DaveyT

Well after I managed to survive both Christmas and New Year fully sober I decided to start this new thread. It really helps just to write something down, even if no one replies or reads it. I imagine my updates may not be quite as often but I will make an effort to keep them coming because last time when I stopped I quickly fell back into the bottle.

I'm still buzzing after new year (a clean buzz!), really happy to think it's been so long now since I have had a drink, it's the longest time ever and I passed the biggest tests most of us face. Everyone around me was drinking and laughing but I was sober and still enjoyed myself.

Thinking of you all.

Received

Good for you Davey and a very happy New Year.

I'm currently down and out with some crazy virus and feel like I've been trampled by herd of horses and then set aflame.

If I'm not better by Wednesday, it's off to the doctor I go.

DaveyT

I'm sorry to hear how you are recieived, you sonud like me before new year, I hope you don't end up on antibiotics and steroids like I did!

MythOfSisyphus

I hope you're both feeling better. It always suck to be sick, but doubly so when you're in the middle of a Polar Vertex! Can't say as I've ever been a fan of winter and I like it even less when it's -20 F.

DaveyT

You know myth I'm supposed to be an adult and yet I still get excited at seeing snow and building a snowman lol. Still the weather you guys are having over there seems nuts. Hope everyone is safe and well.

Robertstone

Davey!

Merry New Year! Someone posted elsewhere a question of who made it through the holidays without drinking and I thought to myself, "Gee, it didn't even occur to me that I should have thought about drinking." Not once did I have a struggle, or a wish to drink, or even an idea that I am someone who may want the drug. That is why I loved AVRT!

Good to see you, amigo!

DaveyT

Robert congratulations! I myself don't follow AVRT but I know it works wonerfully for many here and it's fantastic to hear you had such a good new year. I must admit I was not someone who forgot alcohol during christmas and new year but at least I didn't have them and that's all that matters. I hope to get to your level someday when it doesn't even cross my mind.

Your thought process is an inspiration to me.

DaveyT

I'm still sober and happy about it. I'm currently going through a really nasty situation, I witnessed a really terrible thing. I won't relate this as it's just far too personal, but it has caused me some serious upset. It has taken more willpower than ever to remain sober. I've had a few anxiety attacks after what I witnessed but I'm slowly recovering.

Maybe another test of my sobriety is a good thing.

Received

Keep pushing through Davey. You're in my thoughts.

RobbyRobot

And my thoughts as well, Davey. Sorry you're feeling anxiety.

DaveyT

I'm ok guys, the anxiety attacks are a new thing and the result of what I recently experienced. I dont' want to go into it, just something I witnessed and that I have to deal with. After what I saw I may be having some PTSD stuff. But it's too early to say that's what I'm looking at.

I was in full shock for a day after all this, it's actually kind of upsetting to see the messages I sent to someone on this forum I trust because I just repeated myself over and over, the comments are very blank, classic shock. Still I'm working through it.

As I have said before, without being able to admit things to this forum I would have just ended up drinking. So thanks to everyone, and the persons I have contacted privately know I have an extra thanks aimed at you.

MythOfSisyphus

Then I'm glad you have SR! I know what you mean in a way; drinking used to be my way of coping with everything. Literally anything that went wrong in the slightest way was an excuse to get plastered. But since I took that option off the table I've actually found myself coping a lot better. I guess we all have legit coping skills but many of us never use them because it's easier to rely on chemical self medication.

I also recently had a personal experience that quite rattled me, and probably will for some time. Just for an instant part of me thought I might as well drink, but that was just a fleeting thought.

DaveyT

Just reporting in.

I've been having some anxiety attacks after my recent unpleasant experience but I'm dealing with it. I think the anxiety problems are basically the emotions working their way out so despite them feeling awful I think this is a positive thing.

My sleep has been suffering, it's around 4am here and I still don't feel like sleeping. I guess that's another symptom.

I'm not drinking, I keep feeling the need but I also feel like I'm in control. I'm hoping this unpleasant situation I witnessed will wear off soon, because this weird sleep pattern I'm having isn't very helpful for recovery.

shockozulu

I have suffered from insomnia much of my life. I know what you mean in your last sentence.

I just finished dealing with an awful situation, and spent many sleepless nights. If I can't sleep dry documentaries on subjects I find interesting help. Something about an hour of the same narration seems to be the key. And if I don't sleep during it, at least I learned something. Some nights I'll watch 5 on one subject. Or like last night I fell asleep twice during one I'm really interested in.

Received

I find, white noise, like a fan or a sound machine helps the noise in my head settle down a bit.

DaveyT

Thanks for all of the suggestions, I have tried them but it's no help. I can't understand why my sleep is suddenly suffering, there are no great life stresses, no health issues beyond the normal, nothing. I've tried a hot shower late at night, relaxing music, a bedtime routine, valerian route and even over the counter sleep medication, nothing has worked.

Hopefully this is a temporary thing.

Received

I find eating an apple or banana right before bed time helps too. I think it probably has something to do with my sugar levels but I'm not a doctor.

DaveyT

Hey guys. My sleep pattern is still a bit of a problem, I saw my doctor but he said heavy sedatives are not the answer as it's artificial sleep and not the same thing as natural sleep. I really think this is temporary, just a small bump on my recovery road so I'm going to keep trying the natural approach.

I'm not too bad atm, a few anxiety attacks but they seem to be less and less. I what I recently witnessed just had to work it's way out of my system, emotions coming out in bits and pieces you know? So I imagine I'll be a lot better soon

DaveyT

Still struggling with sleep. 3am here and I just woke up because I had a flashback to the thing I recently witnessed. It is calming down but I think this will take a while. I seem to be having a number of nightmares, all centered around this incident. I seem to have good and bad nights, some nights it leaves me alone, others I either can't sleep or wake up every hour. In my waking hours I seem to be ok now so that's progress.

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, Davey. I'm sorry you're going through this but I'm betting it will work itself out given time. Regular sleep is one of the main reasons lots of us started drinking to excess.