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Done with AA

Old 07-07-2014, 11:21 AM
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Done with AA

I am NOT digging AA at all. I've tried it again and again and I just don't like it. The straw that broke the camel's back was Friday when I was "sharing" about a step I hadn't done yet. A woman across the table rolled her eyes and started chuckling when I said something that (I thought) showed my lack of knowledge about the step. It freaked me out. I realize this is one incident with one person and whatever but I have to find a different way to stay sober.

I'm looking into AVRT but wouldn't mind suggestions if you have them.

Thanks.
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Old 07-07-2014, 11:24 AM
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Well, seems like you are staying sober.

I stopped going to meetings for now, too.

SR is a great way to do it!
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Old 07-07-2014, 11:29 AM
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I don't go to AA meetings anymore either, but my reasons are different from yours. Really, I think in any group you might find people who'll roll their eyes at you... those people are everywhere. I wouldn't let that stop you.

I have used Women For Sobriety, SMART, AVRT, mindfulness techniques, and have read quite a few recovery books. I have found something useful in every single thing I've tried. I continue to use these in a cumulative sense. I've been sober 460 days.

Also, another thought: Have you considered just studying the steps and AA literature on your own? There is nothing wrong with that, although some people in the fellowship will disagree.

I am all about forging a path that works. Do what works for you Good luck!
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Old 07-07-2014, 11:48 AM
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Hi ElleDee,

I am SO glad to see you here!

I hope this thread doesn't get axed, because I think it does fit the arena where we are touting alternates to group programs.

I've been to AA and there were parts of it that I found really useful, and I took those parts away with me to use them for my own benefit. I just don't thrive with ANY kind of group therapy that tries to fit everyone into the same mold.

I am stubborn and persistent, and I sometimes get in trouble for my big mouth. However, like the bumper sticker says, "Well behaved women seldom make history," a quote attributed to many but actually first said by Laurel Ulrich, an eminent Pulitzer-Prize-winning Professor of early American history at Harvard University.

I now use that as my mantra when I get to making trouble in my life.

Hang in there. You are a strong, intelligent woman. You CAN do what you want in life. I understand you are an artist? An abstract thinker, for sure. AVRT is perfect for you.
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Old 07-07-2014, 11:58 AM
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Great commentary from everyone! Thanks so much. It's all very helpful. I am very grateful.
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Old 07-07-2014, 12:00 PM
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Oops... hope I don't get in trouble for my post. I thought it would be okay in this forum. Oh well.
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Old 07-07-2014, 12:07 PM
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Originally Posted by ElleDee View Post
I'm looking into AVRT but wouldn't mind suggestions if you have them.
Find what works for you, not people that you enjoy. There are inconsiderate people using RR, SMART, LifeRing, WFS - you name it. If an eyeroll puts you off a method you are going to run out of methods before too long. There are people having unchirpy days just about everywhere.
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Old 07-07-2014, 12:30 PM
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I don't go to meetings anymore either, but I try to keep an open mind as I can see the success friends of mine have had with more traditional methods.

My opinion (and I have never been accused of being well mannered) is that it is important to find a fit that is congruent with who you are. I think there is a learning curve involved in early sobriety and what feels right at 3 months might feel different a year from now. Feeling uncomfortable with a method doesn't mean you are rejecting sobriety, that is a mistake I have made before. As strange as it sounds, deciding that I was not going to drink no matter what afforded me the luxury to be able to find the support I needed at different periods.

SR is a treasure trove of good advice, support and a willingness from many to share what worked for them. Keep speaking up, reaching out and taking an active role in your sobriety. For many of us that means tapping into the part of us that we have sublimated in an effort to be "well behaved".
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Old 07-07-2014, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by ElleDee View Post

I'm looking into AVRT but wouldn't mind suggestions if you have them.

Thanks.
My advice is to go through the 'Bullets for My Beast' slideshow/presentation. I did so in early October 2012 and have never touched a drop since. It was all I needed. I understand there are books and supplemental materials for those that need or desire them but just the 'Crash Course' was enough for me.

FWIW, and without knocking any other programs, AVRT discourages "recoveryism" and meetings. For my own part I agree, at least as it applies to myself.

One thing AVRT and AA have in common though is their core requirement- a sincere desire to stop drinking. If you don't truly want it deep down than your Big Plan will be a sham, a lie, and you won't stick with it. Look into your soul and ask yourself if you're ready to be a non-drinker for the rest of your life. I'm not being facetious at all. If you're not ready then nothing will help you stop. But you appear to be very eager to stop, and AVRT might be all that you need!
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Old 07-07-2014, 06:54 PM
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I agree with soberjennie in that you can always use whatever you can and need to assist you in you journey. Aside from not ever drinking again, improving my life and outlook became the focus.
There are some of the numbers I find very useful out of the dozen. One example is a reflection on my day. A daily inventory. One of the things I noticed months ago was the similarities between the dozen and the Eastern philosophies of living. I am reading some Buddhist teachings - I am not becoming a Buddhist - and another good read/practice, "Full Catastrophe Living" Good luck.
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Old 07-07-2014, 11:12 PM
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Originally Posted by LBrain View Post
I agree with soberjennie in that you can always use whatever you can and need to assist you in you journey. Aside from not ever drinking again, improving my life and outlook became the focus.
There are some of the numbers I find very useful out of the dozen. One example is a reflection on my day. A daily inventory. One of the things I noticed months ago was the similarities between the dozen and the Eastern philosophies of living. I am reading some Buddhist teachings - I am not becoming a Buddhist - and another good read/practice, "Full Catastrophe Living" Good luck.
I like that about Buddhism, the idea of "take what's useful". You don't have to subscribe full-on to a program in order to extract a few ideas and methods that resonate with you. You then put these little tools in your toolkit and extract another tool from another program or book or way of thinking that spoke to you. At the end of the day, you'll then have a toolkit that is custom made for you! To me, that is way more helpful than a one-size-fits-all model.
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Old 07-07-2014, 11:24 PM
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Originally Posted by ElleDee View Post

A woman across the table rolled her eyes and started chuckling

by the grace of God there go I

we need to remember that all there are not healthy

MM
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Old 07-08-2014, 12:56 AM
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AA as we all know has helped a lot of people. I know folks who go everyday and it has kelp them sober. I've gone, but it's just not for me. AA I must say does help me to keep sober though. I feel if I drink again I will have to go to AA, that's enough to help me keep sober. )
Yes, check into AVRT. I'm sure not for everyone also but it works for me...Good luck and don't worry about that lady..Good for you to get up and speck.
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Old 07-08-2014, 01:00 AM
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I am sorry that this happened to you. I personally don't get people that do this. It doesn't add anything to the meeting and it just isn't helpful. All it takes is for one person to act this way to turn off others to something that might really benefit them .
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Old 07-08-2014, 01:05 AM
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To keep the focus on the present, rather than the past - have you explored any other secular alternatives yet ElleDee?

SMART Recovery
Rational Recovery
LifeRing
SOS (Secular Organizations for Sobriety)
WFS (Women For Sobriety)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...cular-web.html

D
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Old 07-08-2014, 01:35 AM
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Dee is right, there are lots of options...and in the US, you seem to have a lot of established groups and alternatives to AA.

You are fortunate to have so many face to face options!

(Minus the eye rolling, of course....anyway, I thought that was reserved for high school?)
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Old 07-08-2014, 03:40 AM
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I believe any program of recovery must address 3 things

The psychological
The social
The spiritual

Long term sobriety is about building a new life without alcohol
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Old 07-08-2014, 04:23 AM
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I am not a member myself of AA, so I think there are good reasons not to take part. But I am a bit baffled as to why you are "done with AA." Was it because a person at a meeting was rude?

Is it going to be a requirement that any recovery group you are part of does not have any rude members? Or is there something I am missing in this story?

It is hard to recommend anything without understanding what bothered you in AA and what you hope to find elsewhere.
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Old 07-08-2014, 04:27 AM
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This is the secular forum guys.
Please focus the topic on secular alternatives Elle Dee might try.

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Old 07-08-2014, 04:54 AM
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Originally Posted by ElleDee View Post
I am NOT digging AA at all. I've tried it again and again and I just don't like it. The straw that broke the camel's back was Friday when I was "sharing" about a step I hadn't done yet. A woman across the table rolled her eyes and started chuckling when I said something that (I thought) showed my lack of knowledge about the step. It freaked me out. I realize this is one incident with one person and whatever but I have to find a different way to stay sober.

I'm looking into AVRT but wouldn't mind suggestions if you have them.

Thanks.
ElleDee. I had a similar experience in AA early on. I ran hard and fast. For me I started reading RR (AVRT) and began drafting a Big Plan and discussing with other more senior members on this Forum. I ended up returning to AA but the process of learning AVRT and another program I believe was quite instrumental in my own personal resolve and understand what works and doesn't for me.

Good luck. Any program that involves others is going to be subject to unwell people that can taint the program. RR uses the AVRT technique without meetings so you remove that risk.
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