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AVRT to cope with emotional binge eating

Old 06-14-2013, 12:39 PM
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Hey everyone
Just reading posts, I missed. I need to go over them again. My thought was we were all born, we had no say. As children, pretty much the same. Then we start living our lives with all this childhood baggage, can't put it down. We want to, it is so heavy and destructive. We know intellectually we'd be better off to unload as much as we can. It's like the bags are stuck, we keep the load, staggering under the weight. I want to put mine down, I've been carrying it for so long. Today I resolve to pick a "bag" and put it down. I resolve to not pick it up again, ever.
Take good care of yourselves
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Old 06-14-2013, 01:32 PM
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I was just thinking guys that I originally started posting so I could learn more about AVRT and how to recognise my AV with regard to quitting smoking.

That was achieved really quickly. I am now a month without smoking (and that is unbelievable for me!)

I am a non-smoker and even amongst all the stress, it remains an unbreakable commitment I made to myself. The beast is still sneaky, even demanding at times but I'm really onto it. I know what it wants, but it won't get it.

The stuff I'm posting now are just thoughts and ramblings on my life as it is. There are no great threats to my sobriety or to my picking up a cigarette. Can't say I never think of either from time to time, especially the smoking, but it ain't going anywhere!

That seems really awesome to me!

Hi Bloss...putting down that baggage is a good move. Hope you are well x
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Old 06-15-2013, 09:33 AM
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Saturday

Making a planting be content today and at peace with where I am on the sober journey. Have a great day everyone.
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Old 06-15-2013, 12:16 PM
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Hi, Pals.

I don't know why it's so damn hard for me to get back on track this time. I feel very anxious and worried about things, and feel some kind of emotional imbalance.

I feel like a hypocrite with all my long posts and firm resolutions.

I hate myself today so much. With all my 5 lbs gained back. Sounds ridiculous maybe - but for me it's like proof of my fail.

It's just so hard to shake off this life-long beliefs imprinted and my mind. But I have to. I just have no choice but to do it. Because I do love that authentic Midnight.

Bloss - I like what you've said about baggage. I feel like this as well. As I am dragging all the belongings with me regardless of whether I need them or not. It would be so much easier to just leave it all behind.

Content and peace - sounds good to me)

Jeni - hope you'll manage to get some rest during weekend after this stressful week. I hear you - I held a managerial position for almost 5 years. It's sometimes extremely hard. Try not to take things too personally and close to heart. There are a lot of different people with their ambitions and "bees in the bonnet". If I'm not mistaken Aesop said: ""Please all, and you will please none." So, just do your job as good as you can and leave all the worries behind. I know you can do it).

And I agree that my AVRT journey led to exploring all the issues that lie behind, though, unlike you, I still in process of fighting my addiction.

And you are really awesome, BTW)

It's weird, actually. Some time ago I met my former colleague whom I haven't seen for about three years. She told me: "I remember you quite often". I was surprised: "Why?"
I was more than surprised by the answer: "When I face some challenging issue I remember your and hold your image in my head. You posture, your straight back. You always looked absolutely confident as of nothing ever worried you. So, you are helping me, actually to cope with my everyday issues ".

I thought: "WOW!!!!" Can I borrow this image for myself, please? Why my former colleague sees my like that and I picture myself like a scared kid? Incredible!

Well, I am feeling much better now, so planning some light workout for tomorrow. The beast was way too glad that I didn't exercise - it's my great source of inspiration.

Thank you, pals, for your support.

See you tomorrow.
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Old 06-15-2013, 01:16 PM
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Hey MB. I understand that feeling of anxiety very well. It is hard to shake off once it gets a grip.

Have you tried to write a list of everything you have right now in your life that is causing you worry? Just write down the concrete things, the facts..like the dispute over the property. Those things that you can resolve in a practical way. Can you get advice, help, support with them? Who do you have that understands your situation, who is perhaps not emotionally involved. A friend? A work colleague? Someone with some legal background?

Take your emotions and feelings out of it for a moment because they are not facts and may be clouding the issues.

You have been unwell and your body's natural defences are down. You haven't been exercising and therefore a big part of what keeps you positive and on track is missing. You feel out of sorts.

Give yourself a break here my friend. You've got a lot going on.

Losing or gaining weight is not a measure in ANY WAY of how you should be judging yourself. You are a beautiful person MB. I can tell. And I'm a good judge of character.

Please don't give up.

Jen
Xxx
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Old 06-15-2013, 01:30 PM
  # 166 (permalink)  
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Hey, Jeni)

Thank you)

Good idea about the list - I will do it tomorrow. It certainly won't hurt to get things out of my head and give them another look once they are on paper.

And I surely will not give up. I am a badass after all.

Thank you, my pal, your post gave a lift to my mood)

Off to bed now.

Have a good evening and sweet dreams)
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Old 06-15-2013, 06:43 PM
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MB...have you told the "11 year old you" loud and clear that it is over and nothing more can hurt her? You are her protector. No guilt, no penance, no more self inflicted pain...and definitely no more fear. It's done. Love her...she's been through enough.

A bracelet sounds like a lovely idea, although I would opt for the ink version

Jeni, what a beautiful post. Your words are inspiring.
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Old 06-16-2013, 11:11 AM
  # 168 (permalink)  
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Hi, Pals.

I am slowly getting back to my normal routine. Had a light workout at the gym (though my "light" workout supposes 30 kg squats)), I missed it. Managed to be withing my calorie range.

The Beast's been trying its tricks but I fought back. Though it wasn't easy since my energy and mood still low.

But, I'll be fine. The important thing is that I do recognize it's voice now. And I separate myself and my actions from it rather than just automatically follow it as a "given truth".

Soberlicious - I am telling all this to the 11-year old now. Thank you for your words. Great post, as usual.

Jeni - hope your day went well in spite of issued related to Father's day. Thank you, again, my friend for your constant support)

Bloss - enjoy your Sunday and say Hi to the ocean from me. I love this misterious realm of water.

Best wishes to you, my pals.
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Old 06-16-2013, 02:57 PM
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thanks midnight blue, cool thread
reading this clicked for me, I'm here and still drinking, haven't even really tried to stop
the part about forever seems too hard but when its written out like that, especially...

And I feel the discomfort. That is my Beast, frightened of me, horrified at what I am planning, because I won't feed him with my power any longer, won't let suck out my positive emotions and self-respect

...is inspiring

I am back visiting because its a been a year of drinking to the day, I did stop for 15 months but then started again at an event I attended a year ago (and yes I'm hungover today)

My plan is to use this as a stop date
I don't feel good today, this is such a waste of time and energy
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Old 06-16-2013, 09:58 PM
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Welcome azureseas,

Good move on the quitting x
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:13 AM
  # 171 (permalink)  
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Hi, pals)

Still coughing a little, but overall ok.

Started to do the list of things that worry me - my, it appeared to be a long one. I started with two small tasks - to sort out with my ticket for speeding and refinancing my debt. I just came over fear and this idiotic "what will they think about me", picked up the phone and kept on asking questions till I got all the answers I needed. Feeling much better after this.

I have also to deal with another "partners in crime" of the Beast - perfectionism and abundance of caution.

"Nothing but perfectionism can be spelled paralysis" - that's exactly about me. I prefer not to do anything since I can't don it perfect. "Perfect" is still some mythic invisible matter which doesn't exist, and yet so damn hard to fight with it. I literally feel how fear is twisting all my cells when I start doing something and think that I'll be exposed with this "imperfect" creature of mine.

And I am also the one who wears belt and suspenders at the same time. I am so afraid to make a mistake and I am afraid to make a move.

All this creates just an ideal environment for the Beast and AV.

But I am winning. Piece by piece, step by step.


Azureseas - welcome to the thread, great to have you here. You have quite an experience of sobriety - 15 months! So, you know how to deal with it. This time you are wiser and more experienced, and you'll leave your Beast no chance. Be ruthless with it.

Best luck to you and keep posting)

Jeni - I hope this week will be less stressful for you. Anyway, work is just work, and you are a real Badass who coped with two nasty addictions - you are way too strong.

Bloss - hope you had a nice weekend)

See you all later)
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Old 06-17-2013, 04:45 PM
  # 172 (permalink)  
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Hey group

Welcome Azureseas: brings a beautiful picture to mind

M.B. Interesting how other's view us, why do we never see these positive things in ourselves, at least not often enough. At least we are more aware of this and not blindly following the "beast" individual to each of us.

This week, annual physical. I don't like to go to the doctor, first thing I start trying to get out of it. This morning the reminder call came, well I'm going but I don't want to. I've been eating poorly and my blood work will reflect the fact. My spouse said, just go, it's where you are right now. He's right, what am I going to do put it off again. No, I'll go, perhaps this will inspire me to stop listening to that little voice whispering one more cookie or whatever.

Jeni, Soberlicious and everyone have a solid, positive week
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Old 06-17-2013, 10:59 PM
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Hi guys, gotta be quick....heading out to work...

Just wanted to say MB, keep plugging away at that worry list. Try and knock something off it every day, even if its only little...I'm also the master of procrastination to the point of paralysis. Well I was, I'm getting better. It makes me feel so much stronger if I actually achieve something. I also spend time at the end of each day looking back at what I've done. What went well, who did I help, what did I achieve. All in a positive light...no beating myself up allowed!!! I also remember to add to my gratitude list. We've all got a lot to be grateful for, even in the most troubled times. It just takes practice to look for it sometimes.

Bloss-good move on getting to the docs. We don't hide any more remember?

We are badasses.

Laters xxx
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Old 06-18-2013, 01:22 PM
  # 174 (permalink)  
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Hi, pals)

You know, ability of a human being to recover the spirit always amuses me. A couple of days ago I almost lost my ground and didn't see any light, and the tunnel seemed to be endless.

Today I am bouncing back and resurrect again.

My beast was quiet today, it started its usual routine in the morning, but somewhat faded away.

My beast is always loud and has great chances to win over when I react to fear and the wave of anxiety smashes me from within and I need something to "amortize" it. So I used to choose food.

Now, while I am learning to deal with my fears and walk through them, I am trying to let these waves just go through me and die.

I am developing a fresh view of myself. As, I am a human being, personality, with my "memory matrix" and past. But I am also a part of the Universe, a piece of energy. My body is built of the same staff as stars and galaxies. And I can just let all these emotions go through me without hurting me.

I am also trying to "split" emotions and facts when I am dealing with challenging issues. I peel out it and see pure facts and let emotions go. I am free to feel emotions when I am exercising, watching a good movie, or talk to a good friend. But no more shame, worries, anxiety attached to issues. I've suffered enough from it.

Jeni, thank you for reminding. And I did keep plugging away with my worries list. I wrote off another one, and feeling much better. Though these things are not "big ones" yet, I am learning to face the issues I've been procrastinating about for a long time, and thus wiping away fear and leaving less and less chances to the Beast to get to me.

And I am so glad to get back to exercising! The Beast hates them)

Jeni - great approach about looking back at your day and not beating up yourself allowed!

Bloss - doctors are my sore point as well. I have some health issues and every time I freak out that they will grow bigger. I hope your bloodwork will be ok. Don't listen to this nasty voice - you and your body deserve great healthy sources of energy. Not because someone wanted you to be slim in the past, because it's your choice to treat yourself to great, delicious, and yet healthy food which will provide you with energy and good mood. Hold on, my friend).

Azureseas - how are you doing today?


It's about half past midnight at my place, so I'll see you all tomorrow)
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Old 06-18-2013, 04:25 PM
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Feel so much stronger after reading the previous posts, uplifting words...M.B. Jeni, have a restful night
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Old 06-19-2013, 10:23 AM
  # 176 (permalink)  
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Hi, all. It's been a long day for me, so quick check-in.

Another challenging issues written off the list.

And, I bought myself a dress! Finally! It's been quite a while since I cared how I look. But today I've decided it's time to remind myself that I am a beautiful women, after all.

Funny, the dress is nice and costs about $30, just a little more than a bottle of some "good" wine. Just a thought...

Bloss, hope your visit to doctor was ok.

Jeni - don't stress about work.

See you all tomorrow)
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:07 AM
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The beast has been bugging me today....why is it that some days it tries to sweet talk me? I mean who in their right mind would think that sitting in the garden on a warm evening could be improved by inhaling smoke??

This is how I used to feel about drinking.

Come home after a long stressful day, kick my shoes off, go and sit outside and....

....nothing.

My cravings have been non-existent for days. I am tired, more than a bit jaded, not sleeping well.

It likes it when my defences are down. It whispers to me, puts images in my mind of total relaxation with a cigarette in hand.

I came the closest to caving tonight since I started.

But no deal. It's not happening. Never.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:53 AM
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Sorry MB...I was lost in general grumpiness there, forgive me.....a dress! Cool! I don't own one, not being remotely 'girly' or anything. If I HAVE to wear something dressy I always feel SO self-conscious. I live in jeans.

SO pleased you're treating yourself to something that makes you feel good about yourself. Are you still planning that photo shoot?

I am amazed at how badass that is. Impressive...I'm in awe
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Old 06-20-2013, 10:35 AM
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The doctor visit was not too bad, lengthy, lots of needles, x-rays, etc. Over for now, all seems stable. Sort of tired today.

Jeni: Seems like being the "voice" likes to bombard us when our defenses are down, from whatever source (fatigue, stress and so on). A victory to realize this and not surrender to the urge.

M.B. A new dress sounds fun, a positive way to "gift" ourselves, rather than our old negative ways.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:24 AM
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Glad it went well Bloss.

My grumpiness has lifted, no thoughts of smoking in the garden today... It's raining, thank God for the great British summertime....

It's weird how the beast has returned. I was doing so well. It's almost like the novelty has worn off and I'm questioning whether I really wanted to quit. I mean really??? I'm sort of excited now at the prospect of buying a pack of cigarettes tomorrow...what is going on here?!? This is all AV right? Of course I wanted to quit. I was desperate.

I'm not going to listen to these lies. It's almost had me convinced that my kids wouldn't be that disappointed because they sort of expect it...I've let them down so many times before, once more wouldn't make a difference.

This is horrible.
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