desypete

my own experience is what i can call upon rather than reading articles

depression for me is a no no it doesnt exist in my mind,
i can let myself feel sorry for myself and shut off from the world and isolate, curl up in a ball in bed and feel like life is just no worth living.

but i have come to understand that for me its not a good place to be and if i want to feel differently then i must take actions to do things differently

as its not going to go away if i just sit there thinking is it

would a pill from a dr make my bad thoughts and negativity go away ?

i am only talking about me here as its what i must do to carry on if i have any chance of breaking free from it all

when my son died i spent months alone in bed just getting up to see to my other kids or whatever had to be done on that day but most of the time i shut myself off from the world and even my other kids as i didnt want them to see me crying etc
so my bedroom became a tomb for me

the only person who honestly knew how i was was my aa sponsor who kept in touch with me daily

he knew i had to have this time alone and to switch off from the world but he kept an eye on me
we started going back to meetings together and i would be angry at anyone in aa who was having a good life and was therefore happy joyus and free but i couldnt let it show

i would rant at my sponsor over it hence he knew how i was really doing

that man did an amazing job with me just by being there and listening to my rubbish etc

anyway i soon started to get back to doing what i had to do and get off my back side and stop the poor me stuff

its not poor me at all its poor my son, that kid had such bravery can you imagine being just 16 years old and knowing everyday or every moment you can just die ?

i had to watch him suffer, i had to be there with him on my own holding him when in pain,

what parent can watch there kid suffer and have nothing no hope of saying to them dont worry it will all come good ? or take this medicine it will make you better ?

never in my life time have i ever felt so utterly powerless i would give anything to have saved him and for him to still be here getting excited for xmas like many other kids are doing this time of year

so how do i unthink all these memorys ? do i go to dr a for a pill ? no i dare not
so like i said there is no way in the world you can think your way out of something i have to work on me every day, i have to get up in the morning and start to do things, and for me that means seeing how someone else is doing today that might need a bit of help

that the only way forward i can offer up to anyone really, as i dont believe running off to a dr for a pill will do any good but thats just for me and how i have come to cope with it myself.

i am lucky also that i have aa and meetings to go to where i can find plenty of people struggling with trying to stay off the drink by helping them i free my mind from my own pain and it does work hence i do so much of it, today i am back at work and just getting on with life again i still hurt i am still in pain but its nothing like it was 2 years ago
so time and effort have helped me but i have also come to accept that things will never again ever be like they once was for me as i loved my child with all my heart
i have 5 kids and now i only have 4 its like my heart has been smashed into 5 pieces and its been put back together again but with only 4 pieces so its never going to be a whole one again

i know this isn't a well written article or i dont have a phd on the subject. and that maybe those who do have a phd on things might know better than me
but its just my own personal experience of what i have had to do in order to find any sort of peace
so the idea i can sit and just think about it and it will help me would in my eyes lead me back to a drink and whatever else would happen to me after taking the drink

jazzfish

For me, there is a critical tie-in that marked a very real turnaround in my life. It is one of the reasons I posted this in the Secular Connections forum, as it is OK to think, and to think about different things, and to craft a unique and personal path out of infinite possibilities.

jazzfish

I think we are getting nit-picky. I am a firm believer that actions follow thoughts, but through continued action we can nurture a change in our thoughts. It is my thinking that guides me in what to do, including just allowing myself to grieve for a time.

So, I consider my thinking as the foundation for any actions; however, just that does not mean I limit myself to thinking in complete absence of action.

LBrain

thanks for the links Jazzfish and Freshstart.

Hollyanne

Hi Jazzfish,
I didn't like the article.
Ha!
That is because, I am GUILTY!
I have a tendency to unload on people.
I talk too much!
I infuse humour and try to listen to others, but am bursting to tell them about ME!
I didn't talk for years.
We didn't "do" talking.
"Talk makes you foolish"
"Keep your head down and say nothing"
"A shut mouth catches no flies".
Then, thousands of miles from home, in a foreign country, with a foreign language, helped by drinking, I started to talk.
I haven't shut up since.
I am now at the point, where I want to journal, instead of talk.
But, I can't concentrate.
I am too skattered, lazy, whatever.
So, I resolve to go to work tomorrow and, ZIP IT!

My sister took me aside during the summer to tell me in a way to ease up.
Apparently, I have a need to be understood and she, for one does not or does not wish to understand.
So, I have to get this out some way without vomiting all over others.
I went to therapy for years. It got me so far.
I have not "cleared away the wreckage of my past".
I carry it with me.
I am now a care giver of sorts to the three adults who raised me.
Boy, does that bring up issues.
I have to bite my tongue. I cannot beat up old people.
It is not socially acceptable. LOL.
I am however, aware that this is where I am supposed to be.
I tried running away for twenty years or more.
They are in my head. Along with all the other crap accumulated along the way.
Jaysus! I am so unwell!!!
Ah well......
Thanks again.

MesaMan

A good Thread...

First, thee instant I read this in Post #7, the word 'can' meant to me only that to think oneself up and out of Depression was - in some Cases - possible. 'Can' is conditional; not absolute. No Medical Advice was being rendered:

'We most certainly can think our way out of sadness and depression, although I would never presume to advise a bereaved parent.'

It didn't mean to me that everyone could - or that everyone should - do so. It was not an imperative to be invoked in 100.dot.zero percent of Depression Scenarios. It would not occur to me to conclude, from the use of the word 'can', that crushing Life situations like loss of a Child are necessarily amenable to Self Recovery, or solutions found via Google. Indeed, solutions like Self-Healing from the loss of a Relative were taken right off the Table in the sentence quoted above.

I agree with much of the Article, so thanks jazzfish for that Link. I've turned around my Thinking over time, and continue to work at it. By most external Metrics, I've got it made in the shade here in early Retirement. Realizing that, and enjoying Life now Sober, is absolutely up to me via the Mindset I create. I 'think myself' up and out of moderate 'funks' weekly. The trick for me is to 'self-know' when Mental Self-Recovery is even possible. Just as is the case with Self-Healing a bad Cold vs. seeing a MD.

In other News, we have thoroughly enjoyed our Biz/Personal Trips to Ireland, Hollyanne. We still giggle about the ~45 minute Chats that ensue when asking only where the Train Station is! If you don't like long Chats, do yourself a favor and avoid Ireland!-) Our time there resulted in some of the best memories, around Dalkey Island, of all the 18 Countries I hit in Decades of High Tech Biz Travel. NOT the ideal Country to try to cut down talking in! [j/k].

The Article Link again here for convenience...


'Do You Talk About Your Problems Too Much?' ~ theemotionmachine.com

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ando68

Looking back on my last post it sounds a bit offensive to certain people or at least could come across like that. I jumped in and went on a bit of a rant even about the therapy when what was being discussed was really self help methods to counter negativity affecting ones life. I find it hard to contain how I feel at times in relation to dis empowerment, which was my experience in a certain grouping for many years. I was advised not to trust my own mind or make any big decisions or get into relationships,,, the list goes on. If I disagreed with what was being suggested I was told I was trying to run the show & heading for certain disaster. Funny enough this actually happened on many occasions,, the self fulfilling thingy. Anyway, this secular section which encourages self empowerment and free thinking seems to be in total contrast to that mode of thinking and I suppose thats why I am attracted to it. Its not that I have much against members, in fact I still have friends from that section, we just never mention methods really. Its more to do with the doctrine and what it stands for. I know the best way forward is make room for all, but I suppose im still shaking the dirt off my boots and at times its tricky.
again ,, no offense intended.

ando68

Oops, double take