Harveysmiles

Hi Husky,
I too am struggling to find a safe secular place. I am 8 weeks sober and cannot get my head round all this higher power stuff that is being drummed into me. I just feel dull and depressed and totally bored. The happy, clappy rehab I am attending is beginninjg to send me loopy.

RDBplus3

Actually, this is the 'Secular Connections' Forum, where AA / Higher Power Stuff is supposed to be exempt from...but...for it to be a completely PROHIBITED topic would actually negate the usefulness of this as a truly 'Alternate' forum. (If and only if Secular Connections is meant to be an 'Alternate', meaning it may not be viable if it was not an 'Alternate'...So much for extenuated histrionics...)

So...the 'Higher Power' of AA is nothing more than the bogeyman of coming to the realization that my addiction is a never-ending exercise of extreme self-indulgence, self-focused behavior, self-ishness. So...if I am completely indulging 'SELF'...what is the alternative??? To keep justifying Self-Serving addictive behavior? Or to contemplate that maybe my obsession with SELF is problematic? If I do not want to acknowledge this simple 1st step of the realization that I have an addiction......I will just keep justifying that I don't have an addiction...so what is the problem? I justify my behavior, which is my choice.

HuskyPup

I've never understood all this trash-talking about the 'self'. Healthy ego function is the goal and cornerstone of pretty much all of modern psychology. And to get at this, one does need to focus on the 'self'. So I have never liked the way 12 step groups misuse the term. Many people who need to heal are not self-serving ego maniacs, but suffer from just the opposite: a lack of belief in the self, as opposed to an overestimation of it.

~

Also: No luck finding any groups around here that I can go to, that are secular...I'm still thinking of perhaps starting oe, but I'm wondering how much interest there would be. Has anyone ever tried to start a group, before, and what happened?

Kirashi

Yes, I think there is excessive self-deprecation in such meetings. I have stated openly before that people need to strike a balance. I'm at the point now where people can't tell me I'm full of crap because I'm visibly doing far better now.

As for the secular group thing... I really suggest you have a few months before you start preparing to start a group. It's not going to be good for morale if the group's leader keeps relapsing. I have never started a group of any sort, though I do aspire to be of particularly great service to furries and 'freethinkers' in a greater form. I just don't have the time or stability or endurance for new groups now.

Harveysmiles

HP
I identify with you so much. I cannot cope with some of the evangelical comments I get when I admit to struggling and failing time aqnd time again. Am in day rehab at the moment but am feeling like I don't fit in. Sobriety for me is a minute by minute struggle and my collegues seem to have found some glorious new life and I just don't get it. I am scared and nervous in my new found sobriety. I know it is very early days but I miss the numbing, tranquilizing effect of alcohol. Still I keep going to the rehab and get breathalized daily. I am however, on a knife edge.

HuskyPup

I'd have to agree. One thing that helps me not to drink, and to feel I can do things in life, is to make lists about the things that are good about me. I have trouble believing in my talents and abilities, and have all my life struggled with esteem issues. Beating myself up by listing faults and defects only makes me feel more hopeless/helpless. It helps more to think that I'm OK, after all.

I agree it's best to have a good few onths under your belt before starting a group, as you say. And it's also very hard, at first, because you're struggling so much just to get by, at first, that you generally don't have the energy.

HuskyPup

Hey there, I know the feeling. It's hard. This is day 5 here, and geeze, Louise, I am a bit jittery. But I gotta hang in there, and in a few more days, this will pass, and I can be onto the psychological aspects, and past the insomnia/sore muscles phase.

I know how it feels to miss that numbing effect...I have a good deal of pain issues, teeth, jaw, facial...it's hard, but not impossible.

Try not to focus too much on your colleagues, and their glorious new lives, but rather to find something, even something small, that makes you happy, besides drinking. Plus, it's hard to say what they really feel...maybe they just don't express anything negative.

But put the focus on you, and getting better...that's worked best for me...I know I have not been a terrific role model, but I have had decent periods of sobriety, and will keep extending them, despite what any nay-sayers say. Let them nay, it it makes them happy.

*supportive hugs*

H. Pup