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AVRT to end emotional binge eating Part 2

Old 11-03-2013, 08:50 AM
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Hello all

I like the new name. Fabulous!

I'm afraid I've not been too badass lately. More like a kitten, I think, but I'm back with it now. This is sooo much harder than giving up drinking has been for me

I'm definitely on an upward trajectory, so I'm not absolutely downhearted though I'm certainly frustrated. I will get there, I firmly believe that - and my beast can go to hell!

Thank you all for your support and wisdom. It is helping more than you could possibly know!
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:29 AM
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Hi, pals)

I've passed my first "going out" test today - I met my friend, we were at the exhibition, then walked for a while. It was cold outside so we went to a cafe for a cup of coffee. All these cakes and cookies were staring at me and singing their sugar-sirenes songs. And I was hungry as hell. But - naah.

I've chosen a tuna sandwich.

Then on my way home made some grocery shopping - you know, it's quite a challenge now, one one hand. 90%, if not more, of everything that is on the shelves of the store, contains either sugar or something else I don't eat now) But, on the other hand - it narrowed my choice, so I am not lurking there forever. It's like targeted scanning - "no, no, no, no, ok maybe this")))

Dee - thank you for changing the name of the thread!



Originally Posted by Jeni26 View Post

Sometimes I feel so strong I could take on the world, and at others....

I need to practice my mindfulness and sit with whatever. Running round in circles is good for no-one.

I'm ok. I will give the whole eating thing some thought. You know what worked best for me happened during those first few months when I gave up smoking. I was going to the gym, I was eating properly, I reminded myself that I was worth it. Somewhere along the line I stumbled from this path.
Jeni - You are absolutely worth it. Remind yourself about this every day. When you feel great, when you feel not so great - every moment of your life you are worth it. You are worth rewarding yourself with a good workout, nice cup of tea, minutes of silence and peace.

You know, I believe that somewhere there is our own place of peace where no AV can disturb us, where no past can reach out to us, where no future worries are allowed. Imagine this place.

And, you know, I am getting closer to one month off sweets and can tell you - don't miss them a bit! And just about 3 weeks ago I suffered from a major anxiety attack just because I couldn't rush to to the store and buy cookies. Crazy addiction.

Hugs to you, my friend)

Headlump - Glad to see you) How's about badass kitten?)) I know what you are talking about - I expected that I would kick out sweet at my first attempt just as I did with wine. Nope. I stumbled many times. I stumbled, fell flat on the ground, felt my hope slipping away from me, finally caught hold of its tail and, started again.

I'd suggest - maybe, carve some another definition for binge eating? I can tell from my experience that what "normal" people do often doesn't match with me? Just a thought.

Stay strong - every kitten eventually grow up in a strong badass cougar)

My best wishes to all.

See you)
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by MidnightBlue View Post

You know, I believe that somewhere there is our own place of peace where no AV can disturb us, where no past can reach out to us, where no future worries are allowed. Imagine this place.
This actually brought a lump to my throat! I guess that is the place inside me I need to find.

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Old 11-03-2013, 11:11 AM
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Thank you so much, MB, and well done on picking the tuna sandwich! I bet your beast loved that!!!

I'll think about changing my definition of bingeing, but I don't want to be too flexible or the beast will have a field day! I love the idea of becoming more cougar-like.... I shall start working on that today

Jeni (((hugs)))) to you. You're far, far stronger than you know
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Jeni26 View Post
This actually brought a lump to my throat! I guess that is the place inside me I need to find.

And I'm sure you'll find it, Jeni, because you have the strength and the determination to keep on until you do
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Old 11-03-2013, 01:04 PM
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I eat too much. I think I emotional eat. Sometimes I eat when I'm not hungry. I get a craving for a certain food and I give in. My hunger sensor is broken I think. I don't know when I'm actually hungry and I often continue eating after I should be full.
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Old 11-04-2013, 10:42 AM
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Hi, pals)

Absolutely emotionally exhausted after the session with my therapist. I cried almost all the session. It was hard. And more hard work ahead...

But guess what... I don't eat sweets, I am bot bingeing, I didn't stop to buy "something delicious" on my way back... I know, I know - BP is made, so that's the way it should be. But I feel kind of proud of myself.

Super tired - before session had two intensive workouts.

Dizzychainsaw - welcome to the thread! You are certainly not alone in emotional eating. You've made the first step recognizing the problem - it can be beaten, taken my word.

My best wishes to all)

I'll see you later.
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Old 11-04-2013, 11:36 AM
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Hi and welcome to the thread dizzychainsaw. That sounds familiar, are you planning to tackle this? Have a read up on AVRT on their website, and there's also something called Taming the feast beast. That made sense to me.

MB...big hugs to you. I know that exhaustion that follows a therapy session like that. It hurts I know, but the only way to heal is to move through the pain. I SO understand. Much love to you.

Sorry it's quick but I'm on my phone. Will post when I can xxx
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Old 11-04-2013, 12:42 PM
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((((hugs)))) MB! I'm sorry you've had such an emotional time, but you're right to be proud of yourself. You're so badass, your beast doesn't stand a chance! And ultimately this will make you even stronger

Daisy, you're definitely not alone in binge eating but you'll find great support here

Jeni, how you doing, my friend?
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Old 11-07-2013, 09:44 AM
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Hi, pals)

How's everyone doing?

I am busy these days so don't post much, but I am fine.

I know, we are not counting here, but today's been a month since I kicked out for good sugars and binge eating. And feel good)

Best wishes to all.

See you later)
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Old 11-07-2013, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by MidnightBlue View Post

I know, we are not counting here, but today's been a month since I kicked out for good sugars and binge eating. And feel good)
That's brilliant, MB!

A month is still aspirational for me but I'm not giving up! I'm on 3 days now
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:37 PM
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Hi my friends. All ok here. Working hard and keeping out of trouble

Eating a little better, lots of fruit...trying to keep sugary stuff to a minimum. If I work hard then the beast is too tired to annoy me. There are days I don't eat anything til late afternoon as I haven't had a moment to stop. All or nothing...sound familiar?!

You are both doing really well...proud of you xxx
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Old 11-11-2013, 08:48 AM
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Hi, pals.

Sorry, haven't posted much these days.

Been busy, and very tired. I finally got to writing and that's good, but I am fighting resistance every day, and there's huge bloody war between me and inner critic every day, and it is not going any better - every day I start from scratch, not having a bit more confidence compared to previous day. That's exhausting.

And work with therapist takes a lot of my energy. I have to "re-live" the most hurtful moments of the past, and I am petrified at the mere thought that I have to revive and remember in full detail the most awful moment of my childhood in order to finally end with them.

I am so tired.

I started to feel anxious again and made a mistake neglecting meditation. I've come unbalanced again.

And I slipped.

It was strange. I was absolutely deadly sure that I got it this time.

And I did. I really did. And so I can't understand what went wrong/

How did I stumble?

Not with sweets - at least not with them. I binged.

Remember, some time ago I was bragging that I am not going to binge on dates? Right. That's exactly what I did. Twice.

On Saturday - pigged out on dates, wholegrain bread and mascarpone cheese.

And today - on dates and raisins.

I wonder - should I rule out them as well, at least for some time.

But that's not the point. I can't rule out all the food - there will be nuts, frozen cherries, grapes, etc., etc., etc.

I feel like I am afraid of a new (or rather authentic) person I am growing into (sorry, not me, the beast, of course)... And after some successful period I look back and try on my old pattern of life, and start gathering my old habits that fit that old pattern. As if I am looking for some perverted stability...

Though, with every slip like this I can see how far I've gone, and how much I've improved, and I tend to forget about that... But...

I should add more time to my sleep - 4-5 hours obviously not enough...

And I am tired... I know - one day at a time, but it still scares me how I am going to sort out all these issues - all the issues with my brother, financial debts, uncertainty in life, and still vague idea what to do with my life.

You know, in August my best friends was diagnosed with brain tumors. They are not malignant but she still needs a surgery because the big tumor poses danger for her. She is planning the surgery for March, it will involve craniotomy . She is talking about this not bursting into hysterics, not playing drama. She is still keeping her chin up, enjoys life and almost dragged me out to the theater last Friday.

She has a great supportive family. And, as awful as it sounds, I am . kind of jealous of her (not in a bad way, don't take me wrong). I feel like her tumors will be removed, and she will be fine again. And my "memory tumors" will be with me forever.

Sounds crazy. I know.

Well, dark post today.

I am just tired that I can't stop fighting even for a moment - hostile forces immediately take advantage of me. And this constant war with myself is exhausting and suck life out of me.

That was my rant.

How's everyone doing?

Hugs to you, pals.

See you)
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Old 11-11-2013, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by MidnightBlue View Post

On Saturday - pigged out on dates, wholegrain bread and mascarpone cheese.

And today - on dates and raisins.
I guess the question is how much would make a binge?
Is "pig out" a style, place, and emotional timing of eating, or just an amount?
TAPS for the Beast can include no eating at Time of day or week, and Place, such as standing; in car; in front of TV, etc.

Good to hear you're changing for the better.
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Old 11-11-2013, 10:41 AM
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Hi MB. Reckon you've just got the beast rattled....it is obvious to me and anyone else following your progress just how far you've come in the past few months.

It is feeling unsettled and threatened...not liking the strong new you. So you trip a bit? So what. Big Plan is still in place...you are facing the most incredibly tough counselling process, you are writing, you are facing stuff with your brother....

I say stand tall, tap into that strength you've got deep inside you, hold your head up and carry on.

You are doing more than great...

Jen xxx
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:09 PM
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Hi, pals)

Thank you for your support.

GT - I've been also wondering: how much would make a binge? This binge was nothing compared to ones I used to have, but I still categorized it as a binge because of its style. I ate more than I planned to - much more. It was purely emotional. The places were the same - all my binges were either in front of TV or computer. I haven't eaten in front of TV for a long time by now, and did it on Saturday, as if coming back to old pattern.

Then yesterday by binge was in front of the lap top.

I've been thinking about banning having food in front of the computer completely, but for some reason I am reluctant to do it. Will it mean that I can't even have a cup of coffee, or just make an exception for coffee/tea.

It's a very clear-cut pattern for me - once I start eating in front of computer it's hard for me to control amount of food. Let alone it's an idiotic habit in the first place. I can just feel the beast kicking and screaming, because it loves it - I am easy to manipulate when doing this.

At the moment it seems almost impossible, but didn't I feel the same way about quitting wine, ending my "friendship" with sweets and salty snacks?

So, maybe it's high time to make "another step into impossible"?

Jeni - Thank you for your kind words, my friend. You reminded me that I am making progress and going through tough times now. The best thing I can grant myself is to stop beating me up and follow my calling and my goal.

And, I am a badass after all!

How's yourself, by badass pal.

Headlump - how are you doing?

Thank you all a lot.

See you.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:20 PM
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Hiya...I'm doing just great thanks. I'm coming to a bit of a decision...that it's time to stop beating myself up. I carry an awful lot of guilt around with me and sometimes it just gets a little too heavy. I have guilt over my parents and what I 'should' be doing, I have guilt over my kids and what I 'should' have been in the past. I have guilt over my husband and how I 'should' be more accepting but actually what I feel is huge resentment. I have the burden of trying to maintain my perfect family life and work career. My job is hugely stressful and I feel I let people down every day by trying to be everything to everyone....and it's exhausting.

I think I'm (finally!), coming to the conclusion that I need to stop trying to manage all this.

As soon as I let go a little, and meditation is helping so much with this, I start to relax. And it's at those times when I naturally start eating better, looking to exercise and generally looking after myself. I'm not an emotional binge eater, I'm one who uses food to punish herself, and I guess I always have. Busy stressful days mean I don't eat at all, and when I do, it's just rubbishy stuff. I'm addicted to sugar and the rush it gives, so, although I haven't broken my Big Plan, I will just seek it out in other forms.

So....it's a change of thought patterns, of being more realistic in my expectations of myself, and learning that's it's ok to feel exactly what I do without beating myself up about it.

I no longer wake up every day in anxiety. I have enormous gratitude for the things I have in my life, and I'm doing ok. Therapy is still hard, there are a lot of memories re-emerging via flashbacks which I'm trying to process and face up to.

But hey, I will get there. I feel better and stronger when I eat well and exercise. Looking after my mental and physical health need to go hand in hand to be most effective.

6 months without smoking now by the way...and I thought that was IMPOSSIBLE!! Ha!

Take care my friend. We are doing just fine. Learning and growing every day xxx
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Old 11-13-2013, 06:32 AM
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Midnight-

As you know I don't have a lot of experience with AVRT, but a bit back I realized that for me it is no longer about a particular food but about the misuse of food, and binging. For me it is about the "reason" I am doing it which is almost always emotionally driven.

I don't have any answers but I will put out there that for me the "binges" have lessoned in amount and intensity over time. They are still up (though less) then they used to be during times of extreme stress.

I plan on looking more into AVRT with that part in mind. Doing away with an individual food or food group for me is still eating disorder behavior....of the restrictive kind which is just as bad, and for me typically cycles back around. However if I could set it up as a behavior piece it is something I would be interested in adn could benefit from.
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Old 11-13-2013, 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by LifeRecovery View Post
Doing away with an individual food or food group for me is still eating disorder behavior....of the restrictive kind which is just as bad, and for me typically cycles back around.
AVRT is a technique to permanently abstain from an individual food or food group, not temporarily "doing away with" and "cycling back around".

I am almost as attentive to my not eating chocolate, caffeine, or manmade sweetened products as a person allergic to peanuts is of not eating peanuts. I would never have thought of it as a behavioral disorder. Interesting.
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Old 11-13-2013, 01:19 PM
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I am not saying it is Gerand, but limiting one food for me, would have been a part of my eating disorder behavior.

Limiting an individual food, led to limiting other individual foods, often lead to overall restriction of food in general. I was then undereating.

After a period of time I could not manage the undereating, and it would set me up for the other side of my cycle, binging.

some of this cycle with food was directly about food, but a lot of it was about emotions.

I have been following this post, but a bit ago realized that for me to utilize this section I would need to look at it from a larger behavior. I have not taken the time to do this (I am on vacation for the first time to visit my family....that is enough right now).

Midnight your last post, spoke to me and I am interested on how you will address it because that is the part I am interested in. I was interested about the where you eat being a part of it. That I can related to.
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