glasshalffull

Here I am again on day one. I can only get a week, two if I'm lucky, before I drink again. I am so at a loss today. I want sobriety and yet seem unable to achieve it. I don't want to join a group ( except this one) and Cbt methods I have tried have failed.
All I know is I'll will start taking the Antibuse again this afternoon and try again.

freshstart57

I needed to decide I was done with alcohol completely, that I wanted and deserved a life without addiction, that I was going to get it, and nothing would ever stop me.

Not only was I done with all the misery of alcoholism, I was going to get the good stuff that goes with sobriety too.

You can do it too, glasshalffull. I know you can. Make a plan and do things that people who don't ever drink do. Start there.

Raider

Glasshalfful you aren't ready. Keep trying. If you keep trying, one day you'll be sober.

glasshalffull

Thank-you both. I do need to challenge my assumption that I want sobriety. Clearly a part of me does not.
I also don't think much abt the joys of sobriety and making my life different sober. It takes effort and I just sit on my backside and do nothing.

Raider

Completely understand. It took me forever to want to want to. You know what I mean.

Eddiebuckle

Even after four plus years sober, I find I need to do something every day for my sobriety. Some days its meditation, other days reading, or going to meetings, but I am an alcoholic every day and will remain so for the rest of my life. I believe that I am either working to stay sober or drifting towards a drink. Over time the effort required is actually pretty minimal most days, but early sobriety is a serious effort every day for months.

MythOfSisyphus

I agree; it's weird but you can't really just say you want to be sober. You really have to want it deep down. For me AVRT was enough, perhaps because after 25 years I was really just sick and tired of it.

You can succeed! If I can you can.

Nonsensical

I quit drinking hundreds of times. I only started living sober once. It made all the difference.

My biggest reward has been breaking the shackles to alcohol with which my addiction had me bound. I was living my life around drinking, forfeiting so many better things along the way.

A real life is waiting for you. A life of freedom. Go get it. You will not be sorry.

DocSobrietist

That speaks to me. It's like, you can't just WANT to want-to-be-sober, you have to want sobriety without effort. Everything else everyone says about early recovery is pretty much true (I'm living it) but when you just naturally want sobriety, it's just necessary hard work you do, rather than it being an ongoing struggle.

All that other stuff about hitting bottom is hooey. Either your bottom is death or at some point you just make the decision.

-DrS

fini

I do need to challenge my assumption that I want sobriety.

ghf,
yes, i think that's important. was for me, anyway.
look deeper, see if you want it without reservations or conditions. see where the "want to drink" is playing.
sometimes, i'd find that i was "supposed" to want sobriety, but what i really wanted was to be sober but still drink, too.

i never used Antabuse, but it can give you that time to get past that one-or two-week hurdle and give you time to get used to different ways of living your days.

soberlicious

I believe that everyone who is in the throes of addiction really does want to quit. To say that one can't quit because they don't really want sobriety badly enough is false IMO. I think of my epiphany as a wrestling match. I wanted to quit for so long, but felt I could not. I was wrestling my addiction so to speak. It was on top, it was winning. But it only takes a split second to flip your opponent, and I did that. There were times *I* was on top, *I* was winning, only to be flipped to the bottom again.

But even a split second on top gave me enough time to get a foothold. Just enough foothold to get up and leave the ring forever...leaving my opponent there to die. Now the match is over. There is no more wrestling because I left the ring. It's over.

It's not easy to get out from under. Sometimes it seems impossible, but it's not. The strength is there within you. It will not be this hard forever, I promise.

You can do this.

Received

I really identify with soberlicious post because she was here, at SR, the night I made my first post. Her, along with other members, helped me gain footing in my wrestling match and I was able to flip to the top. Game over. I stopped drinking that night, while posting here. I got the stronghold I needed.

You know, I really believe if things had not unfolded on that thread the way they did I may still be struggling today. Finally got that monkey off my back forever.

sober1ck

Hang in there. Day one here also.

glasshalffull

Day 3 again . Yet I have been reading about ARVT and that looks promising. I understand that strictly speaking I would not be doing RR with Campral and Antibuse, but that's the way I'm doing it. I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. Ever. I am a sober person and no voice in my head can or will convince me otherwise.

glasshalffull

A week on and I'm still sober. Well, of course I am! It feels certain where before there were lingering doubts.

Dee74

way to go glasshalffull

D

soberlicious

Glasshalffull I'm so happy for you! Xo

FeenixxRising

Well done glass. Yes those lingering doubts were my major problem.

glasshalffull

Thank-you so much for the encouragement. It means a lot to me.

I'll stop counting so precisely soon ( too much like recoveryism for my liking, long-term at least) but I have woken to a beautiful, sunny day 8.

Happy days!

neferkamichael

Glasshalffull, A week on and I'm still sober? You are FANTASTIC, congratulations, rootin for ya.