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The beast is winning...

Old 05-16-2013, 03:02 AM
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The beast is winning...

Hello all. Im really feeling the need for some support. I discovered avrt about a month ago and totally buy into it. I was sober for a week then hit the bottle hard again. Shamefully I found myself drinking a bottle of vodka as I drove home from work yesterday. Im terrified at how out of control my drinking is becoming and want and know I need to quit. But im struggling to imagine life without alcohol. I just felt I needed to tell someone as I can't admit my behaviour to those close to me. Thanks for listening.
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:05 AM
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If it's been a while, it's going to be a struggle to imagine life without alcohol. But you only have to read the stories here of how positive life can become without putting poison in your body and damaging your mental and physical health.

With enough determination, and a plan in place, you can do it!!
Have you seen your doc recently?
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:12 AM
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Thank you for replying. I've seen the doc and have a clean bill of health but didn't tell him about my alcohol addiction. Don't want it on my health records.
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:22 AM
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Hi Hibiscus, it sounds like you might need some more support rather than relying just on will power. It can be really hard to let go of addiction but it's worth the struggle.
It might be a different medical system but doesn't your doctor have an obligation to keep your records confidential? I found that telling my doctor was a huge step forward for me. Don't be afraid of what he or she thinks, they will have heard far worse, and they get lied to about drinking so much I'm sure they are grateful for honesty. You won't shock them, but they may be able to offer you lots of help.
Have you considered joining AA. I've never been myself, but it's been fantastic for so many of the people posting here, even those who don't buy into the religious aspect.
Whichever way you go, I hope you get through the bad times and enjoy the wonderful feeling of being sober.
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:40 AM
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A number of years ago I told my doctor and they weren't terribly helpful, didn't tell me anything I didn't know. I've tried aa but seriously didn't like it, found it both logically flawed and very depressing and hence counterproductive. I think willpower is the key as you then own your recovery. But I am thinking about counselling, have you any experience of it?
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Old 05-16-2013, 04:16 AM
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Try to remember that the Beast is a paraplegic. It can't do anything; it has to convince you to do things for it. The Beast part of your brain will always be whispering in your ear, and of course sometimes screams in your ear. But you are always the one in charge. It's not "willpower" that you rely on, it's rationality. Is the voice telling you to drink a rational voice giving you a rational option? Or is the Beast part of you asking for something that will please it but destroy you?

What part of AVRT is failing you, or what element are you not implementing? Have you made a Big Plan? Or are you using some elements to recognize the AV while still postponing the Big Plan?
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Old 05-16-2013, 04:22 AM
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I think I convinced myself that having recognised the beast I'd be able to control it and drink sensibly. Clearly I was very very wrong! I'm realising that it was the beast telling me that so it could get its fix, it's a conniving son of a gun!
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Old 05-16-2013, 04:47 AM
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Originally Posted by HibiscusMan View Post
I think I convinced myself that having recognised the beast I'd be able to control it and drink sensibly. Clearly I was very very wrong! I'm realising that it was the beast telling me that so it could get its fix, it's a conniving son of a gun!
Brother, I've fallen into that trap myself. More than once. We gotta give it up. There's no other way.

We can do this.
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Old 05-16-2013, 05:10 AM
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We really do nonsensical, and we can. The beast is systematically trying to ruin my life so no more.
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Old 05-16-2013, 05:31 AM
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Hibiscus, I didn't use any particular method, just talked to my doctor (1 visit), did lots of reading on the internet, told close friends and family, and discovered SR. My sister who has the 'gene' but is not an alcoholic was with me all the way. I don't want to compare myself to anyone because it's meaningless, but I was on the lighter end of the scale. No physical withdrawal for instance.
If you call your state medical association they may be able to recommend doctors who specialise in alcohol addiction. I agree that an ignorant doctor would put you off. There are sure to be lots of other options you can look up on line.
As for willpower being all you need...I think that sounds tough and manly but life is much more subtle than that. But don't worry, even with great support you'll still get to use your willpower too
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Old 05-16-2013, 01:19 PM
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Sadly there's really no way to use AVRT (or any other technique) to moderate and drink just a little. Trying that is simply ignoring the Beast Voice. It's happy to encourage that kind of behavior.

If we could drink occasionally or socially, or moderate it, then we wouldn't be here. Total abstinence is the last resort, but once you reach this stage it's the only option that will save your life and sanity.

If you need to get your life in order then it's time to make that Big Plan. You have to decide not to drink any more again ever. It's the only way to stop.
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Old 05-16-2013, 01:23 PM
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Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
Sadly there's really no way to use AVRT (or any other technique) to moderate and drink just a little. Trying that is simply ignoring the Beast Voice...

If we could drink occasionally or socially, or moderate it, then we wouldn't be here.
Never were truer words spoken. I had a massive slip-up last night. I feel so defeated by The Beast. It was saying that I would just have 2 and then stop. Pathetic. Embarrassed and back at Day One.
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:06 PM
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We're never defeated 1stthing - all you can do is learn from your slip up and you'll be better equipped to deal with the beast next time. Looks like we're both starting out on day one and I wish you all the very best. Let's beat the beast together!
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Old 05-16-2013, 03:27 PM
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I think sometimes we need further proof that we really can't ever touch it. I spent many years attempting to use willpower to control what I drank. I was determined to be a social drinker - not sure why, since it wasn't fun or relaxing in the end. Once we step over that line from social to alcoholic drinking there's no going back. Hibiscus and lstthings - you are going to make it. Don't ever give up.
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Old 05-16-2013, 10:37 PM
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Originally Posted by HibiscusMan View Post
We're never defeated 1stthing - all you can do is learn from your slip up and you'll be better equipped to deal with the beast next time. Looks like we're both starting out on day one and I wish you all the very best. Let's beat the beast together!
I agree! AVRT specifically says that relapses are part of addiction, not "recovery". But at the same time I think we need to acknowledge that humans are fallible. We make the same mistakes again and again despite the fact that we should know better. Or as one comedian said, "How come we believe it when we're told there are 100 billion start in the galaxy but we still have to touch the wet paint sign for ourselves?"

I don't believe that all your "good time" is undone when you slip. If you set aside the 12 step addiction disease model, then you have to accept that drinking is a choice. Or at least the first drink is. For whatever reason some of us have a very limited ability to moderate after we start. But not picking up the first one should be within everyone's power after some AVRT/CBT. Falling off the wagon doesn't mean we've invalidated the Big Plan, it means we f**ked up once! It doesn't mean we can't chose not to drink tomorrow.

Use this flub to improve next time. Use it as proof that you were right the first time when you realized you had to stop.


Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
I think sometimes we need further proof that we really can't ever touch it. I spent many years attempting to use willpower to control what I drank. I was determined to be a social drinker - not sure why, since it wasn't fun or relaxing in the end. Once we step over that line from social to alcoholic drinking there's no going back. Hibiscus and lstthings - you are going to make it. Don't ever give up.
Agreed! We can get pretty cocksure after putting together a few months of success. That can lead to overconfidence. I myself haven't risked it yet but the thought has been whispered to me by my Beast Brain. You know the thoughts. You're better now! Surely one couldn't hurt you! You're cured! You could just get drunk this once since you're on vacation, it doesn't mean anything...

Is it possible that I could be "cured" and able to drink "normally" again? I dunno, I suppose it's possible. But the only way I could know for sure would be to try it, and in the past that's been a disaster. They say insanity is doing the same thing again and again but expecting different results.
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