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I have 90 days to turn my life around.

Old 06-26-2014, 06:38 AM
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I understand when you say about how we deal with our hand being 85% because until the past week I was in my own house, alone except people who didn't have my best interests at heart - I had nothing but I found that if I looked closely enough then I could find some good in the day usually. I wouldn't say I enjoyed it but it certainly taught me how to be in the moment.
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Old 06-26-2014, 09:32 AM
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it's ok perhaps to miss someone or something you no longer want or can live with in your life? Maybe this thinking is dangerous or just simply unproductive but it's what's going on.

Emily,
there were things i missed, or at the very least thought i missed, which seems to amount to the same thing at those times
and these kinds of thoughts weren't dangerous for me because i could use them to help me figure out what it was i was really missing.
sometimes, it would be understanding. connection. other times, it would be relief. yet other times, i wanted intensity. or to avoid intensity.
looking at the "missing-thoughts" helped me identify what i needed, and what i didn't know how to get.
i used those thoughts as a tool, or a clue to myself.
i assumed they weren't about the booze itself, but about me.

and yes, the longer you're stopped, the more your brain has a chance.
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Old 06-26-2014, 10:22 AM
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Yeah my thoughts are probably because I don't know where to get my sense of escape and relief from now. I think I have to realise that I'm never going to get that abandon from anything natural. Although now that I think about it I was snorkeling at the weekend and I didn't think about anything much. Once I had an intrusive thought and I remember thinking 'wow I've not thought about that all afternoon' maybe I just need to learn some new escapes
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Old 06-26-2014, 10:24 AM
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My test comes on the 6th of August for 2 and a half weeks I'll be left alone. It's a long time off but I worry if ill be able to be accountable to myself by then.
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Old 06-26-2014, 11:07 AM
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Sure you will. Make plans for your time. Develop a safety valve, a place to go or something to do to fight the cravings. Run, walk, swim. Come here and post/chat.

Do whatever it takes.
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Old 06-26-2014, 07:18 PM
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13,
i found that it's okay to NOT escape.
and those moments you describe, like your snorkeling and realizing you hadn't been bothered by thinking about anything much...hey, that's great!
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Old 06-26-2014, 07:41 PM
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Hey, Emily. Just thought I'd drop in to give you a quick hello and let you know I check this thread often to see how you're doing.
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Old 06-26-2014, 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by 13unluckyforsom View Post
I worry if ill be able to be accountable to myself by then.
I think that you are accountable to yourself now, 13. There is no question of ability or suitability, or timing, or any of that stuff. You are accountable to you, now. It's just how it works.
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Old 06-27-2014, 04:52 PM
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Yeah I'm in control of this. It's my fight against the beast. Not my brothers or his other halfs responsibility. I'm on day 6 of not smoking too and in some ways that's harder than the alcohol to kick lol some professional told my brother it would be easier for me to kick all my addictions at once...... didn't he just make my day lol not!!

I've done spreadsheets today to sort out my finances too so I know exactly where I am and my forecast until January. It's a big bit of peace in having a plan to follow. Phew!
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Old 06-28-2014, 12:15 AM
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My finances improved when I quit drinking! I was blowing $650 per month just on wine! And that doesn't count stupid purchased made drunk or going out to eat while smashed.
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Old 06-28-2014, 12:41 AM
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It's easy to ignore things or justify bad choices when we're drinking - i have no excuse now lol
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Old 07-01-2014, 02:06 PM
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Really having intense cravings tonight - 2 weeks since I was last drunk. It's not happening but sheeesh do I wish it would be quiet!
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Old 07-01-2014, 02:58 PM
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I was wondering where you got off to. Get some exercise. Endorphins are better than booze or drugs.
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Old 07-01-2014, 03:11 PM
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Haha trachemys that's exactly what I did do - I took the dog out a walk all good. Phew
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Old 07-01-2014, 03:24 PM
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Old 07-01-2014, 05:55 PM
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Originally Posted by 13unluckyforsom View Post
Really having intense cravings tonight - 2 weeks since I was last drunk. It's not happening but sheeesh do I wish it would be quiet!
I remember having the same urges in the evening about two weeks in (thankfully, I was never much of a day drinker, so I rarely have any urges during the day). I was able to work myself through them by knowing they would go away and they weren't in control any longer. If I needed to, I either said to myself, "that's the Beast, not me", or "I never drink", and repeated as necessary.

Of course, the urges did settle down. I've found that time is my friend in this journey.
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Old 07-02-2014, 01:50 AM
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Originally Posted by FeenixxRising View Post
I remember having the same urges in the evening about two weeks in (thankfully, I was never much of a day drinker, so I rarely have any urges during the day). I was able to work myself through them by knowing they would go away and they weren't in control any longer. If I needed to, I either said to myself, "that's the Beast, not me", or "I never drink", and repeated as necessary.

Of course, the urges did settle down. I've found that time is my friend in this journey.
This is really key! Often people ask if the Beast ever stops, or they wonder if someday they won't hear the voice. The short answer is "no" the Beast will leave until we die. The bigger, better and longer answer is "it doesn't matter". Let the Beast rage, saying "NO" makes us stronger, not weaker.

It's important to say it! Say it out loud if you have to...NO! I have found that just saying it and meaning it is profoundly powerful. You might feel silly at first but try it. It feels good to show yourself the raw naked power you have over your Beast.

It really is a pitiful thing next to your own human mind!
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Old 07-21-2014, 02:15 AM
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How is it going, 13unluckyforsom? I hope you're hanging in there!
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Old 07-21-2014, 05:38 AM
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Ahh thanks for checking on me I'm doing really well. I got a job working for a children's cancer charity and I start tomorrow. It's going to be 14 hour days but the money is good so it balances out.

I'm feeling like I've finally given myself the chance to grow and live my life in the way I could only imagine a month ago. It's not all plain sailing but I'm 100 time's happier than I thought I'd ever be able to be.
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Old 07-21-2014, 06:08 AM
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Originally Posted by 13unluckyforsom View Post
Ahh thanks for checking on me I'm doing really well. I got a job working for a children's cancer charity and I start tomorrow. It's going to be 14 hour days but the money is good so it balances out. I'm feeling like I've finally given myself the chance to grow and live my life in the way I could only imagine a month ago. It's not all plain sailing but I'm 100 time's happier than I thought I'd ever be able to be.
Thats fantastic, always great to have a job that aligns with certain values. Keep us informed about how it works out. Its amazing sometimes that when you look at the mess behind us and the uncertainty in front of us there doesn't seem room for happiness, but happy we end up being and sometimes we can even get surprised.
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