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Old 01-29-2014, 10:11 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Nights can be tough. I'm at least grateful your having better days.

Like Myth said, hang it there. We're here for you.
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Old 01-31-2014, 04:24 PM   #22 (permalink)
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I seem to be unlucky lately. I've caught some other illness now, I have glands showing up in my neck, shoulders, armptis and basically I'm feeling awful. Thinking this is full on flu. Really didn't need this right now but hey on top of my ordinary illness it means I can barely leave my bed to ge to the bathroom, so no chance I can drink no matter how ill I get because I can't walk to the shop to buy the demon drink.

Really hoping this passes soon because the pain is really awful and my usual medications are barely covering the pain. I'm reserving my stronger meds, I will only ever use those when the pain is just unbearable.
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Old 01-31-2014, 11:57 PM   #23 (permalink)
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You can outlast it, Davey! I know it sucks to be that sick, and I feel for you. Take care of yourself and try to be as patient as you can.
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Old 02-01-2014, 05:30 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Hey thanks for the support. I'm having soem real trouble, sorry if it sounds "man flu" like but really it's just because my other illness makes everything a lot worse. I have glands the size of marbles in my neck, shoulders and armits atm, so even lying down is very painful.

It'll pass, that's what I keep telling myself but it will no doubt take it's time.
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Old 02-05-2014, 09:19 PM   #25 (permalink)
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I've been having some personal troubles lately, friends and family, that kind of thing. Managed to get over whatever I caught but so much stress is on my that I have thought about drinking in the last few days. I haven't fallen victim to that nasty little voice though.
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Old 02-05-2014, 09:27 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Hang in there, Davey. You got better things to think about then drinking, goes without saying. Stress can always be managed and worked out when we put our minds to the task. You've already accomplished so much in 2013 and 2014 is already a continuation of your progressive success! Sorry your having family stressors. Hope things ease up asap. Take it easy, Davey.
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Old 02-06-2014, 07:26 AM   #27 (permalink)
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I have "seen" so much growth in you since you quit drinking Davey. You know you can NOT drink. You've proven this to yourself. There is not one positive thing that throwing poison down your throat will achieve but there sure is a lot of negative things.

You don't drink. You just don't. Period.
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Old 02-07-2014, 01:24 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Hey guys, still around and still sober, although I had some really stressful stuff going on as I said.

I have some updates which I need to put forward. As I've explained before I have a very painful condition which really was the main source of my drinking as I was using alcohol to both deal with the pain and the psychological impacts of the pain. I managed to finally talk to my doctor about it and with careful pain management it helped me to get off of the alcohol. I even insured I would not be given the extra powerful medications incase I ended up being addicated to those.

Recently I've been having a lot more pain and so I saw my doctor again. Unfortunately I have developed a rare complication with my condition where fluid filled cysts form in my tissues, mostly the muscles. You would think a bit of fluid wouldn't be a problem but the pain is more than I can describe. I have had 3 of these cysts drained, they use ultrasound to find them and then stick a needle in. However I'm tired of all this so I asked the doctor if I can do this myself. They were very resistant but they finally agreed.

So in the next 2 weeks I am to be given a lesson by a nurse on how to sterilise the area, insert the needle, drain the area, etc. The ultrasound isn't needed as you can feel the lumps in the muscle or other tissue. I had one in my forearm and couldn't rest it on a chair as it felt like someone sticking a knife in my arm!

Still hopefully being able to treat myself will help me to deal with my condition in future.
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Old 02-08-2014, 12:06 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Wow! That sounds harrowing. At least it will be nice if you're able to drain the cysts yourself. If there any chance that what you have can be cured/treated? Sounds sucky but you seem to be dealing with it as well as one can. You might have to keep the options open for pain meds but I agree- that would be my last resort, too.
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Old 02-08-2014, 05:39 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Jesus, Davey. You're some tough hombre. One winter while in college back in the '70's after a night at the student pub I slipped on some ice, came down on my right knee at a weird angle on an ice-chunk cracking my femur and really messing up my knee. Off to emergency by taxi, in pain. My knee filled with blood and they drained it by sticking an enormous syringe in several places until drained. Man, that was some hurt. Plaster cast around my leg for six weeks. I was already on crutches when I slipped. How surreal that now that same leg is itself gone, lol.

I've lived / am living with chronic pain and I know what it can do to a man over time. Even when its managed there are still consequences and layers of responsibilities all entwined in the experience. It can become a real nightmare, and a special kind of toughness is required to meet the daily challenges , dismiss those nightmares, and somehow have a better day in spite of the pain and mental angst. The toughness changes a man nonetheless and a balance is needed else the whole thing can slide sideways creating more troubles. Your already aware of all this, and I have only respect for your experiences. Sobriety will and can always be that restorative balance. Sobriety was and still remains so for me.

You're a good man, Davey.
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Old 02-08-2014, 03:41 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Thinking of you Davey. Sorry you are having so many challenges one after the other.
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Old 02-09-2014, 02:19 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Hey guys, sorry I haven't replied quickly but I've been working up the energy. I am grateful for your continuing responses, they really help keep me going. I mean my family are great but they don't know about my nasty little alcohol demon so it's great to share it with people who understand.

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Wow! That sounds harrowing. At least it will be nice if you're able to drain the cysts yourself. If there any chance that what you have can be cured/treated? Sounds sucky but you seem to be dealing with it as well as one can. You might have to keep the options open for pain meds but I agree- that would be my last resort, too.
Unfortunately my condition does not have any current cure, and as it's uncommon there isn't a lot of money going into researching it. I understand really, better to spend money on the stuff that affects millions like cancer and MS rather than obscure illnesses like mine. Pain meds are my absolute last choice, I take them but I try and minimise them as much as possible. By all rights I could get a ton of heavier stuff after this complication but I would rather drain the cysts myself than just take a ton of pain meds and go to the hospital once every month for them to drain stuff.

RobbyRobot

I'm not that tough, the reality is after years of pain you develop a resistance, you have to. I finally gave in and started drinking but yeah, I can take more pain than most people simply because I've had so much. It's nothing special.

Having a syringe in a joint is way more painful than havign one into a muscle, I've had both so I know. If I had to stick it in a joint every month I would think very differently about doing it myself. Actually there will be restrictions on what I can do because obviously I can't insert it deep into a joint, I can't deal with cysts that might form in deep tissue and that kind of thing. I'm limited to extremities and even then I have to avoid certain areas such as the inner leg incase I hit my femoral artery. I know a lot about anatomy so I get why they're doing that. Some stuff I'll stil have to visit hospital for.

Pain as you say can grind anyone down, man or woman, severe pain over time does terrible things to a person. I hate to be so melodramatic but it's essentially torture. We may not have the acute cut through the skin, but constant and continual pain is the same.

I'll keep everyone updated. I'm looking forward to getting my training in how to drain things myself. Of course the cysts are just an extra thing, my general pain won't reduce, but at least I can hopefully stop the acute pains like when I put my arm on a chair or lie down at night.

I swear the other week I couldn't lie on any side because all sorts of muscles had small marble sized cysts in them.
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Old 02-09-2014, 09:26 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Pain as you say can grind anyone down, man or woman, severe pain over time does terrible things to a person. I hate to be so melodramatic but it's essentially torture. We may not have the acute cut through the skin, but constant and continual pain is the same.
I haven't gone through that but I agree with you, from experience. There was a point maybe ten years ago that I was in a very bad spot, had lost my job and blown through all my savings. Then I got a very badly infected tooth, and the pain was...exquisite, to put it mildly. Again, it probably can't compare to what you're dealing with but honestly if I had to deal with a permanent toothache I'd have all my teeth pulled or commit suicide, the pain is so intense. Just dealing with that for a few weeks altered my personality for awhile.
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Old 02-11-2014, 12:20 PM   #34 (permalink)
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I have no clue what is going on today but I woke up and I desperately wanted a drink. There is no good reason, I'm not in more pain today than usual, no extra life stress, nothing. Of course I've stayed sober, I dont' want to drink and I used lots of strategies to stop me going and getting that first drink, the most dangerous one. Still I dont' get why after so long I've suddenly had this really major urge to drink.

It has beens months now since I last drank everything afterall.
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Old 02-11-2014, 02:57 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Its not always possible to pin down exact reasons why feelings arise and subside, for me anyways. Some things after quitting are just best felt and to be mindful of but otherwise just experience their flowing on through - like a choppy river or like a windy gust. For me it was several years before my deeper feelings become better sorted and recognised as just what they were respectively. As my empowerment with sober living gained traction I deepened as a personality and soon enough found myself dealing successfully well with all kinds of feelings that while drinking had really messed me up. Good to hear your okay with your feelings, Davey. I'm sure you'll weather it out. If something does snag your attention, you have plenty of people to share it with, goes without saying.
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Old 02-11-2014, 05:21 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Sometimes it's dastardly when it just pops up like that, isn't it? I generally just tell it to F*** OFF (I've even accidentally said it out loud...in front of others a few times). The more subtle ones are the ones I acknowledge, look at for a moment and then let flow through me. It is at those times, I will sometimes recognize how my thinking brought that on but most times it just passes through. Sometimes quickly and sometimes not so quickly but either way I know I won't act on it so it's got no power. Annoying? yes. Aggravating? sometimes. but ultimately it has absolutely no power. None.
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Old 02-11-2014, 07:23 PM   #37 (permalink)
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I realize this is kind of cheesy but I try to remind myself that even in my worst moments, others have it worse and there are still things to savor. Just little pleasures of daily life, like wildflowers blooming in a field of weeds.
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Old 02-12-2014, 06:54 PM   #38 (permalink)
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I just can't sleep atm, my condition is playing up I'm hurting a lot and I've run out of my stronger pain killers. I keep turning over in bed but it doesn't help. I really need a good full on night of sleep right now.
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Old 02-12-2014, 09:21 PM   #39 (permalink)
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That sucks. I hate not being able to get to sleep.
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Old 02-14-2014, 06:17 PM   #40 (permalink)
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hey Davey how are you doing today? I guess I missed you you're probably asleep by now. Check in and let us know how you doing.
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