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AVRT to cope with emotional binge eating

Old 06-20-2013, 01:26 PM
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Hi, pals. Had 3 workouts today, so my AV is just almost dead)

Bloss - glad your visit to the Doc went Ok. Have some rest and relax now)

Jeni - the Beast dies hard, it holds to every possibility to get to you. It is always ready to attack when we are tired, stressed. And here it comes.

But you don't listen to its voice. You are a real Badass, and you proved it big time.

The Beast likes to whisper something like: "Come on. Drop it. You are not that good and you will never achieve those fantastic goals in life. So, forget it, go get cigarettes/cookies". Really? Shut up. Nobody here listens to your pathetic lies. It's actually getting a little bit old. I just need some proper sleep and rest, and cigarettes don't bring it, you , stupid.

Bridges are burnt. War with the Beast is declared. And that's the difference this time.

You are true, authentic, badass Jeni, who walks through fears, goes to the gym and faces her challenges openly. And who's the Beast? Some fiction. It doesn't even exist.

And you don't sound grumpy - it's just another day against AV)

I've lived in jeans quite a while also. But, I think real Midnight decided it's time to make some changes. And this dress - it's really badass dress. I used to buy black or gray dresses of some "neutral" design. But this one is bright green, with colorful print and asymmetric sleeves. Not for someone wants to be unnoticed)

And I am still planning photo shoot. I just think it will be postponed a little bit. First, because of my financial issues. And second - because of all these recent binges I put on some weight again, and I definitely want my 6-pack abs on the photos) Though as part of preparation to photo shoot I plan to try artificial tanning. It's not expensive - about $20-25. I don't want to be pale on photos either)

I've also decided to start 10-day "Badass Boot Camp" from tomorrow. I feel like I need some strict schedule and a drill sergeant to push me a little bit, so I really start to act toward my goals.

My primary goals will be to concentrate on beating procrastination, but there are some other issues to be addressed and to form new habits.

I'll write my plan tomorrow)

Ok, I am off to bed now.

See you all tomorrow.
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:03 PM
  # 182 (permalink)  
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You are just amazing.

I need to kick some butt and stop this nonsense don't I?

You know what it is...I'm in charge of the whole school tomorrow, not only is my Boss out, but the rest of the management team are also not there. I'm worried something major will happen and I won't cope. My boss has asked me to e-mail her throughout the day with up-dates. its a lot of responsibility for 1 person to shoulder when there's 4 of us doing this every day. There's going to be an awful lot of plate-spinning going on to ensure everything runs smoothly.

The beast is having a field day....

Ok. Tomorrow is Friday. I'm going to just walk in there and get on with it. I won't smoke. How the hell will that help??

And then I will do a bit of re-grouping. Bloody beast.
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Old 06-20-2013, 10:05 PM
  # 183 (permalink)  
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Good morning, Jeni.

I hope your Firday will be ok. Though it's a lot of responsibility, it's a lot of opportunity as well. It's challenging, it's interesting, it's another step out of your comfort zone.

And at the end of the day you will prove to yourself that you can do it as well. And will be prooud. And you'll smash your Beast with another knock-out. I am sure.

You know, the kid of my former boss had some health issues so often she was on sick leave with him. And then I was in charge. I felt somewhat uncomfortable first but later I started to like it! There was no one to tell me what to do, it was for me to decide. And it was just great.

So, look at it as a challenge. That's what we badasses do, don't we?))

Yes, the beast will have a field day with all this "Oh' it's such a hard day. You deserve a cigarette. You've been doing so good, no big deal, etc, etc".

How bloody pathetic. You are in charge of the whole school today.You are a badass. You will surely deserve some treatment, but not some dirty cigarette - something nice. What do you like? Special blend of coffee, tea? Maybe, a dress? Why not? New shoes? Tickets to theatre? Let your imagination play.

Don't worry, breath deeply. Enjoy your day.

I'll be thinking of you and send some positive strong badass vibes)

See you later.
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Old 06-20-2013, 10:14 PM
  # 184 (permalink)  
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That was such a cool post to read this morning. Thankyou so much. I'm truly grateful...

My heart is still pounding with anxiety, I'm fighting feelings of wanting to run away and spend the day sitting on the coast skimming pebbles across the waves!! Honestly I'm such a kid! Time to grow up.

Be back later. Smoke free obviously.

Thanks MB xxx
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Old 06-20-2013, 10:19 PM
  # 185 (permalink)  
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Good luck, Jeni.

I am with you today. With all my thoughts.

When you feel waves of anxiety, try to close your eyes for a sec and imagine the waves of the ocean. They are washing your anxiety away.

You'll be fine. I am sure.
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Old 06-21-2013, 12:13 PM
  # 186 (permalink)  
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Hey everyone

I am sure each of us dealt with our day in a positive and winning manner, no cigs, booze, or in my case, no ice-cream. I'll bet that green dress is awesome! Next dress I buy will definitely not be drab gray. Have a nice weekend
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Old 06-22-2013, 07:33 AM
  # 187 (permalink)  
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Hi, pals.

Peaceful and quiet day for me today. I feel so relaxed and enjoying the moment.

Yesterday my ex paid me an unexpected visit. Usually communication with him unsettles me quite easily. We are on good terms now, but there are still a lot of different emotions involved and "charged". I remember at the end of April I once binged quite badly after this.

But yesterday I was surprised how quickly I bounced back to the settled and level stated of mind. I just took a deep breath and switched my thoughts to my current goals. Another step to the authentic Badass, I think.

I am working through blocking beliefs now and while I'm writing them some interesting stuff opens up. It's another long story.

Bloss - thanks for kind wishes. Have a great weekend too!

Jeni - how are you doing? How was your day yesterday?


My best wishes to you.

See you later.
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Old 06-22-2013, 08:39 AM
  # 188 (permalink)  
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Morning

Not sure what today will bring, but I'll stay present and in the moment.

M,B.
Blocking beliefs, does that mean letting go of old ingrained thought patterns by writing them out?
Glad the visit with ex didn't throw a curve your way, deep breathing, stay in today. Helpful thoughts.

Jeni
I hope you are having a relaxing, no stress type of weekend.

Take care All
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Old 06-22-2013, 11:44 AM
  # 189 (permalink)  
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Hi my fellow badasses....all ok with me, just recovering from another stressful week. 4 weeks to go til school finishes...not that I'm counting or anything you understand!

Just visited my in-laws for the day...a test to my patience and resilience. Long story there. My mother (dragon)-in-law has always felt I'm not quite good enough for her first born blue eyed boy. He had a sort of over indulged over protective childhood and my family were really from the wrong side of the tracks she thought. Our families lived in the same town when H and I met in our 20s. She is a sort of 'mumsy' person, all tea and cucumber sandwiches on the patio. My family were the resident drunks. my Dad and my brother were usually stumbling about legless in the town square and there was always trouble with the police. I can imagine her dreams of me joining her in preparing cricket teas and Tupperware parties were oh so cruelly dashed!! H and I have been married for 22 years, happily for the vast majority of that, and have 2 wonderful kids of whom I'm very proud, but I don't think I've ever managed to live down the reputation my family carved out for me and she remains mildly disappointed in me. But hey, her problem. Doesn't bother me any more.

I'm doing ok. The beast has shut up. I continue to be nicotine free (obviously!).

MB-I'm also interested in your 'blocking' of beliefs...does that mean you're challenging those ingrained ones and re-writing the script?

I find I'm doing that too now. I'm really seeing myself differently these days. Every challenge I get through makes me more confident. I still suffer with anxiety but it isn't stopping me doing anything.

I was SO impressed with your choice of a dress to wear! Now, if I could ever buy myself something nice and walk out with confidence then I would know I had made real progress....even thinking of doing that makes my heart race!

Well done on seeing the ex and staying steady x

Hi to Bloss. Staying in the moment sounds good. How are things going for you?

Jen
Xxx
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Old 06-22-2013, 10:36 PM
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Morning all. Thought I'd check in early as I've got another busy day ahead.

Forgot to tell you yesterday that I've been researching mindfulness meditation to help me with my anxiety and racing thoughts. They have classes close to where I live and I'm going to sign up. Not sure where I will find the time but I will make it a priority.

My thoughts run at 100 mph and that doesn't help with insomnia. I need to learn how to stop and just sit. Ive always been a little scared (yeah, i know!), of stopping because I've always run, always hidden. First behind drinking, then behind working too hard. Therapy is helping me rationalise my thoughts. I find it really hard to focus. Even when I'm talking 1:1 with my therapist, my mind completely runs off at a tangent, hurtling from 1 issue to another. She says that's avoidance and dissociation.

I feel I may need to teach myself how to feel comfortable with myself. I'm really thinking this is a positive move for me.

I will let you know how it goes.

Blimey, I came in here to give up smoking....that was all!

Xxx
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Old 06-23-2013, 02:10 AM
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I loved my meditation based stress reduction class (MBSR) and it helped me a lot to use mindfulness both in and out of therapy.

For me sitting with my emotions can still be challenging and hard but I can do it more and more comfortably, regardless of the type of emotion that it is (because I only want the "good" ones and I really want to avoid the "bad" ones).

There are also types of therapy that lend themselves to learning mindfulness. Actually the woman I took the MBSR class from uses it all the time in her therapy. Some of the somatic therapy groups use it too. I have been fortunate to find a therapist trained this way and it has made such a difference in my life.

PS After two weeks of meditation (or the class) they already start to see brain changes in those that meditate.
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Old 06-23-2013, 03:20 AM
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Thanks for that LifeRecovery. It's really good to hear positive things.

I need to slow things down a little and learn to listen to myself. Sitting with feelings is something I'd never done before I started therapy. Running from and avoiding and hiding isn't very badass is it.....?

Have a good day. I'm out for lunch with my sister (a few issues there, but this is a relationship I really want to develop), then some paperwork for school for a few hours followed by the gym. I'm a convert to physical exercise by the way.... And I NEVER thought I'd say that!!

Have fun x
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:23 AM
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Hey everyone
Yesterday was just one of those days, felt like I was stuck in the mood. I felt flat, not sad, just flat. Usually, I feel all keyed up and anxious. So, I just barely did what was necessary, I didn't like the way I felt. I hope today is better. In the past, I probably would have drank or thought about it seriously. I didn't this time, got through the feelings and the day. It didn't kill me, but if it keeps happening, I may need to consider resuming therapy. Not looking forward to that. On a more uplifting note, this is a new day and I have a chance to look at the day positively. Have a good day all, whatever comes your way.
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Old 06-24-2013, 06:57 PM
  # 194 (permalink)  
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Hi, my badass pals!

I've been crazy busy these days, so haven't posted. But I am fine, no urges for binge eating or sweets cravings.

Jeni - glad you like exercising now!

Bloss - I think sometimes flat mood is ok, like the ocean is not always storming, it can be calm and peaceful, but it's still the same beautiful ocean. I hear you - it's hard for me to accept this state of mind as well.


I'll be back later with more detailed update.

Miss you, pals.
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Old 06-25-2013, 11:54 AM
  # 195 (permalink)  
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Hey badass pals... I've been nicotine free for 6 weeks today! How cool is that?

I've booked on my mindfulness meditation course, go to the gym regularly, and now need to do something about my eating habits...or 'sophisticated self-harm' as my therapist refers to it!

A fantastic bonus to these lifestyle changes is that I no longer wake with anxiety in the early hours of every morning. That has been my pattern since I was a few months sober, it has plagued me and threatened my sobriety. I cannot begin to explain what a relief it is to have moved past this.

Thankyou my friends
Xxx
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Old 06-25-2013, 02:16 PM
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Congrats on 6 weeks without the nicotine Jeni


M.B. True, different moods/like ocean currents are alright. I'm just adjusting to not running from feelings, realizing there is no need to drown them in alcohol, food or whatever.

The term sophisticated harm is very interesting, think I'll use it too.

Feeling a little more upbeat today, just living differently now that I've been booze free. I notice things more and I am using my mind in a more helpful way (most of the time) and that's a good thing.
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Old 06-25-2013, 03:32 PM
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I have been reading this post daily, but don't have much to add.

I had been thinking about this, and then you started typing about it.

Those sad, hard, blah emotions are a part of being human. I have had to learn that it is not the "feelings" that get me into trouble, but what I do with them (turn to a coping mechanism).

Though really hard for me to want to deal with any perceived "negative" emotion at first, I have come to realize without the full gamet of emotions I am just numbing from them all....and that is not healthy either.

I am curious about how the tool set you are using addresses this, especially for a coping mechanism that is not about abstinance, but about balance? All of your more recent posts seem to be addressing it in part.
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Old 06-25-2013, 03:59 PM
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Due to the thread title, I thought I'd introduce a link to the short Rational Recovery article on "Taming the Feast Beast".

Rational Recovery | Taming the Feast Beast

The "TAPS" concept is important. I've only used the "S" (a BP) since I personally feel it's a little simpler than the T, A, or P. I think the key is, that people are not in any seriously stupefied, mind altered state when using T, A, P, or S.

I used it long ago on caffeine and chocolate, and just a year ago on sugar sweetened foods. I'm now thinking about making some sort of salt BP. Not sure whether I want to, or if it's even that wise. I might try the T, or P. I'm sort of doing the A already, but not in any preplanned quantitative AVRT fashion.

I've forgotten what it feels like to be high and low from caffeine (as with booze and drugs), but I do enjoy occasionally getting a little high on super spicy foods. In the old days with that other stuff, it wasn't occasionally. It was a serious bad habit, an addiction.
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:33 AM
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Hi, pals.


Jeni - Huge congrats on 6 weeks free of smoking! You rock, my badass pal. Your progress is just unbelieveble - just 6 weeks, and no cigarettes, regular exercising, less anxiety, starting mindful meditation, planning to look into eating habits. WOW!!! I have to catch up with you, my friend)) Seriously, I am so glad for you.

And yes, I absolutely agree with you - blimey, it all started as just quitting smoking for you and coping with sweets bingeing for me. But with every step there's more and more that unfolds, and once we stop hiding away from problems, ignoring and numbng pain, dared to face the fear and deal with it every day - it became so challenging and interesting. There's still a lot of things to deal with but approach to it is changing!

I still have to remember myself to stick to my "Badass code" because old life patterns die hard and developing new ones needs constant reminding.


LifeRecovery - I am now trying to "split" facts and emotions attached to them. When I feel anxious, worried, terrified, I take the pure fact to think about and channel out all the emotions attached. It took me some time to do it, but now I am finally, though slowly, succeeding at it. I don't tell myself any longer "This new will kill me" or something like that. News can't kill me, it's only me who can do it using my own power and emotions.

Bloss - glad you feel more upbeat today.

GerandTwine - thank you for the link! I'll surely check it out.



Well, as for me I don't act perfect, but what matter now - it's progress. I do make progress.


I finally managed to caught this moment when waves of anxiety start swalling and crashing me, and instead of fighting them I just let them pass through me, as though transferring them from one place to another. It's so weird - but I swear I can literally feel this energy going through me, along my spice and going away. As if I let Universal forces to deal with it - it's just not mine. It hard to explain logically. But once I stopped telling myself that it's "foolish, silly, doesn't go along with all my past experience" I started to make progress.

As for blocking beliefs - I am using the sticky thread here, in this secular section

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-beliefs.html

It's great stuff to read and apply.

Currently I am sorting out one of these blocking belief. I'll write about it when it's ready.

See you all later.

You all such an inspiration. Thank you!
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Old 06-28-2013, 11:11 AM
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Hi, all)

Where's everyone?

Jeni, Bloss - how are you doing.

I am fine. As with everything it took regular practice to make it a habit, but now I am really developing a new habit of telling myself that I am in charge of my muscles, so when I reach out for sweets, I do realize what I am doing. And I do realized it's absolutely up to me to stop it right now.

I also set a goal for myself to make something every day that pushes me out of my comfort zone. The beast loves my comfort zone, because the smaller it is, the more powerful the Beast.

Sometimes I literally force myself to do it. Anything that takes some guts from me to overcome it - even if it's just wearing shorts instead of "usual" jeans.

I've been thinking about boxing classes for quite a long, and I've procrastinated about it a long time as well. Boxing classes are right in the fitness center I am going to. So, technically it just takes me to step in the room, and that's it.

But, oh. Comfrot zone!

I've been thinking something like that:

- I have to buy gloves first. Otherwise a trainer won't let me work out;
- I will look like a fool, because there are mostly men, and what am I supposed to do there;

- And some other BS, I can't even remember now.

But on Wednesday I told myself: "I am a badass. It's a step out of my comfort zone. So I have to do it".

Guess what?

I don't need gloves for the first time, because first I have to work on movements, right stance and technique.

There was another girl there, who was really glad that I joined. We had a lot of fun. And I felt great that I moved the boundaries of my comfort zones further.

Today there was another trainer, so I hesitated about it. But I forced myself. It was even more challenging, because all the guys practicing in pairs and I am standing in front of mirror practicing my punches, legs movement, and so on. I surely look quite awkward at the moment. But - I don't care. I am a badass.

Bottomline - I am so grateful I discovered AVRT.

Miss you, my badass pals.

Have a great weekend.
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