13unluckyforsom

Regrettably so. I drank Fri, Saturday and Sunday but I was sober yesterday and today. My head hurts so much with the sadness.

That's all I can say right now.

Nonsensical

Welcome back. Hope you feel better soon.

Stoogy

We get back up, dust ourselves down and do our very best to make the last time exactly that- the last time.
Wishing you well.

soberlicious

What's your plan, 13?

13unluckyforsom

I have no intentions of keeping drinking but I needed somewhere that I could be honest and say that I drank for 3 days and I messed up again. I ended my relationship with someone who up until Friday was planning to move in with me - now I'm back at my house on my own and I think he has realised that I'm fine until I drink but I can go weeks and months being absolutely fine until I drink and then I can mess it up like nobody's business!

13unluckyforsom

I don't have one yet. I'm winging it to get through every minute. I've so much that I need to take control of myself but I feel so sad right now that I can't even speak to anyone. I was going to phone a friend for coffee but I'm such a mess that it wouldn't be fair to subject someone to that. I figured I'd come here and be honest and maybe snap out of it.

soberlicious

I know how that feels. It's so exhausting. I can remember just being so tired of it all.
So. Very. Very. Tired.

The sooner you put together a plan of action, the better.

You can do this. I believe in you, even if you don't yet.

chicory

[ That looks like a very good plan for now, 13, just get through a minute at a time, an hour, a day, at a time. That is what will get you there.

hugs, and hang in there!

13unluckyforsom

I forgot how this all felt so intense the sobering up and realisation part. It bloody hurts. It hurts knowing that if I'd just stayed sober this could have been avoided. It's hard to know that I'm not worth it to someone - that despite all my efforts and everything I gave to the relationship that I wasn't worth it.

13unluckyforsom

If I'm honest I got drunk because I felt like I wasn't being listened to, I felt like I had something I wanted to discuss but I was told to 'leave it' I was told it didn't need dissected.

The person was having a drink on Saturday - their well aware of my alcohol problems in the past but however I said no I wasn't drinking and we went and bought his alcohol. I then sat for a while getting angry at them for being able to enjoy drinking and thinking how unfair it was that I couldn't because I'd too much on my mind. In the end up I received a phone call and it led to us having words again and that's when I left his house and came home to mine and the 3 day binge started.

13unluckyforsom

Ok to get back on point - this isnt Oprah lol I used my frustration as an excuse to drink. I then used my guilt over drinking as an excuse to keep drinking which then led to me deciding that my relationship was over because it was easier than dealing with the fact that I'd messed up.

freshstart57

I understand the tendency to see this as a question of your self worth, but there are really so many other reasons for this to happen and none of them have anything to do with you. Many of them are really really good reasons, and you have dodged a toxic bullet of some kind, and we will never know what kind exactly. It's not really important, but it is important to understand that this is the right thing to have happened.

There is only one thing wrong that happened, and it was within your control, and that was your decision to get hammered. Don't be doing that now. There is nothing that can happen that is so awful that drinking cannot make worse.

13unluckyforsom

I know if I'm being honest I wasn't feeling secure or valued in my relationship for a while and it was causing me a lot of confusion trying to work out where I stood. It might have been due to over thinking on my part but I did try to resolve it by talking and it wasn't validated.

At the end of the day I think I drank because I knew I had to walk away and even the right decisions still hurt. I don't feel like drinking ever helps me - in this case it just complicated things and has left me feeling like I failed. If I hadn't drank then I wouldn't be feeling ashamed. I could have held my head high and said that I did the right thing. I did do the right thing. Just the wrong way.

Dee74

Welcome back 13

D

silentrun

Welcome back.

Stewart888

13 welcome back...

Stewart888

Well how is it going 13? If you take anything out of this thread and me too it is this by Freshstart57 " There is nothing that can happen that is so awful that drinking cannot make worse."
This is powerful!

13unluckyforsom

Fresh always knows exactly the right thing to say it's going good - I've been in bed with the flu for 5 days now though but I seem to be getting slightly better. Although it was the flu without the sickness etc I was just burning up and shivering and sore to touch.

I'm planning to stay alcohol free it really never has done me one ounce of good to get drunk. I'm a thinker and when I drink I just blurt it all out - maybe I should write messages in bottles lol maybe society and people just aren't capable of dealing with honesty. Maybe some things don't need said. Heck... maybe it's me lol maybe the problem is that I feel things too much.

13unluckyforsom

Today's a feeling too much day! I won't drink but feeling everything's sometimes tough

soberlicious

It is. But tough is ok. You are stronger than you think. Xo