notdrunkrg

Top of the world Monday, just missed losing it all by a few inches Tuesday. Still lost probably a year or more of career progress in the course of 6 hours.

Need to not gamble with my family's safety and security.

I half assed quitting a couple years ago, but after 2.5 months began the same pattern (normal social drinker for some number of months followed by a couple weeks of feeling really great about life and a ramping up of boozing culminating in some lovely blackouts that f me over). Been my pattern for probably 12-13 years, just it's a little more stretched out now and I have a ton more to lose.

I never established any meaningful accountability or human engagements that kept me on the path. I hope that participating here can play a part in not losing it all.

Thanks for listening.

FT

Hi notdrunkrg,

Welcome here. Are you drinking now?

notdrunkrg

No. 2 days. The Tuesday I refer to was this week's Tuesday.

I've reached out to a couple of long time friends (think since elementary school - I'm 37) who no longer live around here but I've maintained contact with. These guys cleaned up 2 and 4 years ago. Hoping they can bolster my situation.

I go in tomorrow to find out what my work repercussions are going to be, but I was to be promoted today (not happening of course) and I'm not sure what else may come. I know I'm employed though (or, reasonably certain of it) so I avoided rock bottom. I've got a house and a wife and kids and all, so I'm really dodging one here. I've got some real advocates for me at work and my family is dedicated to me.

So, I've got no excuse for going back to my patterns. I am, right at this moment, the luckiest person in the world.

notdrunkrg

I should note what happened Tuesday: I got drunk Monday night and went to go have a hair of the dog Tuesday. That turned into me attempting to hold a meeting with a number of junior people (at a local bar/restaurant) and proceeding to get fall-down drunk.

Leading into Monday I was absolutely at the top of my game, feeling wonderful and unstoppable. This is typically when i totally eff things up. It's funny in a not-funny-at-all way.

So, I need to remember one beer is as good a dangling my 4 year old in front of freeway traffic. And I think I need to build some people around me that help me remember that.

FT

I wonder if you might not want to post your threads on the regular Alcoholism forum. This part of SR gets less traffic.

In any event, it's good you are here. This is a good first step, especially if you are not inclined to go to groups. Having said that, one on one in person support is important for most of us here.

You have a wife and family, and that is every reason in the world to keep on this path. Repeating past errors is far less forgiving when there is a child involved. Your child needs to look up to you and look to you for the right way to live.

You have a good shot at that, you know.

notdrunkrg

yeah that's probably true. I did stop by the "New to Sober Recovery" and will probably spend most time there. I suspect I'm going to end up over here though... I'll spend a little more time getting a feel for the best place for stuff.

FeelingGreat

Hi, welcome to SR. Lots of us have been through the quit-moderate-drink lots cycle and it just doesn't work.
Be careful of the time when the remorse starts to fade and your AV (alcoholic voice) starts telling you it's ok to moderate, or some other plausible story. It never, never works, but you know that. This is when it would be good to be in a program, or counselling, or seek some other type of ongoing support because you are going to want to drink again and you need to be prepared.
I've found SR to be hugely helpful in staying sober long term.

FT

Yeah, me too. I have found kindred spirits here in the Secular Connections section. I just didn't want you to feel neglected! People do come along eventually!

I came to SR for help when I was feeling really bad, because I can't "out" myself publicly as an addict/alcoholic. That's not always a popular stance, but I've always been a private person.

What's amazing is how much help you can get from people you have no idea who they are, but such caring and helpful ideas do come through.

Post a lot, ask questions, and you will get a lot of support.

notdrunkrg

indeed. I've started planting bits of future accountability here and there. over the coming days I'm going to formulate a collection of strategies to make it easier to succeed. we'll see what that final plan looks like, but I have this burning need to be proactive right now.

I know (from experience) that the memory will fade and the bastard voice will tell me "a beer is cool man." the damn thing is it hits me when I'm on a high, after a long run, successful home or work project etc. tricky bastard...

Greenwood618

Advocates at work.

Family behind you.

Unstoppable. Top of your game.

Sound more like a beloved Superman-type character, a real master of the universe deftly closing big deals with one arm tied behind his back.

If you are interested in the planned, permanent abstinence of RR, none of that will do you any good.

It is impossible for a chronic drunkard to cease drinking because he fears the consequences.

The will always crumbles.

Unless you make a moral choice. Your human morality will never fail you.

But you are too busy admiring yourself in the mirror for now. I suggest your read the book Rational Recovery. It will cut through your BS. Unless you really don't want to quit drinking.

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR notdrunkrg!

Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life. This forum is a great resource for support, information, and feedback. The information part is what helped me the most, so I encourage newcomers to read a lot. We're all different, and you have to find the thing that works for you.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

fini

notdrunkrg,

welcome to you, and good going on what is now day three/

being actively engaged with others in the same boat was a huge help to me. hope you find something of use to you.

FT

Greenwood makes a good point.

If points one, two, and three all disappeared, would you drink then?

The point being, drinking or not drinking is a moot point once one self-identifies as a non-drinker.

For me, "moral choice" mattered in the least. There was no right or wrong among the reasons I chose not to drink any more. If so, I would have had enough good reasons to keep drinking, why I "deserved" a drink.

I like AVRT because it just makes logical sense, but I quit drinking many years before I discovered it.

Once you self-identify as a non-drinker, all choices then become simple. It doesn't matter whether you "feel like" drinking, "want" to drink, "deserve" a drink, or any other reason why you would otherwise drink. You simply do what other non-drinkers do, no matter what the situation -- something else.

notdrunkrg

Yep I lack humility. I'm hoping to grow up a bit. I appreciate your criticism (genuinely). I'll be nabbing the book.

Greenwood618

You won't regret it.

There is also a web site with a short version of the lessons for free that works for many people. RR is not a process or lifelong spiritual quest. It is a decision once and for all.

Humble people have drinking problems just like not humble ones. With RR you will learn that quitting drinking will not solve personality problems. But it does make them easier to fix and less painful to deal with.

notdrunkrg

It'll be here Tuesday.

RR certainly fits with the way I think (from what I see so far).

Greenwood618

Best of luck and pls let us know when you make your Big Plan. There is no better day than the day you make it.

FeenixxRising

Welcome. Yes, the same for me. When I'm feeling good, that voice suggests I have a few beers to feel even better. Unfortunately, I never stop at a few beers, and the result is the exact opposite of a "mood enhancement".

You may want to check out a technique called AVRT. It's a psychological method/technique for dealing with "the voice" that tells you to drink/use. I found it to be very effective. Just Google Rational Recovery if you're interested. There is also a lot of discussion on this site about AVRT.

At the very least, stick around this site; you will find a lot of support and inspiration here.

notdrunkrg

I'm investigating just how I'm going to do this. Engineer by trade, I need to apply that mode of thought to this personal thing.

I've engaged with some old friends who successfully stopped to a) see what they did and b) have some comradery.

I think this place (as well the other forums) will be helpful in having a group with shared experience and a sounding board. I don't have that in daily social circles and I don't use social media. I must say the attitude around here is freaking awesome.

I have the RR book on order.

topspin

Congrats on moving forward in AVRT, ..... there is a series of Threads here on SR that are pretty comprehensive,.....

Glad you are getting the book !