Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Secular Recovery > Secular Connections
Reload this Page >

I think I will make this little corner of the internet my home

Blogs


Notices

I think I will make this little corner of the internet my home

Old 12-10-2014, 11:06 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Better when never is never
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I think I will make this little corner of the internet my home

I have spent a lot of time bouncing between different recovery forums (both this site and others). What I have been finding is that the more time I spend in the halls of "recoveryism" the worse of I am. This is both in terms of time and ideas. I have been making an effort to shed many of the ideas I feel I had been (wrongly) conditioned to believe.

My current thoughts on quitting are:
Quitting is not epic. It is simple. Donít drink.
Quitting is as permanent as you decide it is.
Quitting does not require lots of your time.
Quitting is entirely based on the behaviors you choose.

I know I struggled with and was also disappointed by the fact that all that is required to quit is to never, ever pick up another drink. For me, no amount of therapy, methods, meetings, books, movies, documentaries, or online forums will ever get past this simple, basic fact. And while I believe that all these things can help alleviate and support the journey through the initial uncomfortable part; I also believe that I should move on to a more deeply defined life. I think the Secular Connections forum provides what I need.
jazzfish is offline  
The Following 51 Users Say Thank You to jazzfish For This Useful Post:
aasharon90 (12-10-2014), anattaboy (12-15-2014), ando68 (12-10-2014), bigsombrero (12-10-2014), biminiblue (12-10-2014), brynn (12-11-2014), ChaseReaper230 (09-24-2016), Dah (12-13-2014), Delilah1 (08-14-2016), dwtbd (12-11-2014), esinger (04-08-2015), Fluffer (02-28-2015), FoundmySelf (05-23-2015), fred59 (08-14-2016), fripfrop (08-06-2016), Fusion (09-20-2016), Goodfellas (10-12-2016), Hevyn (12-10-2014), IfYouCanDream (06-17-2015), jerri11 (12-10-2014), jesshonesty (08-06-2016), JoeinHouston (07-24-2015), JustFine (08-14-2016), LaVallette (12-28-2014), LBrain (12-10-2014), Lenina (12-11-2014), LizWM126 (12-30-2014), lovetosail (04-08-2015), MesaMan (12-10-2014), MidnightBlue (12-15-2014), Midton (04-08-2015), MythOfSisyphus (12-10-2014), NikTes (04-10-2015), PiratePrentice (09-24-2016), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Retread1959 (08-04-2015), SDH73 (04-08-2015), silentrun (04-08-2015), soberlicious (12-13-2014), Soberpotamus (12-10-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), starstarstar (11-29-2016), Steely (11-20-2016), Stratman1 (04-10-2015), toadie54 (07-24-2015), Treerat66 (09-27-2016), Ustacallmelola (01-12-2017), Verte (04-08-2015), VikingGF (07-21-2015), Wholesome (12-29-2014)
Old 12-10-2014, 11:19 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
LBrain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Blog Entries: 2
I like the way you think.
LBrain is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to LBrain For This Useful Post:
bigsombrero (12-10-2014), jazzfish (12-10-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016)
Old 12-10-2014, 11:22 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 116,412
Glad you found a comfortable place, jazzfish.
SoberLeigh is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SoberLeigh For This Useful Post:
jazzfish (12-10-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016)
Old 12-10-2014, 12:45 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
ando68's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Ireland.
Posts: 238
Well said jazzfish.
ando68 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ando68 For This Useful Post:
jazzfish (12-10-2014), Steely (11-20-2016)
Old 12-10-2014, 12:50 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
bigsombrero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America
Posts: 4,063
Blog Entries: 5
You're sounding grounded, Jazzfish. I'm interested to hear your thoughts on recovery, and what you believe may be most the effective thought processes for those involved in the game.
bigsombrero is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to bigsombrero For This Useful Post:
jazzfish (12-10-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016)
Old 12-10-2014, 12:55 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
ardy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Blog Entries: 13
pull up a chair to the fire have a cuppa as the english say.. and listen to the fire crackle and the people chatter about real life and their lives.. jump in the water is great and the company even better.. funny just now I could smell hazelnut coffee and whipped cream.. hahahaha love to you all and Jazzfish you come and listen these are great people.. ardy richter milwaukee wisconsin...
ardy is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ardy For This Useful Post:
jazzfish (12-10-2014), jesshonesty (08-06-2016), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016)
Old 12-10-2014, 01:04 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Better when never is never
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by bigsombrero View Post
I'm interested to hear your thoughts on ... what you believe may be most the effective thought processes for those involved in the game.
For me, the most important thought process was to understand that my sobriety was completely my responsibility and that the motivation and commitment were going to have to come from inside me. For a long time, I expected it to come from something external such as hitting a particular bottom, appealing to a higher power, watching certain movies, reading a certain book, or adopting a particular approach. It wasn't until I finally accepted that if I wanted this thing, then I was going to have to do the work and make the right decisions. That doesn't mean those other things can be valuable sources of support, but none of them will do it for you.
jazzfish is offline  
The Following 28 Users Say Thank You to jazzfish For This Useful Post:
ando68 (12-10-2014), bigsombrero (12-11-2014), brynn (12-11-2014), Cascabel (12-12-2014), chanty (06-03-2015), ChaseReaper230 (09-24-2016), dwtbd (12-11-2014), esinger (04-08-2015), flame11 (11-19-2016), freshstart57 (12-10-2014), fripfrop (08-06-2016), IfYouCanDream (06-17-2015), jesshonesty (08-06-2016), Justincredible (12-15-2014), LBrain (12-17-2014), lovetosail (04-08-2015), MattAbroad (12-15-2014), MesaMan (12-10-2014), MythOfSisyphus (12-12-2014), oak (12-10-2014), soberlicious (12-13-2014), Soberpotamus (12-10-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016), Ustacallmelola (01-12-2017), Verte (04-08-2015), Wholesome (12-29-2014)
Old 12-10-2014, 01:09 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,913
Blog Entries: 69
Originally Posted by jazzfish View Post
I also believe that I should move on to a more deeply defined life.
^^^This!

I also like the way you think Putting down the drink is the first step of course, but it's only a first step. Then, I usually view sobriety as a sort of skeleton, which is necessary but not sufficient by itself to live a more fulfilling life relative to the one we used to soak in alcohol. Basically, for me, sobriety is not the "goal" really but an essential component of the process that can lead to finding new values and creating a more fulfilling life. Because of this, getting overly hooked upon and obsessed with sobriety by itself can even sometimes be counterproductive.

The reason why I personally enjoy participating in SR regularly at this point is because there is just so much going on all the time, we talk about so many different aspects of life -- and this is what interests me more than anything. So many different personalities, world views, values, ways of living. I am attracted to other things, eg. philosophy, for the same reason. These things help adjust and refine my views and goals but I think ultimately each of us need to figure out our own way.

So what are your thoughts and goals putting all this in a larger context?
Aellyce is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Aellyce For This Useful Post:
1984Toy (09-24-2016), bigsombrero (12-11-2014), jazzfish (12-10-2014), LBrain (12-10-2014), Lenina (12-11-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), starstarstar (11-29-2016), Steely (11-20-2016), Verte (04-08-2015)
Old 12-10-2014, 02:32 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Self recovered Self discovered
 
freshstart57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,147
That chair over there, the comfy overstuffed one, has your name on it, Jazzfish. I enjoy reading about your journey and feel as you do about 'recoveryism' as it lines up with my experience as well.

For me, quitting drinking is the first step to abstinence, and the only one. A sober life permits all sorts of activities and personal fulfillment can become a goal once secure abstinence is achieved. It seems to me to be the only reasonable goal, but that one is even more subjective and personal than the abstinence goal. I tend to look at sobriety as an opportunity to do stuff, but of itself it is a choice that depends on nothing else. To make this choice dependent on something else is to provide a mechanism for failure, and I won't accept that for me.
freshstart57 is offline  
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to freshstart57 For This Useful Post:
anattaboy (12-15-2014), ando68 (12-10-2014), bigsombrero (12-11-2014), dwtbd (12-11-2014), flame11 (12-05-2016), FoundmySelf (05-23-2015), GerandTwine (12-10-2014), Goodfellas (10-12-2016), jazzfish (12-10-2014), LBrain (12-17-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016), Stewart888 (10-18-2015), VikingGF (07-21-2015), Wholesome (12-29-2014)
Old 12-10-2014, 02:37 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 44,038
It's great to have you here Jazz. I dropped in 7 yrs. ago and never left. It is home.
Hevyn is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
jazzfish (12-10-2014), Lenina (12-11-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016), Stewart888 (10-18-2015), sunkndrunk (01-30-2017), VikingGF (07-21-2015)
Old 12-10-2014, 04:52 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Better when never is never
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Thanks to everyone for the welcome! It feels good to be settled and decluttered.

Originally Posted by haennie View Post
So what are your thoughts and goals putting all this in a larger context?
My thought is that sobriety is the necessary condition for everything else I want to achieve in life. I have vague goals for fitness, family and career, but I will wait until the very end of the year to define them.

Originally Posted by freshstart57 View Post
I tend to look at sobriety as an opportunity to do stuff, but of itself it is a choice that depends on nothing else.
Thanks freshstart57. This is exactly as I see it and as I need to see it. I have always admired and identified with the things you say here. It was actually while re-reading your AVRT explained sticky when it hit me that this is where I belong.

I look forward to learning more about everyone and share more in the months ahead.
jazzfish is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to jazzfish For This Useful Post:
anattaboy (12-15-2014), ando68 (12-10-2014), freshstart57 (12-10-2014), LBrain (12-10-2014), MesaMan (12-10-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Soberpotamus (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016), Verte (04-08-2015)
Old 12-10-2014, 11:55 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,541
I think much as you do, jazzfish.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MythOfSisyphus For This Useful Post:
bigsombrero (12-11-2014), jazzfish (12-11-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016)
Old 12-11-2014, 07:27 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
bigsombrero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America
Posts: 4,063
Blog Entries: 5
Originally Posted by haennie View Post
Basically, for me, sobriety is not the "goal" really but an essential component of the process that can lead to finding new values and creating a more fulfilling life.
Too true, same here! Glad to hear this type of discussion here, and thanks again Jazzfish for bringing it up. I think that viewing sobriety as the "end goal" is a bit dangerous. There's no prize that shows up in your mailbox after the first year (I know, because I checked). There's no magic bullet.

However, sobriety is an essential part of my existence now. In a way, I feel like I was looking out the window for 19 years and now I've finally dared to open the door and go outside. And what a wild ride it is! I have really embraced using sobriety as a stepping stone to begin leading a more rewarding life and I'm glad there are others seekers and explorers here who are engaging in the search for a meaningful existence.
bigsombrero is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to bigsombrero For This Useful Post:
Creekryder (12-15-2014), flame11 (11-19-2016), jazzfish (12-11-2014), Justincredible (12-15-2014), LBrain (12-17-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Steely (11-20-2016), Wholesome (12-29-2014), Yankee73 (04-17-2015)
Old 12-11-2014, 08:11 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
ardy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Blog Entries: 13
a little Southern Jazz for the Holidays from Miss Holiday and Mr. Armstrong.. for this is the JazzFish that has joined these ranks and we need alitle of good Jazz. for the Holidays.. http://youtu.be/rlyrBPkkXvY please enjoy sounds of my past...
ardy is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to ardy For This Useful Post:
jazzfish (12-11-2014)
Old 12-11-2014, 09:54 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
MesaMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,320
Off The Table

Seconding all the above...

One of my Taglines is: 'I don't kick Puppies. I don't hit Women. And, I don't drink'.

What that is intended to be about to is to illustrate, and live by, a point I feel is often missed in Hand-wringing Threads elsewhere. We each have in our Lives things we just don't do. Can you imagine someone popping onto SR here and saying 'Gee, I'm not sure I can avoid smacking my Wife again, but I'm gonna give it a go. Ooops, relapsed, and now she's in the ER. I didn't mean to get that pissed at her'. A dramatic example, I realize, but right where I mentally compartmentalized any further Drinking behavior/option. It's behavior that's forever off the Table.

Once one equates Drinking again as being a similar, fundamentally-unacceptable Behavior, a lot of the angst and malarkey surrounding Drinking simply evaporates.

Eventually, the decision to not pick up, and Drink ever again, soaks right down to your Bones and becomes part of who you are. For me - now at all of 11 months in - this also provides a 'work around' to the daunting, false obstacle of unnecessarily imagining - or fixating on - never drinking again.

You can't fret what - mentally - isn't an option anymore. Glad to see you joining us!

'There's no place like Home' ~ Dorothy Gale

-----
MesaMan is offline  
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to MesaMan For This Useful Post:
ando68 (12-11-2014), bigsombrero (12-11-2014), Cascabel (12-12-2014), dwtbd (12-11-2014), flame11 (11-19-2016), freshstart57 (12-11-2014), Goodfellas (10-12-2016), jazzfish (12-11-2014), Justincredible (12-15-2014), LBrain (12-17-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), soberlicious (12-13-2014), Soberpotamus (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Wholesome (12-29-2014)
Old 12-11-2014, 11:09 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,700
Jazzfish, great to see you here in this corner of the interwebs
dwtbd is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dwtbd For This Useful Post:
jazzfish (12-11-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014)
Old 12-11-2014, 02:24 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Marchia in Aeternum
 
trachemys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 10,894
Welcome. Here be sane people.
trachemys is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to trachemys For This Useful Post:
ando68 (12-11-2014), jazzfish (12-11-2014), MesaMan (12-11-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015)
Old 12-13-2014, 08:48 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,700
Well I may go as far as here be sober people ..
dwtbd is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dwtbd For This Useful Post:
readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015)
Old 12-13-2014, 08:48 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,700
Duplicate
dwtbd is offline  
Old 12-13-2014, 11:47 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,272
Originally Posted by jazzfish
My current thoughts on quitting are:
Quitting is not epic. It is simple. Don’t drink.
Quitting is as permanent as you decide it is.
Quitting does not require lots of your time.
Quitting is entirely based on the behaviors you choose.
I like it. I like it alot.

It was these ideas that really finally freed me. What is most comforting to me is that I do not live in fear. I am not afraid that alcohol is around the corner waiting to ambush me. I made the choice to become a non drinker and to experience all that life brings me without ever altering those experiences with intoxicants. It's just that simple.
soberlicious is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to soberlicious For This Useful Post:
ando68 (12-13-2014), flame11 (12-05-2016), ishallnotwant (12-13-2014), jazzfish (12-13-2014), jesshonesty (08-06-2016), LBrain (12-17-2014), readerbaby71 (12-14-2014), Solarion (04-08-2015), Stewart888 (10-18-2015)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:24 AM.