Pragmatic Secular Recovery - Positive Reinforcement
 

Please note - this thread is not intended to involve existing 12-step programs, theism, or spirituality in any way.
It is intended to start some meaningful discussion in the secular forum.

Almost everyone who has had any type of formal education in science or psychology has heard the terms 'positive reinforcement'.

Here's the wiktionary definition just for grins though.
positive reinforcement - Wiktionary

The aim of this post is to start a discussion of the ways we can use positive reinforcement in our daily lives to assist us in the task of getting and remaining sober. These are the benefits we can personally get from sobriety. Thinking about them, writing our own personal ones down, enjoying them, reminding ourselves of them when we are down or wish to drink or drug, this can be helpful.

I could be expansive, and write for many pages, but I'll just start out with a few of what I think are applicable subheadings. Perhaps those of you that find one that appeals to you could write a more expansive post in general or with examples from your own life. If not, I'll be back to expand upon them.

Positive Reinforcement -

- Rewarding yourself
- Improving your physical health
- Improving your mental health
- Improving your relationships with others
- Improving your self-esteem and confidence
- Improving your work product and career
- Improving your finances
- Improving your appearance and hygiene
- Actions vs Reactions
- Others

I choose not to drink today
FG

FoolsGold, your post makes me think of another that is on top today, about Women For Sobriety, and their direction for positive thinking.
This program is the work of Dr. Jean Kirkpatrick, whose biography is here. This is a life story I can understand - it makes for some good reading.

I wonder if you feel this fits in with your post, FoolsGold?

Fits well enough for me. My subheadings were meant only to stimulate discussion, not limit. Not surprisingly, as a man, I've not read any about this program, but that almost seems foolish after reading your post and her life story.

As a sometimes depressed person, I often tell myself that if I'm not happy it is because I am not working hard enough at it. A foreign concept to many, that happiness should require work, but there it is, 'Happiness is a habit I will develop'!

I was a sometimes depressed person too, foolsgold, and less all the time, I feel. I can remember reading these affirmations a couple of years ago in my early sobriety, and they seemed to be almost unattainable. Now though, looking back, I seem to have incorporated much of them into my life somehow.

As for unhappiness being a sign that more hard work is needed, I am not sure. That advice, to try harder to be happy, if given to me a few years back would not have been received well. And looking back over the more recent time, I don't think the steps I have taken have been chosen to make me happier, but they still have all the same. The biggest step I have taken to make my life happier was to lose the booze, of course.

Good thread, it's gotten me thinking. I am looking forward to what will follow here. Thanks.

Foolsgold66, FANTASTIC thread. Gotta learn how to do all these things. I was an addict for so long most of this list has no meaning to me. :egypt:

- Rewarding yourself
- Improving your physical health
- Improving your mental health
- Improving your relationships with others
- Improving your self-esteem and confidence
- Improving your work product and career
- Improving your finances
- Improving your appearance and hygiene
- Actions vs Reactions
- Others

Good discussion. It is, I was recently told, human nature to focus on the negative. Your brain will naturally migrate to a problem because if it were solved then the negative stimulus would be removed. Unfortunately, some of us park there, dwelling on the problem - not solving it, but not moving on from it. Stuck on the negative.

I am guilty of this. For example, I find my current job to be tedious and boring. Without conscious intervention on my part my mind will dwell on that fact, overlooking that there are parts of my job that are positive; such as the people working there are fantastic, the commute is good, I am well-compensated, etc.

The alcoholic living in my head feasts on negativity. He's always looking for opportunities to convince me that drinking is better than not drinking, and negativity opens the door for him. There's much more strength in positivity.

Thanks so much for posting this. I also struggle with depression, and developing happiness can be a struggle. I know I'll never be a ray of sunshine all the time, but I think taking care of ourselves and learning to treat ourselves with kindness is key, no matter what our ideas of happiness may be. There are so many factors that go into it. Helping others contributes to our sense of self-worth and place in the world. Doing what we love. When I watch my dogs trotting away without a care in the world when we're walking along, I feel truly happy. Capturing these moments and consciously feeling and enjoying them for what they are has transformed my way of thinking.

Positive reinforcement is a great thing for me when i get the focus correct .

Alas i am all too fond of letting my ambitions run away with me and end up feeling hopeless in the face of them . So for me positive reinforcement has to be related to the positive action and decisions i'm taking now with a relatively narrow focus looking forwards .

I try very hard not to make a burden of my ambition or goals, it should bring hope, excitement and optimism not desperation .

m

I look forward to relaxing after my run and swim, enjoy the feeling in the body afterwards, look across the water to the lights at the harbor and inner city. Enjoy the relaxedness when I put on the clothes, breathe slowly and enjoy the view.

I will read later this evening before bedtime and there will be no interruptions of cigarette cravings or any increasing intoxication with racing thoughts.

Most of all I will enjoy waking up tomorrow without a hangover, with no need to hurry to the toilet. I will just enjoy my warm bed look out to the darkness outside and know that I will have a fine balanced day without any need to send my brain up with nicotine and coffee or get intoxicated with beer.

It is just a lot easier life – and many a lot more enjoyable small moments.

I will remember to enjoy them.

Thanks to all who have participated in the thread thus far. I'm going to share a little bit about how I'm beginning to improve my job and career. This takes work I wasn't willing or necessarily even able to do without sobriety. I'm going to do this as generically as possible even though it would be easier for me to be specific. I work a 'desk job' so to speak so you will see that focus but I think there will still be value here for those that work any kind of job.

A) I'm raising my level of expectations for my own daily work routine. I'm staying more organized and I'm trying to document my use of time reasonably. I'm trying to be more consistent about taking care of administrative details regularly rather than avoiding them until there is a giant pile.

B) I'm goofing off less. Yes, we all do it. I work unsupervised so I can get away with more. I'm limiting my personal activities such as checking email, weather, and chatting with colleagues. I'm holding myself more accountable to giving my company the value they pay me for.

C) I'm confronting problems that arise within my organization, even longstanding ones, and making an effort to communicate and document the issues to my superiors, peers, and others and trying to be part of the solution rather than just working around the problem.

D) I'm trying to be nice to others at work even when I don't have to. This really helps my attitude.

I kept this short on purpose. To sum up, these are a few things I'm doing that help me feel better about my job as a sober person. My job is part of my life. When I do a better job, I improve my life. When I improve my life, I'm happier, and I remember this wouldn't be happening if I was drinking.

I choose not to drink today
FG

Great thread!

Improving your physical health. What can we say? Some of it just 'comes' all by itself. I've done no real exercise yet, so these are what I have noticed 'just' from abstinence.

My allergies have lessened. They've been bad for 15 years or so, quitting smoking helped, staying off the sauce has helped as well. There are even days when I take no OTC allergy medication.

Weight. I've lost some, not sure how much because I'm not a big fan of the daily weighing. I'll know in a week or so when I visit the doctor, I'm guessing I've lost 5-10 lbs.

Joints. Just realized this one this morning. I used to pop and crackle when I walked, mostly my ankles, quite a lot. This is gone.

Bloated. Don't feel that way at all, used to feel that way often.

Indigestion, heartburn, diarrhea, etc. Used to be afflicted with all of the above frequently. Now quite rare.

Skin. Used to have a lot of problems with dry skin. Noticeable improvement, feel less itchy generally.

Physical dexterity. Less slips, no falls, improved eye-hand coordination, very little tremor. I can work with small things again without getting frustrated.

Stamina. Getting some back, tire less easily.

Breath. Less out-of breath conditions, of which I had occasional ones at very low levels of exertion.

Not an exhaustive list, but I thought I'd get a post out to bump this thread. Every single one of these physical effects of abstinence has improved my quality of life. Win!

I choose not to drink today
FG

Please forgive me for being too wishy-washy to pick just one bullet point from the proposed list as a simple idea I'd like to convey relates to a couple of them.

After I was well into hitting new lows faster than I could set new lower standards in my drinking I was as close to looking and feeling like ten pounds of sh*t stuffed into a five pound bag as was possible. The most basic of functions in personal care were steps in positive reinforcement; making certain I drank water, that I brushed my teeth, that I showered completely, that I wore clean, pressed clothing, that I stepped outside, that I spoke to someone and looked them in the eye, that I ate... I had to remind myself that not only were these necessary steps in getting well but that I was good enough and deserved them.

From establishing basic self-care came the understanding that I am good enough to give myself the positive reinforcement I need to grow as a human being. So began the journey of learning and loving.

Being positive is foreign to me. How do I go about being more positive? Do I ignore my problems, stop dwelling on them, think about how minor they really are, that all problems sort themselves out and become only memories, etc.?

I've been so negative for so long I'm not sure I can turn that around. I'd like to though.

You know, I missed your post initially and don't have much time now, but I'll give you a couple thoughts quickly. Everything that you don't view as a negative is a positive. Spend some time in the Gratitude thread and read what people are grateful for, that can help you find them all. Taking an aggressive approach to solving the problems you can rather than letting them linger is definitely a positive action as well.

Gratitude is a powerful tool. When my life seems overwhelming, I will just sit for a few moments and turn my mind to experiencing my breath. I don't try to breathe differently, but I try to become aware with all of my senses. When thoughts intrude, regrets over things that have happened or worries about things that have yet to happen, I accept them without judging, and turn my focus back to my breathing and a vague but real feeling of gratitude. Even three mindful minutes like this feels as though I have taken a vacation, and I have given myself some emotional elbow room around my thoughts.

I sometimes feel as though my stuff is all snarled up, impossible to untangle, but a mindful moment often lets me see that I can slice away one simple aspect that I can address successfully. The fact of doing something positive is reinforcing, and the good feeling I get from that can then give me the motivation and ability to move on to the next thing I can address.

Maybe these ideas are something you will find helpful, jade.

Thank you very much.

Yes, THIS ^

Only the other day, I was reminded of a relatively new book out by Rick Hanson, Hardwiring Happiness: the New Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence. I'd heard him interviewed about the book recently on our public radio the ABC.

And it was very timely that I checked out his website to find one of his most recent blog posts: 'Enjoy Sobriety'.

This stuff, as others have described here, is a good way for us depressives in particular to gently, moment by moment in often tiny ways, help our brains slowly move away from the perils of 'stinkin' thinkin' which can be the not-so-royal road back to a drink or fifty...

Great thread!

I have a personal tendency to dwell in the negative as well. Sometimes I have to fight to stay positive. To a certain extent I can sometimes just 'manifest' a change in my mood. In simplest terms I tell myself to 'quit it' during reflective moments several times a day and it passes by and I become more positive.

I lived what I call the negative downward spiral. The negative gathered momentum and soon it seemed to have a life of its own.

Good news is the same principle works in mirror image. Since quitting, I have experienced the power of the positive upward spiral. With careful attention, it can be fed and then can gather momentum.

Sure tough times will come along, but they can't grab hold when the upward vortex is strong.