AA is not for me anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 174
AA is not for me anymore.
3 Weeks sober today and Ive finally realised that AA was making me worse not better. Eight years ago I got sober through the AA program and stayed sober for one year.For the past seven years ive been yoyo ing in and out of sobriety.This time around ive been to a few different meetings in my area and it just doesn't sit right with me anymore.To be honest, ive felt like this for a few years now.
I love reading the Big Book and have learnt so much from AA but there are certain parts of the program that I just can't go along with and im sick and tired of members constantly telling me that this is why I fail to stay sober.
In my own head I feel so much better for stepping away from AA.
I'm doing really well at the moment,just getting on with my recovery my way.
I spend a lot of time mooching around SR, I have my a great routine of a daytime and I feel comfortable.
I have come to realise that there is more than one way to find peace and recover from alcoholism.
Thankyou everyone on here you all mean so much to me.
I love reading the Big Book and have learnt so much from AA but there are certain parts of the program that I just can't go along with and im sick and tired of members constantly telling me that this is why I fail to stay sober.
In my own head I feel so much better for stepping away from AA.
I'm doing really well at the moment,just getting on with my recovery my way.
I spend a lot of time mooching around SR, I have my a great routine of a daytime and I feel comfortable.
I have come to realise that there is more than one way to find peace and recover from alcoholism.
Thankyou everyone on here you all mean so much to me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Mavrick, more power to you. AA is not for everyone, and plenty of folks get sober without ever going to AA. In my view, if it's not adding to your sobriety or serenity, drop it. If you find your sobriety untenable without it, AA will always be there. The trick is to make sure that this is not a form of mental gymnastics to avoid doing things you need to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle 
Mavrick, more power to you. AA is not for everyone, and plenty of folks get sober without ever going to AA. In my view, if it's not adding to your sobriety or serenity, drop it. If you find your sobriety untenable without it, AA will always be there. The trick is to make sure that this is not a form of mental gymnastics to avoid doing things you need to stay sober.
Welcome OP.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle
Mavrick, more power to you. AA is not for everyone, and plenty of folks get sober without ever going to AA. In my view, if it's not adding to your sobriety or serenity, drop it. If you find your sobriety untenable without it, AA will always be there. The trick is to make sure that this is not a form of mental gymnastics to avoid doing things you need to stay sober.
Like I said ive had plenty of attempts at sobriety over the years so this time im going to do things my way.
(This is just my own opinion. I do realise that AA works for lots of people)
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Welcome, Mavrick. I too share your feelings that AA is not right for me. I believe it works for many, but not for me. I have always had issues concerning the premise that I am hopeless against alcohol and I have a disease. IMHO, I am not helpless, I have the power to make the decision to not drink, and I do not have a disease called alcoholism...I am an addict. Plain and simple. Once I realized this, I began to feel empowered. I know that in order to break the addiction, I face the fact I am an addict, I realize alcohol has not nor will it ever provide any benefit to my mental or physical health, it does nothing to add to the quality of my life, it is a horrible waste of money, and I need to remove it with no remorse. I truly believe this and, after a relatively short but well determined sober 40 days, I have no desire whatsoever to drink another drop of liquor. I have passed the cloudy, rough days of initial withdrawals and have absolutely no urges to drink. No beast pleading with me to surrender, no pink clouds, no avoiding those who drink around me. I am simply and totally free. Why in the world would I want to change that with a worthless bottle of booze?
Stay free, my friend.
Stay free, my friend.
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Hey Mavrick,
I agree you have to use whatever works for you. I read a book called Sober For Good where a researcher interviewed hundreds of successful quitters and surprisingly only a minority of them were AA. Many used AVRT type stuff or a blended approach or no formal approach at all - just self guided. And from what I hear, AA can be real bullies toward those who won't do things their way. You might like a book called The Small Book by Jack Trimpey. Mostly he describes AVRT, but about half the book is devoted to bashing AA - some of it justified although he tends to go a bit over the top. I also like books by Allen Carr and Craig Beck, both of whom reject AA dogma. Since I'm not a joiner and tend to live in my head, I will not be trying AA myself. But I'm glad if it works for a lot of people. But definitely not me.
I agree you have to use whatever works for you. I read a book called Sober For Good where a researcher interviewed hundreds of successful quitters and surprisingly only a minority of them were AA. Many used AVRT type stuff or a blended approach or no formal approach at all - just self guided. And from what I hear, AA can be real bullies toward those who won't do things their way. You might like a book called The Small Book by Jack Trimpey. Mostly he describes AVRT, but about half the book is devoted to bashing AA - some of it justified although he tends to go a bit over the top. I also like books by Allen Carr and Craig Beck, both of whom reject AA dogma. Since I'm not a joiner and tend to live in my head, I will not be trying AA myself. But I'm glad if it works for a lot of people. But definitely not me.
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Be careful of bashing, many good people have had success with AA. Just leave the choices open for each person's decision. AVERT isn't for everyone either. Keeping an open mind helps us decide our individual path. I believe all of us drunks should explore any and all options to see what rings true for us. IMHO.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Maverick, I hear u loud and clear.I never was able to stay sober more than 1 to 2 weeks in AA for 10yrs. On Nov 17th 2014 I decided I had had enough of AA folks telling me I could not get sober without AA. I was done...with them , shoot it wasn't working for me . I stayed on SR day and night, prayed and came up with a plan I pieced together from different people on here. Been sober since that day. I don't even count days anymore, just months. I'm so happy that I got the courage to try another way when others(AA) told me it was their way only or the highway. I know I have to be on my p's and q's as far as alcohol is concerned but I'm feeling better than I ever thought I could feel since being on that stopping and starting hamster wheel of drinking. I thank God all the time for SR! I don't knock AA for those who it works for and who enjoy it, but my hope for those that struggle staying sober in AA that God somehow presents other options to help them get and stay sober. I would of never thought there were other ways/plans people used to get sober if I didn't stumble onto SR...my devine intervention! Someone out here reading SR who is stuggling and are having doubts about AA needed to read your thread today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by mistory5
Maverick, I hear u loud and clear.I never was able to stay sober more than 1 to 2 weeks in AA for 10yrs. On Nov 17th 2014 I decided I had had enough of AA folks telling me I could not get sober without AA. I was done...with them , shoot it wasn't working for me . I stayed on SR day and night, prayed and came up with a plan I pieced together from different people on here. Been sober since that day. I don't even count days anymore, just months. I'm so happy that I got the courage to try another way when others(AA) told me it was their way only or the highway. I know I have to be on my p's and q's as far as alcohol is concerned but I'm feeling better than I ever thought I could feel since being on that stopping and starting hamster wheel of drinking. I thank God all the time for SR! I don't knock AA for those who it works for and who enjoy it, but my hope for those that struggle staying sober in AA that God somehow presents other options to help them get and stay sober. I would of never thought there were other ways/plans people used to get sober if I didn't stumble onto SR...my devine intervention! Someone out here reading SR who is stuggling and are having doubts about AA needed to read your thread today.
I too have pieced together a new plan through reading on here and also have taken from AA literature not fellowship. The Big Book is a fantastic source of knowledge but the fellowship is not for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
There are a few things that I liked about AA. I think taking some kind of a stock once you get sober can be helpful. Figuring out where one is in their life, where they want to go moving forward. Having a look at relationships and how the addiction has affected them. Reassessing ones morals and values and shifting them to a new way of life. I know these things have been on my mind. I think they are important for me to rebuild a life where drinking has no place.
But at the time when I was in AA this kind of work seemed like such a negative process. Humbly asking God to remove my shortcomings and having to write it all down and confess really messed with my head. It felt like I was supposed to punish myself. And there was this pressure that if I didn't do it right then I was doomed. The searching and fearless part had me reliving every terrible moment I'd ever had and obsessing over them. I remember trying to do step four and crying for days. And still feeling like a failure.
I also agree with helping others who are suffering and desiring to get sober. Pass it forward.
I just think AA can get too rigid. People are holding on to their sobriety so tightly and with such fear that they will lose it. But you would if you thought you had in incurable disease that had been cured by something outside of you... it could be taken away at anytime.
But there is no doubting that it works magic for some. I met many who were sad and struggling. Others however had an undeniable glow and had been "cured". I remember one woman in particular who I envied for her serenity. She had long time secured sobriety and felt good. She had good vibes. It was her story that kept me going back for longer than I wanted.
But at the time when I was in AA this kind of work seemed like such a negative process. Humbly asking God to remove my shortcomings and having to write it all down and confess really messed with my head. It felt like I was supposed to punish myself. And there was this pressure that if I didn't do it right then I was doomed. The searching and fearless part had me reliving every terrible moment I'd ever had and obsessing over them. I remember trying to do step four and crying for days. And still feeling like a failure.
I also agree with helping others who are suffering and desiring to get sober. Pass it forward.
I just think AA can get too rigid. People are holding on to their sobriety so tightly and with such fear that they will lose it. But you would if you thought you had in incurable disease that had been cured by something outside of you... it could be taken away at anytime.
But there is no doubting that it works magic for some. I met many who were sad and struggling. Others however had an undeniable glow and had been "cured". I remember one woman in particular who I envied for her serenity. She had long time secured sobriety and felt good. She had good vibes. It was her story that kept me going back for longer than I wanted.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
"Somewhere between the far left and far right lies the truth"--a closing line by ron perlman in the movie 'The Last Supper' has helped me a lot in the last 5 yrs and is apropos here. I've been everywhere from being baptized for a 'real' 3rd step in AA in '90 to Orange Papers to here. Truth is, when it's time, and it is a short window, it IS time. I'm glad we can spend this time together. Best wishes Mav and everyone!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
This is the Secular Forum.
I understand some people here are new, but please keep the discussion focused on secular recovery in this forum and not on AA, and what you may or may not like about it.
There are plenty of other forums here at SR where such topics are permissible.
12 step topics are off-topic for this forum
Dee
Moderator
SR
Originally Posted by [B
Shoxkozulu, ForumMod[/B]]Please remember this board is for folks who work a Secular program. This includes religious folk who chose to work a secular program like SMART or LifeRing/SOS. It also includes those that work a Secular program along with a 12-step program. The purpose of this board is to discuss our Secular Recovery, not to bash another program.
There are plenty of other forums here at SR where such topics are permissible.
12 step topics are off-topic for this forum
Dee
Moderator
SR
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Welcome, maverick. I too struggled for years, and not just with AA but with recoveryism in general. I kept looking, hoping, and waiting for that magic switch that was going to make me sober. For some reason, last year I decided to declutter my mind from all that recovery knowledge and get back to basics. If I don't drink, then I won't get drunk. There was no need to make it an epic struggle. There was no need to devote a lot of time to quitting. For me, I don't drink and I get on with rebuilding my life.
If you haven't had a chance, this thread is a great read: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
If you haven't had a chance, this thread is a great read: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by mavrick
Thanks Eddie, this is not a desision ive come to over night,it's been on my mind for a few years. In the past ive felt pressured into going to AA, like "This is the only way to achieve long term sobriety" I don't want to be part of the big book thumping society and I don't want people trying to over analyse my sobriety and my path of recovery. I thought a moto of AA was keep it simple.
Like I said ive had plenty of attempts at sobriety over the years so this time im going to do things my way.
Like I said ive had plenty of attempts at sobriety over the years so this time im going to do things my way.
Regardless what approach you take, I think that recognizing the things and situations that precede relapses is important. Understanding our weak points and recognizing when we are putting our sobriety in danger so we can avoid the pitfalls are critical. But most of all, and I believe this is universally true, we cannot do this alone. Be it SR, someone or some group of like minded people, surround yourself with the things and people who support your sobriety.
Good luck, and stay in touch!
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle
Regardless what approach you take, I think that recognizing the things and situations that precede relapses is important. Understanding our weak points and recognizing when we are putting our sobriety in danger so we can avoid the pitfalls are critical. But most of all, and I believe this is universally true, we cannot do this alone. Be it SR, someone or some group of like minded people, surround yourself with the things and people who support your sobriety.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
