DrSober

LifeRing Convenor: Once again on the AA dropout rate

I'm part of the AA dropout statistic. What if I had just tried to force myself to keep going to AA (or had a family member give me an ultimatum to try and force me to keep going), particularly if there were no alternatives available?

Secular Connections forum = full of the delightful square pegs of recovery. I love you all.

HuskyPup

After talking to the nice folks at Lifering HQ, I'm really hoping to get a group going here. I'm also part of that drop-out statistic. What made me feel really weird was how how few new people ever showed up; made me feel like I was joining the Mason's or something, as opposed to a general recovery group. And of those that did,I seldom saw them again.

When I get paid on Friday, I plan to order some of the Lifering materials, and go from there. Once I get the time together, I think I have a place that I can use at no cost, right in the heart of the arts district of the city, so hopefully, something will happen.

Nonsensical

That's awesome HP! Your proactivity inspires!

caboblanco

I'm an AA dropout but that doesn't mean I'm a sobriety dropout. You do see the same people and all the local meetings.. and you here the same thing over and over again too. I didn't last that long in there

HuskyPup

Thanks, I sure hope I can make it to the 6 month point, to qualify. Maybe this can be an inspiration.

Also, when I did do step meetings for a bit over two months, I also seldom if ever saw new faces, so it felt weird, with so many people who had known each other for years, or even decades, and then the occasional outsider.

If I try to head a group, inclusion will be among my goals, and making people feel listened to, important and involved. I didn't feel those things before, so I left.

Nonsensical

From reading your posts I think it has great potential to keep you motivated. Seems like it should right in your wheelhouse.

It has ME motivated!

Itchy

New to this group but am also an AA dropout. I took what I could use and left the rest. Great folks and what I needed for early sobriety. After three months of there and here I pretty much stuck with SR but not to stay sober. I had some heavy PAWs. I needed a reality check that the PAWS were experienced by others.

But I didn't want or need a sponsor, nor wanted or needed to call for support. They met on Sundays at 4 pm and that was just right for me. They all told me I needed to go to more meetings. That I should start doing the steps. I didn't need the steps and the hand holding with the praying at the end was uncomfortable. I am not an atheist but also don't subscribe to any "old time religion." I had a new sober life to build, and could drive myself freely again even at night! I didn't have time for meetings every night.

I have fond thoughts of them but it is too uncomfortable to visit. I agree that it is the same core faces there, and the last time I visited three of the regulars had had relapses in the interim. I did hear the same things over and over.

I was surprised at how they miss the 28 times recovered is in the book. Well I am recovered just fine. No, I can't drink again, but the craving is gone, has been since day 8 when I was released from medical detox cleansed of the physical addiction. I didn't have to worry about my mind, I lost that a long time ago.

I think AA can be good short term for a jump start, or long term for those who find it a lifestyle. Whatever works for each. But if I am like others, it may be we transitioned out recovered. But their current members forget that recovered has nothing to do with being able to drink again in moderation. Just not thinking/needing/wanting the alcoholic lifestyle.

I felt like my recovery was making them feel invalidated. I had to leave because the folks that needed to stay were fine without my throwing a curve at them by sobriety without steps and sponsors.

But I am glad for them for my first two months.

bigsombrero

I experienced both of these. I suppose I'm not really an AA "dropout", just a guy who gave meetings a try after rehab for a while - and didn't much like them. I was invited to a Super Bowl party, I'll never forget that experience. It was the most awkward thing for me, ever. I was completely ignored for an hour and then all of a sudden pounced on with sales pitches - I "needed" to go to more meetings, I "needed" to call people. I "needed" a sponsor and I "needed" to join more activities. When people start telling me what I NEED, I start to question their motives.

Today I feel kind of sorry for the folks in AA. Sure, some of them truly have found a home there and it's probably better for them than the alternative. But for those who really "live the program" and do the weird 90-in-90 stuff....well it seems like those folks are lost. And haven't really ever learned how to make friends or form meaningful relationships. I would gather many of them were never comfortable socially before - and now they're at the Cool Kids' Lunch Table and boy oh boy are they thrilled to have finally arrived there. The eagerness and feigned happiness about the whole thing is enough to make me roll my eyes.

For me AA was very useful in the early goings and I've not ruled out going back from time to time. But there is a lot of encouragement towards conformism, and critical thinking and independent thought is actually discouraged.

I joined a fraternity in college, I've seen this movie before. I've had enough of being a part of groups like that, even if they do mean well.

Itchy

I am a bit more tolerant of those kinds of groups. I belonged to a rigid group by choice for 27 years of my life. The USAF. What's wrong with the Masons? Or Elks? Or Loyal Order Of Moose or Eagles? Knights of Columbus? Knights of Pythias? Or The VFW, The American Legion?

Not all will join a group, or any group. Others enjoy service work like we do here in this group. AA is no different. Some make a life from their group. I think that is fine for them. Some have been for me. Others no way!

360shoes

I'm with you Itchy. I guess I never thought of it much but I'm a drop out. I see nothing wrong with anything that helps someone. It ain't my thing but then again not much is other than I just don't drink.

I try not to analyze much of anything in life. It just is what it is.

I guess my Buddhist beliefs are about all I got. Maybe that makes me a seccie?

Fandy

sometimes if I state that I just "don't drink" people will respond like I have 2 heads....well if it were that easy why be here on SR?

oversimplify? maybe, but if it works it is fine with me.

I just strive to be a nondrinker, not devoting my life to staying sober. my formal plan is pretty much gratitude and connecting here most every day. the trade offs for staying sober give me a much better life and far less depression.

will I stay this way? I sure hope so, but I may evolve...I can't say. Am I a "real" alcoholic...that is one thing I am sure of....and one I have come to terms with.

But I also have some terrible allergies and was born with VonWillowbrands....these things do not control my life either.

I've not attended AA, the most education I have obtained on the program comes from reading here. I do understand why it works for some people and that is great....because people achieve the same relief that I have from now being a nondrinker.

Threshold

I dropped out of AA, but not 12 step recovery.

Compatibility issues. There didn't have to be anything wrong with AA for it not to be the right thing for me.

I dropped out of drinking and drugging for the same reasons, serious incompatibility, it was best we parted ways.

Morning Glory

I'm sorry to have to close this thread, but AA is off topic in the Secular Connections forum.

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