I think my AV might be a bit of an idiot
 

I've only been an ex-drinker and using the AV method for a few days, but having successfully used a similar method to stop smoking in the past I can already tune-in quite efficiently into the AV and I know this method is going to work for me. I was a fairly epic binge drinker up until earlier in the week.

I feel a great weight has been lifted and I'm finding myself quite amused at some of the thoughts I'm having to brush off, it feels a bit weird to be sharing an internal monologue but it's just the internets so why not eh?

It seems like the part of me that tries to come up with reasons to drink is like an old friend from school who can't let go of being a teenager and doesn't seem able to learn from the past. Today alone I've had:

"You can't have the last drink of your legendary drinking career be a can of pre-mixed vodka and cranberry. Why not go down the shop get yourself a ridiculously priced bottle of champagne and end the drinking-era in real style?"

It had me going for a few seconds there I must admit. Also I had a whole back and forth of:

- "Why so rash eh? Why not simply put aside 4 days in every year in which you are allowed to drink? You could draw up a calendar and maybe even go somewhere special and everything, or maybe only drink really good quality, expensive, exclusive booze. In fact, to celebrate such a great compromise, lets go down the dram shop this instant, pick something out, then crack open a fine single malt to have today as one of this year's four days, seeing as it's March already this can be this quarter's day."
- "Ok wait a minute.... Let me get this straight? I should celebrate identifying and overcoming an alcohol problem by what now?"
- "getting a nice single mal..."
- "ok, I'm going to stop this here. I think there may a suggestion of something a bit stupid coming up, do you want to have a think about this?"
- "gosh connop, you're right, that is stupid, the dram shop doesn't open until 7, we should just go to the pub for a coup..."
- "Ok, sorry buddy, going to have to stop you there, I've just remembered I need to be thinking about actual things at the moment...tell you what I'll, erm, give you a call or something maybe?"
- "but..."
- "Toodles!"

One other thought, an equally silly and serious thought maybe. I think a part of me fell in love with the mythology and romance of the self-destructive, tragic, boozy poet/artist/comedian/actor/musician types. I would say to the point that I even had a suspicion of non-drinkers, but it's become clearer to me now that it's actually quite narcissistic. Sometimes I'd be hammered listening to some music thinking "noone feels pain like I do, I am such a tragic, glamorous, mess". Whereas the reality is I would be sat at the computer in my pants with a mug of wine trying to remember the name of some song I liked 15 years ago so I could YouTube it. Sporadically forgetting I had the mug of wine and so going downstairs wondering what the hell had happened to all the wine glasses, pouring a mug of wine, going upstairs sitting at the computer... and repeating until passing out. Silly really when I actually think about it.

Connop1, it's fabulous that you are keying in to the AV and how it operates. Excellent. It throws out altogether reasonable suggestions, a logical sounding compromise between competing goals, all that stuff. But we know that there is no compromise, there is no mediation, there is no discussion. There is only recognition, and acceptance.

For me, the other side of my AV is the self criticism or self doubt, and this is even more insidious as it seeks to undermine not only the resolve to quit, but self worth as well.

I think I am going to enjoy reading your posts very much, connop1. You are most welcome here.

Great stuff. I have found people that have used a similar method to quit smoking do well with AVRT and visa versa.

I was just thinking the exact same thing. Welcome, connop1; I look forward to your posts.

And I thought only I have these conversations with my AV lol! Thanks for the post

Seeks, I think that everyone who knows that their drinking is causing harm to themselves or to others is ambivalent about alcohol. The result is a maybeIshould/maybeIshouldn't dialogue with the urge to drink that persists until some level of inebriation is reached. Then it's just getting drunk again.

At the lowest level, the AV is just thoughts, and thoughts that we simply have decided to no longer act upon. Thoughts come, and then they go, and we remain. Sober.

I really enjoyed your post connop. Many similarities there with my AV. I am still learning about my AV but I must admit I giggled a bit when it shifted to 4 days, then on the calendar, then why not make TODAY that day it's March. BAM.... Go to woe in 2 seconds.

Keep posting, loved it! In a weird twisted recovering alco kinda way.

My last drink was crappy airplane wine, warm and cheap. Oh well, better than a memory of a frosty martini.

And yup, my bookshelves are filled with tormented alcoholic writers. I don't think I will be reading Dorothy Parker or John Cheever for a long time…..

Connop1 yeah the av can be an idiot that's for sure! Recognizing this and laughing at it really cuts it down to size IMO. The image of you in your shorts mooning over your glorious pain and ruin while forgetting your song from 15 yrs ago as well as the 2 mugs of wine really hit home with me. The only thing missing was the 2 lit cigarettes.
Good on you mate:lmao
Artful

Thanks all. Hearing from people who can relate to these odd experiences is such a boost, I have a big grin on my face right now.

A big part of the past few days has been trying to surpass the lonely feeling of making the decision to stop and coming to terms with it. Yet coming on here and seeing likeminds, and also recognising that the lonely feeling can be explained as a technique of the AV is making me realise that the drinking itself (for me anyway) was "oh woe is me and my amazing tragedy", whereas the whole point for me is I don't want to see that I no longer want that to be the defining me. Just as I mock pictures of me from the mid-90s looking moody with my centre-parting and ludicrously baggy jumper, now I want to mock the part of me that thinks a drink can actually remedy anything other than the desire to vanish ever so slightly up my own arse (massive understating of how far I could get up there after a week of red wine).

Artful - "The only thing missing was the 2 lit cigarettes." Ha, before I stopped smoking that was also a speciality. Some mornings I'd come downstairs and find three or four barely smoked ciggies in various places. Maybe one precariously balanced on the fireplace, one upside down in the little removable disc thing in the middle of my record player, one on the edge of a beer can... I would generally take one of those as my cue to spark the ciggy and kick back with the remainder of the beer can too, trying not to retch on the ash or butt-end floating around in there.

Great post! Once you recognize the AV (and just how stupid it really is) it's a lot easier to just stay sober.

I love your post. The AV can indeed be really stupid. Lately mine is acting up with the whole "why are you doing this. Just have a binge once in awhile. Probably nothing bad would even happen."

Of-course there's that probably..... not a chance I am willing to take anymore.

Jess

Trying not to retch
 

:headbange
Oh yes I have done that!
(but never found one in the middle of the record player)
If you can't laugh at yourself...
Best
Artful

Love your post and the attitude , quite the welcome addition to the forum

Just remember the AV is always the a-hole , recognizing its stupid ideas is one thing, debating on the other hand is not healthy, the answer to any stupid idea is /has to be NO!UNCONDITIONALLY
Love the humorous tone of your posts, but don't let the subject matter become subjectively trivial, no quarter! The badass battle cry

Wish you well, you got this

Great post Con, you really lifted my mood.

Best of luck M8

Silly really when I actually think about it.
connop,
yes. and being able to seperate enough from that "voice" to see the silly and clever tricks and insinuations and flirting and seducing-attempts it throws at you...major step!

Given that my AV knows everything about me and fooled me for decades, I am loathe to call it an idiot. It just doesn't reflect well on me. :redface:

I prefer "one-dimensional". :)