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Old 06-24-2013, 03:14 AM
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day 1

I am trying to say goodbye to my wine. For the first time my husband said something to me, and for the sake of our future family, I need to quit. Looking to find some new sober friends.
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Old 06-24-2013, 03:35 AM
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Welcome to the secular connections section of the forums. I'm not stalking you, honest! I'm just friendly. The smart people will be along shortly with some advice. They sleep late, I think.
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Old 06-24-2013, 03:39 AM
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Welcome and good luck! The smart people have usually shown up by now. ;-)
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Old 06-24-2013, 08:02 AM
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hello ,
welcome to SR.

good to see you here, and you know you need to quit.
there is no shortage of all kinds of advice all over SR; keep reading and see what you find that might be helpful to you.
for me, that included daiuly participation in a forum, a weekly face-to-face meeting, reading tons of literature, looking at my history, looking at myself and what i thought the stuff "gave" me...

it's work.
no doubt about that.

work that's do-able
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Old 06-24-2013, 08:16 PM
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Thanks for that... day 1 has been ok for me so far . Enjoying clarity rather than a late night fog!
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Old 06-24-2013, 09:03 PM
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Welome, lookingtobefree! Glad you are here.

Originally Posted by lookingtobefree View Post
Enjoying clarity rather than a late night fog!
^^Take that feeling and run with it! It keeps on getting better...
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by lookingtobefree View Post
I am trying to say goodbye to my wine. ...
This part of your OP made me laugh. I got a picture of someone holding open the door to their wine cellar and letting all the bottles march out in a row and disappear off into the horizon.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by lookingtobefree View Post
I am trying to say goodbye to my wine. For the first time my husband said something to me, and for the sake of our future family, I need to quit. Looking to find some new sober friends.
Ah yes wine, my poison of choice too. I'm here because I was attracted to AVRT, not because I'm secular. For whatever reason this method appeals to me. Here is a synopsis of what the theory is, other more experienced posters will be able to define it more than I. Good luck on your journey:

Observe your thoughts and feelings, positive and negative, about drinking or using. Thoughts and feelings which support continued use are called the Addictive Voice (AV); those which support abstinence are you. When you recognize and understand your AV, it becomes not-you, but "it," an easily-defeated enemy that has been causing you to drink. All it wants is pleasure. "I want a drink," becomes, "It wants a drink." Think to yourself, "I will never drink again," and listen for its reaction. Your negative thoughts and feelings are your AV talking back to you. Now, think, "I will drink/use whenever I please." Your pleasant feelings are also the AV, which is in control. Recovery is not a process; it is an event. The magic word is "Never," as in, "I will never drink/use again." Recognition defeats short-term desire, and abstinence soon becomes effortless. Complete separation of "you" from "it" leads to complete recovery and hope for a better life. The only time you can drink is now, and the only time you can quit for good is right now. "I will never drink/use again," becomes, "I never drink now." It's not hard; anyone can do it.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:51 PM
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welcome to SR lookingtobefree

D
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:35 AM
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welcome lookingtobefree,,hope u do indeed make some new and nice friends here on sr,,i have no advice to offer,,cos im just lil ole me,,but you are doing the best ting,,saying goodbye to the ole "vinodecollaspsible",,awseomo xx
hugs cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
x watch out for nonsensical tho,,,v v cheeky xxxxx lol
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:38 AM
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Hi LookingToBeFree, I am glad you found us here. From where I sit, I'veHadEnough described a great start with this avrt stuff. That's a good understanding of the mindful awareness and separation aspect of this cognitive approach to soberness.

The next part, the part where the rubber meets the road, is to make your commitment to never drinking again, call it your Big Plan. This makes a two pronged attack on your AV. It is necessary for sobriety, and it also makes it easy to become aware of and to recognize that beast. A twofer. Remember that doubt in yourself is beast activity too. GT has helped with a notation about that idea in your post.

Set that confidence-in-yourself dial to 11, and do this thing. You can, you know, you most assuredly can do it. Now is a perfect time too. There is no try, because that is the beast working you. It is terrifying to imagine, maybe, but just remember that it is your beast that is scared sh!tless. Too bad for it. Onward.
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