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Old 09-01-2013, 06:56 PM
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Grounded:

in touch with reality: having a secure feeling of being in touch with reality and personal feelings.

I think your above post sums that up quite nicely.
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Old 09-03-2013, 04:25 PM
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Hey guys, still doing ok.

I got some info from the pain clinic. They listeneed to my concerns again and they're looking into my idea of something which will give me a couple of hours break when I need it. The lady on the phone mentioned some kind of wafer morphine which I don't really understand but I'll talk to them about it in the next few weeks. Hopefully this won't leave me zombified like some of the other stuff they gave me.

If if leaves me a little off for an hour well I can cope with this, I just didn't like the constant feeling of being absent I had before. I would rather be in pain than that nonsense.
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Old 09-04-2013, 11:10 AM
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Hey davey...glad to hear things are getting sorted for you huni......keep us posted ..hugs to u xxxxx
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Old 09-06-2013, 06:54 PM
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Ahhhh, Davey. Came by to check on you and realized you must be several hours into sleep.

Hope you're doing okay and know you and your wellbeing are being thought of.
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Old 09-07-2013, 03:43 AM
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Had a really rough night last night. I couldn't sleep and around 2am that nasty little voice came to me, encouraging me to drink. Every excuse imaginable went through my head, it's only one drink, you don't have to drink 2 bottles of wine, just have a glass go on, you're not an alcoholic, you just like a drink and it tastes great etc.

Obviously I have no alcohol in the house and as it was 2am I couldn't go and buy any so I just had to white knuckle it. The nasty little voice is dying down now, each time it speaks up I shout at it, well inside my head I mean and it seems to back off for a bit before coming back at some different angle lol.

But hey I'm still sober and I feel like I'm in control. I know many have this idea of seeing this little voice as a thing outside of themselves or separate but to me it's not possible to think of it that way. It's a part of me, just not a part I like.
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Old 09-07-2013, 07:54 AM
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I'm guess I am lucky as I can visualize my beast as an external cartoonish Tasmanian Devil like creature. That POS has been pulverized many times by different scenarios in my mind. I also visualize it as Wile E. Coyote and me as The Road Runner. That makes for some chuckles.

Sorry you're having a hard time with the pain. When is your next appointment with the pain specialist?
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Old 09-07-2013, 03:21 PM
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I think actually you have a good point about visualising it, it can still be a part of me and be made into something idiotic that can be easily ridiculed. I'll try and start doing this, it just sounds like a useful strategy.
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Old 09-10-2013, 05:14 PM
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Not doing great today guys, I'm just in a lot of pain and wanting it to stop. I've taken my medication, I thought about taking more but that would not be a good idea as I'm too scared of getting addicted. I took some paracetemol on top of my usual stuff.

It's 1am here, I sat in the shower to try and help a bit but it's not doing much. I want to carve the muscles from my legs, it's just so painful. Not sure what to do right now. Don't worry I'm sober but I just want some way to deal with this pain.

I'm also exhausted, another part of my condition, but that's a minor thing compared to the pain right now. I'll see you guys tomorrow.
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Old 09-11-2013, 07:33 AM
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Hey Davey.

You doing any better today? When do you see the pain specialist again?
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Old 09-11-2013, 08:34 AM
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Keep pushing your Dr to get this pain managed to your satisfaction, Davey? Hypnosis, counseling, meds, physiotherapy, accupuncture, whatever it takes. We are on your side!
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Old 09-12-2013, 02:36 PM
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Hi guys, thank you for the kind responses. I've been in bed most of the day to try and not aggravate the pain. It's dying down now a bit which I'm thankful for.

Fresh, my doctor is no longer in charge of the pain management, it's down to the pain clinic to alter things and then my doctor basically writes a prescription.

Regarding the pain clinic, I got a call telling me they can't help me further with face to face consultations, which I agree with and they instead have switched me to phone consultations. I prefer this because travelling to the clinic and back just makes things worse.

I have a phone consultation booked for the 18th of this month so I'm going to further discuss my idea of some temporary pain relief in the event I need to do something like go out with friends or weed the garden. Something very short acting would be great and obviously I would ask them to control the prescriptions as I imagine it would be an addictive thing. I would not need more than 10 times per month for this kind of pain killer as I rarely have the energy to do much.

As for my regular medications, I will need to discuss it further. I'm a bit of a difficult patient for them what with me being unable to take NSAID medications. They are doing their best, it will just take a while to sort something out that fixes the majority of my pain while allowing me to feel normal. I hate that fuzzy feeling.
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Old 09-12-2013, 02:38 PM
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Oh and obviously I'm sober still, which is great. I must say I got to a point in the shower where the warm water was not helping, the medicatios were not working, I tried rubbing deep heat into my muscles but that did nothing and I just thought "screw it I'll get drunk".

Thing is I couldn't walk to buy alcohol, I could have called someone to pick me up some wine or something but I resisted. Don't get me wrong, I had the phone in my hand while I lay on the bedroom floor. But I managed to resist, it was a really close thing though.
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Old 09-13-2013, 04:56 AM
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I am honoured that you have chosen to share your experiences here with us, DaveyT, and I am humbled at the same time. What you are going through now and the manner in which you are doing it is truly inspiring. This thread crosses my mind during the day at odd times, and these times seem to be when I need an internal push.

Somebody get this man a Badass hat already.
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Old 09-13-2013, 11:57 AM
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Hey Fresh I just wanted to thank you. I was feeling a bit down today after being in so much pain and your message really made me feel happy and gave me a laugh (seriously I demand a bas ass hat!). I'm not sure what is inspiring about what I'm doing or saying, I'm just another drunk in recovery afterall but I thank you for such kind words.

I've been doing a bit of research in regards to pain killers that may work for me so I'm ready to have a good talk when they phone me up. I must again recommend the pain clinic to anyone who deals with physical pain as they really know their stuff. I wish I had not tried to deal with the pain on my own for so many years.
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Old 09-13-2013, 12:51 PM
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Daley you hang in there brother, and kick that demons ass!
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Old 09-13-2013, 04:27 PM
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Hey guys, I wanted to update this because I have some interesting news. A friend of mine does massage. She wants to practice a bit so I put myself up as a volunteer. I know others with my condition have found a benefit through massage, although from what I have heard it hurts like hell while it's going on but reduces long term pain so it's a trade off.

So yeah, I'll see how it goes. She's offering the service for free, although it feels kind of weird having a friend touch me it such a way I must admit. A stranger is one thing, a friend is different somehow, but hey she's trying to help so I'm accepting it. I know that if I can endure the pain it will lead to less pain long term.

Guess I'll just have to bite down on the pillow and let her work the knots from my muscles.
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Old 09-13-2013, 05:30 PM
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I am sure she is dying to help you, DaveyT. It is a gift that you can give your friend, accepting help is a gift to the giver.
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Old 09-15-2013, 04:36 PM
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Hey guys I had my first professional (well kind of) massage session. She's still learning so not perfect yet. It hurt, when I say that I can't quite put it into words, each touch felt like someone pushing glass into me, and I know what that feels like as I had an accident years ago involving a plate window so I have a good reference.

I endured the pain for half an hour because others with my condition say it hurts like hell, I hurt for an hour afterwards and then a lovely sense of relief came over me. A lot of the tension in my muscles went away and I'm still feeling the benefits now. I can often feel the knots in my muscles as the nervous problems cause constant tension which ends up leaving everything feeling shortened and tough to the touch.

I'm hoping this is repeatable. Putting up with truly awful pain for a couple of hours to then get wonderful relief is completely worth it. Don't get me wrong there were several times I wanted to quit, especially as she worked down to my legs, but I stuck it out and may have found some benefit on top of my medications. Tomorrow will be the big test as often pain is delayed. If I wake up tomorrow without feeling like someone has injected me with pepper spray then it's a real improvement.

A good day that's for sure.

Edit

Oh and she hit a few unpleasant areas but hey she's learning. I have a deal in place now, even when she qualifies I get free massages :P
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Old 09-15-2013, 07:00 PM
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Always so good to hear from you, Davey.

I used to get massages and tears would literally roll down my face when certain trigger points were getting worked on but boy oh boy, it sure helped.

I hope you can continue to get massages too. Don't be surprised if certain muscles areas feel a bit bruised tomorrow which was sometimes my experience after an especially therapeutic massage. Beats the heck out of the horrible crippling spasms though.
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Old 09-16-2013, 01:55 PM
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Well for me my muscles get painful due to nerves continually turning them off and on, causing tension sort of like cramp I suppose, but basically all over. Relieving that tension helps the pain, it won't fix it due to my nerves being messed up but at least it's some relief and will hopefully delay any increase in the painkillers.

God when she was doing it it hurt so much I don't know how to put it. But hey it's worth enduring.
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