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AVRT to end emotional binge eating Part 2

Old 11-27-2013, 10:26 AM
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Hi, pals)

Thank you so much for your support!

Finally back home and even made to to the boxing class to "shake off" all this stress of the last day.

It was very hard emotionally, and some nasty issues came to the light about what my brother did about this real estate.

Anyway, there still will be some solution. And I am still a badass.

And I am still not eating sweets and not bingeing or overeating. And yesterday, when I went there and stayed overnight, I dragged with me my healthy dinner, breakfast, and lunch)

And was not even tempted by cakes that were just in front of me on the table.

So tired and wiped out..

I'll check in tomorrow to write more - too exhausted at the moment.

Love you, pals)
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Old 11-29-2013, 11:45 AM
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Hi, pals.

Had a sh&&y day today... My brother made me pissed off..

But no sweets, no binges...

See you later. Hopefully in better mood.
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Old 12-01-2013, 01:52 PM
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I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time, MB I do hope you manage to find some resolution soon. But still no sweets or bingeing? You really are a badass and a brilliant example for us all to follow

Yesterday was a very sad but hugely significant anniversary for me and my sister. We had a long chat and I confessed that I still have a problem with food. She in turn confessed some things to me and we have made a pledge to each look after ourselves so that we can be fit and healthy for one other. I feel very positive about everything today

How are things with you, Jeni?
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Old 12-01-2013, 10:13 PM
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Hi guys...there is a huge amount of progress going on here. I'd just like to point that out...

MB-do you not feel like you've really cracked this emotional binge eating now? I know life isn't easy, there are still issues to work through, still ongoing problems with your brother etc. but good grief girl...you're just doing it HOWEVER it makes you feel! And no papering over the cracks. No self medicating with food. No beating yourself up...it honestly is amazing to me to watch this transformation. Xxx

HeadLump-you just can't underestimate the importance of honesty and being accountable and the fact you have spoken to your sister and shared this stuff is HUGELY significant. The brighter the light you shine on it, the harder it will be for this behaviour to lurk in the shadows. So proud of you xxx

I'm fine thanks...you know, tackling stuff as it comes up for me. Facing my demons, trying to push myself out of my comfort zone a little bit every so often. Eating crap (but I will gloss over that one bearing in mind the title of the thread lol). Not drinking. Not smoking. Laughing lots...life is more than ok right now xxx
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Old 12-02-2013, 02:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Jeni26 View Post

HeadLump-you just can't underestimate the importance of honesty and being accountable and the fact you have spoken to your sister and shared this stuff is HUGELY significant. The brighter the light you shine on it, the harder it will be for this behaviour to lurk in the shadows. So proud of you xxx
Thank you so much, Jeni. That's just lovely

Originally Posted by Jeni26 View Post
Laughing lots...life is more than ok right now xxx
And so is this!!!!
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Old 12-04-2013, 09:42 AM
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Hi. my dear pals.

I've been absolutely freaked out and paralyzed by fear today.

I am meeting my brother today to settle the preliminary deal on the real estate in question, and he is still lying to me, and I have to handle this, and also rush around looking for an apartment to live in, and I have much of budget to chose from. And I have to make all these decisions being pressed for time. And all this therapy along the way...

And.. I somewhat overate today... not a binge, not even close to my old binges... but still it was food to silent anxiety...

I hope it's last breaths of the beast.

Wish me luck for tomorrow) And be calm and confident - I do need this so much.

My hugs to all)
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Old 12-04-2013, 11:23 AM
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A little amendment to my post:

- I am meeting my brother tomorrow;
- and I have NOT much of the budget - actually little;

And I just want all this to be over...
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Old 12-04-2013, 12:20 PM
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And all this will be over very soon my friend.

Stand tall. Have courage. You are in my thoughts xxx
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Old 12-04-2013, 12:21 PM
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Oh, Midnight! Wishing you all the very very best of luck tomorrow But remember, you're a real badass, and you are stronger than you can imagine. I know that all will be well, because I know that, whatever happens, you will make it so xxx
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Old 12-04-2013, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by MidnightBlue View Post
Hi. my dear pals.

And.. I somewhat overate today... not a binge, not even close to my old binges... but still it was food to silent anxiety...
Midnight-

I get you feel the beast is at the door right now.

I hope you can step back and realize what a stressful situation you are in....and how much improved your response is to it.

That for me is recovery. Stress, emotions, feeling trapped and not engaging like you might have previously.
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Old 12-04-2013, 05:32 PM
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Originally Posted by MidnightBlue View Post
And.. I somewhat overate today... not a binge, not even close to my old binges... but still it was food to silent anxiety...

I hope it's last breaths of the beast.
MB,

The Beast can't breath. IT uses your breathing to stay alive and that can't be helped, but it's not a problem in AVRT.

It sounds to me like your just surprised at your own courage and resolve with your present life and its uncertainties. Of course, it's your Beast that wants you to believe your surprise at your own strength and maturity is a horrible anxiety that can be evaporated with buying, opening, smelling, chewing, and swallowing food due to the sensation of hunger emanating from the stomach. When I think about it, it seems I actually 'feel' my hunger in my mouth, tongue, and stomach - a desire for taste and a filling satiation.

I know for me, if I were to tell myself eating was some sort of avoidance mechanism, I know by the time I purchased, opened, smelled, chewed and took that first swallow, the feeling I was trying to avoid would already be long gone. And how much stomach satiation would I have attained by that time. ZERO. My stomach would still be empty. The first bite would only be in my esophagus and I'd already be wallowing in all the pleasures of pigging out. No more anxiety. No food in stomach. That proves the Beast lie that I need food in my stomach to end anxiety. The real reason I like to pig out? I like to pig out! Of course, AVRT and a Big Plan can end that if I don't want to do it any more which is what this thread is all about.

My Beast used to love to take advantage of life's uncertainties with me. Now it's basically dead, and it's pretty easy to be optimistic even with all of life's uncertainties. I now know when I'm going through something new that has elements of conflict, I will definitely learn something useful, and it may lead to hitherto unknown opportunity down the road.

All the best,

GT
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Old 12-05-2013, 03:24 AM
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine View Post
My Beast used to love to take advantage of life's uncertainties with me. Now it's basically dead, and it's pretty easy to be optimistic even with all of life's uncertainties. I now know when I'm going through something new that has elements of conflict, I will definitely learn something useful, and it may lead to hitherto unknown opportunity down the road.
GT
Brilliant post, GT! Love it
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Old 12-05-2013, 04:49 AM
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Thinking of you very much today, MB, and sending you very warm and positive vibrations
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Old 12-05-2013, 06:24 AM
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Hi, my dear pals)

Thank you so so so so much for support.

Finally back home and exhausted.

The meeting with my brother went ok because I was with my real estate agent, and we didn't get to the main deal yet. He made the downpayment on buying out my share, so the deal is in progress.

Now I have to find a place to live for myself.

Hugs to all)

See you later.
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Old 12-05-2013, 07:46 AM
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Well done for today, MB. Feet up now, maybe a hot bath and a long, cool, non-alcoholic drink? You deserve it
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:06 AM
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Hi, pals)

My anxiety is just killing me and the damn AV has smell opportunity here, and I can feel the danger of slipping into my old habits again.

I applied for the loan to buy the flat I liked, and I am freaking out both about it being approved and not being approved. Yeah, it doesn't make sense, I know. But if it is approved I be in big debt at least for the next 5 years. And if it is not, I will live in the place I won't like...

It is so hard to focus on the present moment. I am constantly freaking out...I've lost confidence in myself. I am not writing, even here, and I feel like a worthless looser...Because people in "real" life - they judge me only by what I have. And what do I have in terms of what enjoys high value in the "society market"? Not much...

And when they ask me questions like "Are married? How much do you earn? I feel like I am standing naked in front all the people. At some point I believe I've developed thicker skin, but it turns out my skin is still thin, and some cruel word still can ruin my day.

And I've lost faith in myself again...and I feel lost.. I've been crying half of the day today because I can't see what is next?

I am constantly whining and ranting now. And I don't like it but I feel low most of time. And I am constantly beating myself up again.

So damn tired...
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Old 12-06-2013, 11:39 AM
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Oh, Midnight! Stop and b-r-e-e-e-e-a-t-h-e. . . You have come so far!

Whoever judges you by what you have is shallow and is not worthy of breathing the same soft, forgiving air as you. You are an inspiration to everyone who reads your posts, which are full of power and love and humanity. Damn it, you're writing deep, philosophical words in a foreign language and are reaching and changing people all over the world! You're beating your demons, you're living a good life free from addiction (apart from watching boxing!) and you are a true badass. Cruel words only hurt you because you are a real person and not a cardboard cut-out who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. You have a rare and beautiful quality which others can only dream of.

Change is always difficult, but it will bring opportunities you cannot imagine now. Look again at Gerand's powerful words above and breathe. Know that everything will be ok, because it will
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Old 12-06-2013, 12:36 PM
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Thank you so much for your words, Headlump - they've brought warmth and soothing feeling into my heart)

I have no idea what I would do without your support, pals.

See you tomorrow.
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Old 12-06-2013, 01:08 PM
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MB...I'm really sorry, I haven't got a lot of time to respond tonight...

Just a few questions...who is it who asks you how much you earn or asks about your marital status?? Who judges you according to how or where you live?? What sort of people are you hanging around with?!

I would start surrounding yourself with genuine people who don't use status as a way of judging you.

The real you...the highly intelligent, articulate, compassionate and empathetic you. The boxing, independent, strong and powerful you. The woman who faces her past and doesn't allow it to dictate her future...well she's standing up straight and tall. It's hard I know. Sometimes it will be like that. But your AV will shout out and try to use this tough time...don't listen. You have moved beyond that. WAY beyond that.....

Will try and post a bit more tomorrow. Rest tonight. Tomorrow is a new day xxx
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Old 12-07-2013, 04:59 AM
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Hi, pals)

Jeni - thank you so much for your great posts. You asked me good questions...and there's a lot of support in your words, my friend.

I am better today, busy at the moment, I will come back later.

And, I know, that we are not counting here, but today's two months completely free of sugar of any kind for me! Never thought I could do this.

See you later)
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