, and I'm very mindful of how long I drank before that (around 25 years). Quitting wasn't "luck" but it took some good fortune to reach this point. I managed to quit once, but there's no guarantee that I'd find my way back if I go out again.

There are so many theories to alcoholism and so many approaches to getting sober. It can make your head spin! Some feel that you drink to balm some inner wound or to salve some inner character flaw. Some feel you can't stay sober until you "fix" whatever it was inside you that lead you to drink in the first place.

It's a lot simpler to me. I drank because I enjoyed it, a lot. For whatever reason I have a genetic predisposition, a peculiar brain chemistry that gets more elation from being drunk than you average person, etc etc. I could tell the first time I ever caught a buzz that I'd stumbled onto something amazing.

To me I liked being drunk more than I feared the consequences. AVRT saved my life! It showed me that there were other opinions besides the old disease model of alcoholism. It holds that we drink because we confuse the pleasure seeking part of our brains with the higher function, and take the voice of The Beast to be our own.

What method are you using to stay sober? I hope not "white knuckling" or just willpower. I think a plan would help you a lot. Again, my method is AVRT. It has taught me to instantly recognize that voice in the back of my mind craving a drink for what it is, and what it's not.

Hopefully you're not too discouraged. A slip up isn't "nothing" but neither is it the end of the world. Be careful but don't give up!
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Old 05-11-2015, 08:48 AM
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I usually don't post. However, I feel the need to talk to somebody who might understand.

hello Ineedhelp,

maybe consider joining in more.
i found there to be a huge difference between actively participating and just reading. an involvment.
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:07 PM
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Hey, been there...although I don't look at it as a "relapse" that has such a weird connotation to it. You chose to drink. Ya know?

Next time just choose not to. You made a plan before...and stuck to it for awhile. You can do it again.
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Old 05-11-2015, 12:33 PM
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Thank you everyone for your response. It has been hard to admit that I have a problem with alcohol. And seemingly hard to admit my faults online here. I think there is a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with admitting I am not perfect. I will post more often now. Thank you all for your encouragement.

So far my plan for sobriety has been utilizing SR site, I have a worksheet from refuge recovery that I work on everyday. I found some local AA meetings to goto, which I have not gone to yet. I think I might go tonight. I utilize apps of my phone that tract my recovery, and another that gives suggestions of how to deal with present moment situations. Also, I'm going to a therapist regularly, which the appointment just happens to be three hours from now.
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Old 05-11-2015, 03:06 PM
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Welcome back 1NeedHelp

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Old 05-11-2015, 03:30 PM
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The fact that you dumped it says a lot. It happened to me and it was a lesson learned. Try and figured out how it happened and how you can keep it from happening again. I saw a train wreck in my future too. Good job on realizing you can jump the tracks.
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Old 05-11-2015, 06:22 PM
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I'm trying. It helps to hear from others who have traveled the road to sobriety that I am on.
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Old 05-11-2015, 07:43 PM
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It doesn't have to be a road, it can be a threshold you step over. Take one step over the line and you're in, shut the door and begin enjoying the "room" unencumbered.
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Old 05-12-2015, 03:16 AM
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Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and walk soberly to the future with the knowledge you have gleaned from this 'incident'
I like your thinking, and everybody's here, wish I had SR. Earlier.
Did you make a Big Plan to stop drinking?
Do you have support for yourself?
Well done for recognising you have the power to make those changes you want to for your own benefit.
There's so much great stuff here and other places, keep coming back, and...
Keep on keeping on!

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
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