The Beast is Very, Very Angry
 

I can feel it flailing and wailing and it is really thirsty. This time is more worrisome for The Beast because I turned the tables on it. It convinced me to drink "just a beer" almost two weeks ago. Now I know that there is no way I should ever have any reason to pick up a single drink for the rest of my life.

It is mad right now and panicking. It is also angry that I am reaching out to you guys here on SR. The problem is that The Beast's agitation and discomfort is mine, too and it sucks.

I have had a lot of success in the past to silence The Beast quickly. Right now, I can't get it to go away. I just have to ride out this feeling until it passes.

the Beast can tantrum all it wants. Its problem is not yours. you don't have to act. The tantrums don't last very long. let it pass. know that your are in control of what actions you take. Not It.

love from Lenina

Hi, 1stthingsfirst.

Of course, it's angry, it doesn't get what it wants. Don't let involve yourself in this tantrum, don't feed it with your power.

It's agonizing now. It shall pass.

Stay strong. Take care.

I have a beast too and when he starts his smooth talking I put him in an airtight jar and screw on the lid. Scares the hell outta him, but I feel great :)

what helped me greatly was actually the opposite of silencing what i'd call "the voice".
i'd ask "it" to tell me more.
it helped me to look hard and see what i wanted from drinking. how was i feeling? how did i want to feel instead? what "state" was that drinking supposed to put me in? what was i trying to get away from? what was so terribly "not okay" with how i was feeling?
after that, after i managed to figure out what was "behind" it in a situation, i could wait for it to pass OR start looking for other, new and better ways to deal with myself in whatever place i was in.
in other words, i didn't argue or try to silence, i listened harder and asked "it" questions.

just a different approach.
nothing to do with giving in or fighting things.

I have to agree with fini. My beast had been really loud and annoying lately. So, I finally asked myself which part of what it is telling me is true? Will I feel better if I get wasted? NO not in the long run. Will I feel happier? etc...etc... For me the answer is always "not worth it". This "confrontaion" has helped. Not arguing with it but, just "taking a stand"....

Thanks all for the advice and encouragement. Like a toxic friend, I have to set some firm boundaries with The Beast.

I will try confronting it when it has its next tantrum and shine a light in its dark corner. I have made a lot of progress over the last five weeks and I want more than anything to be free from using alcohol to deal with uncomfortable feelings. I want to grow as a person and as a parent. The Beast has no place in my life anymore and honestly, I am a little bit sad to say "no thanks and goodbye" to it.

I recognize the beast chatter but don't engage it. Later, after the POS quiets down, sometimes I spend a moment or so reflecting on what may have caused it to rear up but generally just go on about life.

In the beginning I would confront it but going on five months or so, I no longer give a crap about it.

I look at the voice like an arch enemy, laugh at it, curse it, know it for what it is. I also remember when I listened. The humiliation, shame and regret.

That voice doesn't scare me. I don't abuse my mind, body or soul anymore. Nothing can make me do that. I'm happy it comes around occasionally, to remind me of the lowest place, I ever found myself.

You can get through this 1st. :hug:

Time to give the Beast a time-out! Let it sit in the corner and wail until it learns to behave.

Hey 1st-
Just wanted to check in with you. I really hope that the 'chatter' as I now refer to it... has quieted down. It can be very annoying. Of-course it has no power but, it sure can try to convince you it does. Anyway, stay strong. Jess

Thanks Jess. I really am feeling better. I have never had to work this hard for sobriety in the past. I am actually kind of amazed with myself that I have not caved yet. The Addictive Voice is getting louder but that just makes it easier for me to challenge it.

I see my own actions in others' posts. I have been looking at the newbie forums where people are fresh from the embarrassment of addiction and I can imagine myself in their place if I pick up the first drink. I really wanted a drink yesterday but somehow managed to make it through the day.

I have so much work (and bills) to catch up on since I have been neglecting my job for the last 6 months. I am grateful to be sober (and without a hangover) so that I can begin the hard work today of meeting work deadlines and caring for my family and home. I haven't felt a sense of accomplishment in a few months, so I am hoping it will become my new "high."

I think of it like a kid throwing a tantrum, rather than a daunting 'beast', helps me to see who has the power in this situation. Annoying is better than terrifying, aye.

Plus, I wouldn't give in to a toddler just because they threw a tantrum or enter into negotiations or even condone that racket by listening and consoling (it harms them, me and our relationship), and this is no different.

Its sort of become funny now just to witness its absolute determination. Unless I've just become hysterical :rolleyes: