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Old 10-14-2013, 09:23 AM
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getting started

My life before- leave for work at 645 return home at 6, check in with the kids, start drinking. pass out/go to bed around 10. Repeat Mon or Tues through Thurs. Fri pm start drinking, then, on a good weekend I would maybe accomplish something (like shopping or visiting fam) before the drinking started. Mon- bad hangover but hopefully make it to work.
Sober (thanks to Antabuse and therapy) 15 days today. Heading to psychiatrist the 17th to be treated for depression.
Question is how do you start doing "stuff". I have sat on the couch the past 2 days (and today on a Mon holiday looks like more of the same). as an introvert with social anxiety, "group meetings" are out.
No desire to do anything. Not sad. Not angry. nothing.
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Old 10-14-2013, 02:34 PM
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Originally Posted by smac2166 View Post
Sober (thanks to Antabuse and therapy)

Question is how do you start doing "stuff".

No desire to do anything. Not sad. Not angry. nothing.
You do have thanks, that's something.

I bet you (and people who care about you) are curious if and/or when you are going to take that next drink. In another post you say you need to quit but want to drink. Well, that's the Rational Recovery definition of Addiction.

Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT) can work quick wonders if you are willing to decide that any more drinking would be utterly wrong for you on a basis of strong personal morality?
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Old 10-14-2013, 03:39 PM
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For awhile you need to get used to things and let your body start healing--taking care of your health through preparing healthy food and (possibly) moderate exercise is a good habit to begin. Junk food / hunger just makes you more tired and prone to relapse.
What I did / do to fill former drinking time: Watched old movies and sitcoms, reread books I loved, started a journal, began to clean and declutter my house (especially drinking crap like empty bottles and cans), emailed a few folks I'd lost touch with, got a library card, started listening to books on tape when I was working around the house or yard, tried on clothes, rearranged and purged my closet and dressers, visited the local animal shelter to play with animals waiting for homes, streamed videos from NetFlix, started playing guitar with a DVD course so I could practice at home on my own time, strung some beads I got from FireMountain gems to make some new necklaces / gifts, took walks and spent time in nature, took myself on a picnic, began a yoga practice, and the most important thing of all is that I actually planned and did things with my family instead of saying hi and losing myself in the bottle.

This is a short list, as I found there is actually quite a lot of time to do things before and after work when you aren't drunk, hungover, or just feeling tired and lousy all the time. Obviously, I started with just a few things and dropped / added as I felt better or wanted to do something else. I realized that I could be my own best friend and enjoy time with myself by myself, and today I am actually beginning to come out of my shell somewhat and do the odd activity with other people. Amazing.

Just get a notebook and start writing down things you might want to do. You just have to take the first steps and the rest get easier.
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Old 10-14-2013, 05:07 PM
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GerandTwine- Thanks. I have started reading the RR page and so far it makes more sense to me than AA
Hawkeye- Thanks for the inspiration and ideas. Right now leaving the house other than for work is a major accomplishment. Starting is so hard.
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Old 10-14-2013, 06:58 PM
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smac,
i started by going to a secular forum every day and getting engaged with lots of conversations there. which almost automatically got me exposed to a variety of ideas and thereby helped me look at stuff i was going through and beliefs i held.
i also bought the LifeRing workbook "Recovery by Choice", (available at The LifeRing Home Page | Sobriety, Secularity, Self-Help ) which is full of fairly in-depth exploratory questions about your/our relationship to alcohol, others, ourselves, our belief systems as far as recovery, out supports, detractors, fears, challenges, decision-making tools...you name it, it's in there.
and i took every book out of the library that i could find with personal recovery stories. i couldn't get enough of reading about how others had actually DONE this!
Anne Fletcher's 'Sober for Good' was a good one, but i read tons and tons.

it was a good start. served me well

best wishes to you on your journey.
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Old 10-18-2013, 05:06 AM
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Smac, how are things? Or I guess I can ask, 'How's she goin' there, eh?'

For me it was a slow process, overcoming my anxiety, and regaining some self-confidence which was reinforced with each small achievement. Going for a walk by myself, driving again, then returning to old interests and hobbies. After a while, new opportunities for growth presented themselves, and all I had to do was say yes.

While I was drinking, my world became smaller and smaller as I became increasingly dependent on my bottle of cheap vodka, until that was really all there was for me. Once I quit, I became free. You are free now, too, Smac. Find something that has beauty and peace for you, and go get it. Onward!
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Old 10-18-2013, 06:56 AM
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Hi smac;
Just checking in before the weekend. I know you are too tired to go out and do replacement activities yet, but how about getting some videos or books and some nice tea choices for the weekend in? How about some decadent bubble bath and a few candles if you have a tub and can take a good long soak? You deserve it.
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Old 10-18-2013, 08:01 AM
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smac last week I felt the same, no desire to do anything. No interest in things I enjoy, no anger no sadness. Well only sadness and loss. Its not fair Why me? all that but it passes. This, too, will pass. A saying from the 'fellowship' but helped me and breathing/mindfulness. Hope you are okay today I relate to that pain.
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Old 10-19-2013, 03:42 PM
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Thank you everyone for your support. you have no idea how much it means to me. I asked my family not to have a birthday celebration for me this year because social anxiety is high esp in small groups? Also, my whole family always drinks at parties ( not too excess but still a good bit) and they offer to have a dry partybut that would be weird. Also I would feel like a bug under a microscope.
Good news- I am going to do a 5K color run/walk with some work friends. I registered back in May ( I was going to train all summer-didnt happen). I am in the walking group so there is no real pressure to perform but I have been stressed about it since Fri. Scared to death but I am still going to try. Another friend also has social anxiety so we plan to support each other.
Fini- as much as I hate thinking/examining myself ( aka "touchy/ feelly stuff) I will buy the binder and give it a try.
Thanks again for the encouragement. Hope you all have a safe, productive and safe weekend
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Old 10-19-2013, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by smac2166 View Post
Thank you everyone for your support. you have no idea how much it means to me. I asked my family not to have a birthday celebration for me this year because social anxiety is high esp in small groups? Also, my whole family always drinks at parties ( not too excess but still a good bit) and they offer to have a dry partybut that would be weird. Also I would feel like a bug under a microscope. Good news- I am going to do a 5K color run/walk with some work friends. I registered back in May ( I was going to train all summer-didnt happen). I am in the walking group so there is no real pressure to perform but I have been stressed about it since Fri. Scared to death but I am still going to try. Another friend also has social anxiety so we plan to support each other. Fini- as much as I hate thinking/examining myself ( aka "touchy/ feelly stuff) I will buy the binder and give it a try. Thanks again for the encouragement. Hope you all have a safe, productive and safe weekend
You know it's actually ok sometimes to just 'be' you don't need to always be 'doing' I think maybe if you stop the thought process 'oh I need to do something, why can't I get motivated, this isn't normal' sort of thinking or whatever process is going on in your mind - it is so calming to just 'be' just try to concentrate on breathing. Think to yourself 'am I still breathing' and while you check note that feeling of peace. It's a bit tricky to start with - if your anything like me you will probably think 'I'm never going to catch on to this' but take it from me as someone who is usually so highly wired on my thoughts - this simple effort (that's tricky until your used to it lol) it's so helpful. It's so nice to just be calm.
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Old 10-19-2013, 03:57 PM
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It might help you to be able to think straight when you need to. In a productive non harmful or negative manner. Someone else will probably explain this better than me lol I'm just learning but I thought it might help a little if I mentioned this.
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Old 10-19-2013, 04:32 PM
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13- thanks. I have been working on calming techniques when I cant slow down esp my mind. My concern is refinding joy in something. I sit on my couch all the time and do nothing. Getting out of the house is so hard. I have 2 speeds hyper and dead still.
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Old 10-19-2013, 11:01 PM
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I understand - I don't know if I've any amazing solution to finding joy again other than trying to be positive. Be very aware of your self talk and question it if your feeling sad because more often than not the labels we give things are so heavily laden with our memories that we really don't stand a chance unless we change or stop our thoughts.

Happiness is an inside job. I know I used to and if I'm honest I still do a lot as I'm only finding my way too - I used to look to people or things to make me happy - and someone said it's not their purpose to make you happy. It's a slippery slope if your happiness is hinged on someone else or some thing. My happy right now is in appreciation of the beauty all around me.

I can only just say what's helping me. Be kind to yourself - give yourself time to heal - expect to have ups and downs - it's natural. In time you will get to your 'happy' but you need to open up to it.
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Old 10-20-2013, 03:11 AM
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Originally Posted by smac2166 View Post
13- thanks. I have been working on calming techniques when I cant slow down esp my mind. My concern is refinding joy in something. I sit on my couch all the time and do nothing. Getting out of the house is so hard. I have 2 speeds hyper and dead still.
Maybe you are just really really tired after all you have been through. I know I am. The emotional flatness is also something I notice more sober.

I was really glad to see your posts. It is so hard to do this alone.

Sometimes I think I drank for the last 10 years just to feel anything. Sometimes I drank to not feel when I was much younger. It isn't easy to find a happy medium, but at least we are in the game and trying.
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Old 10-20-2013, 04:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 View Post
Maybe you are just really really tired after all you have been through. I know I am. The emotional flatness is also something I notice more sober. I was really glad to see your posts. It is so hard to do this alone. Sometimes I think I drank for the last 10 years just to feel anything. Sometimes I drank to not feel when I was much younger. It isn't easy to find a happy medium, but at least we are in the game and trying.

Have to agree with this - I'm totally exhausted - I'm guessing it's mentally tired though as opposed to physically as I'm really doing nothing strenuous. Just give yourselves time. I need to get a job but I'm giving myself till after Christmas to adjust. To make sure my mind and body is healthy enough to cope. I can't stress enough about going easy on yourself - it's so important.
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Old 10-21-2013, 12:42 AM
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Originally Posted by smac2166 View Post
My life before- leave for work at 645 return home at 6, check in with the kids, start drinking. pass out/go to bed around 10. Repeat Mon or Tues through Thurs. Fri pm start drinking, then, on a good weekend I would maybe accomplish something (like shopping or visiting fam) before the drinking started. Mon- bad hangover but hopefully make it to work.
Sober (thanks to Antabuse and therapy) 15 days today. Heading to psychiatrist the 17th to be treated for depression.
Question is how do you start doing "stuff". I have sat on the couch the past 2 days (and today on a Mon holiday looks like more of the same). as an introvert with social anxiety, "group meetings" are out.
No desire to do anything. Not sad. Not angry. nothing.
Give yourself some time, smac2166. It takes while for your brain chemistry to settle down when you quit. It took me at least 3-5 months for my emotions/feelings to stabilize. And of course, those of us that spent decades being perpetually drunk have to completely learn how to live life sober! That's not all bad but think about it- how many things did you used to do sober? I always had a few obligations to attend to before I could get a drink and get back to being "the real me." Now I see that there's a real me I never knew, a sober me.

It takes some time and it can be awkward but you'll get it figured out! Congrats on taking the first steps to saving your life and family.
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