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When you have simply had enough.

Old 03-22-2015, 09:55 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Your story is a lot like mine. I am 43 and have decided I can't keep doing this to myself. I came here to help and be helped by others. I have a lot to share and I feel comforted by the support of others.

I am basically quitting on the same terms as you mentioned.Somehow maybe I have found a purpose in life that I have needed and been looking for. In my past I can never remember saying I was never drinking again.I did this time. I never had it under control because three is always that day. It might me on day 100 of drinking or 110 but the fact still is it only takes one day to give you way more grief than whatever fun you thought drinking may have been.

I went to church today for the first time in years. It felt good because I felt like I was finally being honest with myself. I fought the teary eyed part but I felt like something inside me needed be to be there.

I will pray that you are successful in your struggle. If you have problems like I have had it is very likely it will only get worse.
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Old 03-22-2015, 09:58 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Saying 'Never' or its variants 'Never, Dammit' and 'Never, Dammit. Booyah!' forms part of a solid unconditional unchanging sobriety. This is a sobriety that lets you leave the recoveryism behind with those who 'never say never', and live in pursuit of some unquantifiable goal of a strong (enough) program and in fear of 'relapsing' in the throes of some disease or other if they fail to live in some prescribed manner.

Be confident! Be cocky! Be determined! Be convinced! The only magic here is this confidence set all the way up to 11, and a refusal to accept any possibility of ever changing your mind. Anything else is AV, and once you have made your commitment to never drink again, that AV is not you.
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Old 03-22-2015, 10:11 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Wish I would have just made a decision and just quit instead listening to others influence me into the unnecessary stress and mind @#%# of rehab and twisted daily brain killing dogma. Wasn't till I came to terms with the fact that I just had to retrain my brain to live with out constant intoxication that I snapped out of it. It's amazing how much effort we put into blurring out our most important and only real gift, our life.
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Old 03-22-2015, 10:20 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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It took countless tries at AA/Rehab etc. I started following AVRT and just repeat to myself that I don't use those things anymore and I will no longer do things that make it so people can question my integrity. It has just been amazing at the way things look different and feel different. I wish I would have gotten more involved with the little bit of Behavior Therapy they taught in the last rehab.
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Old 03-22-2015, 10:51 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Mentium View Post
Freshstart - I hear you, but I didn't want to sound too cocky!
It's not really cocky to say "I will do whatever it takes" to get through this. If you can say that and mean it your AV will settle down. I knew that failure would be catastrophic so many of the tricks my mind could play on me it didn't. I also felt like this was my one and only shot so I didn't have to endure many "just tonights". I still got hit hard though. You still need support and safety nets in place.
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Old 03-22-2015, 11:38 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Mentium View Post
I wonder what people here feel about the idea of simply stopping and quitting because one has simply had enough of the whole damned thing.
Just wanted to pitch in: this is where I was coming from myself. I was so sick and tired of that crap and feeling very suicidal. I did not reach any proverbial "rock bottom", my friends and colleagues had not idea about my drinking, I ve never had a DUI in my life and had no alcohol related health, work or relationship issues.
There was no event or succession of events which brought me to quitting.
I was just thoroughly disgusted with myself and done with it.
I m glad you are back. You never have to feel like that again
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Old 03-22-2015, 12:00 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Thanks all for your contributions and support. I'm not sure if I subscribe to any particular approach, but I do know that AA feels toxic to me right now and reason, self awareness and a measured approach feels right, as does a firm decision not to drink again - no matter what.
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Old 03-22-2015, 02:05 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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"I will never drink again--no matter what!" is not cocky. Just the opposite--it is the nicest thing one can say to one's self.
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Old 03-23-2015, 03:44 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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good stuff here,

The sad thing about all this is that it is so simple it is almost scary. And it need not be.
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Old 03-24-2015, 10:18 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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It sounds it but it can't be as simple as all that or else people would not struggle so much.

Having said that I do think some 'brands' actually make dealing with addiction a really very negative experience.
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Old 03-24-2015, 11:13 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I maintain that it is indeed that simple. It may not be easy however.

I also maintain that the degree of difficulty is up to us to a large extent, and we can make things harder than they need be.
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Old 03-24-2015, 11:28 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
 
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"It can't be that simple" is pure AV. Remember, ANY doubt about your ability to stop permanently is AV.

These responses here...have mentioned I love you people? So much wisdom, so much strength!
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Old 03-24-2015, 12:27 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by freshstart57 View Post
I maintain that it is indeed that simple. It may not be easy however. I also maintain that the degree of difficulty is up to us to a large extent, and we can make things harder than they need be.
I am in two minds about this, the strange thing about the "simple but not easy" platitude is I have heard it said about mainstream recovery as well, I have also heard christians, buddhists and libertarians say the same thing. Its one of those things that has that little unsaid tweak to it "simply but not easy" (as long as you believe what I believe or do what I do).

It is probably true that we do make things harder for ourselves, maybe we create the complexity of our addiction by seeing it through some of the damage we have caused (which for some of us can be extensive) when we stop our addiction and take responsibility to re-building our lives (finances, relationships, medical issues etc...) that hard work.....(don't let anybody kid you, it can be very hard work indeed) gets unnecessarily mixed up in the some odd idea that the difficulty we experience (re building) translates to also finding hard to not to pick up again. Where probably the sobriety (non drinker status) itself is actually where we do have the most control, however somehow we convince ourselves its in the too hard or very hard to do basket.
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Old 03-24-2015, 12:34 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Mentium View Post
I am a long term problem drinker with a daily habit, now sober for a week. Booze hasn't wrecked my life, though it has challenged it. I have done OK on the whole, but I am sure I would have had a happier one - a lot happier - if I had not developed the problem. I certainly would have had a calmer, more peaceful and less harrowing one for sure. Last year I was sober for close to 11 months and drank again a few weeks after my dad died last October, though I would not attribute my drinking to that. No doubt there was a connection though.

I am an atheist and left AA last year in large part because it stopped making any kind of sense to me. The programme is full of contradictions and inconsistencies to my way of thinking, but so be it. It has helped millions apparently.

I am done with drinking. I really feel that. I have had relapses galore. More, I would say, cycles of getting to the point of despair with alcohol and somehow dragging myself away from the precipice. I have done that over and over until finally this last time I was in a more terrified, anxious, fearful and downright general state of illness of being that it was, perhaps, some sort of rock bottom.

Given that this area of the forum is about secular approaches to stopping and given that I have a secular view of the world, I wonder what people here feel about the idea of simply stopping and quitting because one has simply had enough of the whole damned thing.

I should add that I have a plan and support, including addiction counselling, in place, so it isn't totally solo. I am also active here.
Hi. I agree that you have to finally want to stop. Simple. I don't agree with supressing the urges time and time again. If it hasn't sunk in yet that your life is crap because of the alcohol or drug and want a change then there is no point in suppressing urges. Example I don't want to call my sponsor at 3 am sitting on my hands because I'm going to run out the door and drink. Number one there are signs telling you that you are on your way to relapsing. I did a WRAP plan when i was in treatment. I do attend meetings, but i do know in the end no matter what anyone tells me if i want to pick up I will. However, I do rely on my higher power when it gets too tough and I work the steps to remind me how awful it was out there. I think we glorify our drinking and forget the steps of hell it brought us too.
Hope this helped.
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Old 03-24-2015, 12:40 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
 
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To me, simple means not complex. There is nothing complex about quitting. Reduced down to its essence, it means not putting alcohol in your body. Period. There is no complex, higher level, multi-tiered problem solving. It is simple.

Easy means without struggle. Quitting my addictions was not without some struggle...physically, emotionally, and intellectually. My personal belief is that some amount of struggle or dissonance is necessary for growth.

By definition, things can be simple but not easy.
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Old 03-24-2015, 01:23 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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What you say Soberlicious is incontrovertible. It really is that simple it seems to me. However the circumstances in which we drank, the reasons why we did - the 'benefit' many of us found in it, at least to begin with, all complicate the picture and make untangling it all quite important at least to some of us. I signed up for addiction counselling exactly because of thast and because if I understand the drivers in my drinking I may be better placed to fight them.

For example - I had a counselling session today, as it happens and we looked, as we had planned to, at my use of alcohol to manage anxiety, which I know was a big factor in its initial attraction to me. We went on to talk about alternative methods of dealing with anxiety, including relaxation techniques and modern forms of meditation. We will do more on that next time.

It is simplicity itself to not pick up a glass or wine/beer/scotch. It is perhaps rather more complicated to think about why we might wish to and how we might stop wishing to.

I am very conscious I don't have any right to offer much of an opinion, being so newly sober. Just my thinking at the moment.

Cheers..as they say,
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Old 03-24-2015, 01:50 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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DID SOMEONE SAY SCOTCH!?!

No, wait, OK... I'm fine. Really. Whew! Carry on.

-
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Old 03-24-2015, 03:21 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Please don't take anything I say as criticism on your plan, just my observations and thoughts. It's ok, heck advisable, to consider yourself a nondrinker from day one.
Viewing causes or mediation of anxiety from the perspective of addiction is a mindset I can't wrap my head around. If anxiety exists I think all manner of anxiety alleviation should be pursued, but once drinking is off the table permantly(permanence has a start,yes? as in day one), does viewing solutions through a lens of addiction have a helpful place? I take the view that drinking/substance use/abuse can be compartmentalized and totally separated from the rest of living. Life is full of ups and downs and finding ways to deal with them and becoming emotional comfortable with the ways to accomplish that goal need not involve a return to drinking as a choice, because it no longer is, ever, no matter what.
Vanquish the drinking, and bring on everything else, coz I say so, AV will say else wise, but he's an idiot. It can be a mind game, but you get to make the rules .
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Old 03-24-2015, 03:26 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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The lens I was referring to should have been recovery, not addiction.
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Old 03-24-2015, 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted by dwtbd View Post
It can be a mind game, but you get to make the rules.
Indeed. I think that making the rules so the game is over before it starts is the way to go. This is a game that I will not ever lose because I make the rules, and because I say so.
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