ssf

Hey guys I need to change my sober date to today. Once I picked up the bottle I went back to drinking every night. I am so disgusted with myself I really believed in AVRT and liked the self control aspect. Bit my AV snapped and now I am left wondering it it could work again. Or if you mess up you've ruined it. I mostly drink 2-5 a night. Still go to work but do embarrassing things that I regret and it affects my mood disorder terribly. I went to a specialist who basically told me I have it under control and I know how to do the right things. But I know I still need help. I've tried aa it wasn't for me. I really want to kick this for good. Does anyone have any resources for AVRT relapse or is that not part of the program at all.

Much thanks and love,
Ssf

pinkdog

Sorry you are feeling badly ssf. Of course you can do it again. Think about what you did before. Maybe you started slacking off on your routine? I find information to be helpful. To be mindful of where I came from I'm watching all the alcohol-related videos on youtube. I think that helps. Best wishes to you.

ssf

Thank you pinkdog. I think that with each day comes a little more self confidence which helps and more self worth. It's just making through this first day with so many options in the city. All I really have planned is laundry.

jkb

I was sober for 36 days and then I decided I could drink moderately. Just a glass of wine. Well anyway you know the rest of that story...

However, in my experience, after I drank and realized it would always be all or nothing a lot of the craving to do it again left. I "never drink now" and that works for me. I have been sober almost 5 months.

I really beat myself up about my decision to drink but, turns out it was the proof I needed that I can never drink in a normal fashion. Making it a very irrational decision to continue drinking... AVRT works no matter what.... in my opinion.

You cant really unlearn it. So, if you are ready start over. GL- Jess

neferkamichael

Ssf, you made it 48 days so you can make it 48 weeks, then 48 months, then forever? Rootin for ya.

ssf

Thanks neferkamichael! Any one have ideas for something healthy to do tonight in first day of sobriety.

GerandTwine

Using the framework of what you "really believed in AVRT", give a moment to moment account of what you were thinking and feeling in the hour or so just before you had that first drink after 48 days.

Also, do you have a copy of the book, Rational Recovery, The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey, 1996? It has a great chapter titled "Lapses, Relapses, and other Nonsense".

ReadyAndAble

No way—and that statement right there is 100% pure AV. There is no reason to doubt yourself. You surely learned a lot during those 48 days. And as GT noted, you can learn just as much from the moment you changed your mind. And at some point you did change your mind—your AV nworked very hard to influence the decision, but in the end it was still your decision. The good news? You were in the drivers seat then, and you still are today—only now you have more wisdom than before, and hopefully more certainty about your decision to quit.

Don't doubt yourself for a second—you've never been better positioned to succeed!

mecanix

I sat in bed and watched telly and listend to the radio in the first few weeks of my sobriety as well as going to work ..
I thought if i could be sober without any huge distractions , just learn to be content with not doing anything then i'd be ok if i found myself with nothing to do in the future .

Bestwishes, m

Carlotta

I found out that taking long walks in nature really helps me feel more at peace with the universe and connected. It also will get you tired and might help you sleep
And I swear that you dog did NOT bribe me to post that

ssf

Haha! Thank you guys

GerandTwine

What's funny?

Received

GT -

I'm assuming it was the part of Carlotta's post where she says "I swear that you dog did not get me bribe me to post that".

I know I got a chuckle out of it.

raku

to ssf...

I hope you have found something to occupy your evening by now !
I like the suggested idea of a long walk in nature......
For me, rewarding myself for good behavior, something I've done that I feel good about, is often doing something creative...even if it's as simple as writing a letter to myself as if I am another person (sort of an objective point of view), from someone who loves or has loved me in the past, and wants to give me that supportive, positive reflection.
Sometimes when I choose to drink it seems as though there's nobody to give me those kudos, approval, and I don't realize that's what I really need at the time. So, I drink !
After the fact, I see my needs. Now, looking forward to my 5th sober day, tomorrow morning I know I will ask myself...are you hungry ? Do you need to just go over to your neighbor and strike up a conversation ? Do I need a "treat" ? Take-out food ? A hug ? Do I need to design a new fantasy home....to imagine a new "picture" of my life ?
I wish you well and hope you are forgiving yourself for not being perfect yet.....
It's a processs (Life), not of negativity, nor looking back, but of "staying on the beam" !!

raku'

DoubleBarrel

Keep in mind that ANY idea to drink, whatever that idea was that convinced you to buy booze again, was ALL AV.

When you think back, you can identify it, and the better you are at separating that "desire" and seeing it for what it is, the better you can learn to ignore it, and starve the beast.

ChooseSobriety

Hello ssf,

Every day is a new day and every minute is a new minute, make a different choice. Don't let it get you down because that's your choice too.

I know that if I don't drink I won't get drunk. That was the program that I used initially, I knew that I could not drink, period.

In regards to programs there are many. I'm not familiar with AVRT however if it works for someone that is all that matters.

I had developed behaviors and habits over many years that led me to use alcohol and drugs as a coping tool.

I did not know how to deal with the many thoughts that were in my mind. I did not know that I could let these thoughts go and that most likely they weren't my stuff anyway ;-).

I had to make a deep down soul level decision to change the way that I had been doing things or continue to be miserable. I consciously made that choice in 1997 and I have never looked back, well maybe a couple of times ;-)

Was this easy, hell no as I am sure there are many here to attest to that.

The main thing is that you are openly sharing and asking questions, that's a huge step!

Love,

CS

Stewart888

ssf, you messing up helps us not to mess up. But, we don't need anymore help now, we just want you back in the sober camp. Get back there and stay...lets all watch each others back.