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AA is not for me anymore.

Old 01-25-2015, 06:12 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Congratulations on finding your path to a sober life!
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Old 01-25-2015, 06:16 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Make that irrevocable decision to stop drinking. With no conditions. Then, make it as easy as possible for you to succeed by framing this in your mind as favorably as possible. But, you NEED NOTHING other than who and what you are to succeed. The degree of difficulty is irrelevant to a decision like this.

To think you will fail without <anything, earthly or ephemeral> is simply your voice of addiction. Reject that AV, and demand of yourself what you deserve. Then, like that *snap*, you are free.
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Old 01-25-2015, 08:13 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
This is the Secular Forum.



I understand some people here are new, but please keep the discussion focused on secular recovery in this forum and not on AA, and what you may or may not like about it.

There are plenty of other forums here at SR where such topics are permissible.

12 step topics are off-topic for this forum

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I'm sorry have I started a thread in the wrong forum?
Have I said something I shouldn't ?
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Old 01-25-2015, 09:00 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I reckon there are as many paths to sober living as there are people who want to stop drinking, and no matter what anyone says the only thing you must do is stop drinking. For me, medical treatment support groups did the trick, and the anti-program program of Lifering helped keep me there. But some folks use AA, or Smart, or SOS, or forums and chat rooms, or nothing except their desire.
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Old 01-25-2015, 09:04 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mavrick View Post
I'm sorry have I started a thread in the wrong forum?
Have I said something I shouldn't ?
I am not a moderator, but Dee may be asleep, so...

I think you are fine. In this forum, saying AA didn't work for you and moving on to a discussion of what did is fine (as long as it isn't 12 step based).

Any discussion of a secular approach to working the 12 steps, including what you like or don't like, belongs in the Secular 12 Step Recovery forum. Bashing of 12 step programs is not allowed anywhere on this site, as far as I know.

Please correct me if I am wrong.
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Old 01-25-2015, 09:33 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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It's fine mavrick.

Just continue the thread with the secular topic and not AA.
jazzfish is correct. If you would like to talk about still using some off AA then the topic belongs in the Secular 12 step forum.
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Old 01-25-2015, 10:46 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by zenchaser View Post
There are a few things that I liked about AA. I think taking some kind of a stock once you get sober can be helpful. Figuring out where one is in their life, where they want to go moving forward. Having a look at relationships and how the addiction has affected them. Reassessing ones morals and values and shifting them to a new way of life. I know these things have been on my mind. I think they are important for me to rebuild a life where drinking has no place.

But at the time when I was in AA this kind of work seemed like such a negative process. Humbly asking God to remove my shortcomings and having to write it all down and confess really messed with my head. It felt like I was supposed to punish myself. And there was this pressure that if I didn't do it right then I was doomed. The searching and fearless part had me reliving every terrible moment I'd ever had and obsessing over them. I remember trying to do step four and crying for days. And still feeling like a failure.

I also agree with helping others who are suffering and desiring to get sober. Pass it forward.

I just think AA can get too rigid. People are holding on to their sobriety so tightly and with such fear that they will lose it. But you would if you thought you had in incurable disease that had been cured by something outside of you... it could be taken away at anytime.

But there is no doubting that it works magic for some. I met many who were sad and struggling. Others however had an undeniable glow and had been "cured". I remember one woman in particular who I envied for her serenity. She had long time secured sobriety and felt good. She had good vibes. It was her story that kept me going back for longer than I wanted.
You, Zenchaser, have hit the nail directly on the head. What I'm about to say will be controversial. The last thing I need in the middle of trying to change my relationship with alcohol (specifically a few beers at night) is someone trying to break my spirit and convince me I'm somehow a bad person and need to repent, give myself to a higher power, make amends... etc etc. Bull.

I KNOW who I am. The fact I drink (drank) more than I should does not make me a bad person any more than smoking too many cigarettes made me a bad person, or eating too much made me a bad person- the later 2 bad habits I managed to get under control 15+ years ago. Quitting smoking was a bitch. It took sheer will power, something I managed to muster. I don't see how quitting, or controlling drinking is any different.

You have to WANT TO. But that's just me. I'm like this in every aspect of my life. And I don't look down upon someone who may find strength using AA

The biggest challenge for me is finding something "interesting" to occupy my brain when "the witching hour" normally occurs.

This is work ! And I'm training myself to do just that IE: Search out intelligent interaction with intelligent people, be it through books, or hopefully straight up face to face interaction. Living in the Midwest is a challenge. It's isolating, especially in the winter time. But I'm determined to replace those hours enjoying a few beers with hours interacting with smart people. That, I've found, easily replaces my need for a beer. It's something I've known for decades, I'm just now "choosing" to employ it on a more serious level.

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Old 01-25-2015, 11:02 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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My advice is stick with the winners. Just stick with the winners who have done it without AA. Find people who have 10+ yrs of sobriety and are happy with themselves and love being sober. Then find out how they did it.

I'm a hard core AAer who believes that AA is not the only way. I do know that the knowledge of my sponsors who have a ton of sobriety have been absolutely critical to my success.
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Old 01-25-2015, 11:45 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Gearnut View Post
But I'm determined to replace those hours enjoying a few beers with hours interacting with smart people. That, I've found, easily replaces my need for a beer.
I've found few motivators as powerful as hanging out with people you want to be like. It gives you both a target to shoot for and a good comparative analysis of where your drinking as gotten you. It is one of the main things that moved me to the decision to quit.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:05 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Well, neither method is perfect and when you think about it they are both a bit scary.

AA..... Talk of higher powers, confession, inventory, defects..... Aaasggghhhh. Screw this

On the avrt side, you have this crazy liar beast of a voice that lives in your head and you get to do battle with that.

(kinda pseudo religious Anyway, in a demonic possession way "Oh the voices in my head make me do crazy stuff")

So yeah, fun either way
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:13 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I am an avid BB reader, but sometimes the actual meetings don't translate well for me, but they still serve a purpose. However, 90 in 90 isnt going to be my MO this time around.I have a peaceful and comfortable home and work from home . I dont need to be trudging out into the dark and cold at 6pm . Will revisit this issue in the Spring. I am glad to hear a little bit of AA disention here as i never had a platform before SR to voice any such ideas.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:16 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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On the avrt side, you have this crazy liar beast of a voice that lives in your head and you get to do battle with that.
I m not sure the scary thing is the beast (actually I like the concept) what is scary with AVRT is that if you screw up it is completely, 100% on you.
AVRT is something that people do alone so it leaves no room for quacking and for the blame game. You can't blame your spouse, your sponsor, the group, recoveryism or the tooth fairy if you drink: you quit alone and whatever thought led to you picking up it was your av in action and you were a sucker for listening to it.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:17 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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I will be totally honest now. I'm starting to feel a bit uneasy about posting on my own thread in this forum.
I was only trying to get over how I feel about my recovery, im by no means bashing AA and never would and I don't think that anyone else has either.

I find it very anoying that some of the hardcore members of the groups I have been involved with are not willing to acknowledge any other form of recovery.
Take my sponsor for instance. When I explained to him that I am going to be perusing other methods of recovery and will be taking a break from AA, he said I'll be drinking in a month, would i please delete his telephone number.

I find it very comforting that there are so many members on this site that feel or have experienced similar things as me.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:21 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mavrick View Post
When I explained to him that I am going to be perusing other methods of recovery and will be taking a break from AA, he said I'll be drinking in a month, would i please delete his telephone number.
That's what your sponsor would do. And that's on him/her. No one defines alcoholism or recovery the way it's experienced by YOU. You define that.

This is pure hogwash coming out of your sponsor's mouth.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:25 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Thumbs up

Originally Posted by Carlotta View Post
I m not sure the scary thing is the beast (actually I like the concept) what is scary with AVRT is that if you screw up it is completely, 100% on you.
AVRT is something that people do alone so it leaves no room for quacking and for the blame game. You can't blame your spouse, your sponsor, the group or the tooth fairy if you drink: you quit alone and whatever thought led to you picking up it was your av and you were a sucker for listening to it.
It's on you either way.

Failure to battle the beast.

Failure to enlarge on one's spiritual life.

Same same.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:29 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Hawks View Post
It's on you either way.

Failure to battle the beast.

Failure to enlarge on one's spiritual life.

Same same.
Yeah but it is easier to quack when you are in a we program LOL
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:41 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Mavrick, here's another way to look at this. You've decided to adopt a view of sobriety that actually, literally and precisely mandates abstinence. NOW. And forever. Failure cannot because you are inherently flawed, consitutionally dishonest or failed to do something to a sufficient degree. There is only one way to fail at this now, and that is by drinking.

I decided I could be abstinent for just a moment, whenever I chose. Surely that isn't difficult, right? No matter the circumstance, I could choose to not drink for a moment. Then, I chose that moment to be 'the present moment'. I will never now drink.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:42 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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I've had 4 posts removed as I don't read instructions first and still have not figured out the PeeCeeness of this site. You did not bash. I think it was just a friendly warning. I've seen a few doozies on here.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:45 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by anattaboy View Post
I've had 4 posts removed as I don't read instructions first and still have not figured out the PeeCeeness of this site.
On this thread or since you joined? That's what I average a month even though I try my best to behave most of the time.
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Old 01-25-2015, 12:48 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mavrick View Post
I find it very anoying that some of the hardcore members of the groups I have been involved with are not willing to acknowledge any other form of recovery.
Take my sponsor for instance. When I explained to him that I am going to be perusing other methods of recovery and will be taking a break from AA, he said I'll be drinking in a month, would i please delete his telephone number.

I find it very comforting that there are so many members on this site that feel or have experienced similar things as me.
Your sponsor sound like a big immature baby! You're probably better off without his "help". Seriously who reacts like that? You're doomed to drink if you don't do it my way and you're on your own when that happens. What a manchild.
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