1stthingsfirst

...dge!

I did it again! I did it again!

I was sober for 21 days, then I had one drink, then more and more last night.

The worst part about being sober is not the sobriety, it is the first day. There is so much guilt I am feeling right now that all I want to do is go off by myself and cry. I can't though, I have things to do.

I totally embarrassed myself in front of neighbors. What to do? What to do?

No more, no more, no more, no more.

MythOfSisyphus

Acknowledge that you stumbled, then forget it and move on. 21 days sober shows that you function without drinking. Now put together a long string of days- ideally a permanent one!

Torso

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and crack on with sobriety!

Plan your time, use all resources and professional help if you think you need it.
Stay strong!

1stthingsfirst

I posted this at the newcomer's thread, but just wanted to thank everyone for being supportive yesterday when I was on day one. I know we've all been there. It is so embarrassing. I am just trying to maintain today. I am glad to be sober today more than ever. My kids woke up sick and are happy to have "me" there for them.

It is still hard, but I now how much better I will feel a few weeks from now. I made the mistake of being over-confident in my sobriety. Permanent abstinence is the only way for me. I think once you cross the line of being a drunk you can never really regulate again.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

SolTraveler

Use the embarrassment as fuel to stay sober. Whenever I think about drinking, I remember all the awful things I did or said while I was drinking... I try to remember them in excruciating detail. Then, suddenly, I do not want to drink.

Self torture? Yeah, maybe, but it works for me. I just celebrated my first year sober.

MythOfSisyphus

Yeah, hold on to the feeling of shame that you felt. Don't feel ashamed, do give yourself a break. Just don't forget how it felt. It's easy to get overconfident. The Beast is always there, just waiting for you to slip.

Ananda

Shame never kept me sober....basically....many people do embarassing things every day....so...move on...

As for sobriety...you obviously see a loss of perspective and action when you drink. That you can build on

It would be a big mistake to think that if I am sober I will not totally embarass myself on occation....It happens. However, if I am sober I have to learn to take it with a grain of salt...and view these moments as similar to what others do (we are not really all that different from non-alchoholics). Drinking means that I have made myself more likely to take actions I don't feel proud of.

Just don't think sober means it won't happen..that could trip you up later and we are here for the long haul.



(just my favorite star for you on your continued sobriety!)

wiscsober

Relapse isn't necessary nor "alright for lack of better words," but the 1st day can be seen as the best day of your life...you have to start somewhere.

I have started over numerous times and yes I felt terrible sick and beat myself over again. I've learned it isn't necessary, no need for anymore shame or guilt.

You are dealing with an illness and one characteristic of it is repeated relapse.

Just see what you could have done differently and what you were doing that was working.

The most important thing is not to pick up the drink...and there is we need help from other people in recovery....

Keep up the good work...

wiscsober

Well, now, you are on Day 2 ODAAT...take it easy on yourself...you are doing well.

freshstart57

On the contrary, I think you lost all confidence in yourself and sobriety. A confident sobriety and alcohol consumption are just plain mutually exclusive. This is the point that our AV tries to obscure with all sorts of yammer and blather.

I think we need that confidence in sobriety and ourselves as a necessary component. In fact, it forms the basis of our commitment to sobriety and to ourselves.

For me, it was acceptance that I am no longer an alcohol consumer, I don't drink. At all. In any amount. Ever. Then confidence in my sobriety was set to 11. Any thoughts to the contrary, either of drinking or of lack of confidence, were assigned to my need to feed my AV and therefore 'not me'.

Is there a plan about continuing to use alcohol? Ever? In any amount? Under any circumstance? This is a starting point.

HuskyPup

Arg, I know that feeling. I tend to be a 'binge' drinker in terms of pattern...not daily, but when I do, it's generally all out. But it's best not to be too embarrassed by the stuff you did...it's in the past, all we can do is consider it, and move on. Everyone makes mistakes, after all, and there's many worse things people do in the world. Go easy on yourself, and keep trying. I find the more I beat myself up about these things, the more I want to drink.

magnolia44

I know how you feel. I know I need to quit, but I haven't really accepted the fact that I can never drink again. Does that make sense? Maybe I am still in partial denial. But I have tried to have "just one" but it turns into 15 and the next day you're puking and missing your exam and hating yourself because you got naked in front of your friends and pissed on the floor. But you know what? They forgive you. Everyone has to accept you for you. You make mistakes and do things that others may look down on, but screw them! They are not living your life and in the end they don't matter. Don't be embarrassed. Just move forward and remember, whatever you did there are people out there shamelessly doing far worse. Stay strong. Tomorrow is day 2 for me.

visch1

I've been through almost all the situations stated above UNTIL someone said to me what I'm a big believer of " If I don't pick up the first drink I don't have to get sober AGAIN" that sunk in a lot of years ago and worked for me. BE WELL

1stthingsfirst

My plan is never. Ever. Never in any amount every again. My AV is not "me" I find that I like the me that is sober. I was watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and it struck me that the baby form of Voldemort is so much like the beast. It was helpless until it was given life from others. Then Voldemort was truly dangerous and destructive.

I am on Day Four now. I have an issue where I replace one addiction with another. I am an avid runner. I recently started running this year after I got my asthma under control. I love running long distances and am speed training for a few events in July. I injured my ankle and knee today and will have to sit it out for two days. I am bummed. The next few days will be more challenging since I do not have that outlet. I am going to have to find something else to occupy my free time... maybe I will learn a new sonata.

1stthingsfirst

Very true. I feel like in some ways my screw up was not in picking up the 6th or 7th drink, it was picking up the first. After the first, it is no longer "me" making the choice.

ndnsober4me

I found the hardest part is convincing my drinking friends I want to be sober. Now I see them in non-drinking environments and we are ok

fini

A confident sobriety and alcohol consumption are just plain mutually exclusive.

Freshstart,
that's such an important and essential point you made.
i just wanted to see it repeated

Nonsensical

I can imagine there are some alcohol addicts that are the exception to this rule.
I'm not one of them.

fini

I can imagine there are some alcohol addicts that are the exception to this rule.
how do you see that?

Nonsensical

It's a big wide world, full of people who can do amazing things that I can't do.