Twinings

Hey,

I was doing SMART three times a week...I thought I was enjoying it and it was helping but then I relapsed.
I'm sober again and it's not that i'm not sure about going back because i'm afraid to admit I relapsed it's that I just think groups are not for me.
A major trigger is often anxiety and I'm a very private person so talking to strangers about myself is hard. It's ok here cus no one knows who I am in real life. Looking back, I enjoyed the fact it got me out the house I felt good that I'd actually conquered my anxiety and this is what was helping me, rather than the actual meeting.

... but is this a mistake? I don't feel like i'm making excuses.

I've read my AVRT book and I don't feel like I have any... but maybe one day or just for this occasion, this time around. I am done with alcohol, end of. Before with all the good intentions in the world I always had that slight well maybe....

I dunno I feel like I should be doing EVERYTHING otherwise i'm not working the best plan but I'm really not sure meetings are going to help and maybe actually the opposite.

MythOfSisyphus

Wish I could help you but I don't know much about SMART. I'm starting to see that there are many kinds of addicts out there. Maybe I'm one of the stranger ones; I drank nearly a gallon of wine a day (or the equivalent of something else) for 25 years or so, but once I truly realized I had to quit I quit. While there have been a couple of rough nights in there I don't think I've ever truly been close to caving and having a drink. Drinking is simply not a part of my reality any longer, at least not right now (13 months sober).

In my [probably abnormal] case I can't imagine what would be gained from a live group. I hang out here a lot but it's more to encourage others than because I fear a slip.

Nonsensical

If something is working for me I keep it as part of my sobriety program. If it's not working for me I keep looking for things that will.

I like peer support and fellowship. I feel that I benefit from it. This forum provides some of that, but I still like to work some face-to-face meetings in as well.

Best of Luck!

Joe Nerv

One of the things I never want to do again is run from irrational fear, or anxiety. For me that's giving power over to the AV, disease, or whatever anyone chooses to call it. Learning to deal with anxiety and grow through the things that made me uncomfortable was crucial to growing out of the person who used to drink everyday, into the person I am today.

Sounds like SMART was working for you, but you're looking to abandon it because of a minor setback. And it sounds as though you don't want to continue because of some social phobias, that don't even sound all that powerful (you were going 3 times a week). For me I'd want to challenge the anxiety that was getting kicked up as opposed to avoid it. Pushing my comfort zone empowers me, stepping away I feel weakens me. Or at least depresses me.

I say keep going, and/or if you find there's something particuar about SMART that isn't working for you, find something that does. But I wouldn't stop for the reasons you posted.

Twinings

I think maybe one of the biggest things I'm agreeing with what AVRT argues about why they don't work. Mainly, I did actually feel like it would be ok to relapse because people were doing it every time I went there. Before I went, I hadn't thought about relapsing.

And my social phobia is pretty strong... I first wanted to go there 4 years ago and it took me that long to build up to going. Once I've been and found it a safe space i'm ok. I'm not willing to run from it any more but I can't just start running like I think I was doing because then i'll trip and fall... where as slower steps in the right directions seem more appropriate.

I'm still not fully decided, torn between going and what rational recovery says about why they don't work.
Plus, i've decided. I no longer drink and any thoughts of doing so is my addictive voice and not me and I am in control of me.

doggonecarl

That has everything to do with you addictive voice, and not the meetings. If you plan to drink, you will find a reason. Right now the meetings are a convenient reason. But the AV will find something else for you to be anxious about, or plague you with loneliness and lack of support.

If you are going to lean toward AVRT and rational recovery, do so. And make your Big Plan to never drink.

fini

Mainly, I did actually feel like it would be ok to relapse because people were doing it every time I went there. Before I went, I hadn't thought about relapsing.

Twinings,
you will find that here, too. and in AA.
and in LifeRing and everywhere.

people relapse.
is it "okay to relapse"?
people do, is all. what you mean by feeling it would be okay to relapse is that at the meetings no-one made a huge special deal of it?

others' relapses (i'm talking about people i'd built up a bit of a relationship with in my early sobriety) did rock me at times, made me aware how "it just happened", but it didn't end up in me feeling it would be "okay" for me to relapse.
THAT is in your own head, doesn't come from anywhere else.

Nonsensical

I look to meetings as a way to strengthen my sober self. Sometimes that backfires and my inner addict gets stimulated instead.

Sometimes it's my fault - I go in the wrong frame of mind for my sober self to receive.

Sometimes it's the meeting's fault - the tone is negative and dominated by other people's AV.

I am very selective about the meetings I attend. There are many available in this area and I have been to many of them (although Lifering and SMART are not among the choices). There are some that are on my 'must avoid' list because of the negative atmosphere. Some are my favorites. Even so, it can backfire - which is a bummer.

But when it works, I get a lot of mileage out of it.

In your shoes I would add up the advantages and disadvantages of your SMART meeting and then decide. If it's more benefit to your sober self, keep going. If it's more benefit to your addiction - dump it!

soberlicious

Hi Twinings,
If you feel securely abstinent, but want to work on your social phobias you could try attending other social groups or activities not surrounding "recovery". Slowly facing your fears about getting out is very empowering. What kinds of things are you interested in?

All doubts surrounding your ability to remain permanently abstinent are AV.

Twinings

I think this is what I've been trying to get at... they are dominated by other people's AV and that is not good for me and you can't tell before hand how it's going to be, the same cross over people attend all 3 meetings so there's no just picking one.

Twinings

I feel completely secure, and I'm going out tonight, there will be booze, that doesn't concern me, i'm taking my own vitamin juice. I'm anxious already about the amount of people in a small place, people I haven't seen for a long time, people I don't know and I want to cancel, but I'm pushing myself.

I like all things creative, walking and sport/keeping fit. When my ankles better I will join some sport clubs i've had that in mind all along. I'm going to a buddhist centre to meditate monday, i'm anxious about that as i've never been but going with a friend for support, if I acheive that i'll be very happy cus then I can go there to meditate instead of meetings.

Twinings

I know, but at least here I can get support and offer it sometimes, but pick and chose what to read, what to absorb, when to come post etc
And i'm not seeing anyone face to face relapsing so it's not reality to me in a way.

soberlicious

Nice twinings. It sounds like you have some very concrete steps in place for addressing your social concerns. With the addiction behind you, you can do anything you want in life. That's pretty cool, isn't it?

Twinings

It is!!! I watched 'into the mind' someone recommended in the media section that was very inspiring that anything is possible.

Twinings

Well I just thought I'd updat...
I decided that I wouldn't go back to recovery meetings. I think it was the right decision for me.

I have pushed myself and my social phobia tho and been to 2 Buddhist meditations in a group environment this week. It's been a mix of meditation, group work and informal chat. It was great!

soberlicious

It's wonderful to hear that you got out and that you're enjoying the meditations at the Buddhist center. While we all have fears in this life, we don't have to let them dictate how we live. I'm so happy for your moving forward, twinings!

bartender129

Not sure if you are aware Twinnings, but at SMART Recovery Online we have online meetings. They might suit your needs. Not sure I am allowed to post links here, but if you go to Smartrecovery.org on the main page and click "online community" then click "online meetings calendar" you will see a list of when they take place and how to get to them.

Be Well

shockozulu

You are allowed to post links that are not advertising. Smart is non-profit so its fine.

Was moving so just saw this. Sorry for the delay