Blogs


Notices

I have 90 days to turn my life around.

Old 06-18-2014, 04:02 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
I have 90 days to turn my life around.

I guess in truth I only need one day and that day will consistently be 'today' if I'm always sober today then I will be fine.

Anyway 90 days refers to more than just the no alcohol part. Granted it's the most important part because if I'm not sober I don't allow myself any chances or grab any opportunities - so I'm going to stay with family who are well aware of my drinking and the lengths my beast goes to convince me and everyone else that I'm so ok and it's not a problem. Oh my word is it ever a problem!

In truth I'm ready for this but I'm also not naive about how uneasy I find living sober. Which is a contradiction because every time I drink I find it so hard. So maybe my first thought wasn't even mine hmm
13unluckyforsom is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to 13unluckyforsom For This Useful Post:
HeadLump (06-19-2014), Lenina (06-19-2014), MythOfSisyphus (06-25-2014), Tippingpoint (08-13-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 04:39 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Self recovered Self discovered
 
freshstart57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,147
Hi 13Unlucky. I think you spoke truth in your last paragraph, that living is sober is too difficult. On the other hand, living drunk is so much harder than that! This is a good awareness, that your first thought is definitely about continuing to drink and therefore is all about your AV.

So, about a plan about continuing to use alcohol - what does yours look like? Is acceptance of life's challenges, drunk or sober, going to be a part of that plan?

Best to you, 13, I know you can do this.
freshstart57 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to freshstart57 For This Useful Post:
Stewart888 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 05:15 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
It has to look like me getting to a place where I can stand on my own two feet and hold my head up a smile.

It has to be a life worth living with things that fulfil my purpose.

It has to be better than the alternative

I have to allow myself to be loved. I have to be kind to myself.

My av didn't like that last part for some reason because he said 'your not really that bad'

So in theory that's what my personal plan is but I also have rules at my brothers one of which includes me working with people and I just hope aa isn't expected. I'd much rather do cbt and get my support here. But I have to respect his conditions.
13unluckyforsom is offline  
Old 06-18-2014, 06:12 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Self recovered Self discovered
 
freshstart57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,147
I can see that your brother wants desperately to see you succeed, and is putting a lot of his own emotional currency at stake. We, you and I, both know that no matter what he does, he cannot take you to the place where you need to be, to that place where you can stand proud and strong, knowing that you have chosen to quit drinking for good for you and you alone. That is all up to you.

This is a scary thing, but it is also a good thing. There is your entire world at stake, riding on your ability, and that is scary. The good part, is that you can do this. You can do this, and you will do this, for the simple reason that you must.

Onward, 13.
freshstart57 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to freshstart57 For This Useful Post:
13unluckyforsom (06-18-2014), HeadLump (06-19-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 06:32 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,713
Blog Entries: 20
I can't think of any reason one couldn't go to CBT in the afternoon and AA in the evening (or vice versa). Or CBT on Monday and AA on Tuesday. I'm not advocating either, but if your brother makes AA a condition of his help and you think CBT would be more beneficial, there's no reason you can't do both.

Best of Luck to You!
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 06-18-2014, 07:24 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Originally Posted by freshstart57 View Post
I can see that your brother wants desperately to see you succeed, and is putting a lot of his own emotional currency at stake. We, you and I, both know that no matter what he does, he cannot take you to the place where you need to be, to that place where you can stand proud and strong, knowing that you have chosen to quit drinking for good for you and you alone. That is all up to you.

This is a scary thing, but it is also a good thing. There is your entire world at stake, riding on your ability, and that is scary. The good part, is that you can do this. You can do this, and you will do this, for the simple reason that you must.

Onward, 13.
You always nail it. My brother is making a huge donation from his emotional currency. But even the biggest guilt trip in the world will not get me to my happy place - I do realise this and it has to come from my big plan. Without that I don't have any choices. Without that I exist only as a memory in my head of somebody I used to know or somebody I'm hoping to be.
13unluckyforsom is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to 13unluckyforsom For This Useful Post:
MythOfSisyphus (06-19-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 09:48 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,539
I wish you well, 13unluckyforsom! Being sober can be difficult, at least at first. But you know how hard it is to live your life being drunk. It's no life at all, really.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to MythOfSisyphus For This Useful Post:
13unluckyforsom (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 09:56 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
rowd44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 123
Blog Entries: 2
Time will ease the strong desire but the desire will never go away if you don't work on the root causes in your life. Quitting for 90 days is big deal but you likely will drink again if you are not delving and working from the inside out. As an alcoholic my most natural reaction is to pick up a drinking. I have to constantly work on this and be aware of it. If you don't have a strong foundation the house will eventually fall. Just food for thought, best of luck friend
rowd44 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to rowd44 For This Useful Post:
13unluckyforsom (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 10:15 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 194,504
Blog Entries: 1
Best wishes emily

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
13unluckyforsom (06-19-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 11:21 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Originally Posted by rowd44 View Post
Time will ease the strong desire but the desire will never go away if you don't work on the root causes in your life. Quitting for 90 days is big deal but you likely will drink again if you are not delving and working from the inside out. As an alcoholic my most natural reaction is to pick up a drinking. I have to constantly work on this and be aware of it. If you don't have a strong foundation the house will eventually fall. Just food for thought, best of luck friend
Thanks - I've came to the place now that I realise I need to work on myself too. I realise that nobody who is happy or fulfilled wakes up every day and thinks 'I need to get smashed' or 'I'm going to get so drunk I don't remember whole days'

My beast is going daft he was about to start the blame game - granted I don't deserve the hurt I've had this past year and a half but all I do by drinking is make a bad day worse.

Today's day 3 of no drinking - but day 1 being here and tonight we are sitting down to talk about the plan together, me my brother and his girl. Maybe a bit scared of what's expected of me but also quietly calm and greatful for this opportunity.
13unluckyforsom is offline  
Old 06-18-2014, 11:24 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
I want to go out today and buy a notebook I can write in but that might not be possible so if I can't then you lot may have to listen to my ramblings till I get rid of this confused thinking.
13unluckyforsom is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to 13unluckyforsom For This Useful Post:
HeadLump (06-19-2014)
Old 06-19-2014, 12:45 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Realising my life
 
HeadLump's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Ramble away, 13. It's so good to see you back and fighting again
HeadLump is offline  
Old 06-19-2014, 04:52 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Self recovered Self discovered
 
freshstart57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,147
Journalling is strong and powerful mindfulness, 13. Just use some notepaper, no fancy shmancy moleskine is required. Put it to paper, throw it away. Rinse and repeat. Onward!
freshstart57 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to freshstart57 For This Useful Post:
ando68 (06-19-2014), Nonsensical (06-19-2014)
Old 06-19-2014, 05:23 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
I'm thinking while the weather's so nice if I take an hour or two a day and go sit by the river or somewhere peaceful and just write whatever randomness I feel it might help me focus. Right now I've found a bench and a tree to look at - easy pleased haha
13unluckyforsom is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to 13unluckyforsom For This Useful Post:
MythOfSisyphus (06-19-2014)
Old 06-19-2014, 10:58 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,539
Sounds like a very good plan, 13unluckyforsom.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
Old 06-25-2014, 09:50 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
Thought I'd check in for a wee update - so I'm still doing well. I volunteered to a hospice today so I'm waiting on them to contact me I've been going out every day walking and just smelling the roses. Sleeping and eating. I feel so much better it's great.
13unluckyforsom is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to 13unluckyforsom For This Useful Post:
Croissant (06-26-2014), MythOfSisyphus (06-25-2014), Nonsensical (06-25-2014)
Old 06-25-2014, 09:56 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Self recovered Self discovered
 
freshstart57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,147
This seems to me to be the sorta lifestyle that a quality person like you deserves, Emily. Some peace and serenity, some beauty and a little happiness once in a while. Alcohol never can take that from you again. Onward!
freshstart57 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to freshstart57 For This Useful Post:
13unluckyforsom (06-25-2014), Nonsensical (06-25-2014)
Old 06-25-2014, 10:10 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
I'm thinking it agrees with my soul funny you remembered my name. I'm impressed. Hope your doing well.
13unluckyforsom is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to 13unluckyforsom For This Useful Post:
Nonsensical (06-25-2014)
Old 06-25-2014, 02:17 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,539
The important thing is to know you can do it. Not think you can but know it. I am in the camp that uses AVRT which is similar to CBT. It has really helped me, if you haven't looked into it it's worth doing a search for it. It's not always easy but it's possible to stop drinking...and once you do an entirely different kind of life is not only possible but inevitable.

Life sober is maybe difficult but in reality life is just difficult. We all come from some place different personality-wise and situation-wise; some of us are dealt bad hands. But I have come to believe that life is only 15% what 'happens to us' and 85% how we deal with what happens. Lots of people who have all the 'cards' to be happy make themselves miserable while people who on the face of things have nothing are sometimes very fulfilled and happy.

Sorry if this is a ramble! Just trying to encourage you. Right now you just need to make a leap of faith. You can have doubts but for the next 90 days set the doubts aside. Allow yourself to believe and work whatever steps are in front of you.

You can do this!
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MythOfSisyphus For This Useful Post:
13unluckyforsom (06-26-2014), freshstart57 (06-25-2014), soberlicious (06-28-2014)
Old 06-26-2014, 05:32 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
13unluckyforsom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Uk
Posts: 1,190
I feel good but I don't think I "know" that I can do it yet. I'm still in a love/hate frame of mind over alcohol. I think maybe the longer I'm stopped my brain will catch up. I'm not going to drink because I don't want to once I play the tape but it's like breaking up with someone because you know it's not working - it's ok perhaps to miss someone or something you no longer want or can live with in your life? Maybe this thinking is dangerous or just simply unproductive but it's what's going on.
13unluckyforsom is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to 13unluckyforsom For This Useful Post:
MythOfSisyphus (06-26-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:20 AM.